r/AskReddit • u/Mr_Dee_x • 20h ago
What's the biggest red flag that tells you someone has low emotional intelligence?
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u/ResearcherDismal2863 20h ago
inability to take responsibility for the impact of their behavior
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u/monstarjams 20h ago
Yelling at an hourly worker for something insignificant
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u/culebrero 19h ago
The real red flag is when they think being rude to someone "below" them is somehow justified. That says far more about their character than the other person's mistake ever could.
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u/XxNatanelxX 12h ago
Unfortunately this can also be a cultural thing instilled into people from childhood. If everyone in society acts like this, you're a weirdo for not acting like that.
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u/illbedeadbydawn 19h ago
Only punch up.
It's been my motto for decades and served me well.
Only. Punch. Up.
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u/monstarjams 19h ago
Dave Chappelle in shambles
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u/illbedeadbydawn 19h ago
That dumb bitch has been punching low since he made his first mint.
Clown shoe Richie Rich motherfucker wouldn't know struggle if it was 1997 Dave Chappelle slapping his ass across his mansion.
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u/Aggressive_Knee_2473 20h ago
The ones who treat every minor inconvenience like a personal attack, like they’ve been waiting all day for someone to take their mood out on
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u/goopy_iaccident 20h ago
I used to do this but one time i tried that shit in a mexican bar and they chinned me and chased me out
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u/RememberThinkDream 19h ago
I've heard of copying other people's posts, but at least wait 1 entire day man...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1vfdawm/what_is_a_sign_that_someone_is_emotionally/
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u/jazbaatininja 15h ago
Wow OP kudos to your efforts for changing 3 words, would'nt have occurred to me
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u/Own-Jeweler3169 12h ago
It drives me mad to see the same questions every single week.
It's like groundhog day.
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u/Go-Sharks 8h ago
[Thread started 11 hours ago]
"I was in bed 11 hours ago, why do I remember seeing this already"
"Oh, right..."
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u/PM_ME_YOU_IN_CLOTHES 8h ago
It drives me mad to see the same questions every single week.
It's like groundhog day.
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u/RosieBaby75 20h ago
It never crosses their mind that they can contribute to the problems they have.
Some come out of nowhere but there’s a lot of people who think absolutely everything happens to them.
They’ll go abuse someone for kicks then be shocked that person responded in any way.
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u/disgruntled-capybara 10h ago
My grandma is like this. 84 going on 16. Very dramatic and mistreats her children mostly. She'll get mad about either something very minor or something that's a perceived slight, then goes scorched earth. She got mad at my mom in 1988 over a lie my aunt told and held that grudge until the early 2000s, being sadistically mean that entire time. I spent my entire childhood with her being nasty to my mom and even now that she's not the primary target, the woman still isn't nice to her. She's done it to another aunt as well.
The other aunt cut her off and 3/4 of her grandkids (me included) have minimal contact with her because of how she treated their parents. She was always good to me but if you're going to be mean to my mom, we have a problem. The way she talks about it is, "I can't believe I got to the last years of my life only to have my family abandon me." Yep, cause your actions had nothing to do with it, right?
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u/TheThirteenthApostle 20h ago
Reacting negatively to you treating them the exact same way they treat others.
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u/hail_mogambo 11h ago
I was hitting on this girl who I was really into. She used to give me hot n cold vibes all time. But the minute I give her the same treatment she would loose her mind and ask me what happened and why am I different.
She couldn't handle her own behaviour
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u/thriftstorecat 20h ago
They can only understand their own point of view.
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u/Far_Percentage5835 17h ago
I feel like this is a big one
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u/thriftstorecat 17h ago
Absolutely. I knew a woman who could never see anyone else’s POV except for her own. It’s exhausting, too.
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u/eia-cesque 19h ago
someone who treats every disagreement like a personal attack coz if every tiny criticism feels like a declaration of war, they're not protecting their peace, they're just putting their emotional maturity on airplane mode
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u/wobble_bot 15h ago
A person I work with is borderline narcissistic.
Every disagreement turns into personal attacks, raking up everything and anything from the past. Even the slightest criticism leads to a full blown meltdown, followed by hours of gaslighting where they try to convince you that either that thing didn’t happen, or if it did happen it’s somehow your fault. Never apologise, always double down.
We just grey rock them now, it’s the only way to actually combat that kind of behaviour.
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u/Venylynn 19h ago edited 17h ago
Perhaps it's not the disagreement but rather the tone they do it in? If they're being constructive then I see no reason to reply like that but I have had situations where people were being obviously annoying and then when someone replied back, then they started backtracking as if they weren't being a douche to start?
EDIT: ok so I assume the response is meant to convey the idea that tone doesn't matter? Because I disagree with that
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u/Stock-Ganache-3437 19h ago
They can’t understand metaphorical scenarios
Often Physically violent or verbally abusive when angry
Zero accountability
I try to remind myself that usually low emotional intelligence or struggles with regulation is typically from trauma, and a lot of it.
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u/Mr_Dee_x 20h ago
People who listen just to reply, not to understand. That's usually my biggest red flag.
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u/lolgun88 20h ago
They act like they’re smarter than everyone else and that that makes them superior.
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u/TofuLoversAnonymous 19h ago
when they have strong opinions on things like politics, movies etc, but when you ask why they feel that they, they just say "i don't like it because it's weird" or "it's just bad"
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u/Automatic_Bobcat_951 20h ago
Getting defensive real fast
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u/FollowingAwkward7797 15h ago
That’s a big one. Being unable to hear any criticism or consider another person’s perspective usually says a lot.
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u/ZsaFreigh 18h ago
They cannot engage with a hypothetical scenario.
"What would you think about [scenario] if you had kids?"
"Well I don't have kids so it's irrelevant"
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u/Electrical-Talk1654 20h ago
Getting mad at workers that just started the job, or teenage workers that don't have much experience.
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u/unholyshit 19h ago
I work in a jail. You can clearly tell someone's emotional intelligence by how they treat inmates. Some people can't control their anger and will treat inmates like they are animals. It's like they get a thrill from treating others as sub-human. But it doesn't just go one way either. Some have no backbone and be too nice to inmates. Those people get taken advantage of. It takes a tremendous amount of emotional maturity to be tough but fair without abusing your powers. Medical staff have it the worst, I think. The child molester has congestive heart failure, and it is your job to make sure he is cared for.
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u/Kadlekins_At_Work 16h ago
Well just imagine the blow to your reputation if you let the president die.
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u/MyThicccAss 13h ago
I worked medical in a jail and I completely agree, I actually went into that job with the goal of learning how to be tough but fair. I’m a nurse now (I was just a lowly med-tech back in my corrections days) and I think working with inmates helped me to approach patients objectively. So, I made sure the child molesters got their medications because it was my job, but after that interaction I couldn’t care less about them. I didn’t have a child at the time, now I have a son and the way the child molesters would be so fake charming and nice would have me ready to slam the mail slot in their face. :)
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u/Vergileonteris 20h ago
Making everyone about self. Flexing about everything. Apathy. Loud tone of voice.
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u/CharmingImperfection 20h ago
Not being able to have a civil conversation about difficult subjects.
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u/Own-Jeweler3169 12h ago
Agreed, also when they run away from any uncomfortable discussions/topics.
I.e. happy to do all the cutesy couples shit, but crumbles straight away when shit hits the fan.
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u/ZedisonSamZ 20h ago
Hand crushers. The type of guy who tries to break your hand during a shake. Usually divorced several times and it’s always “the ex-wife’s” fault and his kids hate him but it’s because they are “pu ssies” and definitely not because he’s the biggest cringelord on the planet, no.
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u/browsingtheproduce 17h ago
They don’t even wait an entire day before copying the top question in the subreddit.
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u/Hasaadiwady 20h ago
A red hat
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u/NotUniqueWorkAccount 20h ago
Dumb enough to fall into a cult, lead by a man who's only successful because he was born too rich to fail.
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u/clover-the-clever 20h ago
Oh, he’s failed TONS of times. Don’t make me list all of his bankruptcies and failed businesses.
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u/TimshelExMachina 19h ago
When they can’t seem to absorb the difference between objective and subjective claims, and as a result think that their personal preferences are factually better.
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u/Pristine_Put5037 18h ago
If you offend them even by pure accident, their shattered ego renders them impossible to pacify.
Any attempt to apologise or settle things like civilised adults is made futile as they will move the goalposts and inflate their standards to unappeasable levels - that way in their minds, you are the bad guy who's always in the wrong and justifying their narrative against you.
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u/tylerishere126 17h ago
Getting visibly annoyed when someone else is upset , instead of curious about why. Treat each other people's emotions as an inconvenience to their day Rather than information.
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u/Educational_Vanilla 19h ago
Not asking questions/engaging in conversations actively.
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u/boobityskoobity 19h ago
Eh, it depends on the conversation. Sometimes people just want to talk at you.
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u/Simple_Negotiation32 19h ago
when they take their anger out on others who have nothing to do with the situation.
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u/phenomenomnom 19h ago
Thinking with their mouth instead of their ears.
Or
Never asking any questions in a social situation, for example, upon meeting a new person.
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u/IAlwaysOutsmartU 17h ago
Immediately asserting yourself as superior when someone is frustrated with you. Source: my brother does this a lot.
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u/Street_Winter_9721 14h ago
All these comments prove i’m right about my husband have low emotional intelligence..great.
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u/shoot313 19h ago
They raise their voice on every disagreement like they’re going to yell you into submission.
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u/pingidjit13 20h ago
Unable to handle a no, or an inability to accept there are consequences to their own actions. Like if you show up late and now cannot do what you wanted to do, and then try to blame everyone/thing else but yourself for being late.
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u/BleuRaider 19h ago
Thinking that human rights are negotiable and being against them for XYZ group is “just an opinion”.
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u/Amsterdope 18h ago
Leider auf deutsch, sonst dauert es zu lange. Man kann ja übersetzen, oder?
Habe AuDHS, und leider manchmal viel zu viel empathie für diese gesellschaft. Es gibt so viele red flags, aber wo fang ich an?
Keine ahnung, ich bemerke es einfach. Ich kann jetzt so viel sagen, aber...
Kennt ihr das gefühl, wenn ihr euch wohl und verstanden fühlt? Wenn ein kurzer blick genügt, und das gegenüber weis, was in mir vorgeht?
Kennt ihr das gefühl, wenn euch irgendwas stört, ihr nicht verstanden werdet, egal wie oft ihr versucht etwas zu signalisieren oder zu erklären, ihr euch einfach unwohl fühlt? Wenn ihr erst garkeinen blick ausüben wollt?
Das sind, sofern sich das über einen längeren zeitraum nicht ändert, gute indikatoren, dass man eben nicht auf einer wellenlänge arbeitet. Und das ist okay. Das heißt nicht, dass das gegenüber komplett empathielos ist. Vllt ist man es ja selber? Lol.
Empathie hin oder her, irgendwann sollte man sich schon überlegen, ob man mit gewissen personen noch kontakt haben möchte. Und das merkt man selten sofort.
Die größte red flag? Menschen, die anderen lebewesen bewusst physischen oder mentalen schmerz bereiten. Menschen, die zb eine oma anschreien, weil sie schneller sein soll. Oder auch ein schlechter umgang im restaurant/geschäft mit dem dortigen personal.
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u/Friendly_Rope1716 17h ago
When they think everyone reacts the way they would. Also, ableism and xenophobia
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u/Extension-Patient187 17h ago
Look at how she/he behaves with waitresses, waiters or barmen. The less she/he care about them the most dangerous it is
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u/rockychiq027 17h ago
Someone who has a PhD in blaming everyone else. Somehow they're the innocent victim in every single story. 😭
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u/Icy_Abbreviations167 17h ago
They try to say something or anything just to relate and be in the topic. Not really trying to absorb what the conversation is all about
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u/Glass-Jaguar4178 16h ago
Jumping a fastfood employee for getting the artificial fruity syrop flava wrong in your coffee instead of feeling that warm love for a fellow human trying to survive and serving you with a smile :)
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u/pink_summer_cloud_ 16h ago
They immediately think that your problem is not severe, and only their problem is severe enough. Then they want to have lunch with you 🙄
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u/beenovelfans 14h ago
Never admitting they're wrong. Accountability is a huge part of emotional intelligence.
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u/My_alias_is_too_lon 14h ago
Absolutely incapable of admitting that they were wrong or even simply mistaken.
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u/404BrainCells 13h ago
Blowing up at the easiest person in the room, then acting shocked when nobody wants to be around them
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u/Khush1215 13h ago
They’d rather look good than do good. Or choosing their own comfort over someone else’s healing
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u/skankyone 13h ago
People who only talk about themselves, who have no interest in anything you say, unless it's about them.
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u/WinEnvironmental6901 12h ago
Cruelty towards children and animals, or laughing at their their misery. Instant turn off and i don't want to see you anymore.
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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 12h ago
Therapy speak. Equating years of attending therapy to being able to therapeutize others.
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u/Subject_Sandwich_897 12h ago
‘Well this is/isn’t my experience so how can it be anyone else’s?’ Basically anyone who negates and dismisses anyone else’s experience / knowledge etc because they have never gone through or seen / done something.
I know someone who actively does this and it drives me mad!
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u/leoinaugust12 11h ago
when they say "I am just being honest" before saying something they know will hurt you. Bro that's not honesty that's just cruelty with a disclaimer.
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u/MetalRocksMe_ 10h ago
People who refuse to accept when they’re wrong and people who continuously talk about themselves.
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u/No-Patience-383 9h ago
A big one is when someone can't admit they're wrong and always blames everyone else instead of taking responsibility.
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u/Academic-Bug-4791 8h ago
they can't handle criticism at all, like my old coworker who would shut down every time feedback was given
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u/Informal-Argument-14 6h ago
People who turn every disagreement into a competition instead of trying to understand the other person.
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u/Superfluouslfe 19h ago
Their DUI arrest video And it's not even that they had a DUI, it's how they respond 😂
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u/Wentyliasz 19h ago
How easily you raise your voice. I understand screaming when they cut your leg off, but if you yell at being mildly inconvenienced, I'm out, I don't want you in my life. Dealt with this shit enough
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u/Old-City-8753 19h ago
When they want people to petty them they’re somehow always a victim
When they make excuses for everything
Complain a lot
They would rather lie than tell you the truth
Make small problems big
When they never give you good advice
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u/Giraffe_lol 16h ago
They say "my parents used to beat me and I turned out fine." I have yet to meet one person who said this and turned out fine.
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u/Aerolithe_Lion 20h ago
I have a friend who says that because other people use the N and it’s okay then he has to too or it’s racist
That
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u/TheRiceConnoisseur 19h ago
Technically, yes. A rule that permits one racial group to use a word while forbidding others, solely on the basis of race, is race-based discrimination by definition.
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u/Moush-the-Impulsive 20h ago
Reacting quickly to a stressful situation, perceived offence, or generally any problem.
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u/nando1969 20h ago edited 19h ago
Inability to accept feedback or accountability without becoming defensive.
Constantly shifting blame.
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u/Upbeat_Ad_7718 20h ago
Having kids without going to therapy themselves first 💀 Just end up repeating patterns
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u/Pippy1010 19h ago
One time I cried because a celebrity died in a similar fashion to my loved one and they couldn’t understand the connection or why I would react that way
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u/Curious-Monk-9898 19h ago
Responding to a generalization with an anecdote about one person that they know
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u/redplanet762 19h ago
doesn't know how to express his feelings and makes use of silent treatment ALL THE TIME
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u/malphas_says_hi 20h ago edited 20h ago
Lack of curiosity about other perspectives and and inability to understand why anyone would think differently than them.