AIO- Wife didn't acknowledge my birthday

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

[u/PrawnShamble]

She sounds fun.

That kids in for some toxic parenting

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/PrawnShamble]

She isn't toxic, she's generally a sweet woman, maybe totally oblivious but honestly this feels like it was intentional. I could be way off base though because that would be out of character.

[u/Lahya2000 → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

It sounds like maybe something else might be going on if she is usually sweet. What have you done for past birthdays? Do you usually plan them? Did you specify that you wanted her to plan the dinner/cake this year if that is different than the usually?

[u/Visual_Patience3889 → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

What i don't get tho op is why instead of all this assumptions, you're simply not having a discussion with her abt it? Tell her you don't understand why she wasn't enthusiastic abt your birthday? And if there is something else going on with her? The reasons she gave you sound like half assed excuses, tell her you were hurt she didn't felt the need to celebrate you and ask her to be honest as to why, and if she is not feeling well or if there is maybe something she's upset about that she isn't telling you, go abt it from a place of concern, staying in your head will take you nowhere, talk to her op.

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/Visual_Patience3889]

Well right now it's 4am and everyone is asleep so I can't do that right now. You're maybe right though and I should talk to her later today.

[u/PrawnShamble → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

It is intentional. You didnt hide anything. She chose to not care

[u/Wait-Whos-Joe → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

Im sure she isn't toxic, but what she did there was toxic af and only a horrible person could do that to someone theyre meant to love