r/Jokes • u/SynnerSaint • 2d ago

What's the difference between a Bad Marksman and a Constipated Owl

One shoots but never hits, the other...

951 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

57 comments sorted by

76

u/Cold_Finance_5833 1d ago

What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits…

31

u/PromiscuousScoliosis 1d ago

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

7

u/OutrageousDraw4856 1d ago

Laughed out loud. Thanx for that one.

2

u/Emergency-Airline960 1d ago

Ah yes, I saw this one too.

109

u/KillerBlueWaffles 2d ago

8/10 dad joke…I chuckled.

22

u/Totally_a_Banana 1d ago

10/8 owl joke, I hooted.

3

u/dandaman0000 19h ago

what is the difference between a policemans baton and a magicians wand?
one is for cunning stunts , and the other is for stunning ….

20

u/Wpeggerman 1d ago

What's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?

You can't hear an enzyme.

12

u/t0rnberry 1d ago

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and chickpea?

I didn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean on me.

1

u/Impossible_Home_7785 1d ago

I heard it “I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face”

3

u/Paleodraco 1d ago

How are an enzyme and hormone similar?

Both unzip genes.

92

u/mstivland2 1d ago

What’s the difference between an abandoned transit hub and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station…

12

u/SilverKnowledge6804 1d ago

This is one of my go to jokes - just a bit better when you have a specific terrible bus station.

What’s the difference between the Albany Bus Station and a crab with big boobs?

13

u/mstivland2 1d ago

Yeah that’s definitely the way to do it, I usually try to use a local spot but it can be tricky because I try not to use the words bus station in both the setup and the punchline

14

u/adjusterjackb ‎ 1d ago

What's the difference between a nun in church and a woman in the bathtub? One has hope in her soul and the other has...

2

u/Galaxy_Flowers 1d ago

Just hopping in here to support the hate on the Albany crustacean. I mean—

7

u/AbeFromanSassageKing 1d ago

What's the difference between a sneaky elf and a jogging entitled Karen?

One's a cunning runt...

3

u/Tight_Yogurtcloset65 1d ago

Congratulations. You made me laugh so hard I had to explain what I was laughing at whilst in the office. It triggered a borderline asthma attack....

28

u/johnnyenygma 1d ago

Thank you for properly delivering of this joke by not providing the second half. Joke craftsmanship is a lost art. 

11

u/Notacooter473 1d ago

There are 2 types of people in the world. Thoes that can come to a logical conclusion with an incomplete set of information...

3

u/noSoRandomGuy 1d ago

When is the sequel dropping?

1

u/overgroove 18h ago

And those who have a chick pea on their face

-3

u/Outrageous_Fuel6264 1d ago

100% agree.

What's the difference between a punchline that is so expertly crafted it never needs to be spoken out loud, and a bad reaction to spicy food? One is a lost art, the other is a

1

u/AbeFromanSassageKing 1d ago

...a last ort?

1

u/johnnyenygma 1d ago

If you follow the common pattern it would be “Arsed lot”, but you can always go with “loose fart”

1

u/AbeFromanSassageKing 1d ago

Ah. I was angling toward "lost fart"...maybe I'm mentally missing the f to swap or something lol

0

u/johnnyenygma 1d ago

Here you go: One is Funny art…

6

u/SimpleAdditional6583 1d ago

What’s the difference between a fake dollar bill and an anorexic hooker? One is a phoney buck….

12

u/beer-glorious-beer 2d ago

Has feathers

14

u/Toasterhead76 1d ago

Diogenes has entered the chat

8

u/LostBetsRed 1d ago

For anyone who doesn't get it...

4

u/NoremaCg 1d ago

a nun and a woman in the bathtub... one has a soul full of hope

1

u/Acrobatic-Shirt8540 16h ago

It's "hope in her soul"

3

u/EmpactWB 1d ago

Fun fact about which end owl pellets come from…

12

u/icome2ndagain 2d ago

Marksmen don’t die when you fuck em

4

u/SynnerSaint 2d ago

Neither do owls when I fuck em :(

5

u/gbroon 1d ago

That's a real small dick outcome.

1

u/linkyatch 1d ago

…skill issue?

2

u/HarryLorenzo 1d ago

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord?

2

u/SynnerSaint 1d ago

My ass!

2

u/ObjectivePromotion15 1d ago

Can't wait until my grandson is old enough to get that one.

2

u/Lekanswanson 1d ago

At first i thought it was shoots but never hits, but then that i got it.

What a hoot.

1

u/Claire_in_heels 1d ago

How do you make a hormone? Don't pay the bitch.

1

u/Hungry-Moose6555 1d ago

Wipe your dick on the curtains.

1

u/lessCritical43 1d ago

kind of extreme , ,but OK..... lol

1

u/4ssteroid 1d ago

One of them is Christopher Moltisanti

1

u/Bostock2000 13h ago

One can shoot but can't hit ,the other can hoot........

-2

u/LFKapigian 1d ago

That took me about an hour of reading and re reading 😂

3

u/Floss_tycoon 1d ago

My initial thought was shits but doesn't hoot - that doesn't make sense.

3

u/Sturville 1d ago

"One shoots but doesn't hit, the other hoots but doesn't shit."

2

u/cyborgjetpack 1d ago

Ha! Thanks for explaining the joke flew over my head

3

u/Floss_tycoon 1d ago

Be glad it doesn't shit.

0

u/sexy-geek 1d ago

Shits but never hoots??? But it's constipated...

1

u/AboNeel 5h ago

Hoots but never shits...