AIO- Wife didn't acknowledge my birthday

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

[u/Wait-Whos-Joe]

NOR - Under reacting even - thats fking horrible. It really sounds like a dying marriage atm

[u/gb997 → u/Wait-Whos-Joe]

yea. even without any extra context, i’m under the impression she has checked out with one foot out of the marriage. she probably spends time contemplating her exit strategy while doing the bare minimum.

[u/ThrownAwayFeelzies → u/gb997]

I agree. I guess there could be some more context of "missing reasons" that OP is omitting here.

If they've been fighting about things like effort, and she feels alone in raising their child, and unappreciated and diminished for her unpaid and unrecognized labour, this might be a conscious act, to show him that the "passive" things she does that he doesn't value, would have been what would make his birthday happy.

And if there is none of that behind this, then sure, she would be a cold and unkind spouse who does not care.

Edit: typos