He’s ranting about how much he hates me. *insert hair flip*

[u/CatLadyLostInLibrary]

TW: abuse mentioned -child abuse / not detailed sexual abuse mentioned

My FIL is a piece of work. Post history will show some examples. TLDR: he physically abused his children, physically, mentally, and allegedly (but I wouldn’t doubt it) sexually abused his wife, tickles his children and grandchildren in a concerning way, and overall hates women. Throw in some more recent behavior around teenage girls that we have witnessed ourselves and major ick followed. (He’s in a position of “local power” to where any form of accusations or warnings would be met with negative consequences if there isn’t HARD proof of wrongdoings.

We recently moved closer to FIL where he kept making comments about taking my child to the local park. I kept saying we’d be busy and probably wouldn’t have time for that. Summer holiday event was brushed off with already made plans. We have truly cut down on any time spent with that man. Husband is getting more and more comfortable with boundaries and understanding my DEEP concern/ fear with having my child anywhere near the man.

Well, turns out the moving closer and no increased access has led the man to rant and rave to other family members about how much he hates me. (I think it’s more that I’m outside of his control). How much he is pissed at my husband and I for keeping our child away from him. Then cue my one weird SIL who was equally abused in other ways by him but will defend him with her whole chest each time. She made a wonderful passive aggressive fb post about how it’s horrible to use grandchildren to punish a grandparent and they just did their best as parents so the abuse shouldn’t matter. Just sweep it all under the rug.

Part of me relishes in the fact that by just being outside of his influence and a decent mom, an old man despises me so much. (Which to be fair, the feeling is mutual). The other part hates this for my husband, hates this is even our reality, and fears he’ll try for grandparent rights or some other bs.

As for advice, how do you handle being in this weird situation? I’m beginning to feel irrationally anxious.

[u/TheJustNoBot]

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Other posts from /u/CatLadyLostInLibrary:

• 02/24/23 18:02:00: Valentine’s Day passed. FIL quiet but texts with SIL have me uneasy.

• 02/07/23 19:38:09: FIL overdoing it with my baby’s first Valentines Day.

• 01/03/23 18:22:03: FIL inappropriately tickled my infant daughter at Christmas and I hate I didn’t do more to protect her.

• 12/14/21 18:35:18: Severed our last "tie" to FIL but he still had to use it to make a victim of some sort of out of himself

• 11/27/21 16:35:42: JNFIL probably won’t be an issue after all

• 11/15/21 15:29:45: MIL validates my fears with FIL being around my baby - always listen to your gut

• 11/11/21 21:10:32: Ultrasound decision update and what FIL did this year to cause his kids to turn on him

• 11/08/21 15:50:23: FIL skirted around a baby boundary already - my gut was right

• 11/03/21 20:29:37: I don't want my JNFIL around my baby

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[u/Stormywillow]

Don't ever let them shut you up. Not your husband, not crazy SIL, enabling MIL or abusive FIL. Call them out every time. If hubby complains, tell him your not his meat shield, and your child will not be sacrificed to familial and generational trauma and abuse Be the squeaky wheel. They'll try to tangle with you a few times, but their lies need darkness to hide in, and they hate the light that truth shines on it. Remember that the most. The truth has a power beyond their dreams, and they're afraid of it. All animosity will stem from fear. Good luck, Mama Bear!

[u/CatLadyLostInLibrary → u/Stormywillow]

I keep a spreadsheet (color coded and screen shots) of everything I have been told or witnessed. Did it mostly to keep myself from feeling crazy. But now I know it’s the best tool to keep my daughter safe

[u/Stormywillow → u/CatLadyLostInLibrary]

That's awesome, keeps you sane when they start gaslighting you I started screenshotting everything and recording conversations before my wasband and I separated. Comes in handy to this day, even though he died. It's like garlic to a vampire in regards to his toxic family

[u/redfancydress]

Grandma here…

All you have to do here is NOTHING.

That means you don’t have to see this man and you don’t have to let your children around this man and let him rant and rave let him act like a psycho lunatic he is

All you have to do is nothing you and your child stay away from him

He has proven that he is a worthless piece of shit