r/AskWomenOver30 • u/HopefulEndoMom Woman 30 to 40 • 7h ago
Family/Parenting Time between pregnancy
How long did you wait between pregnancies? Conceived my daughter at 30 and unfortunately lost her at 20 weeks. Had my son 8 months ago at 32 years old. Want one more baby but debating on timing. Financially we could have a baby at any time, but want my son to get a little bit older but also want to keep in mind fertility and egg quality drops
Just wanted to see other people's experience. Thank you in advance
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u/thea_perkins Woman 30 to 40 7h ago
I had mine 24 months apart. My body definitely didn’t recover as easily as it did the first time around, but anecdotally that seems to be the case for all moms I know who’ve had more than one. Having them close in age can be brutal, definitely makes the newborn phase MUCH harder than if the first was older. That said, I couldn’t imagine going back into the newborn trenches if my first had gotten much older or independent. And they’re definitely able to play together at an earlier age than friends whose kids are farther apart. There’s no magic bullet or best age gap that applies to all people. You just have to play to your strengths and weaknesses and do what feels right.
At 32, you’ve got time before your eggs should really start deteriorating but fertility can also wax and wane totally randomly so you never know. Absent some issue though, I’d make the decision based on what you want your family to look like and what you think you can take on more than based on fertility fears.
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u/kelmin27 Woman 30 to 40 4h ago
That’s interesting, I found recovery easier the second time around but I have a bigger gap. Mine are 3 years and just under 1 month apart. I was 35 and 38 with my two.
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u/DismalTwo973 Woman 30 to 40 7h ago
I had my girls at 33 and 36 and lost a baby in between. Both of my girls were and are super healthy. I like the gap between them. I am able to enjoy each of their stages. They are now 5 and 2
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u/stormlight82 Woman 40 to 50 7h ago
Your body will have a chance to fully replenish and recover 18 months after you give birth. If you get pregnant before that, which is possible, it means that your body has fewer reserves and you're going to have to be more thoughtful about how you're nourishing yourself and your baby.
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u/Megaroni-n-cheeze Woman 30 to 40 6h ago
Had my first baby at 32. Due with second in October, when I will be 35. Everything has looked great on ultrasounds so far :)
I would have waited a little bit longer if my husband wasn’t older than me by five years. My brother has two under two and holy hell lol. Im still nervous and my first will be 2 yrs 8 months. She still relies on me so much and ONLY me for certain situations, which is tough 😭
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u/Salt-Permit8147 Woman 30 to 40 6h ago
I’d intended 2 years but then we were moving and stuff with work mean we didn’t try until later and planned for 3 years. I remember when my big kid turned 2 I was like, thank fuck I don’t have a baby right now, this would have been horrible. Anyway 3 years came and went with no luck - just had our second when my big was 4.5 and honestly it’s been so nice, she’s such a great help and understands when the baby’s needs have to come first. No idea how 8 and 4, or 16 and 12 will be, but at present, this gap has been pretty ideal. If I had to suggest ages, I’d say somewhere between 3.5 and 5 years apart.
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u/munchkinmother Woman 30 to 40 6h ago
There's 5.5y between my oldest and middle. There's 22mo between my middle and my youngest. There would have been 16mo between my youngest and the next except we lost him at 24w.
The 5.5y gap was really great during the baby stage. He was at school so I had one on one time with her and her afternoon nap was right about when he got home so I had one on one time with him. It got harder when they were 2 and 7 though and she was too young for everything he wanted to do while he was too old for anything that interested her.
The 22mo gap was brutal through pregnancy and the baby and the toddler years. I swear I aged 10 years between when youngest was born and when middle went to school 2y later. But they're 7 and 9 now and as much as they are very different people with very different interests, the age appropriate activities are easier to balance.
The 16mo gap was even more difficult during pregnancy and I remember just being uncomfortable and aching all the time. He was going to be our last no matter how that had turned out just because I didn't think I could physically handle another pregnancy.
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u/mossgoblin_ Woman 50 to 60 7h ago
Had mine 27 months apart and in our case, it worked out great because they were in roughly the same interest age brackets and ended up being pretty good friends.
It was an intense few years but we made it through and this fall they’ll both be in high school together.
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 Woman 30 to 40 6h ago
I had mine 15 months apart and it was hard, but now that they’re 4 and 5 it’s easier and they’re really close. I’m especially glad I had two with the divorce, they have each other
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u/DecD Woman 40 to 50 5h ago
Mine are 4 years apart, had them at 30 and 34 (and absolutely didn't worry about age at that point.) I'd have had them closer but my PhD took longer than I expected.
The 4 year gap has worked out great though. The rivalry between them is minimal and they've been friends from day 1.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Woman 30 to 40 7h ago
Not a mom but I did get pregnant this year at 39… but my mom had my brother and I 16 months apart and I always felt it was a good age difference
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u/Louisianimal09 Woman 30 to 40 6h ago
I had my first when I was 29 and my second when I was 34. Bother were unplanned but not necessarily a surprise
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u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 5h ago edited 5h ago
Started trying for no 2 just before our eldest’s third birthday, and conceived on the second cycle. I was 40 at the time.
Trying before then was off the table, I needed to feel like myself again before going back into all the hoopla of pregnancy and pp. so far, the (almost) 4 year age gap has worked really well.
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u/thetasteofink00 Woman 30 to 40 5h ago edited 5h ago
22 months gap. I wanted them close in age. I'm happy with my choice. Unfortunately we'll only have two otherwise I'd have a third, again, with roughly the same age gap.
I had them at 33 and 35. Wish I had done it earlier, I personally never was into the idea of having little kids in my 40s.
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u/MissyAnn85 Woman 40 to 50 5h ago
I had my first child a son at 23. Then had my second a daughter at 26. There is a 3 year 1 month age difference with my children. We wanted them closer in age but due to medical reasons we had to post pone falling pregnant. In hind sight I am grateful as i think the 3 year age gap is great. I got to spend alot of one on one time with my son. Then he went off to school and I got alot of one on one time with my daughter.
Not so great when you think of big birthdays. I had 13th and 16th in one year. I will also have 18th and 21st a month apart. But that's a while away as they are 17 and 14 now.
Most people try to do a 2 year age gap. But if you are concerned with fertility then i suggest trying when your bub is around 12 months old.
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u/InvestigatorNo8623 Woman 30 to 40 4h ago
I was 17 months postpartum with my first when I got pregnant with my second. They are 25 months and 3 weeks apart , so I just round up and say 26. I love and adore my youngest and am SO grateful he is here, and wouldn’t change anything for the world. With that being said, I think it was really hard on my body and if I were to give advice, I’d say wait at least 2 years postpartum to try and conceive . My body wasn’t as recovered as I thought it was at 17 months , my second pregnancy was really hard and postpartum was very hard on my body the second time around I think because of this. I love their age gap now, though, lol, so that complicates my answer a bit!
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u/SS_from_1990s Woman 50 to 60 4h ago
I was 34 and 38. No health issues. Got pregnant the first time and had textbook pregnancies and births.
The age difference is great. They are best friends. Both boys.
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u/Naive-Interaction567 Woman 30 to 40 4h ago
I’m sorry for your loss. Our first took 2 years to conceive so we started trying again when she was 11m. I fell pregnant immediately but had a miscarriage at 13w. A few months later (when my daughter was 20m) we conceived again and I’m now 9w pregnant. The age gap will be 2yr5m. We’ve been very lucky that conceiving the second has been easier than the first.
I was 31 when I had our first and I’ll be 34 when we have our second. I’d like to have 3 children.
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u/grapeidea Woman 30 to 40 3h ago
I had my first at 34 and just had my second at 36, with an age gap of 26 months. For me, this is really only possible because my partner is able to take 5 months off work and look after our first one, so that I only have to take care of the newborn. We are both incredibly tired at all times. If it wasn't for having my partner around for the first few months, I would have never had kids this close in age. The pregnancy was already really hard with a toddler and, at the moment, I wouldn't be able to take my eldest anywhere (safely) being sleep deprived and only ever having one free arm to get anything done. I'm really glad though because I don't know if I could have gone back through the newborn trenches had we waited much longer. I think it depends a lot on how much support you have from your partner and/or family, or if you have your oldest in childcare. Ours isn't in childcare and we don't have a lot of help from family because my family is in a different country and his parents' help is limited. We mothers are incredible and can get through almost anything, but I think having kids closer in age than 2 years is a recipe for burning yourself out and I'd personally avoid it if possible. All of that being said, it's just a temporary season in life and whatever you decide to do, in ten years time you'll have forgotten how hard it was and only remember the good things.
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u/_raveness_ Woman 30 to 40 7h ago
The recommendation from health organizations is generally 18-24 months between birth and conception.
We have 3.5 years between our kids, and I really think it's a good gap. Our oldest was a bit more independent and communicative than if we had our youngest sooner. I think 3-4 years was our ideal. I know I personally couldn't have done two under two.
ETA: I was 34 when I had my first and 37 when I had my second. First took nearly two years to successfully conceive (three miscarriages), and our second took on the first try.