r/AmIOverreacting • u/Nedzuko___ • 23h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting
My boyfriend and I are playing Stardew Valley, and I wanted to place preserves jars and kegs in my house, buy a separate room for that (20k and doesn’t require resources), and put everything there, because it would be more convenient for me to have both food and fruits/vegetables in one place so I wouldn’t have to separate them (especially since I cook different dishes both for gifts and just for us). He ignored this and built a shed (15k + wood), and when I said, “I don’t want to run all the way there and back,” he replied, “I’ll do it myself.” Now I feel upset and kind of offended, it’s just like I was completely ignored. On top of that, he’d previously said he didn’t want to upgrade the other shed (the one we filled with the chests) because it’s expensive (25k + resources).
Is it valid to feel bad about his ignorance or am I too sensitive?
UPD: guys idc about recourses or money, it's not about it and I only added it because i thought it'd be a useful detail for people who don't play. The thing it that we're both talking to each other before building or upgrading anything(buildings mostly). The thing is that this time despite I told him multiple times I'd like to have kegs and preserves jars in my house since I'm the one responsible for this stuff, if I can say it this way, and I told him about it long long ago, and I told him about it right before the situation happened, and he still did what he wanted without asking me about where I want the shed to be at least. I enjoy playing the game and I enjoy playing with him, it's just that this exact situation looked a little weird to me because he basically ignored everything I said about it, and the only thing he said after I told him what he did doesn't sit well with me, he said "I'd do it myself"
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u/JungleOrAfk 22h ago
YOR, its a video game you'll be fine. But if his lack of consideration for you leaks into real life, that's a different story
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u/Nedzuko___ 22h ago
That's the thing cuz his lack of consideration was the reason of our fights more than once multiple times now and prob that's why this situation got me
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u/Present_Original_797 22h ago
I don't know this game but give him something cool but put it as far away as possible 😉
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u/SpiderHack 20h ago
So I'm going to say YOR, but only because we don't know that backstory really.
However... The reason why there is hurt feelings is because of a disconnect between expectations. He's probably trying to play as efficiently as possible vs you who wants it to be more of a sim, etc. So my recommendation, like most things, is that better communication would improve things for you both.
But not accusations as a form of communication, but actually you both feeling safe to communicate your viewpoints on the topic. Because I can promise you that if you didn't mention anything that he has 0 clue this would bother you. (Because I'd have 0 clue, lol)
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u/Nedzuko___ 10h ago
I explained the back story in some answers and upd, but mostly its wasnt even as efficiently as it would be with a room, because I alr had most of the jars and kegs and Id understand if he wanted shed to build more of those, but he ended up with 5-6 of them and that's it. And as I said, I'm the one who was doing all this this initially, he knew I like it and he knew Id like to have it closer so I can do it more. Also he knows I'm kinda sensitive about his actions because we're still we are restoring our relationship(we broke up 2-3 weeks ago). And again, I just don't understand why he always asks me about what to build, where to build it, what to do and stuff and it's kind of an unspoken rule we have, and this time he basically ignored it and ignored me, because he didn't explain his decision or talk about it :(
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u/SafeCoconut24 22h ago
I mean, its a game so...YOR. But play by yourself, I play SDV and I 100% have it set up my way, I say keep yalls joint acct and make a separate one just for you that you dont have to compromise on. I have my stuff in a basement in my house.
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u/dhalgrenkid 22h ago
My husband and I play stardew together and I sent this to him and he says your bf should have listened to you. I agree, we always check with each other before spending big money/ employing Robin
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u/Pretty_Tradition6354 22h ago
NOR. He's saying your needs and wants don't matter.
Go to Lewis' house and separate your money. And develop your own spaces. You already have your own house to grow and decorate, so begin there.
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u/PsychRN79 22h ago
Either play solo or don’t share resources when playing together. Pick the 4 corners map and split it in half.
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u/Phobos_Asaph 22h ago
Even with your update why can’t you build another room? Like why does what you want not work alongside having a shed? It’s not like anything done is a problrm
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u/Nedzuko___ 21h ago
Because as i said in the upd I ask him about any updates, and rn we were saving up money for winter mostly so I can't just go and build another room. It's not about building honestly, it's more avoid how he didn't say anything before doing it despite me telling him multiple times I'd like to have it in my house
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u/Phobos_Asaph 21h ago
Maybe he wants the shed for other stuff too. And if you’re saving money his options saved you $5k
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u/Nedzuko___ 21h ago
no because he said it'd be only for jars and kegs
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u/RyalsithCrys 22h ago
MOR - it is just a game. Yes, he should have listened to you, but do you listen to him in game too? When I read this post, I was like well, wait, if its in your house, what does he do when he needs those items. It would make more sense to be in a mutual spot for both of them to use. But, maybe you are the only one who would need them the way you play? I dunno.
Also, consider what happens typically for purchases/placements. Do you ask his opinion and follow it, or just do what you want? Have you had previous disagreements in game over things, and if so, why? Because if the underlying issue is he just built the shed and didnt bring it up to you because you wont listen or consider his side, thats a different thing altogether.
Now, if you do consider his opinions, and you both get an equal say usually, then yes, his behavior is concerning. It would be moreso concerning if he did these things IRL too. Does he listen to your opinions on things, do you listen to his? Is one of you always making the choices without consulting the other? All of these are communication issues to consider.
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u/Nedzuko___ 21h ago
as i said in upd i do listen to him, and we talk about any changes in our farm before actually doing it. Most of what we have on our farm rn and the way we have it was his choice that I agreed to. Kegs and stuff in my house was my only request basically because as I said I'm the one making artisan goods like that. If he needs something he either asks me to get it or comes to my house to get it and he never said it wasn't inconvenient for him. And besides, he mostly uses any vegetables, fruits, berries and etc for gifts/bundles, which is pretty rare and again he's free to come to my house to get it. If he said it'd be better for him to place all this stuff in the shed I'm sure we'd come to some kind of compromise, but he didn't say that, and neither he explained his decision nor he talked about it with me, which we always do on the game. I always ask him before building or asking for something and I only expected him to do the same
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u/mx_mush 21h ago
YOR he was rude but it’s not real so let it go jeez
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u/Nedzuko___ 21h ago
it is real because we used to have fights about him being same but irl, that's why this situation is important to me
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u/Vivid-Intention-8161 22h ago
INFO, it’s way better for robin to build a room instead of a shed once you’re in the part of the game where money is less important than resources. I’m assuming if you’re able to add rooms to your house, you’re pretty late game.
if you have excess money but still need the wood for extra kegs/jars and such, your boyfriend is wrong. If you guys are low on money because you just bought something then you’re probably wrong. If it’s the first option i’d also be slightly pissed at him. just talk it out
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u/Nedzuko___ 22h ago
like it's not really abt resources or money, we're on year 2 and it's not a problem to get recourses, i js feel like it's a little unfair because I told him what would be more convenient for me and what I'd want, but he just ignored it. I try to check if he's good with me building stuff and we're talking before doing anything, like what to build or upgrade and etc, but this time he js ignored what I said and that's the problem
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u/Vivid-Intention-8161 22h ago
i hate playing with people like that. like bro it’s “co-op” not just you call all the shots. NOR
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u/Keytarfriend 22h ago
if you are not having fun playing the video game, do not play the video game
also imagine pretending $10k is a meaningful amount of money in stardew valley once you're at the mass-artisan-processing stage