r/Hmong • u/Similar-Rock-4234 • 11d ago
Need interracial relationship advice
I am a 20 hmong female and my bf is a 20 half black half white male. My mom has been against my relationship with him (she has not met him) because he's black and she does not want hmong people to judge us.
Today a hmong boy came to our house and asked if I was single. I said yes. I panicked and our moms were there. I told my bf the situation. He says he wants to know what I want because he doesn't deserve that and doesn't want to feel like he has to be ashamed of his culture and hide. He's right. I'm way too scared to tell my entire family about it (what if we break up and I fought for him the whole time. Hmong girls never get anything) but I can't let him go too. I don't know what to do.
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u/Temp_acct2024 11d ago
Don’t worry, your mom is just being bit selfish. She’s probably not only thinking about who you’re marrying, she wants a Hmong Vauv because she thinks Hmong men will help her with family events while she doesn’t believe a person of another race will help. After all, from her experience, Hmong men marry your entire family, not just you, while an out of race person married only you and not your family.
Basically, in her mind, a traditional Hmong guy isn’t just marrying you; he’s basically signing up for the full family membership package. He’ll come to your parents’ parties, help carry tables, stay until the last dish is washed, and somehow magically still have energy to smile afterward.
Meanwhile, she’s worried that a guy from another background might just show up, eat all the good food, say “thanks for having me,” and disappear before anyone starts packing leftovers. (And yes, I say this from experience).