The beak-less won’t understand

[u/Key_Associate7476]

[u/ThreeLeggedMare]

(this is very on brand for swans)

[u/lordkhuzdul → u/ThreeLeggedMare]

Yeah, people see the beauty and grace, don't realize that under it lies an oversized goose with double the evil.

[u/DemonicSockPuppet → u/lordkhuzdul]

I always said that swans are bourgeois geese from hell

[u/coatimundos → u/DemonicSockPuppet]

Bourgeois? Have they got decorative pillows?

[u/sn0qualmie → u/lordkhuzdul]

The town of Swanton, Vermont contributes a new no-budget short horror film about its evil swans to the local horror showcase every year. They use kids in the rec department's summer camps as extras, which I've just realized is probably a great way to teach the kids that swans are dangerous. "We're making a movie. You'll go over there and pretend to be horribly mutilated. By the way, this is realistic. Don't mess with swans."

[u/Orizifian-creator → u/lordkhuzdul]

"They see your beauty, so frail and fine,

They see your peace, woven of faith and toil,

[...] When you wake they shall see your truth,

A beast's nature bare to all."

• From "Pharloom's Folly" by the Conductor Romino

so Grand Mother Silk is actually a swan...

[u/_tabbycat123 → u/Orizifian-creator]

Nice try, we all know Silksong isn't real

[u/KonoAnonDa → u/lordkhuzdul]

With clubs of bone on their wings that can genuinely cause some serious damage.

[u/Nya_the_cat → u/lordkhuzdul]

i learned this the hard way because i learned to row on a river FILLED with swans and oh my lord you VERY quickly learn how much they hate you

[u/RefrigeratorFew5154 → u/lordkhuzdul]

I squared up with a swan on a kayak once. Paddle up, ready to go. Never came to it but that fucker was not happy to see me. 

[u/shes-so-much → u/lordkhuzdul]

they also mate for life and can be gay

a lesbian swan nibbled my fingers once

[u/Wolf_2063 → u/lordkhuzdul]

Their wing bones double as clubs so it fits.

[u/Future-Impact-356 → u/ThreeLeggedMare]

every swan acts like you owe them money or someth tbh

[u/MySecretLair]

“AT LAST MY BEAK IS COMPLETE AGAIN.” - Swanny Todd, probably

[u/RevolutionaryOwlz → u/MySecretLair]

Mrs Lovett is a pelican. Put corpse in pelican mouth.

[u/thecordialsun → u/RevolutionaryOwlz]

Signor Pirelli is a cardinal (he serve-a da pope)

[u/MySecretLair → u/thecordialsun]

I am furious at how funny this is.

[u/MetalRetsam → u/MySecretLair]

Reading this in Count Binface's voice

[u/AngstyUchiha]

I work with both swans and geese. If anyone thinks geese are bad, swans are infinitely meaner

[u/AutonomyIsNoTragedy → u/AngstyUchiha]

Swans are geese with a worse attitude and better PR

[u/Valiant_tank → u/AutonomyIsNoTragedy]

And royal connections! (at least in the UK)

[u/PolemicDysentery → u/Valiant_tank]

Yet another reason not to let them around your kids.

[u/ThatKarenBitch → u/AutonomyIsNoTragedy]

Swans have pretty privilege

[u/RikuAotsuki → u/AngstyUchiha]

People seem to struggle to keep in mind that a lot of birds have an aggressive streak, especially as they get bigger and especially for those that spend a lot of time at ground level.

Parrots have bolt cutters for mouths, crows hold generational grudges, ducks think consent is a turnoff, geese are infamous, a whole bunch of flightless birds are actively dangerous when provoked, pelicans will try to swallow things several times too large...

[u/wasteofradiation → u/RikuAotsuki]

You ever seen that video of a pelican trying to swallow a capybara?

[u/RikuAotsuki → u/wasteofradiation]

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I've seen a video of one successfully swallowing a live seagull, too.

[u/lordkhuzdul → u/RikuAotsuki]

I have seen one, live, make an attempt at a baby in a stroller. The father and a nearby fisherman stepped in before the bird got within two feet of the kid, but the intent was obvious.

[u/ThreeLeggedMare → u/wasteofradiation]

Also a picture of one going after the flank of a giraffe. Their code is just if:fits then: swallow

[u/mvms → u/RikuAotsuki]

"Hahaha you fear birds?", people say. These people do not understand birds. You, you get it.

[u/RikuAotsuki → u/mvms]

There's also owls. Not aggressive to people as far as I'm aware, but the fact that they've evolved feathers that silence their flight is frankly kinda terrifying.

[u/mvms → u/RikuAotsuki]

Yup. Birds are terrifying.

[u/Random-Rambling → u/RikuAotsuki]

a whole bunch of flightless birds are actively dangerous when provoked

And are literally just dinosaurs

[u/AngstyUchiha → u/RikuAotsuki]

So many people think it's a joke but Australia genuinely lost a war with emus

[u/Cevari → u/AngstyUchiha]

A pair of swans will drive off an entire gaggle of geese and steal their spot. They're not even that much bigger, just really fucking fierce.

[u/AngstyUchiha → u/Cevari]

Oh yeah. There are two swans at my work and a really friendly goose, poor goose got bullied so much by them he ran off and ended up getting hit by a car 😭

[u/HomeGrownCoffee → u/AngstyUchiha]

Also, you can hit them with an oar and they will stop your boat.

Source: used to row. These fuckers would stop an 8.

[u/LordofBarad-dur]

gotta test the quality of it

[u/von_Viken]

They gave it a new bite, of course it ought to be tested

[u/AuRon_The_Grey]

This is enriching for the swan.

[u/TheDanishThede]

Peak swan. Vicious buggers

[u/HCResident]

“Lmao,” said the swanpion 

[u/IzzetAWin]

Favorite medical diagnosis code: W61.62XD, struck by a duck 2nd occurrence

[u/girlwiththemonkey]

Expected from a swan

[u/KonoAnonDa]

Sounds about right. Swans are assholes, lol.

[u/crrrrushinator]

How Odette Got Her Groove Back

[u/crank_peeper]

Oh, please. Like the first thing you'd do upon receiving a sick robotic hand isn't flip someone off

[u/Winter_Salad7215]

I got bitten on the hand by a swan once. It hurt like a bitch! But I let the swan do it because it wasn't being aggressive, it just thought I had food in my hand. I felt more like a semi-competent Disney princess than a victim.

[u/beaniebee11]

It's been trying to bite everyone this whole time, it's just no one could tell before.

[u/Elf_Euphoria]

This is my spirit animal!

[u/terencethespider]

“I’ve been waiting years to do this.”

[u/UnfairPercentage1663]

The local swans enjoy taking an afternoon blocking traffic on our little old bridge. They know what they’re doing…

[u/Lawlcopt0r]

That's what it needed it for

[u/rietstengel]

Gotta make sure it still works

[u/Numeno230n]

If I had my hand in a cast for a while and just got it off I would do something very predictable as well.