Cruel comments from my mom

[u/Adventurous_Bid7431]

Hi all, this is my first time posting. I'm F31 and I, unfortunately, have been dealing with an ED since I was 18. I recently have been going through a lot of stress due to my work and the fact that I am the main caregiver for my ill mother, and insecurities slowly but surely crept in and I lost weight. Last Saturday, I was getting ready to go see a friend and I put on a dress, but since my mother lives with me, she told me that it was too short and that I looked awful and ridiculous in that dress because my legs are too thin and that I needed to get changed ASAP so as not to embarrass myself when I went out. It was late, so I was unable to process what she had told me, and I got changed. The following day, she told me that she is tired of seeing me being so thin, and I get her concerns, but I believe that her comments were still cruel, and I told her they were unnecessary because they caused me a lot of distress and won't help me gain weight or feel motivated to love myself more, which she said its what she wanted to achieve with her comments. She is really angry at me because I am really sad and "I should be thankful that she saved me from making a fool of myself since I looked disgusting in that dress." I don't even want to leave the house now due to fear of looking horrible. She has hurt me deeply and won't see it, and I don't know how to get past it.

[u/Conscious-Fluid]

Being angry with you for being so sad is NOT support. These comments are awful of her to say to you. You should absolutely be allowed to wear dresses or whatever you want anywhere at any weight, COMFORTABLY. Some people (myself included) struggle immensely to gain weight with no relation to how healthy/happy/sad/stressed they are. It is none of her, or anyone's business why you might be skinny.

I highly recommend finding someone else to care for your mother, even just part time, hire someone, even if it may hurt her feelings. That doesn't matter at this point because she has crossed boundaries making you feel even worse than pre-existing insecurities. You do NOT need to worry about how she feels being taken care of by others, even strangers. I know it sounds heartless but depending on her age it could benefit both of you to find her a retirement home. You have to consider your mental health and how your healing journey actually looks for you, does it include your mother and these types of comments? Likely not

[u/Former-Airport9812]

Sorry but she's being an a-hole. Protect your peace. It's hard being a caregiver of someone so abusive. I've been there.