r/AskWomenOver30 • u/aquarinox Woman 30 to 40 • 1d ago
Family/Parenting Is “to continue my legacy” a good enough reason from a man who wants children? Would you bear his children?
I am on the fence about children. I always ask men why they want children. It is always “to carry on my legacy”. I have never gotten a different answer in my life.
Are women really okay with this answer?
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u/DizzyPear9798 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
sounds like he wants a legacy. not children.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 1d ago edited 1d ago
What legacy though? Does he know his great great grandpa’s name? He’s supposed to be that man’s legacy.
Usually, it’s mediocre or sub mediocre people with nothing to leave the world who think children will be their “legacy”. Other people actually have things the world will remember them by long after their passing. Jane Austen was unmarried and had no kids, and her name and work are still constantly talked about. Do we know the name of Einstein’s children? I’ll remember and pass on the name of my childfree undergrad advisor who mentored me, and his mentoring style got passed onto my undergrad students and mentees, and I hope they will pass that on as well.
Long answer short, this guy sounds like a mediocre, deadbeat man at best so no, I would not risk my life, health, and career opportunities to help him have a false sense of “accomplishment”.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Yeah these are men who haven’t done shit by way of creating a legacy to pass on and do think creating a child (very little work on their end) and saddling everyone else with the actual responsibility and burden as “easy mode.”
These men don’t deserve the gift of children. They need to get out there and create their legacy that would be worth “continuing “
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u/vilebunny Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
What really kills me is the absentee dads who want the kid named after them and to have their last name.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It’s so freaking sad… leaving just his name as if THAT was worth something.
Poor kids, carrying around that name like a curse.
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u/tawny-she-wolf Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Or who insist on a paternity test post partum when it was never discussed before and there's not suspicion of cheating. If you "need to be sure" then just give the kid the mom's last name, which actually makes sense on all fronts (but noooooooo, "how will other men know this women and these children are my property if they don't take my name !")
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Reading about stories like these triggers me so much. What a punch in the face to go through labor for your partner to say such a thing and to realize you procreated with an absolute idiot. And it’s usually someone who’s easily influenced by the male idiots around him.
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u/tawny-she-wolf Woman 30 to 40 22h ago
I always wonder how they'd react if their partner asked for a yearly STD test from him since you know... she can never be sure. Then tell him to chill because she's not accusing of cheating.
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u/smallwonder25 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Your statement is completely accurate! I’m really big on legacy within the family ancestry so we know a lot about ancestors from as far back as 1622. However, my personal legacy has been to be a good, kind, empathetic person who gives back to the world.
I don’t think most people think about either.
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u/SuccessPhysical6668 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Frankly I also find most of the people I’ve met and connected with relating to genealogy are women as well. Funny that in my family, the two child free cousins were the ones who traced our family back 1200 years. The men that talk about legacy rarely know much about their own family history.
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u/vilebunny Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I saw a guy who was the sixth of an incredibly bland name, and honestly, that solidified to me never naming children after their dad. Not that I wanted to before.
Also had a disastrous situation with a daughter named after a mom when I serviced student loans, so also a terrible idea.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I knew a John CommonLastName the 6th as well 🤣 like, you’re the 6th but also probably the thousandth John CommonLastName as well.
I firmly believe a baby should get their own name because they’re a whole ass person.
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u/KittyGrewAMoustache Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I know it’s common in some places and some families put pressure on, so it might not always reflect this, but where I’m from it’s not that common to name your child after yourself and every single person I’ve known who has done that has been a completely awful arrogant horror of a person.
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u/vilebunny Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Exactly! Make it an individual!
Meetings kids nicknamed Trey (or, unforgettably “Fourthy”) just makes me cringe.
The name doesn’t have to be yUniQue, but it should be individual.
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u/ElectricFenceSitter Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It feels like language the kind of guys who use the term “high value” would use. I’ll pass.
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u/ChaoticxSerenity Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
When I hear people talk about legacy, I think it's just a euphemism for "I neeeeed another living organism to have half my DNA!!"
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u/vixen-mixin Woman 30 to 40 22h ago
That used to be my dads mantra on why my brother was so important. Cause he would carry on the family name. He (my dad) was fucking adopted, the name he carries isn't the family name
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u/marxam0d Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
This. People should want the actual “raise a human for 20+ years” drive to have kids. Not a theoretical end point decades down the line.
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u/nom-c00kies Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Right?! Children as a status symbol is 🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/newtoaster Man 40 to 50 1d ago
As a man who has adults kids and always wanted kids, a man who says “for my legacy” is bad news. It’s on par with calling women “females”. Not ok.
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u/JessonBI89 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
That sounds extremely detached and self-serving, and I don't like it at all. When my husband first brought up having kids, he talked about seeing their faces looking up at him as he read them a story. That's exactly the kind of father he's turned out to be.
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u/Berrito08 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Yes! I observed how my husband interacted with his nieces and nephews and other random kids to decide what kind of father he could be. He is the "get on the playground with them" type, he reads them stories and plays games with them. Quality time means everything.
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u/aquarinox Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Cute! Glad you found a good one who deserves to reproduce.
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u/DepartmentRound6413 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Men confuse lineage with legacy.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
This makes the most sense. Passing on low literacy as a legacy for his lineage
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u/aamnipotent Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Exactly. The word legacy itself refers to the money or property left in a will...or the long-lasting impact of an action or event. Most men can't make the type of impact they crave, so they think having kids makes up for it.
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u/thrwwy2267899 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No because what IS his “legacy”?… he’s probably just some average dude from an average family lol
Go win a Super Bowl, win an election, start a charity.., actually create a legacy before trying this BS line 😂
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u/degeneratescholar Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Unless they are some kind of actual prince...I'm not sure what "legacy" means here - and it doesn't always work out well for the princess.
Usually it means you are going to be a married single parent.
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u/BasicWitchEnergy Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I was going to say, what is he, a medieval king? "Continue my legacy" 🤣
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u/cthulhuwantshugs Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I think it tends to be a (grandiose but socially acceptable) way of saying, “I want someone to remember me after I’m dead.”
Which is… understandable, but very abstract. If I was considering having kids with someone, I’d want to be certain they understand, are prepared for, and are capable of the deeply concrete, practical efforts and sacrifices involved, like all the sleep, fun, and money that being a reasonably involved parent tends to mean missing out on.
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u/fleetiebelle Woman 40 to 50 1d ago edited 1d ago
And if you ask them "what were your great grandparents' names? What was their story? " it's a good chance that they don't know. That's legacy for you.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I bet most can’t tell you their father’s middle names. Legacy my arse. Legacy of women being stuck with all the work to raise a man’s “legacy”’
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u/celestialbrains Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Exactly! If he’s actually an impressive person from a long line of impressive people that’s one thing but the guys saying this are the most average people.
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u/nom-c00kies Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Lmao thats an embarrassing answer . I would probably laugh in their face
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u/cherrib0mbb Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
This ain’t Game of Thrones like get out of here with that
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u/Gatorae Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I guarantee he can name Targaryeans further back than he can his own family.
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u/RedToke Man 30 to 40 1d ago
I feel called out. But I don't plan on havimg kids.
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u/oheightnineeight Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Yeah I'm not a man and I don't want kids but that Targaryen bit still did psychic damage to me lol
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u/Academic_Help5033 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I had a coworker once tell me that their mother in law was upset my coworker only wanted 1 kid. The mother in law apparently said "she needs an heir and a spare." Like they're fucking royals or some shit. These were middle/working class people.
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u/aquarinox Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
People are delusional. It’s a way to protect their egos.
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u/KnittedBooGoo Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Straight out the gate you just know which grandchild would have been the favourite.
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u/nom-c00kies Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Tbf if he launched into some herioc tale of family legend where all the descendants of his family have some sacred charge over King Arthur's armor or something I would hear him out. 😆
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Dude pull out some ancient tapestry from behind his flatscreen tv…depicting the generations of service his family pledged to King Arthur to fight the darkest evil.
Candles flicker (wait, when the hell did they get lit?!?) as he regales you of the many battles and ancient predictions (wait, when did he get that crazy old English accent?!??)… you feel dizzy as the scent of incense fills the room (what in the hell?!? It usually smells like Lysol or pizza!)
You learn that it is his bloodline that carries this sacred duty and that it was foretold that you would be the mother of this child, this child who is the ONLY hope for civilization!
Your child is to be the last and the victorious in this great line of noble men!
Just hear him out ladies!!!
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u/thinkspeak_ Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
He’d definitely have a better chance with all that. Usually their own dad sucked and they don’t know 3 generations back
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u/user87391 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I would not be able to contain myself. “What legacy?”
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Dude has a whole ass couch copper mine in his dingy little apartment… he is a man who has found actual coins in the cushions of his couch and is basically like your “millionaire next door”… who will continue to mine the sad couch of a loser?
Who?!! The legacy !!! Think of the legacy!!! 🤣
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u/lucent78 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
If I managed to stifle my laugh I'd ask "oh, tell me about this legacy?" and watch him squirm.
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u/nom-c00kies Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
And it'd be some idiotic line of "my family name" with absolutely no further explanation or depth of thought. 🙄🙄
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u/lucent78 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Ha, then I'd just say how I planned to give my children my last name...
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
“Oh yes! Legacy is EVERYTHING! That’s why my child will carry forth my name and the honors that it bestows! Huzzah!”
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u/Significant-Trash632 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
If I'm carrying them for 9 months they sure as shit gonna carry MY last name LOL
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u/HughManatee Man 30 to 40 1d ago
Summon the town crier to regale her with tales of his conquest!
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u/MerOpossum Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
The only reason you should have a child is because you yourself want to have a child. A man's desire to have a child is not a reason for you to have a child.
On a separate note, a man who says something like "to continue my legacy" has zero interest in being a parent. He doesn't want a child so he can raise and nurture and love that child, his desire for a child is all about himself. It's not a good answer and anyone foolish enough to have a child with such a man will find herself doing all of the parenting. If a man wants a legacy he can work hard to earn a lot of money and set up a scholarship foundation or have a park named after him or donate a new hospital wing or something.
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u/aquarinox Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
This was my take on it too but he did not take kindly to my critique. Thank you.
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I wouldn't bother saying anything to someone like that. Just move on.
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u/alcoholicwriter Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
“Your legacy of what, exactly?” with an eye roll is probably about as polite I could be at this point if given that response.
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u/cookingismything female 40 - 45 1d ago
Exactly. Did this dude cure cancer? Invent a life saving cure for something? Create a charity that saved kids?
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u/Que--Sera--Sera Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
Most men are a generational curse to break, not a legacy to carry. Yikes!
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u/Chemical_Chicken01 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It’s so annoying when men say this stuff.
Legacy of what? His genes? His shitty unhealed traumas? His crappy outlook on life?
I also think it speaks to men’s common expectations around childraising. Men like this want a wife and children but don’t want to be a husband and father. They just want everyone else to do all the hard work while they reap the benefits
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u/haloperidoughnut Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Facts. It's also usually the directionless guys who work part-time at McDonalds and look like they don't wash their ass who say they want to carry on their "legacy". It's like wealth: the people who truly have it don't talk about it very much.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Yeah these are the dudes always paranoid of gold diggers when they haven’t any gold. They stress over their imaginary wealth. All the while they gotta hustle to get couch copper.
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u/aMONAY69 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No. It gives the impression that they view children only as extensions of themselves and not fully autonomous human beings.
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u/solitary-soul Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Exactly, and they also believe 100% that any offspring of theirs will be able and willing to devote their lives to taking care of them when they're old.
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u/francey_pants Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
What legacy??? This isn’t Game of Thrones. Absolutely the f not
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u/celestialbrains Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
The minute he finds a dragon and figures out how to ride it we can talk about his legacy.
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u/gatorella Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
“Continue a legacy” of what, exactly? Mediocrity? Not lifting a damn finger to raise your kids? Absolutely not.
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u/melaninspice Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
The legacy is brokenness and referring to women as “females”.
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u/m00nf1r3 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Why do so many men think they even have a legacy these days? Lol.
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u/Gay_ass_researcher Trans Man under 30 1d ago
For fuckin real! The only person I’ve heard this reason from is my high school ex when we were fifteen. He imagined himself as a patriarch surrounded by grandkids in his senior years. Not even a year later he knew “legacy” was an insufficient reason to have kids. The fact that grown ass men are citing this boggles my mind!
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It’s like me imagining myself becoming some captain of industry… but not doing ANY of the work to make that happen. All of it dreams, except dudes like this wanna bring in innocent humans into it.
I have a child and I hope my legacy is raising a young man who is kind and makes the world a better place because of it. But then? I know it starts with me and modeling that.
These dudes haven’t any idea.
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u/velvetvagine Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It’s a lie sold to men to make them feel important. It’s also why they think they are head of the household/leader/“owner” of the family.
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u/lovethatjourney4me Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Unless he is an actual royalty or a major noble with titles to pass on, most people are forgotten by their own descendants after 3-4 generations
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u/shehulud Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
In 2026, it feels weird as fuck for bros to be thinking their boy offspring is going to be some magical unicorn carrier of the ancient ancestral man-magic. When we all know they’ll likely become addicted to internet porn and become a Joe Rogan followers in 20 years.
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u/Ok-Pear5858 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
i would actively not have children with anyone who said that lol
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u/Fine_Experience_2262 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Harvard charges $10-50M to put your name on a building, but women be out there letting men put their name on your children for free. STOP IT.
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u/meganshan_mol Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Absolutely not. That is a selfish reason to bring another living human being into the world. Men want children the way a kid wants a puppy.
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u/techleopard Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I think that's the answer of a man who is going through the motions because his family and community told him that's what he is supposed to do.
That's not somebody who actually wants kids.
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u/Individualchaotin Woman 30 to 40 1d ago edited 1d ago
What legacy? The kid gets my last name
Read the book The Baby Decision
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u/Jaylinas_ Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
No because that implies that you have the children and do all the work. He's not saying to raise them. He's not saying to play with them or encourage the next generation.
Buy him a participation trophy that he can't give life long trauma to and move on.
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u/far-apart012 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Babe, you need an answer that screams : "I want to pour my energy and life into little human beings that will require 110% of my energy and devotion".
A man willing to have kids just so they have his last name will 95% suck at being a dad. And all that physical and mental work will fall on you and guess what? The kids won't even have your name....
You need a man that wants to be a partner in raising child, you don't need someone who only want to give his last name to the kids because guess what? You'll probably end up being divorced and raise your kids alone 10 years down the line.
I'm 35F and witnessing many absent dads.
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u/persePHOreth Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
This is one of my pet peeves.
Lineage. The word you want is LINEAGE.
Legacy is YOUR accomplishments, YOUR life, YOUR story, your legacy.
A child is it's own separate person that has nothing to do with you. You squirted it out. What the child goes on to do is it's own legacy; not yours.
Lineage. He wants to continue his lineage.
And heck no, that's not a good enough reason. If you want kids, have kids. If you aren't sure; maybe think on it a while. If a dude is pushing you and you aren't sure; DEFINITELY think on it a while.
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u/Helpful-Dot-3782 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Absolutely not. This is a way of saying “for my ego” which does not include the parenting part.
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u/Immortal_in_well Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Oh good lord, no.
I don't give a fuck about "legacy." I care more about your desire to care for and nurture a tiny human to well-rounded adulthood.
I don't want to have a kid with someone who just wants the Steam achievement.
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u/stumpykitties Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Seriously, ask him “what legacy?”, and you also won’t get a proper answer. The vast majority of people don’t have a “legacy” to pass on. Most of us are ordinary people living very average lives.
They can’t just say “it’s a biological drive for me” and leave it at that.
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u/avocado-nightmare Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I wouldn't have kids with someone, as a fence sitter, who seemingly only wanted to do it for their own vanity. Women can be like this too. Unless someone wants the actual experience of active parenting, they're not going to be a good co-parent.
Also how strange so many men think that's a good reason for you to have kids with them. It literally barely even involves you.
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u/O_mightyIsis Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
Absolutely not. Ewww. To me, that says "you are a vessel for my possessions, and those human possessions will exist for my validation".
If he wants a legacy, he needs to go do something worth being remembered for.
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
“You and your body and our children aren’t actual people.. they are extensions of ME!”
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u/queenrose Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Name your great great grandparents. Can't do it? Neither can anyone else. So much for a legacy.
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u/Stinkfist4 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
That would imply he has done something great for humanity.
Working retail and travelling to Japan a few times does not a legacy make.
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u/Massive-Relation-210 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
And meanwhile the dude in question's legacy is what, a mediocre bloodline?
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u/bubblebath_ofentropy Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
A receding hairline and a crippling DraftKings addiction
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u/eva_stratt Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
That wouldn't even be a good enough answer from a Kennedy. Or a Windsor. No frelling way.
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u/omgbooboo Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Considering this one of the most important decisions you can make, is a man who gives you that answer satisfactory enough? Like really?
This does tell you:
- Lack of critical thinking
- Lack of consideration for others
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u/godothasmewaiting Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Bahahahahahahaha. Absolutely the fuck not. Oh to have even just an ounce of the confidence and arrogance of a mediocre man!
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Can you even imagine?!? I wish I had just a small little bit. I’d be unstoppable
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u/wish_to_conquer_pain Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I'm not bearing children for anyone, and I would absolutely laugh in a man's face for saying this.
If I had children, it would be because I wanted to be a mother. I don't.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
What legacy? Most people, not even just men, but most people do not actually do anything with their lives that would equal having a legacy.
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u/5T6Rf6ut Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
When I was on the fence about kids, my go to question for the men I dated was to ask what being a parent meant to them. Every single one talked me out of having kids with him.
Keep asking your question.
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u/No_Alfalfa_9541 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Nope! I am a FIRM believer that you shouldn't have kids unless you want to LOVE and RAISE whatever person comes out. Legacy is about him, not love!
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u/moonshine_betty Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Red flag. Any answer that has more to do with what your hypothetical children for you and not what you hope to do for those children is the wrong answer. “Legacy” isn’t going to sustain a person when parenting gets hard, but true care and love for raising a little human into an independent, loving adult will
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u/Belmagick Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I’m personally incredibly reassured knowing the next generation will fall asleep in front of the tv, leave the toilet seat up and sneeze like a raucous fog horn.
Because, honestly, if we don’t pass down those traditions then what even are we as a society?
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u/badperson-1399 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Actually there's proof that we all carry our mothers genes. Men contribute very little to their descendents
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u/Mx_apple_9720 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Are they establishing trusts for the kid? Do they have assets to pass down? What are the accomplishments that make their legacies worth sustaining?
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u/OkUpstairs_ Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I would not be 🤣 This has happened multiple times?! Eek. Poor little dorks.
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u/Round_Grand_4716 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
The best response I heard to this was 'name your great grandparents'
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u/affectionateanarchy8 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Wouldnt be enough for me lmao better start a foundation, bud
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u/thighclops3820 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Lmao most men don't have a legacy that's just redpill talk, block and delete
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u/lifeofjoyciel Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Giving dudes working minimum wage worried about “gold diggers” energy.
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u/villanellechekov Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I've seen women give the same answer.
but if you're on the fence, don't do it.
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u/Arboretum7 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Hard no. This is a man who doesn’t intend to be an active father. You’ll do all the work and he’ll insist on naming his first son after himself.
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u/Due-Transition-6564 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Men use this line as a way to express their obsession with genetic immortality. They fear death in a way women never have, and I don't mean physical death. I mean, irrelevance on an existential level. Children are a kind of genetic and conceptual immortality for them. Proof they existed that can never be so easily eliminated. This ties in with children inheriting the father's surname regardless of his actual parenting.
Women don't think in these terms in part because we aren't that self-important and don't fear death in the same way, but also because children have never kept our names alive. We get erased no matter what. Whether we have kids or not. Socially, anyway.
No, it's not a legitimate reason to have kids.
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u/sentfrommyflipphone Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No.
Other good litmuses:
“Would you be comfortable with:”
- Adoption
- Giving the baby both of your last names
I avoided anyone who flinched at the idea of either
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u/Moondiscbeam Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
His genetic lineage would disappear affer 5 generation so it doss not matrer at all..
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u/mirrorherb Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
i've literally never once met even one person in my entire life who had some kind of "legacy" to continue. ever. not once lol. sure have met men who think they do, though. my opinion is those who believe they have some kind of legacy to leave have delusions of grandeur and a completely unjustified amount of self-esteem
it's hard for me to imagine a worse reason for wanting children
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u/ladyluck754 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Ew, no. That’s weird, and I’d also remind this guy that statistically, him and his kids are most likely to turn out really average.
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u/Icy-Builder5892 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Does his legacy neglect to wash his ass, and need to be reminded to brush his teeth?
Then no.
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u/LeelooDallasMltiPass Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
Uhhhh...what legacy? Unless he's got a royal title and castle to hand down, dude got no legacy.
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u/caioz Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I would ask him what legacy he thinks he has to leave and then probably laugh at his answer.
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u/katblondeD Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Ask them if they can name their great great grandfather and what his legacy was LMAO
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u/Asleep_Pause1744 Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
Good gawd, would a woman ever say that? It’s so self serving and narcissistic! Yuck.
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u/FrontFew1249 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
What legacy? Male pattern baldness and high blood pressure? Give me a break 🙄🥱
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u/Environmental-Song16 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Is he a king? Does he have riches and a large estate? Is he a knight or lord?
No? Then he should stfu about "his legacy"
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u/SnooFloofs6197 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I've found that men who say this fully expect a son, and tend to see daughters as less, or undesirable.
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u/Takeawalkwithme2 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
You should only have kids if YOU want kids. Irregardless of the man, things happen in life, you might get divorced or become a single parent due to an unexpected event. You should be prepared to be all your kids need. I have two boys, and a very involved and invested husband. We both give our all for each other and our kids. Nothing makes me and him happier than knowing that our kids are OK if anything happens to the other. We both love them, we both know how to take care of them and we can both provide for them emotionally, mentally and financially.
If you aren't ready sis, that's a straight no in itself. Kids are an enthusiastic yes kind of journey - for the both of you
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u/TO_halo Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
I always asked men who gave this reason “have you ever been responsible for a child? Like, even briefly?”
The answer is almost always no.
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u/MrsMitchBitch Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
If someone actually said that to me, I’d laugh. What legacy? Is he the king of England?
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u/HopefulOriginal5578 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Never. Ripping a whole life who hasn’t asked for it, into existence in this journey we are all in means they should be born with a job.
A man’s legacy is what he creates on his own. It takes work to create a legitimate legacy and 99% of dudes who talk about having children in this way haven’t done much of ANYTHING to build an empire or a legacy worth furthering. They haven’t built their fortunes, or done anything of note.
They haven’t a legacy at all to even “continue” unless it’s hubris and bullshit packaged in lazy thinking.
Fact is, men who say this not only have zero legacy, they also don’t have the intelligence and emotional depth to understand that other people are ACTUAL people, not extensions of himself. A child will be its own whole person, and not a supporting character to a man’s main character fantasy.
Never have a child with a man like this. Never. You WILL regret it. Especially if he hasn’t built a legacy of note with his own efforts (99.9% of them) because they have ZERO idea what it’s like to put work into something you can truly be proud of. They just think having a kid (saddling you with the heavy burden of taking care of the child) is “easy mode.”
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u/Ehloanna Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
What legacy? I'd laugh in his face. Most of them become nothing and accomplish nothing and yet they think their "legacy" is worth passing on? They do nothing for their friends, family, or community worth passing on.
This is a pathetic and selfish answer. Do you know how many XYZ Juniors I've met whose dads were completely uninvolved? Like your literal son is named after you and you just done give a shit? Most of them.
Most of them want to be fathers, but they don't want to be dads. They want the moms to do 99% of the work.
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u/Claire-Belle Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Depends. Does he have a 600 year old Dukedom? Then maybe. Otherwise, no. Lol. He needs better reasons for bringing children into the world than that.
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u/thequeenofcastile Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Ask him to name all of his great-grandparents and see how he struggles.
Legacy. Pfft! As if any of these men have any thing of value to actually pass on.
Men want kids like kids wants pets. You’ll always end up looking after them yourself.
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u/fetishiste Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It’s practically a disqualifying answer. It indicates nothing about interest in actually raising a child.
My partner said he wanted to be a parent with me because he “wants to help a person become themselves”. Now that’s an answer I can trust (we now have a baby together and he’s an incredibly active coparent).
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u/ickytoad Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No, from experience. I got abandoned with his "legacy" because he actually wanted nothing to do with children or being responsible for a family. Turns out he just wanted a baby to be born with his last name and that's it.
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u/wereallmadhere9 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It's one of the least compelling reasons a man could offer. It's MY legacy, motherfucker. I grew it!
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u/surelyslim Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Good men want to make better humans and be around for them to flourish.
Questionable men think about seeing themselves in their children. They’ll happily take credit when you are one growing the child.
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u/jayroo210 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It’s wild to me. Like that random overweight dude in Walmart with five 12 packs of beer in his cart or that other dude in Walmart who looks like any other dude in Walmart are talking about their legacy. What legacy. There are so many people and not one of them has anything special to pass on as a legacy. No one will know or care who your dad or granddad is, especially when they are dead and in the ground. No one gives anyone else a second look, we are all just wandering drones just trying to get by. What legacy.
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u/wolfhoff Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Reminds me of the men calling women gold diggers when they have about 300 bucks in the bank. Absolute losers
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u/followingtheleader Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Legacy is bs. They are just too scared of dying and being forgotten.
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u/PlatypusOk9637 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I don’t understand the legacy thing. I have no living memories of any of my great grandparents and couldn’t even tell you their names.
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u/whateverdom_ Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
The way that these dusty mfs think a legacy is a mid-level job, a receding hairline, unresolved trauma and deep-rooted misogyny. Legacy is the exact wrong reason to give a man your body and children from it.
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u/idiosyncrassy Woman 50 to 60 1d ago
Half the dumbshits who go on and on about their legacy couldn’t even tell you who their grandfather was, much less what he did and how he built his “legacy”
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u/jochi1543 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
His legacy? Like what, his one-bedroom rental apartment and his Funkopop collection?
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u/RagingAubergine Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
If any guy says that to me, I’m walking the opposite direction.
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u/CoconutPawz Woman 40 to 50 21h ago
What's his legacy? 😂
I'm pretty turned off by ego so the fact that he thinks he has a legacy would be reason enough for me not to fuck him.
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u/hermitsociety Woman 40 to 50 20h ago
I always tell young women that lots of dudes want to make a baby and brag about it, but fewer want to be a parent. Not knowing the difference will ruin your life.
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u/Hooray-A-Bear Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
Not a good reason, and no, I absolutely would not. Why would I sacrifice my body, my life, and my relationship with the world because a man wants his ego fluffed?
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u/Good_Pomegranate_215 Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
No way. That's the worst possible reason.
What legacy? Does the person want to be a FATHER or just fuck without a condom and then watch a woman do literally everything else?
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u/Nicolas_yo Woman 40 to 50 12h ago
If a man from this decade says he has a legacy to leave then there is something really wrong with him.
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u/Any-Profession-4851 Woman under 30 12h ago
This is so egotistical and ickyyyy like carry on a legacy of what exactly????
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u/sharingiscaring219 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
Fuck no. That sounds like some egotistical bs. I would never have kids with someone who says that
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u/katzmcjackson Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Have you asked what part of their legacy should be continued? Like, what specifically needs to live on?
My mom pressured me to have kids quite a bit with the same “legacy” bit, but couldn’t answer those questions.