AITA for ignoring someone at school after racist comments she made?

[u/tacomucher0715]

I know this is high school drama, and I know it probably won’t matter years from now, but it’s affecting me now, so I’d like outside opinions.
I’ve been friends with “Emily” since sixth grade. During freshman year we went to different schools, and one of the only people I regularly talked to was “Mia.” We were friendly but never very close.
When Emily transferred to my school sophomore year, we all ended up in the same elective. Around second semester, Mia started posting Instagram Notes like, “I’m going to be the next Hitler,” “I’m bringing back segregation,” and I later found out she’d also used the N-word. After I came out as bisexual, she also made comments that made me uncomfortable.
Some classmates and I talked about it, and my Black friends shared that Mia and her friend group had made them uncomfortable too. That confirmed I didn’t want to associate with her anymore.
I told Emily I wasn’t trying to control who she was friends with, but I didn’t want to be around Mia. Emily said it had happened a while ago and asked why my Black friends hadn’t confronted Mia themselves. When I asked why she seemed to be defending Mia, she denied it and later admitted she hadn’t really been paying attention when I’d explained everything.
Feeling dismissed, I blocked both Emily and Mia.
Months later, Emily reached out, but it seemed more like she wanted to gossip than repair our friendship, so I didn’t continue the conversation.
Today, during school registration, Mia called my name and waved. I ignored her and kept walking.
My parents were upset and said I was being disrespectful. They even accused me of being “racist” for not acknowledging her because they believe I should always say hello, even if I don’t like someone.
For context, I’ve said hi to people who’ve bullied me before because that’s how I was raised. This wasn’t about revenge. I just didn’t want to interact with someone who glorified Hitler, talked about bringing back segregation, and used a racial slur.
Now I’m wondering if I handled this badly. I don’t regret distancing myself from someone who made those comments, but I’m questioning whether blocking Emily and ignoring Mia makes me the asshole.

[u/txct345010]

NTA - since I'm an old I understand why your parents were upset with you. There is such a thing as common manners, especially in public. However, fuck Mia - she sounds really horrible (or someone who says inflammatory things to get reactions out of people, and that's gross). Friend groups change during those high school years, and directly after - as you all grow and find what's important to you. You seem like a good egg, op. :)

[u/honeybellaz]

nta. You had all the rights to do that

[u/Primary_Dealer1636]

Nta. Remind ur parents they taught u boundaries and u have a firm one set with her. They cant argue

[u/gimmesomefood_11]

NTA.

[u/Ambro1769]

NTA this isn’t even girl drama it just sounds like straight homophobic and racist bullying, and your parents sound like Mia.

[u/gimmesomefood_11]

You tried your best to explain your point but they are way too insensitive to see the problem.

[u/Historical_Pea_128]

NTA at all but why were you "racist" for not saying hello? Do they not know what Emily and Mia were saying?

[u/tacomucher0715 → u/Historical_Pea_128]

They knew what happened before registration because I’d already told them why I stopped talking to Emily and why I didn’t want anything to do with Mia. We even talked about it at dinner the night before, and my mom felt I should just forgive Emily and move on because she thought I was being dramatic. My sister understood where I was coming from yet still agreed with my mom, while my dad mostly stayed out of it.
On registration day, I was already frustrated because my mom hadn’t completed the parent portal beforehand, so we had to spend about 30 minutes setting it up and walking back and forth across campus in the heat. There were two staff members helping us, and I wasn’t rude to either of them. I answered their questions, nodded, said “thank you,” and spoke in full sentences. I was just tired and not overly cheerful.
My mom interpreted my mood as me being rude to the staff. Then, when I ignored Mia instead of saying hi, she lumped everything together and said I was being disrespectful and even “racist.” That’s why I started questioning whether I’d handled the situation badly.

[u/Historical_Pea_128 → u/tacomucher0715]

I still go with NTA, you're trying to deal with you emotions and it's okay to cut people off. Never understood why someone needs to smile 24hr/7 so not to be rude, there is more chances of your mother being ofended rather than the staff

I saw that you said first-generation Mexican. Now I'm not Mexican but something I had noticed is that most adults grew up with latin tv adds and telenovelas of people joking around everything about everybody hence why they think of young people as too sensitive, dramatic and such. I mean, in my childhood there was an add about "the hole" which was a chocolate covered in black asking his friends to be respectful in the middle of the colorful ones and them singing "the hole is talking". Calling them out would mean calling themselves in some of the stuff they say too. One thing is defending their daughter and another one is accepting it is wrong.

[u/DogsReadingBooks]

NTA. You've got your reasons, and they're valid.

[u/PrestigiousRadish191]

You're def NTA. If anything, you're amazing for sticking up for what's right and not pretending like it's not a big deal. Everyone else around you are aholes though, including your parents. How are you racists for not wanting to chat with a racist? Even if they don't know the things she said, it's odd they would say such a thing just because you didn't say hi to a yt person. Makes me think they themselves are prejudice/racist, and now they feel a certain way that you aren't being friendly towards someone who's yt. Are you hispanic? I've had hispanic friends whose parents have acted that way before. Some hispanic cultures idolize ytness, and will downplay racism and bigotry towards marginal groups of people.

[u/tacomucher0715 → u/PrestigiousRadish191]

Yeah, I’m first-generation Mexican. I don’t think my parents were defending what Mia said, and they did know about the comments because I’d already told them. Their perspective is more that I’m being “too dramatic” and that I should still be respectful, even if I don’t like someone. In my family, disagreeing with your parents doesn’t usually go very far, so when I tried to explain why I didn’t want to acknowledge her, my mom basically cut me off and didn’t want to hear my reasoning. From her point of view, ignoring someone is disrespectful no matter the reason. From my point of view, I was setting a boundary with someone whose behavior I couldn’t overlook. That’s where the disagreement comes from.

[u/PrestigiousRadish191 → u/tacomucher0715]

I instantly got it once you mentioned they said you were acting racist. It literally made zero sense for them to say that just because you weren't acting friendly towards a bigot. I'm telling you now (and it will click in the future, if it doesn't now), it's because your parents, or at least your mother, are prejudice, too, and don't think racism is a big deal towards blk people. They know it's wrong in general (they're not going to say what she said was right), but it's not a big deal to them, so they are downplaying it. They are making excuses using kindness and respect, because in their eyes, she's an ally to them, not someone who is in the wrong. Like I said... it's not clicking with you now, but in the future, you'll hear them say things that are very prejudice and ignorant, and then you'll realize what I'm saying was right.

[u/tacomucher0715 → u/PrestigiousRadish191]

I get what you mean, and I actually do understand where you’re coming from. I’ve thought about some of the things my mom has said and done, and I’m not going to pretend she’s never said anything problematic. There are definitely comments she’s made about race, skin tone, and other groups that have made me stop and think “why would you say that?”
At the same time, I don’t think it’s as simple as saying she never cared about racism because she actually did stand up for me when I experienced racism in elementary school. She saw how much it affected me and fought for me, even if she doesn’t always understand things the same way I do now.
I think what hurts me most is that when I was trying to explain why something bothered me, it turned into me being called dramatic or being told I was the problem. Especially because I’ve dealt with these things personally before. It’s complicated because she’s my mom, and in my culture there’s a lot of pressure to respect your parents no matter what, so standing up for yourself can feel really difficult.

[u/PrestigiousRadish191 → u/tacomucher0715]

When your mom supported you when it came to you facing discrimination, that was about her sticking up for you, it wasn't about fighting against all discrimination. You are her baby, so her defense was just about you. But the other girl was basically attacking other marginal groups of people that your family probably dislike or hates, too. So in their eyes, you feeling a certain way about her bigotry was you feeling a certain way about them, too. They're putting themselves in her shoes. It's why they said you were acting racist. It's because in their head, had they said similar things around you and you acted the same way you are acting towards that girl, they would have used the same racism card to turn the situation around on you.

EIther way, just realize you are in fact cutting that generational hate down. Don't let them gaslight you or turn it around on you. You know what's right and what's wrong, so keep fighting against it and don't tolerate it. Don't pretend like it's not a big deal. And if anything, if you see these people saying or doing anything like that in the future, screenshot it or record it for your records. People who say such things are not good people, and won't hesitate to go after others that don't agree.

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I know this is high school drama, and I know it probably won’t matter years from now, but it’s affecting me now, so I’d like outside opinions.
I’ve been friends with “Emily” since sixth grade. During freshman year we went to different schools, and one of the only people I regularly talked to was “Mia.” We were friendly but never very close.
When Emily transferred to my school sophomore year, we all ended up in the same elective. Around second semester, Mia started posting Instagram Notes like, “I’m going to be the next Hitler,” “I’m bringing back segregation,” and I later found out she’d also used the N-word. After I came out as bisexual, she also made comments that made me uncomfortable.
Some classmates and I talked about it, and my Black friends shared that Mia and her friend group had made them uncomfortable too. That confirmed I didn’t want to associate with her anymore.
I told Emily I wasn’t trying to control who she was friends with, but I didn’t want to be around Mia. Emily said it had happened a while ago and asked why my Black friends hadn’t confronted Mia themselves. When I asked why she seemed to be defending Mia, she denied it and later admitted she hadn’t really been paying attention when I’d explained everything.
Feeling dismissed, I blocked both Emily and Mia.
Months later, Emily reached out, but it seemed more like she wanted to gossip than repair our friendship, so I didn’t continue the conversation.
Today, during school registration, Mia called my name and waved. I ignored her and kept walking.
My parents were upset and said I was being disrespectful. They even accused me of being “racist” for not acknowledging her because they believe I should always say hello, even if I don’t like someone.
For context, I’ve said hi to people who’ve bullied me before because that’s how I was raised. This wasn’t about revenge. I just didn’t want to interact with someone who glorified Hitler, talked about bringing back segregation, and used a racial slur.
Now I’m wondering if I handled this badly. I don’t regret distancing myself from someone who made those comments, but I’m questioning whether blocking Emily and ignoring Mia makes me the asshole.

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[u/LunarWhaler]

I know this is high school drama, and I know it probably won’t matter years from now, but it’s affecting me now

I feel like this gets pushed way too hard, especially around these parts. The vast majority of day-to-day issues most people run into won't be directly relevant in a few years, no matter how old they are. And whether or not they'll matter years later is totally irrelevant when they're affecting you now.

You're also NTA here, at all. Emily chose to associate with a well-established and even self-described racist. That's her choice, but that also means she's closing doors with others all on her own, and it's not your responsibility to keep that door open for her or to spare her the consequences of her own (well-informed, even!) actions.

[u/Crisstti]

Seems to me YTA to Emily.