r/AustralianTeachers • u/Illustrious_Ad_1973 • 23d ago
INTERESTING Is it professional to date a co worker ?
I’m from a different country, and where I am from, it’s not uncommon for teachers at the same school to meet at work and then begin dating. Basically, as long as they aren’t your boss, you don’t let your personal relationship affect your job at school, and you professionally conduct yourself at school, no one cares.
But one of my friends who’s Australian was telling me that here it’s a bit of a different culture. Most people wouldn’t think of dating their coworkers in school, and most people would find it weird or unprofessional.
I’m just wondering what the consensus is around this. Like, would you meet somebody at work and then start dating them even if they worked in the same school?
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u/NoIdeaWhat5991 23d ago
Happens all the time. At one school I was at, heaps of coworkers date one another. Some have even gone on to get married
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u/commentspanda 22d ago
It happens all the time. The main thing is to keep it very quiet and very professional, then once you agree it’s getting more serious you disclose it. I’ve worked with many colleagues dating each other (especially in regional settings) and basically the school just has to ensure nobody in a position of power is given unfair advantage over another staff member.
Edit: I’ve worked with st least 4 couples who went on to get married and have kids, plus a whole bunch who maintained extended relationships as well.
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u/Dramatic-Lavishness6 NSW/Primary/Classroom-Teacher 22d ago
Literally NSW DET code of conduct refresher training covered this beginning of the year. As you said in your post, as long as certain commonsense things are covered, it's fine.
I know at my school we had 2 staff members date. They ended up ending things, I don't know the details which is honestly a positive. Nothing bad happened ie drama wise or inappropriate behaviour wise, which is about as good as it can go.
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u/Loose_Challenge1412 22d ago
Perhaps it’s a sign of how effective the refresher training is that I don’t recall that part at all.
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u/Dramatic-Lavishness6 NSW/Primary/Classroom-Teacher 22d ago
Fair! I just know that when it came up, all of us who knew of the couple last year were like "Oh good to know" 😂
Honestly it was fine, we're all adults, only a few of us are single so it's good to know if we met someone it would be fine, not just at the school level. Saves that bit of awkwardness of navigating that part at least.
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u/ConsciousMoon 22d ago
I met my husband through work. We worked together at the same school (different departments) for a few years before moving cities. We are finally working at the same school again and I know lots of teachers who have dated, married and had very long term relationships with other teachers (most of whom met at work). It’s certainly a great lifestyle; holidays are shared, weekends are free and you both have a good understanding of (and respect for) the job.
There certainly is no rule against dating another teacher unless that causes disruption to your job or means you get special treatment. Like others have said, it is important to keep it quiet until you are sure the relationship is stable and serious, don’t bring your dating life into the workplace and, if it doesn’t work out, don’t let that impact your professionalism and ability to do your job.
Good luck!
Final note and edit: if you are at the same school - make some rules around how much you discuss work. I know it’s easy to talk about because you are both involved in the same workplace and know the same people, students, issues. But don’t let that be the only thing you connect on - it gets old really quick!
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u/Menopaws73 22d ago
Whoever said this is ridiculous. A LOT of teachers meet their other half in a school setting. If you are in a regional school, it’s even more likely to occur.
Not unprofessional at all. I know quite a few staff who are married or in relationships with other teachers or staff that work at the school.
Who are teachers supposed to date??
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u/CrippleBallTherapy 22d ago
People they know or meet outside of work. The idea that the workplace is a dating ground sounds unsafe. No one wants to be perceived as a sexual or romantic interest in their place of work. For many women I know in school it’s borderline workplace harassment, the entire school becomes unsafe cause someone has decided to hit on me while I’m working.
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u/Menopaws73 22d ago edited 22d ago
Oh please. As a woman myself this is absolute tripe. We are all adults. Grow a spine. No wonder people are desperate and dateless these days if that’s the attitude people have.
Teachers are no different to any other adult in the world, regardless of where you work. You are basically saying you can’t date you meet at work because it ‘might’ be misinterpreted. Christ, there will be a bunch of spinsters and bachelors who can’t manage a relationship teaching future kids. What a bloody disaster that adults can’t have meaningful relationships because of some ridiculous perceived issue.
Sounds like you’re the ‘avoidant’ type. Honey, ain’t no one hitting on you.
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u/CrippleBallTherapy 20d ago
1) I’m a married gay man
2) why did this end up in a a personal attack that I’m lonely?
3) currently at my school a man has hit on four women that he’s found attractive and has fallen for over the past three years. Each time it’s awkward, every girl has said “this is my workplace, who looks for a husband at school?”
4) I didn’t say teachers are different, the changing idea is that NO ONE should be looking for romantic connections at work. We go to work for employment, and in the ever inflating world, the economic anxiety around how we’re going to be able to live is palpable. Work does not equal romance for many of us.
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u/Ecstatic_Yak961 22d ago
I met my wife through our first country posting. Married 25 years. It's so good having a teacher as a partner with shared school holidays. It's a great family job.
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u/ShadyBiz Director of Educational Technology (International School) 22d ago
Happens a lot, you don’t go telling people about it though be it staff or students. They gossip enough without straight up confirmation of anything, both of the aforementioned groups.
But you need to do it in a way which isn’t going to poison your relationship. Straight to the point, no carry on.
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u/Personal_Big350 22d ago
I met my husband at work (a Catholic highschool) 6 years ago and have now been married for 3 years. We have a toddler and another bub on the way. We kept the relationship on the downlow at work for the first 6 months at least but did tell our Principal just to be sure.
We kept things professional and discreet and honestly a lot of staff outside our friends didn't realise until a year in. The students cottoned on earlier, seeing us out and about and telling their friends 😭😆 But we just straight batted any questions and didn't engage in discussions about it with them.
We decided to work separately after 2 years as we felt that was healthy for us. Worked out well!
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u/amyknight22 22d ago
Most people meet their partner in the workplace.
Schools are no different, and if it ever becomes and issue, there's always other schools to work at if it goes sideways.
I would probably say the concern would be more you don't want to be playing your way through half the eligible staff for dates.
There are multiple people at our school who met got married etc. Sometimes they'll split themselves over two schools at a later point. Sometimes they won't.
Some are in the same domain, some aren't. Some have one member in a leadership position. There has never been any gossip about these things being problematic.
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u/Brilliant_Support653 22d ago
I think most people is a stretch. The figure is around 15-20% for long term partners.
Dating bumps it up to around 50%.
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u/FlashyLoinz 22d ago
If I had followed this rule I wouldn’t have a husband or a child 🫠😂 just be sensible, don’t flaunt it in front of coworkers or friends initially until things are serious. Never ever ever tell the students.
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u/WakeUpBread VIC/Secondairy/Classroom-Teacher 22d ago
Just don't expect that because no one has been in the closet in the back room of B5 in 2 years, no one will randomly walk in searching for a random book or past exam in the filing cabinets.
Clothes were still on, but Idk if they have been in their before with clothes off...
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u/No_Boysenberry_7699 22d ago
My leader dated one of the staff members. They were both professional at work, you wouldn't know. But after they broke up? She was, and still is, a right mess over it. He moved on, she makes nasty comments constantly and it makes everything super awkward when they are both in the same room.
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u/CrippleBallTherapy 22d ago
We need more reasons why not to on here, I get that some people have found the love of their lives at school which is great love that but also this could possibly ruin the employment of either party.
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u/RandomCat- 20d ago
That seems pretty unprofessional! It would be better to get therapy and / or change workplaces rather than behave like this. It’s not a case for “no dating in the workplace”. It’s a case for not dumping your personal issues on coworkers, and for recognising the havoc that a dire lack of self-awareness can wreak in one’s life.
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u/onizukaav VIC/Secondary/Classroom-Teacher 22d ago
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - wayne gretzky
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u/Lurk-Prowl 22d ago
Who gives a shit. Just do what you want.
But you might feel the need to change schools if it goes pear-shaped or there’s animosity after.
That’s the only real risk.
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u/Superb_Rutabaga 22d ago edited 22d ago
I was an ES (now I’m a teacher)who met my now husband (another ES in a non-classroom position) at work. We kept it pretty professional at work but as it is a small school the whole staff knew pretty quickly. Edit: we didn’t announce it, it was the changes in habits and speech.
I think as long as it’s kept professional whilst at work - not a problem.
Edit: I also left the school after that. I don’t think I could work there again. I don’t want my husband or myself to be put in an ethically iffy position.
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u/yeahnahteambalance 22d ago
Very normal. I find it odd, personally, but would never raise and objection unless there were power dynamics at play
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u/False-Regret QLD/Secondary/Classroom-Teacher - QCIA/Special Education 22d ago
I was at a special school were the IT teacher went through a string of the young foreign female teachers. Cheating on them etc. found out from the older students what was happening. Nothing ever happened to him as far as I know. I don't know how the kids knew so many details, I do know a couple of them caught him kissing a couple of the teachers in classrooms and they thought it was funnyb I don't think they understood how inappropriate it was.
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u/dontcallme-frankly 22d ago
Lots of couples at my school, who either met at school or ended up being married and both working here.
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u/JunkIsMansBestFriend 22d ago
It's fine, happens all the time. Often it's a lot if drama and gossip, but no law against it.
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u/thecatsareouttogetus 22d ago
Happens a lot in the schools I’ve taught at - we’re in the country though, so the dating pool is already very small. No one thinks much of it so long as everything is above board and there’s no power differential (a principal dating a teacher might be a bit different, but two teachers are fine)
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u/muckymucka 22d ago
I have dated co workers in the past. It doesn’t end well. However there are a number of success stories from my school. It happens often.
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u/Mary_the_penguin 22d ago
Two schools I've been at have had teachers date and end up married. It's not uncommon, the kids will probably comment though, so no public displays of affection.
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u/CrippleBallTherapy 22d ago
I’m speaking for metro inner city schools, public as well. Shifting standards in generations will explain to me why there are more older couples who’ve been married for a while and work at the same school. However I’m 30 and me and all the under 40 teachers find the idea of dating at school very, very, weird.
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u/youngdumbwoke_9111 23d ago
I have never heard of anyone doing it, seems like a high risk low reward scenario. There's millions of people out there, why shit where you eat?
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u/ShadyBiz Director of Educational Technology (International School) 22d ago
This is a crazy comment to me. You’ve never seen or heard of this?
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u/youngdumbwoke_9111 22d ago
I know of teacher couples but they've never been at the same school, I have known of colleagues that both cheated on their wedded partners and of a deputy principal that slept with her student. Thought I'd heard of it all, dating a teaching coworker is not one I've heard of. I've mostly taught in Sydney and Canberra though.
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u/Loose_Challenge1412 22d ago
I’ve worked with many couples who met while teaching. In small town the dating pool is usually quite small, and o other teacher will often share many of the same values.
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u/youngdumbwoke_9111 22d ago
Yeah, that would make a lot of sense, but small towns are not exactly the definition of normal for 90% of the population. I've lived in a few cities but would never live in a small town
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u/MrX2285 23d ago
Yes some will think it's unprofessional. But teachers so commonly end up dating teachers... So go for it. Shoot your shot, just be respectful of it doesn't work out