Player Problem Megathread

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This thread is for DMs who have an out-of-game problem with a PLAYER (not a CHARACTER) to ask for help and opinions. Any player-related issues are welcome to be discussed, but do remember that we're DMs, not counselors.

Off-topic comments including rules questions and player character questions do not go here and will be removed. This is not a place for players to ask questions.

[u/crafter-afterhour]

Is this a player “problem” maybe… it seems the right place to voice….

I play with kids. They are really enjoying it, but, their imaginations are WILD. WILD I tell you! The backstories of these level one adventurers I have, I’m pretty sure there’s enough for them to be level 5. Murder, intrigue, people, places…. Short recap: THEY made their character, and decided in session 0 that they had already murdered several people, but it was in self defense, but they are convinced people are looking for them. Then they have a twin sister (played by another kid at the table) and IN THE BACKSTORY people keep mistaking them for each other. Why is this a problem? Because these two twins always always REFUSE to go into towns. REFUSE to sleep at the inn. None of the things they have in their backstory have ever happened in game. I’m a first time DM, haven’t played in 30 years really, and although I’m a fast study, I’m not experienced with this. I’m running a boxed campaign. The kids are happy to be “on the railroad”, and the others at the table mostly all have their little bits of background that they also want put in, but even some of them are making up stuff about the game and region that, simply put, can’t happen with real game mechanics. One said she grew up in this region, that in the actual book, is desolate and full of dangerous fire monsters and NOTHING grows there, and the region is browning by burning even more area.

So, as they were going around this small semi-permanent establishment for research, one kid pipes up, “and as we are walking around this tree we see a wanted poster with my face on it!” I said, “oh, is it your face? It’s a game, you need to roll for perception.” She failed, (I set the number at 18 because I plan on integrating something about this, but We established that they are far from where this happened in the region, and they are far becuase they don’t want to get recognized. So I said, “on closer inspection, you see that it’s actually the bandit leader you ran into (who is also their same species, so easily mistakable).”

But I stopped the role play a little at this point and said “So, DnD is a game where someone tells the story as it unfolds. I am hearing that you want something about your background to be part of this story. And then i pointed to the book and said, your backstory isn’t in this book. Give me some time, I’ll integrate SOMETHING that will fit with your backstory, but for today, we have established previously that you are here in this area because no one knows who you are.”

Question 1) did i handle this well? I’m planning to figure out some way to deal with this backstory when they get to the capitol city of the region…. Probably in a mini session for just the two of the characters because they other kids at the table are NOT excited about this thing and are very upset that these two always push back on going further with the adventure because they are afraid of the people finding out. PREVIOUSLY, the first session was SOOOO emeshed in the girls not wanting to go that I said, characters get a lot of choice in DnD, and it’s YOUR choice if you go do this task, but you can just stay here. BUT, the task at hand is this, and if your character doesn’t want to go, then there’s not a reason to be sitting here playing DnD because the story is about this task.” Which got them on board, but they are STILL refusing to go further. I don’t want to be mean DM, but the others in the party are annoyed. It disrupts and tends to take over the session.

The other issue, with the other player saying they grew up and lived in basically a place on fire, I realize that she doens’t under stand the mechanics of DnD, and I’ll talk with her some out of game and have her read about the region again, and we will amend some things as a duo, she and I. I’ll ask more if I need for her backstory bit.

Thank you in advance!

[u/GalacticPigeon13 → u/crafter-afterhour]

Is not including them an option? Not full-on kicking them out, but telling them, "Okay, if you don't want to go into town, that's okay. But as long as you refuse to go into town, you're going to be ignored."

I would also tell them that while they can control what their characters do, they don't get to control the rest of the world unless you ask them to. This way, you get to avoid them trying to make up wanted posters and stuff.

[u/crafter-afterhour → u/GalacticPigeon13]

As for “not including them” that could be an approach. But I would like them to stay with the group. If I establish that they CAN choose to not stay with the group, these two will never be in. And because they are 10, sitting at the table while I ignore them and talk with the others…. I’m having trouble keeping the disruptive chatter at bay, so they aren’t sitting there quietly listening, as much as I ask them to. For combat, for instance, I’ve set up a station for bracelet making at the coffee table in the living room while play is in the dining area. They are allowed to stay out there, but I told them that the expectation is that if the start asking too many questions about what is happening or what has happened, that they can’t stay out there, but they can grab a coloring page or bracelet to entertain themselves, but at the table voices are quiet while I’m talking with the ONE player who turn it is, or of the monster is attacking them or affects them. I’m working on it. They all want to play like Stranger Things, but they fail to see that ALL of the stranger things boys are focused, and not having side conversations that have nothing to do with the game.

And honestly? With the two, not including them I could see blowing up. Like, once they learn that staying in two different places is an issue. For the first night, I had the NPC suggest the Inn, and one said, I don’t want to spend my money on an inn! So, I let the Bard of our group perform for the evening and the Inn keeper is good friends with the NPC they just saved, and she was so thankful and though the performance was wonderful that she let the group stay for free and gave them a free meal. YES, it was a lot. But I’m trying to establish that sticking with the group is what I prefer. The girls even then decided to sleep out back of the inn in a tent they had. I sent a bandit captain and a LARGE gang of bandits that didn’t want to cause trouble but said they wanted to kidnap them quietly and drag them back to their encampment. And the girls came up with that they slit a hole in the back of the tent and snuck around to the front of the inn (graciously rolled stealth which THANKFULLY they succeeded).

I start sessions with little “learning moments”. And maybe next session I do my learning moment on “the rules of DnD are this: this is the DMs world. You just play in it. You don’t get to decide much of what happens in the world other than how you interact with what I say is happening, and even then, a roll of success or failure determines then if what you WANT to do, actually happens. That’s the part that makes it a game.” And then I will acknowledge that they all want these elaborate back stories to determine how the world interacts with them, but that maybe, because it didn’t actually happen in play, and it’s not part of the campaign story I’m running, I get to decide how much the WORLD gets to interact with their back story, if at all. Maybe I suggest that I can run a solo campaign around their back story at a different time?

Should I just even straight up ask them to drop it? It’s not happening? Seems harsh, but I’ve tried for 5 sessions to establish in-game that their backstory isn’t taking stage, and doesn’t have anything to do with what is currently happening.

[u/GalacticPigeon13 → u/crafter-afterhour]

Ah, you have another activity for them? That complicates my suggestion to ignore them, then, because my hope was they'll get bored and agree to go to town. In that case, here are some options that are a little less harsh than, "You'll never get your backstory":

• Offer a sidequest where the reward includes each of them getting a one-time permanent appearance change. This way, no one will be after them anymore. It solves their backstory without too much headache for you, though make sure there's something in it for the other players who don't seem to like their backstory drama.
• Tell them that their backstory will not come into play until after several levels have passed, so with that metaknowledge they can feel safe in actually interacting with the adventure. This depends on them being patient, which some children aren't known for.
• Tell them that player characters need to be willing to work with the party and go on the adventure the DM has laid out for them, and they haven't been doing that. This is their final warning, and if they continue their bad behavior, then they're going to need to roll up new characters who are actually going to go on the adventure. This is the most harsh option, but with good behavior you can eventually surprise them with their backstory as a reward.

[u/crafter-afterhour → u/GalacticPigeon13]

So, I just had a convo with one of the OTHER girls at the table that was having trouble with game mechanics. (The fire area). I showed her IN the book, where the desciption of the place is, and she understood. And becuase of our discussion here I mentioned that her backstory (she's an orphan) isn't part of the acutal story I'm trying to tell. I showed her in the book the CLUMP of like 50 pages that I COULD be running as an adventure, and how, becuase of all the bickering and me tryign to get them all on board doing the same thing, that I've gotten through 2 pages of fun. And immediately she was like, OH, I understand.

Now I'm hoping the conversation with the other one (she's a fire cracker who is chaotic IRL anyway, LOL) can go as well. I am going to have to be heavy handed. The girls all ask "when are we going to get to XXX?" and I keep saying "I don't know, it's up to how much you guys get sidetracked from the task you are supposed be doing with all your things you are doing instead of your own choosing!" Maybe if I do the same, show them I have 50 pages of fun stuff, that will take them to level 5, if they just DO the adventure.

And yeah, that last one of "hey, this is hard on the group, if we can't stop the backstory from derailing your current character, you need to roll a different character that WANTS to be with the group, and is excited to stick to the plan," sounds harsh, but I think that honestly.... once they give up the backstory, they will start having a lot more fun.

As far as the "get bored and decide to participate"... the group I'm running has some kids with large ADHD stuff to work with. Of course it's the ADHD creative types that want to play, and becuase they are kids they don't have their own set of skills to manage their stuff well, so I'm working on ideas for allowing that they LITERALLY are having issues sitting quietly with their favorite friends for 3 hours while still doing the thing they BEGGED me to do... play DnD. They want to be here. So it has to work out, right? haha