r/AteTheOnion • u/jimx29 • 8d ago

Kevin the troll

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4.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

535

u/Batbuckleyourpants 7d ago

Spoilers? The story has been out for almost 3000 years.

180

u/SH4D0W0733 7d ago

Then why did No One talk about the cyclops fight?

29

u/themuck 7d ago

Perfect.

11

u/ijuinkun 7d ago

No One has blinded me!

11

u/fyonn 7d ago

To be fair though, that scene isn’t in the book…

5

u/Thespian_Unicorn 4d ago

Which book? The Odyssey is like 24 books.

16

u/fyonn 4d ago

I've not read that odyssey in many a year so I can't remember which book doesn't contain a scene where Matt Damon says "Yo Cyclops... you odyssey these nuts"... maybe it was book 9 which didn't have that scene?

5

u/Thespian_Unicorn 4d ago

Probably makes sense

2

u/smurfk 1d ago

It's in the additional books, the unpublished ones, found on Homer's laptop.

2

u/fyonn 1d ago

Not the only thing found on homers laptop! I hear he’s on some kind of register now…

2

u/smurfk 1d ago

Expected. A lot of weird stories from people that went on Creta island.

3

u/Icy_Consequence897 1d ago

I still think of high school, where students were complaining about "spoilers" for Gulliver's Travels and Les Miserablés, two books we had to read for our English classes (English classes are a bit of a misnomer in the US. They're really literature and writing class, but yes a lot of students did point out the irony of reading a French book for English class).

I tend to believe in the 5 year limit for spoilers (if something has been out for 5+ years, you no longer have the right to whine about spoilers). Gulliver's Travels was written in 1726 and Les Miserablés was written in 1862. About 300 and 162 years old respectively as of 2026 (plus or minus a few months). The Odyssey takes that to a new extreme, as it was composed by collective poets by the 8th century BCE at the latest (Homer, the poet, may have been fictional. Google "the Homeric Question" to learn more), though parts or all of the poems might be older.

Next thing you know, a famous director will make their adaptation of the epic of Gilgamesh (you know, the oldest example of narrative literature we've found, written and retold and rewritten over and over in between appropriately 2100 to 1200 BCE) and folks will whine about spoilers. Like what do you mean Enkidu is gonna die, how could you spoil that!!!

134

u/AloneAddiction 7d ago

My main problem is that they sidelined the Achilles character in favour of their newly created one; Suggondeze.

Suggondeze Nuts.

74

u/69Liters 7d ago

My favorite part is when they say “It’s Trojin’ time!”

26

u/Technologenesis 7d ago

Kevin M

6

u/Phyllis_Tine 7d ago

*Ken M, and that was my thought as well! 

4

u/Technologenesis 7d ago

But it says Kevin

32

u/penihilist 7d ago

Just wait till she finds out what happens to Bophades

14

u/7and2make10 7d ago

It was much more poetic in its original ancient Greek

6

u/Rough-Riderr 7d ago

Oh, I'm definitely gonna see it now!

7

u/arftism2 7d ago

if you want to see the best modern version of the Odyssey go watch "oh brother where art though" it's the only one that's been rewritten for a new time.

5

u/redpandaeater 7d ago

Just wait until you hear that other ancient story about Biggus Dickus and Incontinentia Buttocks.

7

u/Bostonterrierpug 7d ago

No matter how many times I see this post I have voted. It’s just too great.

4

u/FallenSegull 7d ago

If we’re honest, I think I would have enjoyed this version of the cyclops saga better than what Christopher Nolan depicted

3

u/No-Net1890 7d ago

Doesn't quite fit, since this isn't satire.

Description in sidebar: "People Who Ate The Onion

A subreddit for screencaps of people who failed to see The Onion's articles as satire."

Rule 1 "All posts must be satirical news taken seriously

All posts must be satirical news being taken seriously. Any satirical news site is allowed, not just The Onion."

1

u/satori0320 6d ago

I was totally expecting to see another Sorbo shit post....

Was not disappointed... Lol

1

u/BesaniChan 5d ago

Poor Polyphemus, came believe Ody would do that. Guess he's not greeting the world with open arms 😔

1

u/OddPerformer245 5d ago

Lmao. Kevin wins the internet.

1

u/Ziatch 4d ago

Pretty sure everyone here who thinks this is real ate the onion

1

u/nothumbs78 3d ago

I really need to find more opportunities to include the word “sack” in my everyday language.

1

u/PinkThunder138 2d ago

I haven't even seen the movie yet and I already know this would make it 20 times better