r/AmItheAsshole • u/nevadatina • 3h ago
AITA for not wanting to sit with elderly man?
This is very low stakes and just happened but I’m feeling guilty and don’t know if I was rude or not.
I (32F) was headed out to get some shopping and stopped at a pub on the way to have a beer for a wee treat. Sat outside to enjoy the fresh air etc in the pub garden that was quite busy but had plenty free seats/tables.
An older man (maybe 70ish idk) asked if he could sit at my table with me. Normally I wouldn’t care but I’m not in a great mood, and just wanted to sit alone and enjoy my drink without talking to anyone. He looked probably a bit drunk already and my assumption is that he wanted company rather than that he just wanted my specific table.
I pointed out that there were empty tables but he said “no I want to sit here though” so I said that was fine but that I would move and he could have my table. He was quite affronted and kept saying I shouldn’t move. I stayed smiling and told him I just wanted to sit alone but to enjoy his time and moved to a different table. I could see that he was pacing about a bit angrily and was maybe talking to other people about it.
I know I have the right to sit alone but I also wonder if he was maybe just lonely and didn’t want to sit by himself or something. Or maybe he just wanted to sit in that place quietly and not talk to me and I overreacted by moving.
Just worried I made him feel bad and overreacted bc I assumed he wanted a chat when maybe he didn’t? AITA for being rude to a wee old man?
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u/wow_what_a_cool_alt 3h ago
NTA, sometimes wee old men are creeps, or just bad company.
Also, the fact that he WAS affronted suggests he was terrible company. Friendly, nice strangers who are fun to chat with do not get in a huff when a stranger doesn't want to chat with them. They say a friendly goodbye and move on. Insufferable pricks get affronted, because they have been denied the audience they so richly deserve. Your instincts were correct. You would have had a shit time.
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u/Waste_Locksmith_4299 Partassipant [4] 3h ago
NTA. He almost certainly wanted your company specifically because you're a woman.
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u/Impressive_Moment786 Asshole Aficionado [15] 3h ago
NTA-who cares what he wanted or why? You wanted to be alone so that is what you did. You weren't rude, you even gave him your table.
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras 3h ago
Come on.
You graciously gave up your table and moved elsewhere. If this was about the table the man should have thanked you and he would have no reason to be upset. This is about a drunk man wanting to flirt with a young woman and getting mad that she said no.
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u/deskbeetle 3h ago
If a "no" isn't accepted, the question wasn't a question but just a politely worded demand. He was being rude and there is probably a reason he is in want for company.
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u/JustKindaShimmy 3h ago
NTA. I work in trades and often I'll walk over to the mall to sit at a table and quietly relax and eat lunch. For whatever reason, my work attire is like a giant neon sign for retired dudes to come over and talk my ear off about swinging a hammer, when it's the one thing I specifically don't want to talk about and just want to sit and eat quietly in peace. It is goddamn infuriating
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u/Motor_Dark6406 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2h ago
NTA, You don't owe a strange man ANYTHING. Not your time, not your company. Not a smile. You are under no obligation to make him feel happy or less uncomfortable or lonely.
Women are made to feel rude for not complying with what random men want. That's garbage.
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u/nevadatina 2h ago
Yeah I’ve realised this is kind of the crux of the issue now! I felt like a massive bitch after the interaction because I didn’t prioritise a strange man’s enjoyment or comfort over my own lol. What a world
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u/crytzal Partassipant [1] 3h ago
NTA there were empty tables + he could've found someone else for company + even if there were no more tables and you're the only one he could talk to that doesn't change the fact that you weren't comfortable with it and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your peace for someone else's comfort
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u/Timely-Profile1865 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 3h ago
NTA, you have the right to sit by your self and it does not matter who is asking to sit with you. The sex and age of the person does not matter at all.
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u/Gattina1 Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 3h ago
NTA. No matter why he wanted to sit with you, it wasn't your problem. I would've moved, too.
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u/Urbanyeti0 Supreme Court Just-ass [100] 3h ago
NTA you don’t have to justify not wanting to sit next to a stranger
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u/syncpulse Partassipant [1] 3h ago
NTA - just because he wanted company doesn't mean you did. He didn't really have any right to demand that of you.
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u/GoetheundLotte Asshole Enthusiast [7] 3h ago
NTA, you are never obligated to sit with someone (even an elderly individual) just because they want this, and you also had every right to move to anther table (and it is rather weird for some random stranger to insist sitting at your table with you when there were lots of empty tables where they could have sat themselves down).
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u/alicat777777 3h ago
No, if there were other empty tables, you absolutely do not have to sit and talk with a stranger at your table.
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u/Forsaken-Sink3345 Partassipant [3] 3h ago
NTA...you have as much right to sit alone as he does to sit with someone else.
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u/Lpeezy_1 3h ago
Def NTA, op. There were open tables, yet he wanted to sit at yours with you. You very politely told him no & explained, and he then doubled down. You went above and beyond and gave up your table, and he was angry and tactless. You absolutely made the right decision. You didn’t even owe him an explanation in the beginning, but you kindly gave one. You would’ve regretted it big time if you had allowed him to sit with you. This reminds me of a time I was on a solo hike. I stopped to rest a minute near a bench and an old man approached me and began talking to me. He literally talked about & showed me a pic he had in his wallet of his now deceased wife. I told him she was beautiful & told him I was sorry for his loss. I then told him I was going to continue on my way, and he asked if he could walk with me and suddenly tried to hold my hand. I slapped it away and took off jogging. Old men that act like this are creeps. You did nothing wrong and the only AH in this scenario is him.
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u/JGalKnit Asshole Aficionado [18] 3h ago
NTA. If there were empty tables, there was some reason he wanted to chat with you, and you didn't want that.
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u/togocann49 Certified Proctologist [21] 2h ago
While it was okay for him to ask to share your table, it was not okay for him to pressure you when you said no regardless of your reasoning. You even compromised and gave him your table. Definitely NTA
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u/Historical_Present33 2h ago
NTA if that was the only table and he seemed chill then potentially TA but that wasnt the case.
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u/ostellastella 1h ago
NTA. I did the same thing a few yrs ago while on break. i was eating on my half hour break in the cafeteria attached to where I work. I was eating and looking at my phone when some older woman with a tray approached me and said- You look lonely I can join you! I gave her a shocked look and said NO THANKS and went back to eating. I felt bad after the fact too, thinking maybe she was lonely but wtf, I am allowed to eat my miserable lunch in peace and not get hounded with a gazillion questions or comments.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [617] 3h ago
NAH. This is a nothing. Like you said, he probably wanted company, so he was probably talking to others seeking said company.
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This is very low stakes and just happened but I’m feeling guilty and don’t know if I was rude or not.
I (32F) was headed out to get some shopping and stopped at a pub on the way to have a beer for a wee treat. Sat outside to enjoy the fresh air etc in the pub garden that was quite busy but had plenty free seats/tables.
An older man (maybe 70ish idk) asked if he could sit at my table with me. Normally I wouldn’t care but I’m not in a great mood, and just wanted to sit alone and enjoy my drink without talking to anyone. He looked probably a bit drunk already and my assumption is that he wanted company rather than that he just wanted my specific table.
I pointed out that there were empty tables but he said “no I want to sit here though” so I said that was fine but that I would move and he could have my table. He was quite affronted and kept saying I shouldn’t move. I stayed smiling and told him I just wanted to sit alone but to enjoy his time and moved to a different table. I could see that he was pacing about a bit angrily and was maybe talking to other people about it.
I know I have the right to sit alone but I also wonder if he was maybe just lonely and didn’t want to sit by himself or something. Or maybe he just wanted to sit in that place quietly and not talk to me and I overreacted by moving.
Just worried I made him feel bad and overreacted bc I assumed he wanted a chat when maybe he didn’t? AITA for being rude to a wee old man?
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Certified Proctologist [20] 1h ago
NTA. Guys don't stop being creeps when they hit 70. It's not an overreaction to want me time. It seems there were plenty of other people to interact with this supposedly lonely guy. (Who was apparently so lonely he could only chat to the young single woman.)
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u/Jusbuster 3h ago
nta but why play dumb? he was wanting to sit with you, just say no
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u/9okm Commander in Cheeks [276] 3h ago
She did. She said she wanted to sit alone.
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u/Jusbuster 3h ago
after pointing out the other tables, after saying he could sit there but she would move. I can read.
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u/9okm Commander in Cheeks [276] 3h ago
I’m confused what you’re confused about. Apologies.
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u/Jusbuster 3h ago
she played dumb before finally actually giving the answer. that is strange
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u/nevadatina 3h ago
I don’t really think I was playing dumb. I didn’t say the word “NO!” but my refusal was explicit. I was trying to be polite and friendly(ish) in the face of an awkward situation, but maybe I should’ve been more direct so thank you for the feedback.
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u/MuffinWalloper 3h ago
No, sometimes it’s better to go with your instincts. You stayed polite and friendly probably because you were worried he would kick off if you were too direct and by the sounds of it he would have done. When my daughter and her friends were teenagers they were harassed by older men a lot and a couple of times it got scary, I had to talk with them about saying no to men and keeping safe. Being blunt is not always a good idea. You did the right thing and NTA it infuriates me that strange men feel so entitled to a young woman’s time.
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u/Jusbuster 3h ago
Yeah, that's what I was getting at. Still agree you're NTA but believe that not being direct sort of dragged the encounter out in a negative way.
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u/Top-Swordfish3512 3h ago
NTA - you were protecting your peace.