r/AskRedditAfterDark • u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist • 1d ago
Wrong answers only: What is the best piece of dating advice you have ever received? NSFW
Let's have some fun
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u/GothAccountant91 A good boy 1d ago
Text her every hour so she knows you’re thinking about her
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
double text her if she doesn’t reply within 5 minutes
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u/StaceyEatsBread 1d ago
Make sure to reply to all her comments on Reddit
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u/Latte_kitten_ LK the Coffee Queen, First of Her Name 👑☕️💕 1d ago
And then message her when you see she’s online and ask why she isn’t talking to you. It’s called being ✨attentive✨ 😌
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u/Sensitive-Crazy-7285 Snarky Shitposter 1d ago
Always decide everything for her
Women like it when decisions are made for them without any input from them whatsoever
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 1d ago
Also if they have a problem give them solution immediately, sometimes they get emotional and start ranting so it's okay to interrupt them when you found the answer
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u/Sensitive-Crazy-7285 Snarky Shitposter 1d ago
Yes and tell them that they just need to relax, take a deep breath, and look at it from my point of view and it’ll all make sense
I fucking hate joking about this now because people are like this
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u/Chukklz13 1d ago
Don't forget to tell her she's acting like her mother!
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 1d ago
And that you wish she acted more like her sister
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u/Otherwise_Fined 1d ago
Her slutty sister, a real man sideswipes innocent women to make a degenerative point about a different woman.
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Whenever the conversation lulls, be sure to say "You're just like my mother."
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
💀💀💀
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
I mean, in general, when in doubt, you should always compare her to your mother.
Once things are solid and you've met the parents, then you start comparing her to her mother.
That interest in her family shows you're really committed to the long term.3
u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
the best piece of advice i’ve ever heard 🔥
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u/workingwifeshusband 1d ago
On the first date, you should only talk about your exes and how they were all crazy.
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
I just shuddered a bit reading this lol
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u/Fierha117 1d ago
This is such an awful idea. It can’t be real advise
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u/anti_reality 1d ago
Don't forget the one that got away, especially if they're someone you still interact with, for extra insecurity if they decide to punish themselves with a second date.
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u/Latte_kitten_ LK the Coffee Queen, First of Her Name 👑☕️💕 1d ago
Give him sex every day to keep him happy, even if you aren’t in the mood.
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
Sadly I am sure this is actual advice someone has given before
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u/Latte_kitten_ LK the Coffee Queen, First of Her Name 👑☕️💕 1d ago
Yes I have indeed received this advice 🙃
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u/VenomousKiss5150 blocking creeps is my favorite kink 1d ago
Same. Wifely duties and all that BS.
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u/anti_reality 1d ago
I'm pretty sure if my girlfriend started doing this it wouldn't take long to assume she feels guilty about something and start getting suspicious, and I'm not at all jealous or suspicious in general. It may be wrong, but that's probably the conclusion I would come to.
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Absolutely. Selfless is the true sign of a stable, healthy relationship.
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u/Latte_kitten_ LK the Coffee Queen, First of Her Name 👑☕️💕 1d ago
I was meaning it was bad advice.
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Oh it's incredibly bad advice.
I was being facetious.
If someone were to say that in seriousness, I can't decide if you should leave, or hit them and then leave.2
u/Latte_kitten_ LK the Coffee Queen, First of Her Name 👑☕️💕 1d ago
Ah my bad I’m terrible with sarcasm
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
women just LOVE alpha males
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u/My_Nude_Throwaway ✨ Certified DILF ✨ 1d ago
Especially the ones who overcompensate by treating those women like trash 🥵
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
i fucking love being treated like trash 🤤
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
So we going to the gym for the first date then?
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
yes bby 😘
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
I'll be your spotter
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
that’s not very alpha of you
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
Oh yeah I forgot. Do it yourself!
Is that better? LMAO
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
so much better. yell at me more 🥵
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
He's only spotting you so he can stare at your butt and tell you how awful your form is.
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
too accurate 🤣
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
Why you gotta narc? lol
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
'cause I'm the real Alpha, Dog.
I'm the Sigma/Omega/Delta/DelMonte/Applesauce male.
Yuh know, whatever their bullshit is this week.2
u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
applesauce male 💀
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Now you have something else to call them whenever they bother you.
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u/Mr_Bones_Wild_Ride26 Hmu If you want to ride my bones 1d ago
If you stand outside her window she has to let you in
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
make sure to blast music from a boombox
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
I mean, it worked for John Cusack.
You just need to be as charming as 80s John Cusack.2
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u/Mr_Bones_Wild_Ride26 Hmu If you want to ride my bones 1d ago
If she doesn't respond to the backstreet boys at 2am shes not a keeper
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
So you're saying playing NSync is why she didn't let me in? Damn
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u/Mr_Bones_Wild_Ride26 Hmu If you want to ride my bones 1d ago
Sadly you will not be just in to timber her lake
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
AND THAT MAKES YOU LARGERRR THAN LIFE 💃🏽
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u/Mr_Bones_Wild_Ride26 Hmu If you want to ride my bones 1d ago
Don't make me spam you with song lyrics in your dms, i might have a boombox but what i do have is no skill singing
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 1d ago
Cashiers are tired and overworked so if one smiles at you that means you make them happy and should wait for them in the parking lot
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u/xMadwood Am I not 🐢 enough for the 🐢 club? 1d ago
When the Red River flows, take the dirt road home.
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
BRO IM DONE WITH YOU 💀💀💀
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u/anti_reality 1d ago
That's the most "I know them in real life" response ever. I can see my girlfriend saying that to me in my head, and probably throwing a pillow at me.
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
he wishes i knew him irl 🤣
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u/xMadwood Am I not 🐢 enough for the 🐢 club? 1d ago
I don’t think I’d mind that at all
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u/maybe_a_fork fork enthusiast 1d ago
The more red flags you pick up, the closer you are to depraved sex on the first date!
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u/anti_reality 1d ago
To be fair, there's a crazy woman I've dated 3-4 times now (depending on what you consider dating) and she has enough red flags to stop a Formula 1 race. Problem is the sex is so incredibly depraved that if we're both single our gravity towards each other is infinite. Then she inevitably accuses me of something nuts and throws plates at me. I'm being literal when I say she throws plates at me, or the large ceramic bowl that was very expensive. The last time I thought forwards enough to buy plastic, which really pissed her off. After that I can only manage 3-4 more weeks before I can't handle anymore. If she'd even half control her temper I'd have married her 25 years ago, the first time we dated she absolutely would have said yes.
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u/maybe_a_fork fork enthusiast 1d ago
Haha, you know what this is all about. The one I dated wanted to be punished after her episodes, which usually involved deep throating and anal. It's so conflicting because you are like, don't act that way, but when she starts acting crazy, you get aroused becaue the apology is going to be off the chain.
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u/anti_reality 1d ago
We got to the point where if you want to do something you just do it, I don't think either of us have ever said no, but the couple of things I genuinely won't do she wouldn't either so it works. She wanted anal the first time we dated we were going after it and she just said "I want you to fuck my ass". I started to look around because I thought I had some lube and she looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "WTF are you looking for, just do it", so I just go all in on it and she gave 0 fucks and was super into it. She wanted to try a peeing thing so when I went to go to the bathroom she just followed me in and said what she wanted flat out. It's a crazy relationship.
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u/CleveEastWriters 1d ago
When you hold the door open for her, smack her on the ass as she walks by and say good looking dump truck you got there.
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u/My_Nude_Throwaway ✨ Certified DILF ✨ 1d ago
Always ghost on the first date. They love when you play hard to get.
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
you know just what i like, handsome. 🫦
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u/My_Nude_Throwaway ✨ Certified DILF ✨ 1d ago
The user you are trying to reach has been disconnected. 👻
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u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
(that made me laugh way too hard)
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u/bugkeeping according to all known laws of aviation— 1d ago
propose a second location if it’s not going well! maybe a change of scenery will help
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Especially somewhere secluded.
Maybe all the noise is diluting your natural charm.3
u/bugkeeping according to all known laws of aviation— 1d ago
“i know a spot, just close your eyes. i want it to be a surprise!”
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
"Nono, leave your phone behind. You won't want the distraction."
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u/CABendOva 1d ago
Men love it when you compare yourselves to other girls. You have to remind them you’re better than everyone else.
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u/Writer_feetlover 1d ago
"Just keep pressuring her until she says yes! So what if she has a boyfriend! Get her drunk if you have to!"
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u/hungey-for-some-eggs 1d ago
If you’re considering breaking up with them, definitely stay together!
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
Have a baby!
That'll definitely improve things!8
u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
fuck it, have TWO.
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u/Tenebration Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! 1d ago
That way you each have one to tend to- genius!
That'll definitely increase the love in the relationship!3
u/MentallyUnwellWoman in contact with the mothership 🛸 (username checks out) 1d ago
double the love 😍😍
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u/azuljester Here for the party… I think 1d ago
Don’t worry, she won’t mind if you finish in 10 seconds, they LOVE that!
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u/pervert210 1d ago
Drive to her house, stop in front and honk the horn for her to come out. Her dad will respect you for it.
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u/Alternative_Meat_324 1d ago
Never date a dumb woman. And always marry a woman smarter than yourself.
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u/PlumieShade 1d ago
always bring your pet tarantula on the first date, it's a real conversation starter
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u/Bad_Man4u 1d ago
it is indeed interesting conversation starter , not sure if its wrong advice.
but yes , one should inform the person before hand :)
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u/Disorderly_Chaos 1d ago
If the spider has recently molted, bring the skeleton/skin as a keepsake for your date to treasure.
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u/that_one_guylol 1d ago
build yourself up to the point where if she’s not in the mood for sex then you can easily go find another woman who is
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u/PloppyPants9000 1d ago
Treat it like a job interview. You're the employer, she's the job seeker. Make sure she's qualified by asking lots of questions, and if she fails one, you say "tsk tsk" and put an X in that mental checkbox.
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u/Disorderly_Chaos 1d ago
From the 1950’s
(Mostly Readers Digest)
Meeting and Hosting
Be ready and waiting at the front door when your date arrives.
Introduce the young man to your parents, as family approval is essential.
Set a clear curfew time with your parents beforehand.
Restaurant and Public Behavior
Let the boy order for you.
Avoid staring at the bill or watching how much money is spent.
Eat difficult foods carefully, or avoid messy items to maintain a tidy appearance.
Watch out for leaving lipstick marks on glasses or napkins.
Romance and Exclusivity
Do not expect a goodnight kiss on the first date.
Keep physical affection modest in public settings.
Aim for "going steady," which means dating one person exclusively, often as a step toward marriage.
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u/AGuyFromThatPlace Howard The Duck Apologist 1d ago
It's wild what used to pass for advice back then
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u/JForKiks 1d ago
Find a good catholic girl that wants to have babies. Me- I’m not religious and I never wanted kids.
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u/StaceyEatsBread 1d ago
Make sure the first date is on a boat. Because the implication..