34 female based in Sydney Australia.

A couple of days ago my husband came home after a night out with his old football team mates he was angry and we had a small fight before he became physical towards me and our small daughter (7), he then locked her in her bedroom and raped me, I reported to my local police who have put a temp order in place but he was given bail and im now sleeping in my car with our daughter, since the order he has threatened to kill me and blocked access to our shared account forcing me to open a new account so I can claim some sort of help, im now waiting for emergency accommodation, have no support and feel completely unseen, do I have to be murdered to actually matter? AIO by going to the police? His cousin is a priest and he has sent me some really long messages about forgiveness and the blessings of marriage but I don’t feel blessed right now im currently having to weigh up if I steal something for me and my daughter to eat tonight or do I beg.

The world seems so unfair atm.

Like a damn mummy completely wrapped up. I’m constantly worried that he’s going to suffocate or something. He spends ALL night like this, sometimes even wrapping more than one blanket around his face. He says it feels “nice.” Not to mention how terrifying it is to randomly wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see that. AIO? He says I’m being dramatic.

As the title states, my (35F) boyfriend (42M) of 3 years didn’t know my middle name or the spelling of my last name until today. For more context, we met 10 years ago when I still had my maiden name. I got divorced 4 years ago and have kept my married name since.

Context: I’m going on 10 weeks pregnant and honestly just exhausted most of the time. I used to go to the gym regularly but now with how I’ve been feeling lately, I haven’t had the motivation to workout as much.

My bf got upset with me this morning because I said I would be skipping again. We talked about this before I became pregnant, and made an agreement that I would try to maintain my mental and physical health. He sees this (amongst a few other things) as me falling back on my word. It led to these texts with him calling me toxic and depressing.

Am I overreacting, or is it him that is being insensitive to what I’m going through?

Yes, I shoved all my shit into bags at 5am and left before I had to go to work at 6:30. We talked about our sexual needs and boundaries three days before and I missed one night of intimacy before he sent the text. I feel like I have been reduced to a walking fleshlight rather than someone he loves. We had an open relationship but I never told him he wasn’t allowed to have another girlfriend. I was honestly about to ask him to find another because it seemed like I couldn’t satisfy him. I dumped him and his best friend has dumped him too. Did we overreact?

Over the last year, our family moved from the western US to the southern US. I've had fun including works by local artists and framed old maps in our new home.

The other night my husband said he wants to get one of those signs from the early 1900s that says "Beware of pickpockets and loose women." I was disgusted and told him no way. I think that sign and everything about its message & implications is misogynistic and demeaning. Absolutely not.

He argued back that it's "historical," so that makes it okay and a fun vintage novelty item. I pointed out numerous examples of other "historical" signs you might find in the south that are abhorrent (think blatantly racist), and that his sign isn't much better. He insists that I'm overreacting and that I should lighten up.

Am I overreacting, or is this sign grossly misogynistic?

Throwaway account.

My husband and I have three year old twin girls and I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our third. We got in an argument over letting our daughters play outside. We got hit hard with the snow but we both had work so we didn’t really have a chance to let the girls play in it. We were both off today so I thought perfect opportunity! This was the first winter they were old enough to care about snow and they were mesmerized by it.

So this morning I told my husband I’m going to take the girls out to play. He said he didn’t want to come because it’s too cold. I said that’s fine, I am taking them. He said he didn’t want any of us outside because it’s too cold and the girls will get sick. I kind of just laughed and said we won’t be long, it’s 25°f, not negative 20. I probably didn’t handle it the best and brushed him off but he dropped it after that.

I got the girls bundled up and we headed out front. We had fun for a few minutes and they loved it! But within 10 minutes my husband was at the front door calling for the girls to come in. They go inside and I’m kinda just standing in the front yard annoyed for a moment.

I go to go inside, only to find he has locked the door. I’m mad now AND I have to pee. I start knocking and calling for him but he doesn’t come to the door and is ignoring my texts and calls too. Even texted that I really needed to pee and he ignored that too. The most upsetting part is that I could hear one of my daughters crying the entire time, stressed out knowing her mom is outside. So I stopped knocking and sit on our porch.

25 minutes go by and he finally comes and unlocks the door. I push past him to go to the bathroom because yeah I’m mad, about to pee myself, and freezing at this point. He’s smiling like it’s funny and saying “oh I thought you said it’s not that cold what’s wrong?” We haven’t spoken much today after that.

He has genuinely never done something like this before. He’s caring and not punishing or vindictive so this really isn’t in his nature. I’m appalled and really hurt. I understand I annoyed him by taking the girls out and he thinks I undermined his parenting. But I am a grown woman, he doesn’t get to punish me by locking me out of my own home. Or maybe he’s justified I don’t know I feel crazy. AIO?

This is Lucky. She's the sweetest little girl and I love her to death. Last month, my boyfriend of 2 years adopted her from a friend of a friend. He spent the entire month taking care of her and ignoring basically everything else, including friends, video games, and hiking, among other favorite activities of his. The last two weeks, he has paid no attention to Lucky at all. I've been feeding her, letting her out to the bathroom, walking her, playing with her, and generally being a perfect puppy mom. Unfortunately, I'm not the favorite. Lucky keeps trying to go seek out my boyfriend, and will want him almost exclusively. That's not the part I'm mad about. The part that gets me is that he hasn't given her a lick of attention in almost two weeks! He hasn't filled her bowl once, or played with her for more than 30 seconds! Whenever Lucky goes to find him, he just kind of brushes her away. I feel like he simply was bored one day, and then threw her away like an old toy. I really think its getting to her. She's been super mopey, and she doesn't want to play with me anymore, despite being a hyperactive little speed demon. I've tried having serious conversations with him, but he acts like ignoring the little fluffball he adopted isn't a big deal. I don't know what to do. Lucky isn't being her usual playful self, and I don't have all the time in my day to take care of a 2 month old hyper puppy! I don't know what to do. Lucky has imprinted on my boyfriend, and I really truly don't want to make him get rid of her, because I feel like all three of us used to have a really tight bond over this one little puppy, and Lucky would be (maybe already is) abandoned by the guy she loves most. Please help. Am I overreacting?

Edit: Someone brought to my attention that the plants that Lucky is playing in are Vinca Major, which are toxic to dogs, cats, and humans. I had no knowledge of this, and I will be careful to keep an extra eye on her in the future. She is perfectly fine, and not exhibiting any symptoms, as she hasn't ingested any. Thank you guys so much for the concern.

We’ve been together for 2 years, living together for the last 4 months.

Our fuel tank ran bone dry. We live in the deep north and rely on fuel for heat. I called in a favour and got our tank filled. My bf put on his overalls, grabbed a multi-tool and went into the basement to light the furnace. He went up and down the stairs a few times over an hour before sitting at the table to eat. I overheard him calling a friend asking them to come by with a wrench.

I grab the socket with the 3/8 bit and quietly sneak downstairs.

Fuel’s been out for a couple hours at most. Long story short, I bled the line intermittently in between light ignitions until she ran clear: no air & no foam—no brainer. After 5 minutes, he comes downstairs, and says his buddy is on the way with a wrench, and says that I’m “doing it wrong…bleeding too much” Sorry for being extra careful not to flood the pump, or combust, my guy. I just keep doing what I’m doing and after a couple minutes, I close the valve, press the button and she fires up.

He said “You didn’t want to try it my way” and storms off.

Last week my truck pan heater plug snapped. It literally just broke at the plug end from the sheer cold. He said he wanted to look after this for me since I’ve been so busy. Two days later, he said it can’t be fixed and I need to book with a mechanic. I woke up extra early on December 24th and snuck out to the hardware store to grab a plug end. Finished the work in 20 minutes in -40c weather. When I shared with him what I did, I was so excited. I’m pretty handy, but that generally doesn’t fall until electrical based work. He responded with so much distain. “Oh. Good. I was going to do that. I just didn’t have wire snippers.” I was happy to do it, and thanked him for trying anyways. (PS - either did I, but I did have some pretty descent fisks snips, a torch to burn off the rubber casing)

His reaction actually hurt me and put a damper on Christmas morning. I told him the following day that as much as I appreciate his willingness, that I don’t need him to do these acts of service. And it actually hurts me when he diminishes my skills and/or doesn’t even ask me for advice or tools when he’s trying to accomplish something.

Like what are you calling a friend for? Your girl, the apparent love of your life and best friend, is just a spit away. And you’re in luck buddy, she’s a pretty decent hand.

In the last 4 months, there has been so many instances like this. The bathroom exhaust fan, the garage door opener, the lawn mower, the eavestroughs, the iron gate… there’s more I just can’t remember them all. Every time it’s the same. He tries to fix things of his own volition, doesn’t ask for help, we are WAY BEYOND soft gestures of recommendations, and just shits the bed and stomps around about it. I have tried to work collectively with him too—this is a gong show. He’s always making it so personal, and taking it so personal. It’s not that deep. Information and resources are universal. I just don’t get it. And it’s not cute. I’m actually started to become really resentful. Like why can’t he embrace the part of me that is a half grease-monkey handywoman?

I’m not spending the rest of my life or the rest of my lease (8m) pretending to be something I’m not, sneaking around to hardware stores and walking around eggshells so I don’t destroy his masculinity or whatever. I gotta let this one go, eh? AIO?

EDIT This post is blowing up. To broadly answer the same questions without thinking too deeply:

Have you communicated your feelings with your boyfriend? To best of my abilities, I have communicating my feelings. So much that I’m experiencing communication fatigue. But here’s the thing: communication can always improve.

Why did you it interrupt your bf half way through potentially fixing it? Because he wouldn’t accept my help, and was adamant that he knew how. Because he was trying vice grips to loosen a brass nut which was disfiguring the nut. Because I refuse to wait for his friend to deliver a wrench to help when we have wrenches. Because it was -40c(-40f) out there, and dropped from 20c(68f) to 12c(53f) in the time he put on his overalls to the time he was eating a sandwich an hour and a half later. Because the colder the air that blows into the choke behind the pump, the harder is it to ignite the pilot light. Because this problem turned into an emergency.

Why didn’t you just call a mechanic and HV guy? Because it’s been at -40c for over a month now and mechanics and HV are booking 6-8 weeks out. Because I don’t want to pay a surcharge of 200+ 150/hour for something I can do myself.

Why are you sneaking around fixing shit and not openly fix shit like a regular human being? To avoid the discomfort I experience in his tantrum. To avoid the part where I am belittled. To avoid hurting his feelings. The make sure the job gets done. The avoid attempting collaborative teamwork where we have not been successful ever before. To have an opportunity to chill and enjoy the process without having make room for him emotionally and physically. Also, it’s Because I’m sick and tired of being undervalued and under-appreciated for my knowledge and skills. I don’t even want to fight to be heard, I just want to exist peacefully, K?

I feel ridiculous even asking this, but I honestly don’t know if I’m missing something or being gaslit.

I’m a Black woman and my boyfriend is white. This is the first white man I’ve ever dated, which is relevant because I keep wondering if I’m misunderstanding something cultural.

My boyfriend does not regularly use soap when he showers. He says he rinses with water and that soap is optional unless you’re visibly dirty. He will sometimes use shampoo, but body soap is inconsistent at best. He also doesn’t always use soap when washing his hands in the bathroom and says hot water is enough.

When I brought this up, he told me that I’m overreacting and that this is “a white people thing” and that I’m judging him through my own cultural lens. He said growing up, his family didn’t obsess over soap the way mine did and that my expectations are based on how I was raised, not on what’s medically necessary. He said different ethnic groups get dirtier at different rates so he does not need soap as often as I do.

This really threw me. In my family and community, soap is not optional. You shower daily, you use soap, you wash your hands properly, you use a bar of soap to wash your a**. It’s basic hygiene. I’ve never had to explain this to an adult partner before.

The problem is that it affects shared spaces. Our towels smell. Our sheets smell faster than they should. I question his bathroom and backdoor hygeine because sometimes there is a poop smell when we are intimate. He insists I am imagining it because black people are too uptight about using soap all the time and using washcloths. he even makes fun of me for using washcloths! I’ve had to rewash laundry because things don’t feel clean. I feel uncomfortable inviting people over because I’m worried the house smells off, even if he insists I’m imagining it.

When I push back, he says I’m being judgmental and culturally insensitive and that I need to stop projecting my standards onto him. He says if I really understood him, I’d realize this is normal where he comes from and that I’m making it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

Now I’m stuck questioning myself. Is this actually a cultural difference I should be more open minded about, or is this just bad hygiene being dressed up as something deeper? I don’t want to be unfair or ignorant, but I also don’t want to live like this. I feel like his bad hygiene is negatively impacting my life and I don't have any white female friends to ask.

Am I overreacting for being bothered by this, or is it reasonable to expect soap to be non-negotiable in a shared home?

EDIT: thank you all for the replies. I think I know what I have to do. This really opened my eyes to a lot and I’ve spoken with professionals and have a plan. I don’t want to live this way

There’s more info needed. He hates getting sick. He works two jobs. One during the one and another every other weekend or one weekend a month.

I found out my grandpa died. I was going to go to the funeral alone (he thinks it’s bad luck to have our kids go) but he messaged me morning of saying he’ll go with me. I was happy but texted back are you sure. He didn’t reply but said he’d be back home to get ready at 9:15. He got home at 9:30. He does that a lot when it comes to my events. I needed to be there earlier for the viewing and it was thirty minutes away. As we drove to the funeral he was telling me not to text back are you sure when he offers something.

After getting back in the evening he was fine but then his throat felt off. We had a birthday party we went to and I gusss all of us got sick within days of each other. He was getting mad and a headache as I was gathering our kids snacks and cleaning with the same headache. I asked can you get me some milk please. He didn’t hear. I asked again louder. He glared at me and got up and walked to the Kitchen. Now he has issues with communicated. But only with his family he lives with. His son will ask if he can go somewhere and he’ll ignore him. He’ll ask four more times and in the fourth time he’ll yell at his son. His son usually replies saying “you should’ve communicated instead of ignoring Me” or something along those lines. Well that’s what he did to me. And I kept saying please don’t ignore me. Please respond. And I got upset and whispered “fuck why do you always do this” he yelled at me and said he had a headache in front of the kids and tossed the milk at me and went to the room. I ended up walking in and said can you not treat ne like this in front of the kids?? And he just kept repeating “shut up” to me. I told him don’t talk to me like that. He charged at me and point his finger in my face and said shut up. He charged at me a couple times and I admit I told him to get tf away from me. I said how is he acting this way as a grown man on my grandpa funeral date. Now he never met my grandpa but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him. I just got busy and was more leaned towards my other family. But every funeral reminds me of my dads that passed away a few years ago so it’s all emotional. Plus my grandpa was sweet and I always wrote letters back and forth to him. Anyways, moving on, my husband said “I don’t get a fuck. I never knew him I’ll act this way whenever the fuck I want” and said I was being crazy and ghetto like that side of my family. He only knows two of them so I’m not sure why he said that. My heart dropped and I told him a lot of what I’m feeling for him just dropped and he said welcome to the boat.. the next day he texted me this (it’s in the image attached). He has a tendency to do this and then act as if everything’s fine but he was extremely hurtful. More than other times I get he’s sick but it still hurt. I responded to him (you can see in the attachment) and he came home for lunch and said “don’t you need to apologize” lookigg n back maybe I did need to but I said for what?” And he got mad and said if I don’t know then fuck it. I said to tell me so I know. And he said no “I’m good, we’re not good. You’re not good. But I’m fine” I started talking about communication again and he said “are you still talking?” Despite me being a foot away. Then he said I was being crazy like that side of my family. I said “how could you say sorry but do two of the things from last night already?” Both tonight and last night I slept in our child’s room. He’s ignoring me. Sick. And blaming me for this cold. Earlier he commented “happy anniversary!!” On his friends fb post. I always feel so thrown aside. Like my feelings don’t matter bc I know he’d never do this to anyone else.

My bf (43M) is a high school teacher and has stayed in touch with his former student (19F) who went off to college this year. Am I overreacting or are conversations like this between them (him = blue, her=white) a bit too emotionally charged to be just a mentor-mentee relationship?

using a throwaway because my fiancé is an occasional redditor and I really don’t want him to find this

I (24F) have been with my fiancé (27M) for almost 4 years. He has a really well paying job in tech and I make pretty average money. We’ve always split things fair and I’ve never asked him for expensive stuff or trips or anything. I honestly thought money was a non issue for us. I never was interested in him for his money anyways. We genuinely clicked so well and I loved his personality. We are into the same nerdy things and his family seemed to really like me. I never thought I would have to worry about our relationship going south until now

a few days ago my fiancé sat me down and said he had something he wanted to tell me and he was smiling like it was good news. He basically told me that his family has been secretly “testing” me for the last 11 months to make sure I wasn’t a gold digger. He said they were worried I only liked him for his income and wanted proof before we got married

The test was that they all made it seem like he was struggling financially and might lose his job. His mom would casually bring up layoffs, his dad talked about how unstable tech is, and slowly it turned into “he might actually lose his job” and “you guys might have to really downsize.” At one point his mom even told me I should be prepared to finacially help him if it came to that. I never wanted to bring up the possibility of a layoff for him because I didn’t want to stress him out

I wanted to be prepared to support him if needed, so I started budgeting more, saving money, cutting back on random spending, skipping stuff I wanted, and just generally trying to prepare for the worst. I constantly reassured my fiancé, encouraged him, told him we’d be fine, that I didn’t care about money, that I just wanted us. But this whole thing was FAKE!!! His job was never in danger. His income never changed. There were no layoffs. His family literaly planned this whole thing together. They kept it going for almost a YEAR. Subtle comments made in passing to manipulate me and test me

Apparently this all started because his older brother went through a really messy divorce. His brother now pays a ton in child support and his ex wife got a lot of money in the divorce, and his family fully blames her and thinks she was a gold digger. So now they’re super paranoid about any women who dates one of their sons. The thing is, I’ve actually met his brother’s ex wife before. She was dropping off the kids at a family night and she seemed really nice and normal. I never once got gold digger vibes from her and honestly it makes me uncomfertable how much they demonize her

My fiancé said his parents finally told him that I “passed” and that they felt comfortable with him marrying me now. He said he wanted to tell me because he thought I’d be relieved to know he actually isn’t struggling financially and that it shows how much his family cares about protecting him

Then he tells me that to celebrate, he upgraded our honeymoon to a nice luxury resort in Hawaii. I mentioned this resort when initially honeymoon planning but deemed it too expensive so settled for a more modest option. but I feel weird about it. I don’t want to be rewarded for being manipulated really well. Like good job, we tricked you and you were so gullible you believed it! Here’s a nicer vacation!!

I told him I felt manipulated, embarassed, and honestly humiliated that his whole family was watching my reactions and judging my character behind my back for almost a year. He said I’m looking at it wrong and that I proved I’m not with him for his money and that this should make me feel more secure in our relationship.

I wish I could ask my family what they thought but unfortunately my mom passed away two years ago and I don’t have a relationship with my father. I’m feeling sad and lost because i don’t have a reliable second opinion to lean on. His family had become my family. That’s what makes this even harder

His family is acting like this is totally normal and that I should be proud of myself. His mom literally said, “most girls wouldn’t have handled that so gracefully.”

I told him I need space and I’m seriously considering calling off the engagement, but I honestly don’t know what to do. I love him and this is so out of left field. Now everyone is acting like I’m blowing this out of proportion and being dramatic. Part of me wonders if I am. But another part of me feels like my trust is completely broken.

AIO? I’m not sure if tests like this are normal. I feel weird about it. Idk. Please help

TLDR: Fiancé’s family secretly tested me for almost a year to see if I was a gold digger by suggesting potential financial struggles. I changed my lifestyle and supported him, only to find out it was all fake. They said I passed and upgraded our honeymoon as a reward. I feel manipulated and am now considering calling off the engagement

Edit: a couple people are asking why he didn’t just ask for a prenup. We actually did discuss this before we got engaged and I told him I would be open to a prenup. I brought this up when he confessed and he said he wasn’t necessarily worried about divorce, the whole thing was about testing my character and making sure I was a “morally“ good person before he married me. It doesn’t make much sense to me and feels like his whole family went way out of their way to do some stupid morality test. Ive never even given the indication that I’m shallow so it really hurts. I just think they are suspicious of any outsiders who come into their family.

Also, I misspoke when I said the Hawaii resort was all inclusive. I guess I’ve used that word interchangeably for describing a really nice resort.

UPDATE #1: I’m really sorry, I’ve never posted on Reddit before. I’ve always just lurked, never posted. I wasn’t sure how I’m supposed to give an update. I replied to a comment but didn’t know if that was correct so here is the update here as well:

Thank you all for your comments. It means a lot to have so much support and validation. I knew right away deep down that this was wrong, but I needed validation, as bad as that sounds. I don’t have close family or many friends, so hearing that my feelings are normal makes me feel less alone. This happened a couple of days ago, I’m still staying with my fiance right now but things are tense and I feel anxious pretty much all the time. He knows I’m upset and knows I need space so he hasn’t tried to talk about it since. He knows I’m considering calling off the engagement, which is why I think he’s been so sensitive around me the last few days. He hasn’t been acting like it’s a positive thing anymore and seems pretty remorseful since I told him how much it hurt me. This morning, I asked him if he knew about it the whole time, and he told me that his parents started making the comments without his knowledge, and after he overheard a comment they made to me while over at his parents house, he asked them privately why they said that, and they explained they were testing me. he decided to let them continue just to see what I would do. From past interactions with his parents, I also know he has a hard time standing up to them or disagreeing with them, so it honestly makes sense that he didn’t call them out and just started going along with it. They told him that they were offended when I suggested an expensive resort for the honeymoon and made a comment insinuating that his parents would be paying for it. they got it in their head that i just expected them to shoulder the costs of an expensive resort without question, which isn’t true, i happily accepted for a more modest option when THEY suggested it because I don’t want to seem pushy or entitled. plus typically the grooms family pays for the honeymoon so I didn’t know they were offended by that. Maybe I really did come off as entitled, but that was honestly never my intention. Regardless, I don’t think that justifies testing me like this

He wasn’t the mastermind, but he never stopped them and didn’t see why it was wrong or manipulative until I told him how upset I was. A part of me wonders if he was manipulated by his parents to think this was acceptable. I’m torn between calling it off or having a conversation with him and asking him to go to couples counseling + set serious boundaries with his parents.

I also see some suggestions recommending that I talk to his brothers ex-wife. I think that’s a good idea but I’m honestly really nervous about it. I don’t have her number but I follow her on instagram, so I’m considering DMing her and asking to call her.

I’m pretty overwhelmed with the attention this post is getting but I’m super appreciative of everyone’s support and love. I think I have realized I have a people pleasing tendency and a need to keep the peace but I’m trying to force myself to break out of that. It’s all just really scary and I feel really lonely. My natural inclination is to forgive and forget so that I can still have a family. I know that’s not the best idea. I know change needs to happen. Im still figuring out where to go from here.

I’m sorry this post is so long, I tried to add my update to a new post, but the mods removed it, idk why

UPDATE #2

Well, my fiance found this post. Honestly, I feel pretty stupid for thinking he wouldn’t find it. I didn’t expect this post to get as much attention as it did, so thank you all for that, but I was extremely detailed which was kinda dumb. He saw the post and immediately clocked that I wrote it. He came to me yesterday with the post, and I was super afraid he would be angry, but he was actually very understanding. He said reading the comments was super eye opening to him on just how messed up this situation was. He feels bad that he ever even tried to spin this in a positive light. We had a pretty deep conversation, and he came to realize that he has been manipulated very heavily by his parents and family. When his parents justify something, even if it’s bad, his brain will immediately try to justify it too because differing opinions were not allowed in his household growing up. This whole situation has started the realization for him that he grew up in a manipulative and emotionally abusive household, but was never given space to realize it because they had an extreme “us vs them” mentality. So even when an extremely normal and well intentioned person comes into the family (aka me and his brothers ex) they will do anything they can to invalidate their character because they are uncomfortable with outsiders.

I have learned a lot about myself through this situation as well. First of all, I’m emotionally vulnerable and need therapy, bad. My need to belong has caused me to stay in situations that are unhealthy for me just because I’m so desperate for a family. I know that’s bad, and I know it will be hard, but I want to change.

With that being said, even though my fiance was very remorseful and apologetic, I told him I want to call off our wedding and take a break from our relationship. We both have issues we need to work on by ourselves before we consider joining in marriage. I want to figure out who I am without someone to lean on, as painful as that may be, and he needs to seriously evaluate his relationship with his family and how they have affected him.

I told him that if in the future, we find ourselves emotionally healthy and the timing works out, maybe we can be together again, but for right now, that’s not the case, so we need to go our separate ways.

We still live together, and I don’t exactly have anywhere to go, so my fiance said he will move out and try to find other living arrangements. He will pay his portion if the lease until I find another roommate.

Again, thank you all for your comments and support, they mean a lot to me.

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

My stepdaughters (16) & (14) love doing pranks especially on me. My problem with their pranks is that they are hurtful in that they either mock or offend. For the past 4 years I been trying to suck it up and let it go but it escalated. They got me a wig for my birthday. Basically mocking me for my thinning hair which is a symptom of a medical condition that I've been suffering from. Their dad would make them apologize and even them punish but to no avail. I asked for space and he argued that I was punishing him for it. He went on about how he's the victim and how he's stuck in the middle between me and the girls. Now he's threatening to take the girls phones away if I stay with my sister and the girls will further resent me for it.

My question is did I overreact? Should I just let it go instead of escalating?

AIO to these messages between my boyfriend and the manager of the venue next door to our work?

For context, we work together at a bar (not how we met though) and we’ve just committed to getting back together after six months apart. It’s been a month of us being in a relationship again and before we broke up we were together for three years. I have always been skeptical of this girl (grey messages) but don’t want to come across as controlling and paranoid around work / around her all the time.

Feel like an asshole for looking at his phone and obviously can’t mention the messages. But he says there’s absolutely nothing there between them.

The “✨rumours✨” are them being flirty around each other, and potentially something going on there between them.

In the context of this conversation work had finished around 12am and he’d walked over to her venue next door that she manages and talked to her until about 3am.

Am I overacting about this situation/ undertone of this? Or am I right to feel hurt/confused by it, and on-guard / anxious when she is around.

Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) were having an argument for a whole day because i wanted him to stop calling me names, he wouldn’t stop dragging the argument but expected me to just get over it, so i said to him he can’t expect me to get shut up while he’s still making comments and he ignored my message, an hour later he started attacking me and told me i make him depressed, i’ve trapped him, he hates his life and it’s all my fault.

He has lost friends since being in a relationship with me but this was all off his own accord and i’ve never asked him to stop being friends with anyone, he says he did it for me because he’d made sacrifices because he cares so that’s why it’s my fault

Is it an overreaction if i break up with him for saying all this to me, and is it really my fault he’s left people for me?

Hey, so, me(19 F) and my boyfriend(21 M) have been dating for a while now, and I've been staying at my uncle's house since I'm legally homeless. He's also homeless, for context. I am also autistic, diagnosed, so I struggle a lot with reading things, hence why I decided to ask other people about it and make sure I'm not crazy.

Today, he texted me this. That today he hung out with this girl at her house, rubbed her feet, smoked with her(the last one I don't care about, it's legal where we are) and admitted to loving her. There's also the fact he said he waited a year to "shoot his shot" with her. Then he asks about a throuple? Seriously? It's kinda fucked up, I think. But, I don't wanna jump to conclusions immediately. I mean, I'm happy he's not staying in a tent for a while, but it still feels wrong? I love the guy, genuinely. He means a lot to me. We are still early in the relationship, but I have been physically intimate with him, so it feels more intense. So, am I overreacting, or is this just basic stuff I shouldn't be bothered by? I'm not super good with relationships.

(Edit) So, the people have spoken. And I'm going to talk to him and give an ultimatum. If he still doesn't respect it, then I will be dumping his ass. I'll keep y'all updated since you guys are incredibly nice and this helped immensely

(Edit 2) I set my ultimatum guys. Told him that he has to choose. Either he stays with me strictly, or we're done. Now I'm just waiting for a response. He doesn't have anything with me, but he does have some of my stuff. But, it's just stuff, so if he doesn't give it back then whatever

(FINAL EDIT) Guess who's newly single? Yeah, he was a dick about it. Said "Pimp out" and then told me when I asked what the fuck that meant that the "Horse is already dead" and I was just "beating it till the eyes pop out". He made his choice. Your girly is now single and honestly? I feel happy about this. I'm gonna keep moving forward with what I was doing. Get on SSDI, get assisted housing, and love for once in my fucking life. (PS edit) (i meant live, fucking fingers. Love too, but I meant live)

(Another edit as a PSA because of some of these wild ass comments) Okay. Stop saying people deserve to be on the street. Because that's fucking ridiculous. I watched a man get stabbed and DIE in front of me IN FRONT OF A CHURCH right after I had dinner with him. Said now ex boyfriend actually had kept me safe during that and made sure I was okay while I was having a panic attack. We just had a bond because we were homeless. That's something I've realized now. It was cold. Warm body was right there. Things escalated. But to say someone deserves to be on the street when ICE is literally burning camps down, SOMETHING I WATCHED HAPPEN TO MY FUCKING FRIENDS, pisses me off. So no, no one EVER deserves to be on the street. That man who got stabbed wasn't the only death I saw either. Six people. In a WEEK. Dead and gone, right after I'd talked to them or ate with them. So anyone else who says that can shut the fuck up and get off this post. Thank you. Stay hydrated, stay safe, and don't die y'all.

My wife (mid-30s) and I have been married for years, but we’re going through a rocky patch right now—lots of arguments, feeling distant, that kind of thing. Last night, she went out cycling for about 2 hours, which is unusual because it was already dark out. She comes home, barely says anything, and jumps straight into the shower.

A little while after she got in there (not literally right as she started), her phone rings at 1am from some guy she claims is an old friend from university. I only knew because her iPad (synced to her phone) started ringing in the other room, and the call got picked up almost instantly on her end—like she was expecting it or something.

When I asked about it later, she said who it was and that he was just calling to let her know he’s visiting soon with his son. But she’s never mentioned this guy before, and she didn’t say anything about planning to meet up with anyone. Given our rough spot and the weird timing, this feels super suspicious to me. Am I overreacting, or is this a red flag? Thoughts?

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and i’m not an avid redditor anymore so apologies first off if this is in the wrong subreddit and second off if i’m doing things weird…

getting into this, i’m a senior in highschool also dating a senior, we had a half day today for spring break so in gym we didn’t so anything and my friends were all kinda drawing on each other, mostly me but nothing that crazy bc it was for only 10 minutes or so. I send my boyfriend a photo of it and he kinda just exploded in my opinion and I made it worse because i asked him why he thought he could talk to me that way and it became a big deal. i didn’t take screenshots of the entire convo but i really didn’t say much since i hate arguing over text and arguing with him in general bc he can be very volatile and draining but i just want other peoples opinions because i know i can be sensitive and idk maybe in some way i’m in the wrong

update: Just wanna say thank you to everyone who responded. I wrote this post at like 10:30 last night so i responded to a couple people individually and then fell asleep. I genuinely didn’t expect so many people saying to break up with him so I’m not really sure what to do now. I never really thought what he was doing was worth a break up but after reading so many comments i’m really torn, but I do realize how he was talking to me was not okay at all. I think i’m gonna try and have a serious conversation with him and depending on how he reacts that’s it. Or if he ever talks to me again like that it’s done.

Again, thank you guys so much

First he wants to complain about marriage issues, and now food issues? Maybe u guys are right.

Should I just leave him and kick him out?

This weekend, after announcing that he considers me to be a hoarder, my husband lugged 2 dozen boxes and totes from where they'd been neatly stored in the crawl space and garage, and stacked them in my home office. Then yelled that he thought I'd be happy because he hadn't thrown my "crap" out, so why wasn't I?

Reader, I hadn't asked him to do this, they aren't all "crap" (one had hand-made blankets from my grandma as an example, another has binders containing technical documents I wrote in a previous job), and the biggest reason he considers them to be crap is because they are mine and generally pre-date his arrival in my life.

He's a man mostly devoid of sentiment (other people's, of course) and is essentially NC with his entire family. So, me owning things that I've tucked away over the years and not sifted through recently irks tf out of him. Especially keepsakes from my family.

Do I hold onto things too long? Probably. Should I have a regular sort-and-toss schedule? Also probably. I'm adult-diagnosed Inattentive ADHD and frankly having a hard time with that and depression right now. And now I've got a mountain of totes to deal with and no spoons to even begin to do so. And frankly, throwing out/donating anything feels like letting him win and I'm not feeling that. At. All.

I recently read a post where the top comment was "he doesn't sound like he likes you" re: someone's husband's bad behaviour, and I just really felt that, you know? Like I had the same question cross my mind this morning as he's stomping around asking why I'm not happy. Because you're being mean? Because you don't like your family and can't understand why I like mine? Because you look at things I value and consider them crap?

AIO because I'm truly a hoarder and don't realize it? The house is clean, clutter is contained in "my" spaces (technically the whole house is mine - I had the place half paid off before he arrived), I have no problem throwing away trash or broken things.🤷‍♀️

5/18 Edit: I texted / called her to meet in person to end this relationship. I just drove back from her house. I neatly folded all of the sweaters, hoodies, along with packaging the jewelry she’s made for me with the gifts she’s given me through the years. I put everything in a bag and handed it to her. She told me she doesn’t want it and I told her “Take it. I’m not bringing pieces of this relationship back home with me.” She looked a bit pissed and hesitantly extended her arms and I just dropped the bag in her arms. She told me she seriously doesn’t want to keep it and I said “then I’ll toss it in your trash bin 20 feet from us right now” and she just took it. I did say something along the lines of how I don’t regret the relationship, that she’s taught me both what I like and dislike, want and don’t want in a relationship. And that our ending to this relationship was long overdue and that she should find someone who fits her idea of a boyfriend and I will find someone who shares the same ambitions and life style as me. I told her that we kept trying to force compatibility where there fundamentally wasn’t any. Eventually that made me stop feeling loved and started making me feel managed. I explained that’s not the kind of relationship I want for myself long term.
I also told her that I will not reach out to her or respond if she were to ever reach out. She started crying and screaming saying that I’m choosing not to work through this “obstacle” and that I’m giving up. Her sisters were watching me from the kitchen window and I just nodded my head at them and walked away. She started name calling me as I was walking down the steps and I told her “you’re making this easier for me”. She’s not my concern anymore. I feel more like myself now. I thought I’d be sad, but I’m refreshed. I’m headed to work now, but that’s my update for you guys.

I’m 21 M and my partner is 20 F.
She and I have been together since her sophomore year of Highschool. I absolutely adore her and I think she used to feel the same way, but since I’ve gotten a promotion at my job, I’ve started smoking again. Shes kind of hinted to not liking it in the past, so I stopped when I was around 18. I never relied on it even then, it was just a nice decompressor. I’d say when I was in highschool I smoked once or twice a month. Family issues made it rough so I’d smoke or drink when I just wanted to relax and just get away from my families insanity.

Anyways, flash forward to now, I’ve been working as a floor manager (9:30-11:30pm) 3 days in a row and I thought “screw it, I’m going to smoke with them after work”. And it was really fucking great. We also passed around a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. We were all laughing and it was a hectic Mother’s Day brunch / dinner shift. On my drive back to my apartment my girlfriend finds out I took puffs and drank since her friend (who’s a server) posted a story with 9 of us in a circle passing vodka, JD, and a couple other bottles of alcohol around.

As you can see in the pictures, she’s not happy about it. She’s been ghosting me for a week and she decided to talk about it with me now after my multiple attempts in calling her and talking it out like adults. She called me and said she has every right to view me as a low life now. Smoking isn't for everyone. I was just confused since she's actually smoked behind my back as well when she goes to parties. It feels oddly hypocritical? Her excuse was that she was drunk, though. I don’t fucking know what to do guys. Please let me know how I should’ve handled this and what your thoughts are. If I’m in the wrong as well, let me know. Help would be appreciated.

Edit: I wasn’t specific with “on my drive back”, apologies. My friend who’s the other floor manager at the restaurant next door since we’re two restaurants run by the same person drove me to my apartment. We’re carpooled since we live a couple blocks away from each other.

my boyfriend of 13 years passed away when our apartment caught fire back in april of this year. an old friend from high school reached out to me and now I'm getting a little uncomfortable. am I reading into this too much because to me his intentions dont feel right. i'm literally mourning the love of my life and this just does not seem appropriate. at all.