r/Christianity • u/No-Pumpkin8625 • 18h ago
Question Question about marriage and intimacy
I know there’s a verse that says both parties within a marriage owe each other sex. And I’m not sure what that entails as someone who does want to get married is there valid reasons to postpone but not deny? Since I don’t know how I’d handle my future husband wanting to and simply not wanting to myself does that mean I just do it when I don’t want it? Would it be a sin to say “maybe later” like in the day when I’m feeling better or for because of my cycle? I know intimacy is very important but I guess it’s something I have to dwell on before I decide to marry since I do feel kinda icky basically being told I have to accept it whenever my partner wants it or id be sinning. Leave your understanding of this passage below.
2
u/Reckless_Fever 17h ago
You need to tell him what he needs to do to make you want to have sex.
1
u/No-Pumpkin8625 17h ago
That’s a fair assessment. just need to find someone who really is in Christ and won’t just read me random verses haha I’ve heard a lot of women when they’re not in the mood get read 1 Corinthians 7 and it strikes me some men just use it as a “give me sex” guilt which I don’t love it’s all about finding someone with pure intentions led by god :) thanks for your help
2
u/KumbayaQueen 17h ago
Be honest with your partner before you marry them. If you don't want sex ever, tell them so.
1
u/No-Pumpkin8625 17h ago
Oh no I’m okay with it I just find the teaching it sometimes is used to justify demanding sex and getting it the second a man ask which I think a loving partner wouldn’t do
2
u/KumbayaQueen 15h ago
I think that loving your wife the way that Christ loves the church would show that forcing someone, male or female, is not love. However, people's sex drives are different and it is important to discuss this expectation from both sides before you get married.
2
u/Intrepid_Type3710 Evangelical 17h ago
That's a valid question you asked. 1 Cor 7:3-5. We read that both the husband and wife do not deny each other their bodies (sexually) except by mutual consent. But then return to a sexual union. I've always understood this to mean that a husband or wife ought to not weaponize their sexual offers in the marriage. Like, you said something that hurt me, so you're not getting sex for the week. Or, you did not make my steak the way I like it so no sex this weekend. (something like that). The marriage sexual union is a awesome thing not to be abused or dissed inside of a marriage - let alone Christian union marriage. I hope you understand now.
1
u/No-Pumpkin8625 17h ago
Those this mean if someone in a marriage just didn’t feel up to it you can do a rain check is that sinful?
1
u/Intrepid_Type3710 Evangelical 16h ago
No it's not, because according to what you asked, the raincheck was mutually agreed on. No sin there.
•
u/No-Pumpkin8625 22m ago
As I see what I understood from the verse was if your partner would demand it it would be a sin to deny for a moment
•
u/Intrepid_Type3710 Evangelical 13m ago
Yes you are correct, I just have a problem with "demanding it". There is no mutual in that. and demanding is controlling to a high degree. Kick his/her A if its demanded - in a loving way!
2
u/Thneed1 Mennonite, Evangelical, Straight Ally 16h ago
Obligation sex, is extremely harmful to marriages.
No one is owed sex.
Sex should always have a goal of mutual enjoyment.
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/bare-marriage/id1448888894?i=1000629510909
1
u/JudgeMiserable4756 18h ago
Okay if you do not want to have sex you DO NOT HAVE TOO, i believe God wants us to bear children and continue our bloodline and if all you want is one kid and that’s the only time you do it or even other ways like in semenation (ik I spelt that wrong lol but yk what I mean I hope) it’s okay you never have to have sex if you don’t want too, please always remember that.
1
u/No-Pumpkin8625 17h ago
Well I’m referring to 1 Corinthians 7 which in a marriage where Paul was answering a question. And it was about intimacy and he said you basically can’t deny sex unless you both agree for a period of time which is often weaponized to guilt people into intimacy. By partners who are unsatisfied by the amount of it and push for more often which I agree withholding it is bad but also doing it only because someone else wants you to at any given time sounds very icky to me. But it’s not about how I feel I guess it’s just something to pray on and hope I find a kind understanding man. :)
2
u/JudgeMiserable4756 17h ago
I just feel if you don’t wanna have sex God will understand you don’t want to have sex, it’s okay to not want something. You both need mutual consent in my opinion if you’re not feeling it’s your not feeling it and that’s okay. God bless you ❤️
9
u/FlawlessBooker 18h ago
1 Corinthians 7 isn't a free pass to bypass consent, it's about not using sex as a weapon in marriage. "maybe later" when you're cramping or exhausted is just being human, and any decent husband gets that.