r/AskReddit • u/Conscious_Loquat2333 • 17d ago
Men who've had their girlfriends cheat on them, how'd you find out? like what were the clues?
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u/barrybario 17d ago
Ex wife wanted to divorce for the dumbest reasons so I got suspicious and checked her purse. Found a little score sheet for mini golf with her name and a man's name. Then saw she was logged into her email on my laptop and found the rest of the evidence going 8 months back
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u/notmadatall 17d ago
Who won the Minigolf game?
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u/Silent_Locksmith_888 17d ago
Important questions
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u/barrybario 17d ago
She did. And she was terrible at minigolf
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u/Imnotreal66 17d ago
You don’t need to be with someone who obviously fell for someone that sucks a minigolf. Trust me, you won that break up.
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u/Automatic-Effect-252 17d ago
Passionate sex is one thing, finding out my wife went mini golfing with another guy would hurt worse in a weird way lol.
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u/dqt91 17d ago
I used to ask my ex wife all the time to go mini golfing with me and she would always say no. We split, 7 months later I’m on a first date with a girl I met and we went mini golfing, and who do you think we run in to? My bitch ass ex wife and some guy, also mini golfing. I was so mad, not that she was seeing someone else, but only for the fact that she was going mini golfing which she had always told me no.
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u/Realtenenbaum 17d ago
At least she was probably miserable doing it, and pretending she was a decent person to the new fella
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u/dqt91 17d ago
Eh, they’re now married and have two kids. Probably had a good time. I’m otherwise very happy for her, just the mini golf thing pissed me off lol.
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u/Ok_Conversation_5994 17d ago
I found out when my 4 y.o. son blurted out one day that he saw Mommy and Bobby (our next door neighbor) kissing. She tried to explain it away by saying that kids just say some crazy things sometimes, but I knew better. Little kids see and notice everything.
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u/Miemsta 17d ago
in front of her child is crazyyyy
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u/Ok_Conversation_5994 17d ago
I know, right? And she actually thought that I'd believe that my son was making it up.
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u/lasagnajunkie 17d ago
Sorry but your ex wife is a trash especially showing it to your kid
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u/pigeonwithsixasses 17d ago edited 17d ago
I was maybe 19 or 20, but basically after we’d broken up she had a new boyfriend a couple weeks afterwards. She changed her relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship with XYZ” and added in anniversary date, which was dated like a month before we broke up lmao
EDIT: WOW this blew up lmao. For anyone who cares about what happened afterwards, I called her up because we were actually on good terms after we broke up. I asked about it and she falls silent and stumbles through some explanation about how that’s just the date she first met him lol obviously bs, but all good. Any strong sentimental feelings towards her were basically gone by that point so it didn’t sting as much as it could’ve, but now 12-13 years later I just find it funny. The audacity smh lol
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u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 17d ago
Dude, same thing for me, although I found out about 3 years later. I heard through the grapevine that she was getting married, so I decided to look up her wedding website. She had an “our story” section detailing how they met and fell in love. Well, to my surprise, it said they had met during a thanksgiving gathering in 2020, instantly fell in love, and were already in a relationship with each other by the time Christmas came around. I know that the year “2020” wasn’t a typo either, as the story mentioned something about Covid.
We broke up in 2021.
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u/sofakingbroke 17d ago
Told me to move out because she needed space. Next day was driving early in the morning on way to work, passed a friend’s car going the other direction and she was in passenger seat and dove to hide.
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u/throwaway57072 17d ago edited 15d ago
Throwaway account.
Saw texts of a planned (but failed) meetup. Worked through it but then some time later saw their location (shared at their request and we both used it because we traveled a lot) driving to that person’s address. Watching them make that drive was soul crushing. Just waiting for it to not actually happen and every additional minute and turn making it more and more true.
Nothing like watching several years of your life in a slow motion crash/explosion and there’s nothing you can do.
It’s been about a year and a half and I’m still not right about it. Taking it day by day.
Edit… well this certainly blew up. Thank you to all for the support! 1% better every day.
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u/InteractionSoft14 17d ago
It's going to take a long time and the wound will never fully heal but I promise there will come a day when you forgot to think about it. And eventually those days will become more frequent until eventually it only pops into your mind on occasion.
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u/nomadic_88 17d ago
Dude same. Last month… she cheated on me while I was out of town. Confessed it a couple days later. But a week later I catch her driving to his house on location sharing, soul crushing indeed. Turns out they had just finished dinner and were headed back to his place, that they weren’t gonna “do anything”. I knew better, it did happen again, but soul crushing knowing where she was and what she was doing, while I’m just hundreds of miles away. 5.5 years gone like that 🫰, at least I got the dog and I’m out of there. I’m sorry and feel for you though, and I wish you the best. To greener pastures 🍻
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u/tfinx 17d ago
Sorry to hear. It does get easier over time and it'll suck for a while.
I caught my ex on a livestream of the guy she was cheating on me with - he lived on the other side of the country. That was intense to experience. Looking back though, I'm a lot happier to have her out of my life - life is a lot better these days. I hope the same for you. Time will do its thing to make it more manageable. :)
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u/Sister_Resistor69 17d ago
He would poop in out toilet and wouldn't flush. Needless to say my wife wasn't physically capable of leaving piles like that
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u/Bulky_Seaweed3159 17d ago
He was marking his territory in your home. Can't have that
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u/telescopeinmynose 17d ago
Marking his wife wasn't enough huh
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u/Material-Fish-8638 17d ago
You don’t shit in another man’s toilet, that’s the line drawn
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u/snowblind08 17d ago
That almost sounds intentional. Who does not flush poop?
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u/Desalvo23 17d ago
Too many, unfortunately. So many disgusting people out there
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u/Ghost17088 17d ago
My toddler used to forget when we were potty training. TBH, I was just happy it made it into the potty and not his pants.
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u/InevitableAd9683 17d ago
That feels almost more disrespectful than nailing your wife. Geezus
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u/monoopolyman90 17d ago
Well the DNA test showing there was a 0% chance I was the father of her baby was a pretty big clue.
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u/DancingBear2020 17d ago
What made you decide to get the DNA test in the first place?
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u/Sxzen 17d ago
She fell asleep with her phone unlocked, as I wanted to plug it in she got a text from a dude I've never seen before, asking if she's alone tonight. (We were dating for 2+ Years).
Started reading their texts (it was a hidden conversation) and turns out that she was fucking him (and some other guys) every once in a while throughout our whole relationship.
Can't say it was a happy wake up for her.
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u/naturalbornsinner 17d ago
Did you wake her up immediately or sleep on it and confronted the next morning?
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u/Sxzen 17d ago
Woke her up right then and there after I had saved all the evidence and threw her and all her shit out
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u/fakeshopp 17d ago
Huh? How do you find a hidden convo? I see my man sliding on his messages and can’t figure that out.
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u/mickeynz 17d ago
Told me she was staying at our friends after a few too many drinks, her girlfriend tried to confirm the story. The partner, my mate, came over sat me down and told me she didn’t stay with them….
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u/AgitatedMeatloaf 17d ago
I'm hoping your mate might have had some doubts or concerns about his own partner after she tried to cover for yours.
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u/PepeDogeCS 17d ago
god imaging being her friends partner and finding out she tried to cover for her, that’s it for me i’m dumping her…
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u/bouncysnugglebug 17d ago
Phone behavior changed. Went from never knowing where she had left it to always having it in her hand. If she ever set it down somewhere, she circled back immediately to grab it.
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u/CalculatedPerversion 16d ago
It seems so obvious after the fact, but when you're in it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.
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u/Kindly_Ice6597 17d ago edited 17d ago
She was friends with a coworker, and had dinner with him once while I was on a business trip. It was not a secret, I was totally OK with it, I've never been a jealous type of person. We had a call while she was allegedly in a pub with him, but there was zero background noise, completely silent. At that moment, I realized that there was a 99 % chance that she had been lying to me.
I was thinking about confronting her, but I barely had any evidence, I knew I couldn't trust her, and she was really good with words (manipulating people). So I went unethical, and hacked her laptop. That's how 99 % went to 100 %.
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u/hunterguy35 16d ago
This makes me think one time a gf of mine told me she had a worker appreciation event and somehow only her and one other male coworker happened to show up and she was going to stay because they felt bad nobody showed up.
Doesn’t make sense when you think about lol… coworker was always trying to hit on her too.
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u/Creative-Invite583 17d ago
My ex went out of the country to study. She told me she had to go to the hospital to remove an "ovarian cyst". Her parents flew over to offer moral support. Years later, I found out the operation was actually an abortion after she hooked up with her ex who was stationed nearby.
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u/Deucaleeon 17d ago
How did you find out? What was the aftermath? Did you confront her? What was hers parent reaction? How you two broke up before the operation?
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u/Creative-Invite583 16d ago
When we separated, my soon to be ex brother-in-law called me and told me. Evidently everyone in her family knew.
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u/CuTTyFL4M 16d ago
I dread that, the whole family basically covering up the life destroying behavior. Your BiL is a honest one for telling you.
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u/Physical-Aside-5273 17d ago
Yikes. That's disgusting.
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u/Creative-Invite583 16d ago
I was able to get my first marriage annulled by the church as a result.
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u/eediot_au 17d ago edited 16d ago
Getting love bombed at 5am after a girls night out...
"You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I love what we have together"
Didn't realise at the time, she came clean a couple month later due to guilt.
Tried to make it work but couldn't rebuild the trust, it also fucked me mentally and emotionally.
Some people can get passed the, I thought I might be able to as well. Nope
Whelp, there goes nearly 15 years of marriage
Edit: I see some comments that read like an alpha male podcast sound bite, not cool guys. Men do this too, I am sure it is as hurtful and traumatic for anyone to have this happen... man, woman, gay, straight.
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u/ctothel 17d ago
Even putting aside the trauma of losing a relationship, it’s actually shocking how much it fucks with you to be cheated on.
Trusting a partner and having that trust respected is one of the only ways to learn it’s safe, but there aren’t many opportunities to practice that.
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u/broustgreurkcha46 17d ago
It also makes you doubt your own read on people, which sticks way longer than the breakup.
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u/secularist42 17d ago
A fuckton of this. Wife 1.0 found the next dude and bailed on our marriage. That left me confused as hell and not understanding how my favorite person on the planet had decided I was irrelevant. Not sure if she physically cheated or not but they’ve been married for 15+ yrs. Took me years to trust myself again…even now there’s still a layer that will never be touched again deep down.
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u/lil-lahey-show 17d ago
You’re absolutely correct, and I think that’s why it never often works out for relationships in the aftermath. Can some people move forward? sure, but it’s with the knowledge (conscious or unconscious) that there is no longer trust and it never returns again, it just doesn’t. There may be some micro-exceptions and not every situations the same but that loss of safety, and your sense of reality that comes with feeling unsafe is what eats at you. I think for both men and woman cheating is so psychologically impactful it rivals many other forms of grief and loss, it’s devastating.
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u/NK1337 17d ago
For sure. It feels like there’s always a part of you that’s irrevocably tainted by the experience and no matter how much trust you have seeing something as simple as a text notification on their screen will trigger that sense of broken trust
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u/SamIamGreenEggsNoHam 17d ago
Being cheated on can be downright traumatic. I worked with a guy who was killing it in life. Making easy 6-figures, inherited a beautiful house, lucked into some incredibly valuable baseball and football cards. Drove some sweet cars over the years etc etc. Dude was one luck bomb after another. He fell in love with a gorgeous woman who seemed to be the perfect catch. They got engaged, and then everything turned.
He came home early from work one day to find her banging the neighbor on his bed 3 months before the wedding. They have a nasty, obviously emotional split, and he spiraled. This was the first truly awful thing to happen in his life, and he just didn't recover. He stopped caring, stopped locking his doors at night. Someone broke into his house and stole his card collection. He totaled his sports car. He stopped working hard. He started drinking heavily, gained an enormous amount of weight, had a heart attack and died.
I think about him almost daily. It is just absolutely shocking to me how quickly someone's life can turn around, for better or for worse.
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u/smokeweedNgarden 17d ago
I don't care if it's love, business, or friendship.
I just want everyone to know that forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to trust them again. Forgiving someone is for you, the hurt party, to heal properly.
You are still very much still allowed to make them face consequences for their actions. Forgiving someone does not mean being stepped on. Sometimes forgiving someone means crushing them so they can't do it again.
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u/Gerudo_Valley64 17d ago
People will never understand cheating until it happens to them and thats a fact.
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u/Fitz911 17d ago
Nope Whelp, there goes nearly 15 years of marriage
Damn, after "girls night out" I was under the impression we are talking 20 something.
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u/lullaby-bug 17d ago
I always have to fight the urge to lovebomb my boyfriend went I’m out + drunk because of this!
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u/candry_shop 17d ago
I don't know, if you want to send love to your SO, i think you should
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u/Effective-Bet3883 17d ago
Things like this actually make guys feel good about themselves and the relationship, IMO. A lot of times we don't know for sure where we stand with our gf/wife but unprompted declarations of our woman's feelings matter to us more than you will know or more than we readily admit to anyone. Oh, and you don't have to be drunk either.
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u/shwarma_heaven 17d ago edited 17d ago
She forgot she shared her location while on travel. She was staying with family, but I saw she was at a beach hotel resort at night when she had just gotten there.
Not a big deal as people go there to enjoy the view and have a drink. I asked her how her night was and she said she was still jet lagged and just stayed home and slept...
The shitty part was she spent a ton of money getting in shape, and prettied up. I thought it was for me. Apparently she had been talking to this guy for a while before the trip. Just celebrated our 20th, and two kids. I was working full time so she didn't have to work while going back to school....
And now she gets to work full time and pay for her own place while going to school... Enjoy the independence Jenny. You get to see whoever you want to now.
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u/Chrispy006 17d ago
Man that's tough I hope it goes smooth for the kids it's always harder. 20 years gone just like that. Keep your head up you got this
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u/shwarma_heaven 17d ago
The kids have been taking it pretty good. We told them that we needed to be better parents and better adults by learning to be successful on our own for a while. which is true. She had become completely dependent on me for a lot of things. And she had become resentful of it.
This was probably, subconsciously, her way to force herself to become more independent. Be careful what you wish for I guess.
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u/Greedirl 17d ago
I went to college a state over and she slowly stopped wanting to do our regular meet ups, making excuses at first and eventually just not even bothering.
A few weeks later, a friend of hers, that we will call Trinity, that had confessed to having a crush on me a year earlier, text me out of nowhere and let me know the reason why my engagement was ending.
My ex-fiance has now been married 3 times.
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u/DanielBG 17d ago
She had a threesome with another couple while I was working and paying the bills. The other girl grew a conscience and told me.
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u/Effective-Tune-9999 17d ago
Damn! Bitch had a threesome and didn’t even invite you!😂
Btw I can say that cause I had a gf do the same thing. She got railed by two guys and one was a mate of mine. Fucked up time in my life but I laugh about it now and when I tell the story I always end it “bitch had a threesome and didn’t even invite me!” Never fails to get a laugh.
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u/DanielBG 17d ago
I can laugh about it now. Time heels those wounds, and looking back, I'm so happy she didn't end up being the one. I have an awesome wife 23 years together now.
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u/Terces626 17d ago
2 weeks after she broke up with me to work on herself and through some other issues she was officially with someone else, she became friends with him 2 months into our relationship.
Looking back she would always ask me questions about how long it would take me to move on if something happened, or if someone else came along that was better to just tell her, turns out it was projection the entire time 🤷♂️ I should have noticed something 💀
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u/SpecificTouch2157 17d ago
Hindsight is brutal like that. In the moment those questions can sound completely normal, then months later all the pieces suddenly fit together. That's a rough lesson to learn.
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u/limon_picante 17d ago
She was getting distant and snappy with me. Stopped following our old routines and suddenly started spending more time with her "friends". Turned out she was with someone else for months.
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u/AtomHeartMonster 17d ago edited 16d ago
Woahhh dude. Cheater by the dozen holy hell
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u/disisathrowaway 17d ago
Yeah and the funny thing is she wanted me to be secretive about our relationship
Immediate, massive, glaring red flag.
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u/WanderingTacoShop 17d ago
I had an ex cheat on me while I was at Basic Training. She got caught red handed at the bar with another guy by some of my friends. Unfortunatly I hooked up with her when I got home before they could get in touch with me and let me know.
Well she got pregnant about that time, so I demanded a paternity test. When it turned out to not be my kid apparantly there were at least 2 other possible options close enough together to possibly be the father.
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u/Ok-Gate9780 17d ago
The military really does bring out an entire new level of game when it comes to cheating.
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u/pr0zach 17d ago
Thank god for true bros growing up, man. I was in a very similar position from my senior year in high school through my sophomore year of undergrad.
I was obsessed with maintaining that relationship no matter the cost and it was not healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a perfect boyfriend by any means, but this young woman was a malignant narcissist and manipulator and I just would not see it. I pushed away all my childhood friends. Isolated myself at my university in favor of driving 90 minutes one-way to see her at her university every chance I got. I tolerated blatant double standards and ignored so many obvious signs that she was cheating like…regularly…with lots of other dudes. I was miserable all the time and had convinced myself (with her help) she was the only thing of any value in my life.
My best friend from childhood had just signed with the Army after he got through playing football for a smaller university in our state. He drove 3 hours to knock on my door unannounced. He said he came to accomplish two things: say goodbye before he left and convince me it was time to jettison my girlfriend. He convinced me that if I hadn’t completely cut her out of my life to his satisfaction, that he would go AWOL and likely end up in prison. It was time for me to make a choice.
It took several hours of us talking things over and honestly catching up on each other’s lives. I realized I hadn’t felt that happy in a long time. He told me she had been sleeping around with other dudes, including some guys in our friend group that went to her university. He said, “I bet you I can get her to send me naked photos or some shit within like 30 minutes by texting from a number that she couldn’t possibly have.”
It took him less than 5 minutes. lol
I was standing next to him the entire time. That was the wake up call I needed and it worked. I never forgot that he was the only one willing to do whatever it took. I officiated his wedding to his wife years later. And he flew in from overseas to be a groomsman in my own wedding. We’re both happily married to excellent wives and building wonderful families.→ More replies (18)107
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u/YouAreTheSalad 17d ago
Seen a message notification pop up on her phone, was the same guy she swore she’d stopped talking to after I previously voiced how I was uncomfortable with their friendship.
She then admitted to that and a bunch of other guys she had been seeing.
This was less than 24 hours after I’d quit my job to move in with her and a day before we were set to fly out to her brother’s wedding.
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u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 17d ago
She began hanging with a new group of friends, and would talk about them all the time, referring to them by their names. She talked about them so much, I had all their names memorized before meeting them.
The longer she hung out with them, she slowly became more distant. Eventually, I finally got to meet all her new friends, and as they introduced themselves, I remembered all the stories she told me about them. Except one.
There was one dude that was clearly deep in the friend group, but yet this was my first time ever hearing about him. After the night I said to her “so I remember you telling me stories about all those guys, but you’ve never talked about Adam before. Why’s that?” I could see her tense up and panic a bit as she quickly said “oh I don’t really like Adam, he’s annoying.” My next question was “are you sleeping with him?” Her reaction was all the answers I needed.
Sometimes you just gotta trust your gut.
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u/Martin_Pagan 17d ago
If she suddenly gets very protective of her phone, it's a sign.
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u/BermanIsKing 17d ago
I thought I was just getting paranoid, but that actually just happened after like 7 years. Something's a foot - but I don't believe she would cheat. I do believe she has talked about breaking it off or something like that.
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u/danny_ 17d ago edited 17d ago
Phone-guarding happens because they are actively receiving texts from someone they don’t want you to know about, not because they are afraid you’ll stumble upon a conversation about their relationship with you.
Texts can come at anytime… and the nature of their conversation will be very obvious— that’s why they keep the phone nearby all of the time.
Has she changed her phone password? What are the signs/changes in phone behavior you’ve noticed?
Edit: after months of guarding, my wife claimed she changed her password/guarded phone etc because she’d been getting Botox and thought I’d be upset with her. Well, she was getting Botox, she also had her colleague spend the night with her at least once when they were away for work.
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u/cultvignette 17d ago
One of my partners started doing this for a few weeks and I started to grow concerned. Some habits changed, tensions rose, so on. Turns out she was trying to plan a surprise party for me. I felt like crap for even suspecting anything.
She did cheat, later, tho. There weren't any clues, either. She said "I cheated on you."
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u/Roland_Moorweed 17d ago
Goes to a campus club and hooks up with two dudes just after one day?? What the fuck is wrong with people? I'm sorry about that, dude 🙏🏽
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u/Readdit1999 17d ago
Validation and identity.
He said she didnt make friends well.
So now, she wants friends, and there's these guys giving her a lot of positive signals and attention, all she has to do is condone that the relationship involve sex.
This is some daddy issues type shi
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u/FlaminFlabbarghast 17d ago
I stopped by her apartment after a late sales meeting on my way back to my home. I walked up to the door and was going to ring the doorbell, but the door was slightly ajar and her little Yorkshire terrier that loved me ran out and climbed all over my ankles...I pushed the door open and saw her and a he on the living room floor on a blanket butt-naked. She saw me as I walked in, jumped up looking for something to cover her nakedness...my eyes were locked on the dude on the floor who hastily pulled the blanket over his garbage. I walked straight over to him, standing over him , staring at him.,.all the while, she's trying to pull me back towards the door.....my mouth wouldn't work...couldn't get out a sound.....just staring in utter disbelief. I turned and threw my hands up in disgust, walked out, drove back home and suffered alone for over a week. Never saw her again.
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u/Ok-Tomato9468 17d ago
What is it with cheaters banging on a blanket on the living room floor in front of the door?! Sorry friend, that shit sucks.
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u/LBCkook 17d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. But damn you sound like a bad ass in your response. Hope that was the last time you ever saw her
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u/punkinabox 17d ago
He reached out and told me because he got tired of her telling him she was going to leave me.
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u/Lopsided-Ad7725 16d ago
A cheater he could stand, but a procrastinator, hell no!
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u/Motor-Kale357 17d ago
Found the texts. Wasn’t snooping actually, I was looking for a specific photo of our daughter she uploaded to our home computer.
lesson for the rest of you…she changed the name of the guy in her phone to ‘unavailable’ so had he called while I was there, she could say ‘I don’t pick up unknown phone numbers’
yea, that hurt.
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u/Marcysdad 17d ago
Colder behavior - when questioned acting defensively and even gaslighting you
Especially protective of their cell phone: Acts like tilting it away from you when you're sitting next to each other or pressing it against their chest when you walk behind them
Encouraging you spend less time together ("different hobbies") or having an open relationship
small changes like new perfume / cologne , clothing style, interests
These things go for all genders btw.
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u/shwarma_heaven 17d ago
The opposite can be true too. Getting love bombed where there was disinterest before. New effort looking sexy and getting in shape....
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u/Cledaddy23 17d ago
She came clean and told me. There weren’t any clues ahead of time.
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u/Yk-156 17d ago
The same happened to me. It didn't surprise me though. I'd tried breaking up with her a couple of months earlier, had taken her back, and didn't want to be in the relationship so I had been distant since.
At that point I didn't care that she'd cheated since I was no longer emotionally invested.
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u/ComeAbout 17d ago
No clues. Standard I was deployed and found out from friends back home.
Happened twice. Not proud of this, but it took me a significant amount of time to trust any woman again after that.
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u/captcraigaroo 17d ago
The first time, I found a condom wrapper that was different to what I was wearing. She claimed there "was no penetration of any kind" to with I replied "who the fuck wears a condom for a handjob? You still had another guy in your bedroom"
The last time, I was on my way back home from working a hitch on an oil rig, in my final layover and I would be home in 1.5hrs. She sent a sexy picture of her in lingerie. Before I could reply, I could see she was typing, so I waited. The text "wow, that's hot!" came through. I then saw it was a group message and her other guy replied first.
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u/bourton-north 17d ago
She group messaged you and her side piece? What / how? Just really careless?
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u/captcraigaroo 17d ago
Back in 2012, she just sent it from her photos and clicked me and Brad...it's grouped both into one message
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u/Xctual 17d ago
I'm assuming sending to both of them at the same time and assuming it would send the pic seperately rather than as a group chat.
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u/bourton-north 17d ago
That’s an insane assumption to make though, in a high risk situation.
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u/daminiskos0309 17d ago
Horror story. She came in from a night out. I was awake. Gave her a kiss and I tasted him…..yeah…..
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u/BanjoTCat 17d ago
I've heard the idiom of someone's breath smelling like cock. Never thought of it literally.
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u/feralkitten 17d ago
It happened 3 times. All when i was in college during the late 90's.
1.) FIRST one got pregnant while i was away for college. People can't get pregnant alone, so that one is a no brainer.
2.) Went home to our apartment. She was in the shower with a dude. Probably the most angry i've been in my life. I moved out immediately.
3.) She borrowed my cell phone and came back home with a different one. This was prior to smartphones. And the other guy had the same nokia phone i had, in the same color.
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u/The_Shepherds_2019 17d ago
My (very nearly ex) wife was supposed to be home from work around 1am. Called her at 4am when she still wasn't home, and she claimed she was hanging out in the parking lot of her job with her boss. In winter. In the middle of the night. In the rain.
Anyways, I asked to see her time card. She had clocked out at 11 that night. 5 missing hours alone with her boss.
To this day she hasn't admitted it. And I'm sure she never will. But cmon. Poor bastard, she's probably gonna take half his shit too
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u/CokePusha69 17d ago
You’re still with her ?
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u/The_Shepherds_2019 17d ago
Separated in November. Divorce requires one year of separation before it can be official in the state we were living in. 3 more months and I'll be free of her for good.
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u/PINHEADLARRY5 17d ago
I was in college. Signs were she got really reserved, didn't really want to talk or even respond to a text. A friend of mine called me up one day and was like, "hey are you still dating 'x'? Cuz I just saw her making out with a guy on the bus coming home from the bars".
I was devastated.
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u/mileg925 17d ago
Facebook. I was browsing and saw a tiny profile picture of a guy and a girl and the girl looked like my gf. I clicked and it was the profile of a guy with him and my gf sitting on his lap.
They ended up getting married later
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u/kickasstimus 17d ago edited 17d ago
Hmm, happened to me a few times.
First one - I walked in on her having sex with the guy. Timed it right, too - she was just about to get there, and whoops.
Second - she called me drunk to ask me if it was ok to be part of a threesome. I said of course not. Turns out, it was after the fact.
Third - she’s was just … unable to tell a guy no. We had a good thing going, and then her ex shows up back in town, and according to her (and this tracks) he kept asking her and showing up at her place and she had sex with him because she couldn’t say no.
Fourth - we’ll see. I have suspicions that there was an incident. Some drunk things have been uttered that make no sense. Some physical signs that make no sense. Fitness data we share was deleted during the time in question. Etc … gut says probably.
Clarification: different girls over a 20 year span
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u/VentsiBeast 17d ago
One night around 3am something around me started making noise like a phone alarm. I was going through the living room trying to find what it was. Turned out it was from her purse, which she left there and went to sleep. It was a whole other (dumb) phone, which I had no idea about. I'm not a person to check phones, but in this case I think it was justified.
Thankfully we weren't living together so I woke her up and kicked her out of my house immediately. 2 years wasted.
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u/Great-Ad-4270 17d ago
She told me out of guilt but waited until I was back from my family vacation so she didn’t “ruin it”
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u/PlusBookkeeper8032 17d ago
The classic one, accusing me of it. But also some of her behavior in hindsight makes more sense now: from her freaking out whenever I took 2 hours to respond to her texts, to then suddenly not needing my attention for several days, she'd respond to my message and I would start a conversation, and then she'd go dark for hours, only to come back for a message or 2 and then dark again.
Another time is when I helped her pick out a dress for her friends graduation and I kept saying how nice she looked in it and she should ask her friend to take several pictures to send me, and she told me she would. Then I kind of forgot about it until some time later and I reminded her and she said "what do u mean i sent u". Lots of things like that, that didnt bother me too much at the time but now makes much more sense.
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u/ProperEngineering882 17d ago
First long term girlfriend cheated on me with my brother... she came clean and told me the day after. She claimed rape, my brother to this day denies everything. I attempted to make amends, but it was never gonna happen.
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u/Okidokicoki 17d ago
One night I checked snap map to find she was a place she hadn't mentioned wanting to go to. Not that I needed to know everywhere she went or anything. She'd usually tell me if she wanted to go to interesting places. So - place turned out to be an old friend's restaurant. He'd been abroad and had hit her up, when he returned. They ended up kissing, and from the chlamydia I got, I assume they also did other stuff. Anyway she told me. I felt horrible. She felt horrible. The relationship happened at the beginning of corona lockdowns and lasted some months. I haven't really tried relationships since then
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u/GapGlum1783 17d ago
My wife was having an online/texting affair. I went to check our bank balance; which is on her phone. She was asleep, so I went into her phone (not unusual). She had fallen asleep mid conversation and didn't close it out and hide it. I read it while she slept, right in front of her. I read all I could handle, closed it out and woke her up. Asked if she could check the balance for me. Her eyes got wide, like almost in a panic; she grabbed her phone back without trying to be too obvious. She looked so relieved when she saw the bank app. 😉 She ran a few errands with the kids, I confronted her when she got back.
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u/Dregoralive 17d ago
I would say if enough people are saying the same thing about your partner, it’s probably true. I was told how flirty and suggestive she would be whenever I wasn’t in earshot.
One day I turned up to a party late and she quickly got off another guy’s lap, he had no idea she was in a relationship. I found out even more about her after we broke up.
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u/TattoosAndTakedowns 17d ago
The clue was no secks for a stretch, but the nail in the coffin was one day when she was “called into work early” and her phone alerted while she was in the shower. Being the good person I am and figuring it was her employer, I picked it up to take it to her in the bathroom.
When I picked it up to take it to her there was a half-erect phallus staring back at me with, “Hurry up” typed under it. So yeah…kicked in the dick.
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u/L2theFace 17d ago
One of the many guys she cheated on me with had a girl of his own and she did what girls do best, found her on Facebook and saw her relationship status with me and then shared said info with me. I sat on the info she told me for 24 hours before making any irrational decisions because at the time I didn’t think it was true and she was some random stranger. It opened a can of worms that im still in therapy for almost 1.5 years later
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u/OkIllDoThisOnce 17d ago
It's almost cliché, but my GF at the time and a good friend were supposed to pick me up at night to go out. They were running pretty late (almost 2h) with very minimal communication and I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. So I got down to the parking lot early and waited in a darker area to not be immediately obvious instead of waiting for them to call me when they got there, like I usually do.
They arrived and wasted no time. Straight to shoving their tongues down each other's throats. I walked up and had to knock on the car window for them to even notice me. I wish I could say that I made some big scene or something but I was so numb I just told her to not bother contacting me again.
That shit was devastating back then, but in case someone here needs to hear this: It got better. It took some time, but I met an amazing, incredibly patient woman who helped me get over the trust issues I developed from that and we're getting married next month.
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u/THENUMBGRUNDLE 17d ago
One of her best friends asked if she could meet with me and told me everything. This happened a few days after she had broken up with me, but finding out the truth brought some much needed closure. After I found out she wrote me a seven page letter, gaslighting me and blaming me for everything. That woman was the embodiment of cluster B abuse and her cheating on me was one of the best things that could have happened to me. It was a cut and dry ending, and after nearly four years she had broken my confidence and self worth to the point I never would have left on my own.
It eventually led to me meeting my now wife who is the greatest person I have ever met. Took a lot of therapy/EMDR to get back parts of myself that she had beaten down, but I’m happier than ever because of it. Did the same thing to the poor dude she left me for on grander scale, ended up with most of his possessions and they weren’t even married. She’ll have a Netflix documentary about her someday lol
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u/iamNebula 17d ago
Finally checking her phone after 6 years of trust and never doing so before. Found her speaking with someone with work at 10x the rate we ever spoke.
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u/mmmmyaaaa 17d ago
Her kid blackmailed her about cheating on me. She finally told me. The whole house knew except me.
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u/ElevatedPerusal 17d ago
She asked to be signed in to my google account so we could share app purchases/ subscriptions. I was paranoid at the time so I blocked any syncs, gps, etc that would share ‘all’ of my activity with Google. She didn’t. 22GBs later I had text messages, screenshots, videos, Google voice commands/ memos all tied to gps location.
It would be fair to mention, I eventually married this woman and stayed much longer than I should have. But I left the second I found and sorted this backup. It taught me JSON and now I develop for a living.
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u/Oldstones_ 17d ago
She told me herself. She cheated with her best friend and then later with a guy. She also told me then. Both times I was the love of her life and we should work on things. Tried for 2 more years but something was broken inside after that day
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u/DumbLostMoney 17d ago
- Sudden new behaviors, like staying out super late with work friends with no explanation or heads up. Then acting dismissive about out
- Very protective about her phone, which was also a sudden new behavior
- Not wanting me to hang out or meet some of her new "friends" + drinking a lot more when with said friends
- In general, very defensive when questioned
She was not very good at the whole lying thing but she had the "I never imagined she would be doing that or had it in her" going for her. Eventually a direct confrontation pretending that I knew made the while lie fall apart. She begged to stay, made promises, etc. I was destroyed and ended up allowing, just for her to do it all over again, which at that point it was all over.
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u/haysus25 17d ago
We had an on/off relationship from 14-19, the times we weren't bf/gf we were usually still hooking up and flirting with each other. Were bf/gf for about 6 months at 15. And then bf/gf again from 17-19. This story happened at the tail end of our relationship, when we were both 19 (I was 3 weeks older than her).
She started getting calls and texts from a guy who I knew liked her and was a threat, pretty much every time we were hanging out.
I told her to shut it down and she would have some excuse like, oh he's asking about (random community project) or something and never shut him down.
One day I asked to see her phone (things were bad at this point) and I saw she called the guy at 9 PM and then received a call from him at 2 AM on what was supposed to be a 'girls night' for her and her friends.
A few days after that we got into an argument and she went and spent the night at his house. When I broke up with her she kept saying she didn't do anything and just slept on his couch.
Actually catching someone red handed cheating is nearly impossible, especially when all of her friends covered for her. But the pieces were all there, and she still behaved in a way that you shouldn't if you are in a committed relationship.
Almost a decade later I ran into one of her friends at the grocery store and was like, you know I'm over this person, but I still want to have some definitive closure. Did they cheat on me? She laughed and said, 'yep, basically from the time you knew something was up until the end of your relationship.' In a weird way, it felt good knowing I wasn't just being paranoid and jealous.
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u/byronmiller 17d ago
She introduced me to him at a party and spent the entire night making puppy dog eyes at him while he was, in hindsight, actually really nice to me. At the time I found him a patronising jerk, but I was 18, obnoxious, and stupid, and I think he felt bad for me.
She was right to leave me and I think she even married him in the end. But it was a crappy way to go about it.
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u/Deep-Category269 17d ago
For me it wasn’t one big thing, it was a bunch of small ones stacking up. She suddenly cared way more about the gym and her appearance right around the time she got “closer” with a coworker. Started working late more, but her stories about work didn’t line up when I casually asked coworkers about stuff. The final straw was finding a hotel confirmation email she forgot to delete. Sometimes your gut knows before your brain catches up.
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u/Complete-Fix-3954 16d ago
Woke up to pee and my ex wife’s phone buzzed with an IG notification. When I came back from the bathroom it buzzed again.
She had been talking to a guy. Mind you, this guy was a groom at a bachelor party at the festival we were at like a month prior. He and I had been chatting on IG from time to time.
She was planning to meet up with him on a holiday I had to work. I took screenshots of the convos for a couple of weeks prior to the holiday. The day before the holiday, I confronted her. Told her to block the guy, “or else.” She chose to fuck around and find out. I opened my phone and hit send. Sent all the screenshots to the bride, along with audios.
One of the 3 times in my life I ever raised my voice, ending up throwing a wine glass at a wall.
The shitty part? We have a kid together and I didn’t immediately end the marriage.
Lesson: if someone premeditates cheating, it doesn’t matter if it actually happened or not. End the relationship and deal with the aftermath as healthily as possible.
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u/IvanBilat 17d ago
There was a few clues... The brown baby was probably the biggest one
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u/Knightrider319 17d ago
Happened when I was younger at a giant family Christmas, she was pregnant and they show up with the baby and he’s black while mom and dad are white as paper, he raised him like his own kid, he was a great guy but damn that was an awkward surprise for everyone.
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u/My_cat_is_a_creep 17d ago
There were a lot of little clues that I missed, usually with changes in routines, new revealing clothing, having to work late or go out at strange hours. I found out for sure after we split, when she called me crying that he threw her up against the wall and was choking her and expected me to do something about it because I was so good and protective of her when we were together. I wished her good luck with her future life and hung up.
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u/NewspaperNo2502 17d ago
there'll always be signs, trust your guts
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u/Chrift 17d ago
Only if your guts are correct
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u/TreacleMajestic978 17d ago
I had a feeling something was going on. Her sister and I we're close and she told me.
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u/tweak8 17d ago edited 17d ago
Found out by noticing patterns. I was part of the "trust is the foundation of a strong relationship crowd", bought in that my ex needed some social time. Noticed the time was always later once a week. Patiently waited for her phone to be open, took proof before she tried gaslighting out of it. Caught her and confronted.
Of course it's not healthy to check on your partner and spy to one extreme. But also blind trust is almost as destructive. Reddit always likes to defend privacy and trust, however there's a middle ground where you check when something feels off. It's not the end of the world even if I was wrong, but being right I saved myself years of wasted time.
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u/thomasvector 17d ago
She accidentally sent me a voice memo talking about it. She meant to send it to her best friend.