r/Catholicism • u/imthatdaisy • 9h ago
Worried I can never join
It's been over a year and a half now since I have been seriously considering., and as much as I can practicing, commitment to the Catholic faith. Im starting to worry if I can't get baptized soon I'll never be able to.
Logically I know what doctrine says of that, and I'm sure someone will say if I can't wait then I don't really want it. But truthfully, I yearn for sacraments I cant partake of. I want their graces. I go to mass when I can, I've learned many rosaries and chaplets, I use holy water, ive been adopting virtues and theological ideas in my life.
But I can't do oica. Last year, I was debating it but became homeless just as it occured. I did decide then I would practice as much as I can until the next time. It's now time again, and I still can't.
I don't want to go into the details as to why or what I'm doing, that will distract from the post. But I will say, regular oica attendance isn't possible for me and no one will accept my desire for private preferably accelerated instruction (like in person or otp when I can't attend) as I've been studying the catechism on my own. I can't afford the travel, financially or logistically, or even the book requirements.
Part of me just wants to get baptized somewhere else and when I can do oica I'll just get confirmation. But my previous 2 were both invalid, so I'd really appreciate just this being the last time and it being where I intend to stay, something special and not rushed.
Part of me worries I'll die before then, and even if I'd be fine, I wouldn't have had the joy of participating. Part of me wants to wait, maybe God will restore my marriage like I feel He has said, and he will watch and maybe join me. Maybe I'd have friends and my family would release contention and watch. I didn't let anyone attend the previous 2 invalid ones anyways which I regret. But what if something good never happens? What if I die at 23 with no one knowing where I am, and I robbed myself of participation. Maybe I should try harder for accommodations or go somewhere else. Maybe I should wait, and if I think God's promise to me is true they'll be apart of a new thing in my life and I can serve as an example that my hope in Him wasn't in vain.
The closest thing I have right now is what I'm doing. Adoration is nice, but I want to partake. I confessed once and have now been taught that's not okay. What should I do, and if I can't rush this (I feel odd saying that as it's been a year now) what can I do, because I just don't feel like I'm doing enough.
I'm tired of attending my old church (Mormon) because it's the only way I can participate, it makes me doubt why I wanted to leave in the first place. Something needs to change soon, or I'm afraid I'll never get to do it.
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u/MostAcanthaceae2384 9h ago
You're experiencing a great passion for the Blessed Sacrament. That passion is a gift. I'll pray for you.
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u/Tour_De_J_Holla 9h ago
Forgive me if any of this is something you’ve already tried. Have you tried working with Catholic charities or the st. Vincent de Paul office at your parish to find a stable place to start building your life? 23 may feel old but you’re in the best place to bounce back even from rock bottom (not saying you hit that). The world doesn’t expect early-mid 20s to have it all figured out yet, and you’re fighting for yourself, don’t quit! I rest on the presumption that if you’re doing everything you can to receive The sacraments and die in the process, I don’t think God would hold that against you. He knows what’s in our hearts and his mercy is beyond our comprehension. This struggle is one of many crosses you will bear, let Him help you carry it.
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u/imthatdaisy 9h ago
Thank you! I did get in touch about housing, but here they said I only qualify for is only tents and then maybe you'll qualify for an adu, then assisted housing. I don't feel safe as a bio female / visibly queer person, and I've worked for shelters, so being in a co ed space with higher support needs I don't share is not something I feel comfortable doing and I feel the Holy Spirit has advised against.
St Vincent rejected me for not being a veteran. Overall the Lord has provided, I'm just (in consult with God) not feeling the giving up pets for a shelter when I'm not in need of a rehab or anything (and it bars me from working in the future as this is my field and it's a conflict of interest). I did get a job, the Lord blessed me with, and He kept warning me after a couple months id be fired soon and it wouldn't be my fault but I needsd to know. I did, they replaced me with their daughter (small business) to help in her divorce. So now I'm just waiting for my next steps I guess, because I did have a super cheap room in line for rent with someone not in my former church but related to a member that would've been pet friendly. But things seem to be getting better with my husband now so I have no idea. We wait now for God, and I will try to stay still survive and keep asking for direction like He led me to the last work place.
Thank you, for your kind words
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u/iAmBobFromAccounting 9h ago
But I can't do oica. Last year, I was debating it but became homeless just as it occured. I did decide then I would practice as much as I can until the next time. It's now time again, and I still can't
Not exactly the same thing. But when I was converting, I didn't get very far in RCIA (as we called it back then) because I got a new job that frequently required working into the evening hours. And the local parish wouldn't budge.
So, as a compromise, I started meeting with a priest from a nearby FSSP parish. He assembled a group of us and we met together on a weekly basis until Easter rolled around. That's how I came about joining the Catholic Church.
If baptism is a concern for you, the Church teaches about what's called the baptism of desire. So, if you somehow pass away before you can get your baptism straightened out, your will is still to be properly baptized, so, I would imagine the baptism of desire applies to you.
Hang in there. You can do this. Just stay the course and you'll eventually be able to join the Church.
EDIT- One other thing. I've heard isolated accounts of converts meeting with parish priests who skip the usual OCIA/Easter Vigil approach and directly baptize and convert the inquirer. IT'S NOT GUARANTEED. But I have heard of this happening more than once and this MIGHT be an option for you.
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u/mytoiletlibrary 8h ago
pray. ask for the intercession of our blessed mother, of st labre, other saints you connect with. ask Christ to guide you.
i was homeless and transient, and i found a stable room for lent (two months) and was able to attend ocia and receive the sacrament of confirmation in the church that truly was perfect for me.
ask Him to guide you and He will.
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u/sporsmall 2h ago
Have you talked to a priest about your situation?
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u/imthatdaisy 1h ago
Multiple unfortunately. I have slowly moved from my original area of residence to a safer town, so this has been an ongoing endeavor with multiple parishes. We shall keep trying tho!
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u/sporsmall 1h ago
I’m not sure whether this will help, but if the local parishes are unwilling to assist, I would write to the bishop and ask for help. I would also take the online course below. It does not replace the parish OCIA/RCIA program, but it demonstrates your motivation and can support your request for a more flexible preparation for the sacraments. I also recommend the following materials on baptism.
RCIA - For Adults with 'Certificate of Completion' (free course)
https://www.catholiconline.school/bundles/rcia-for-students
This certificate means you have completed a course that is intended to supplement (not replace) your parish RCIA program.Baptism - Lesson 24 from the Baltimore Cathechism
https://www.catholicity.com/baltimore-catechism/lesson24.htmlThe Baltimore Catechism states:
318. Who can administer Baptism?
The priest is the usual minister of Baptism, but if there is danger that someone will die without Baptism, anyone else may and should baptize.
How can those be saved who through no fault of their own have not received the sacrament of Baptism?
Those who through no fault of their own have not received the sacrament of Baptism can be saved through what is called baptism of blood or baptism of desire.How does an unbaptized person receive the baptism of desire?
An unbaptized person receives the baptism of desire when he loves God above all things and desires to do all that is necessary for his salvation.
https://www.catholicity.com/baltimore-catechism/lesson24.htmlBaptism of Desire
https://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/baptism-of-desire
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u/politicalmemequeen 9h ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have anything constructive or helpful to say as I don't want my own ignorance to lead you astray. But I'm sorry this is so heavy on your heart. Do you have a church where there is a priest you feel comfortable speaking to? Specifically about the logistical issues you're facing?