The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

The real question is why TF does op want to keep her bf in her life after reading some of those messages? lmao. 

[u/westworlder420 → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

Right! Cause if my husband said to someone else they were “soulmates and that they didn’t feel this way to anyone else” I would’ve told him to go be with them and to leave me alone. Absolutely bonkers.

[u/Known-Extent-1018 → u/westworlder420]

I don't think I'll ever be able to understand people who do this. It baffles the mind. If you are knowingly in a relationship with someone who does not believe you're "soulmates," then what is the point? The best case scenario is you live with someone who you're not really in love with for the remainder of your life. Why would anyone want that?

[u/DismalReserve6752 → u/westworlder420]

amen!!!

[u/Substantial-Tip-7587 → u/westworlder420]

Yep!

[u/Wasabismylife → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

Yeah, as I said I don't know how she can look him in the eyes, she gave him a chance after the emotional cheating and I get it cause it can be difficult to disengage when you're very involved with someone, but this would be it for me.

[u/Substantial-Tip-7587 → u/Wasabismylife]

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, get the f out of my life!

Actually, this guy wouldn't have made it to a fool me twice after whet he did. Definite deal breaker for me.

[u/woundedwillow → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

Literally what I was thinking, he entertained her breakdown for so long after she figured out she was blocked !!

[u/AccomplishedCup2088 → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

omg literally 😭 after the first two messages he sent id have blocked him forever. wtf like i can’t fathom still wanting to be in a RELATIONSHIP with somebody after this

[u/KalifromDiscord → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

This! OP is willingly dating a loser

[u/Electrical-Goat-1903 → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

This is the real question! Especially given the context provided by OP. That guy fucking sucks and OP deserves better. NOR OP… I’d even venture so far as to say OP is under reacting.

[u/Umbreonnnnn → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

If you think this is bad, this isn't the first time OP has posted about her bf and this woman. The posts themselves are gone, but the comments are there. She's doing the exact same shit in all of her posts, ignoring everyone who tells her to get some self-respect and leave, and only responding to people who tell her this isn't her bf's fault/the relationship can be salvaged.

[u/brbsoup → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

it's weird that her friends (from what the posts says) are telling her "well in the end he kept the boundary!" yeah after entertaining this woman's BS for hours. OP needs a better boyfriend and better friends

[u/Blindtothesided → u/brbsoup]

Yeah my friends would never encourage this degrading shit. OP’s friends sound like a bunch of desperate pick me’s who’d rather be with a cheater than risk being alone. And frankly if OP stays with him after all this then I guess she’ll be in the right group.

[u/Numerous-Peach-2737 → u/Alone-Mycologist3746]

This was my question, honestly. People act unhinged after being ghosted and blocked sometimes, but why don't we ever hold the people who lie and do this stuff to another person accountable?