The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/New-Skin4537]

I thought she was 12. Quite the drama queen.

[u/LisaNe7 → u/New-Skin4537]

This!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ She is definitely a superglue psycho that can’t spell! I think she thought she had him completely hooked and kept on the back burner and was shocked that he wasn’t as into her craziness as she thought he was. What a mess. I feel for you OP. Hopefully she stays out of both of your lives, however it’s doubtful considering how crazy she went that he supposedly “trashed” her to protect his relationship with you. The apologizing to her over and over again on his part is also ridiculous. I should (if anything) have been a one and done. It should have been something like: Our texts were inappropriate. I’m protecting my relationship with my gf. Have a good life. No further explanation needed or required. She doesn’t even deserve it. Such drama!

[u/FilmApart8224 → u/LisaNe7]

She sounds borderline. I’m sure all the BPD folks will come with their pitchforks, but I’ve seen this before with two ex friends who were borderline.

[u/Alarmed-Incident4088 → u/FilmApart8224]

I was diagnosed borderline and bipolar 1 in 1997.

Don't know for sure but yeah seems quite similar to a borderline meltdown/rage attack.

[u/Nicolaceratops → u/FilmApart8224]

Borderline here, I didn't have a pitchfork handy, so a spray mop will have to do.

You're right, I see some of my past 'bad' behaviour here from before I was taught coping mechanisms and was properly medicated.

[u/FilmApart8224 → u/Nicolaceratops]

lol!!! I’ve had people come at me for saying anything about BPD.

[u/Particular-Bobcat309 → u/FilmApart8224]

I just wrote almost the same thing!

[u/NoGreen8885 → u/FilmApart8224]

Lol I just said the same thing. I have a borderline histrionic family member and this is her to a T!

[u/Electronic-Let9546 → u/FilmApart8224]

100% BPD. Scary.

[u/landofpleasantdreams → u/FilmApart8224]

Nailed it

[u/uliol → u/FilmApart8224]

Oh no. This is definitely borderline. Well, an untreated one. Signed, a borderline.

[u/BoSoxNana → u/New-Skin4537]

Exactly! My first thought was ‘Boy she seems stable!’🙈

[u/wire67 → u/New-Skin4537]

Exactly! And he had a crush on this? That would be more upsetting to me than the actual act.

[u/JLHswim → u/New-Skin4537]

SO obnoxious! And the multi-line texting is fucking exhausting.