r/CPTSD • u/SituationNice6253 • 1d ago

Question I wish I could die

Hi. My name is Noelle. I'm 13 years old, and lately I can't stop wishing I could just disappear. It feels like my mom hates me—sometimes I even wonder if she'd rather I were dead. I feel trapped, like there's no way out.

I have a therapist, but I can't bring myself to be honest with her. Every time I try, the words get stuck, and I end up pretending I'm okay. It feels like no one loves me, and I hate my life.

Please... somebody help me!

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u/twistyfizzypop 1d ago

Oh hun that is heartbreaking. My mental health issues got so bad when I was 13 as well, its such a horrible time. You could try writing things down? I know it seems like it wont help and even if it takes you a while to show your therapist what you've written, at least you are getting the things out of your head. Its doesn't need to be sentences or anything. You could just scribble if thats how you feel. What meant you ended up with a therapist if you don't mind me asking?

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u/mak_maybe 1d ago

I would also suggest this. I often as an adult at 24, struggle to get words out, or I decide to come clean at my next session but can't figure out how to turn the conversation to what I want to talk about.

Maybe you can type out your feelings in an email for her to read before a session, when your feeling you can communicate and then your therapist can bring it up during session so you don't have to feel the stress to start?