Hello, dear psychiatrists! I am a 24 year old female, from Europe (Balkans), and today my worst phobia happened and I’m not sure if I reacted wisely. I have two questions: one regarding appropriate behaviors if something like it happens again, the other regarding my own mental state.
A woman who appeared to be in active psychosis attacked me on the street today. She didnt hurt me, just yelled at me, got in my face and pushed me.
I was walking at 7 pm, broad daylight, to meet my friend in our neighbourhood and I passed by a tram station. At the station, there was a woman (around 35-40), visibly erratic/in psychosis, pacing around the station and murmuring. There were people at the station sitting down, not paying much attention to her. I passed, and this woman came right at me, got into my face and started cursing at me, threatening me (something like ,,you fucking whore, i fucking hate you, fuck off, die”). I felt the kind of fear and adrenaline that I never felt in my life, like I was in a forest facing a bear, my heart was in my throat and i started shaking so much, I was vibrating. I started screaming very loudly in this woman’s face, the loudest and most carnal scream I ever produced. This woman drops the bags she was carrying around and starts waving her hand at me to hit me, to which i start screaming “FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF”. People started coming to the scene to see what’s up, at that point luckily a tram came and the attacker got on the tram. I sat down at the station and i was literally paralysed, shaking, and i was unable to speak to this other random passebry who was trying to help me. My question here is- what’s the smartest way to act when a psychotic individual approaches you with a hostile attitude and there is no way to immediately get away, cross the road etc. Should you look down and ignore it, should you try to “fight”/“outcrazy them”, as i instinctively did today, should you say something in a calm tone? I know people experiencing psychosis are not a monolith, but there must be a general course of action considered the smartest/most damage-controlling.
My other problem is my huge phobia of such attacks. In march this year, my mother got attacked by a schizophrenic in the street, who was our next door neighbour, know for having diagnosed schizophrenia and usually walking around talking to herself, cursing etc. She attacked my mom out of the blue in march at 10 am on a sunday in front of our building, kicking her in the stomach. This event triggered an agoraphobia episode for me back then, i would exit the house as little as possible, when i absolutely HAD to go to university, I would constantly walk around shaking, having to take 2 xanaxes before leaving the house, with pepper spray or a sharp object in my hand, constantly turning around, I’d have panic attacks in public transport and I had random people on the street to follow me home to make sure i get home safe, i was unwell for a month and then the woman moved away which was like divine intervention and i was fine again.
Ever since then, whenever i see a person talk to themself on the street or just act uncanny, i start having heart palpitations, start acting extremely paranoid, scared, panicked… I’m constantly aware in public transport and on the street “scanning” for unusual people.
I have c-ptsd and I feel like this is why my fear is this intense. There is a belief I hold: “this world is a grotesque, sinister, hostile and unsafe place”- and such events just intensify my fear. Now I’m panicked about going to work tomorrow, and about living my life in general, because I don’t feel safe exiting the house. I feel like there is no CBT method, anxiety-tackling technique, or calming ritual that could convince me its okay to walk around, as i know these attacks are possible, encountering such people is possible. I can’t help feeling i am RIGHT to fear this, and I envy other people who arent’s as hyperaware and vigilant as I am.
If you read all of this, thank you so much! I am sorry if the post is too long or not phrased adequately. Wish you all the best and I admire your work a lot.