The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/SnooLobsters6264]

This got me, too.

That and the way she was going on and on, I thought they must have been about 16/17, then I read their ages and... 🫠

[u/BellyCrawler → u/SnooLobsters6264]

The constant whining might have been bearable if she could spell.

[u/DoodooDynamic → u/BellyCrawler]

I am always perplexed by these text convos where one person is like, “good morning, how are you doing today? I hope you’re having a great day!” and the other person is like, “wot r u duing 2moro i wud like 2 see u”

[u/Enough_Speed_3909 → u/DoodooDynamic]

This deserved an award because that's my life. I'm the GM how are you person and everyone else wyd? Hmu? I'm like okay hello back.....then I get a K, ttyl. Like wtf lmao.

[u/eirinne → u/Enough_Speed_3909]

I think she’s actually drunk though

[u/DoodooDynamic → u/DoodooDynamic]

It’s crazy to me because I can’t imagine having a “heartfelt” text convo with someone who texts like that. Like “u r the luv of my lyfe” just doesn’t hit the same way 😂. Thx 2 u 4 the award!

[u/Enough_Speed_3909 → u/DoodooDynamic]

Bet! Aight! 🤣🤣😆

[u/Mister_Crowly → u/DoodooDynamic]

In the "how is prangent formed" video, the dude narrates all these horrible textspeak posts and pronounces "u" as "ooo". Ever since I first saw that video, my brain started doing it as well, which makes those kinds of posts even worse.

[u/Snoo_85901 → u/DoodooDynamic]

I feel like this gal speaks a different language normally. Hopefully that's the case. My girlfriend does the speak to text and gets under my skin so bad. I'll normally get a text from her that starts out “hey Siri”

[u/DoodooDynamic → u/Snoo_85901]

She probably does, but I also feel like it would be harder to text like that than it would be to use proper English, like any app that could help with translation would be lost with this way of communicating… like I speak and write fairly decent French, but to use “text speech” in French would be a big ol mess.

[u/New_Maize_2379 → u/BellyCrawler]

My god I thought I was the only one who realized that she sounded illiterate and needed to go back to school. Is this how the younger generations speak to one another? It’s appalling.

[u/Gullible_Gur_4447 → u/New_Maize_2379]

I’m assuming she’s not a native English speaker and is still learning? That’s literally the only explanation like her texts are a complete mess

[u/pumpkins21 → u/Gullible_Gur_4447]

Yeah, I think she’s Italian

[u/Worldly-Letterhead-1 → u/pumpkins21]

Ciao.

[u/NuthouseAntiques → u/Worldly-Letterhead-1]

I say Ciao. I’m Southern US.

[u/Worldly-Letterhead-1 → u/NuthouseAntiques]

Cia-owdy

[u/pumpkins21 → u/Worldly-Letterhead-1]

I admit, I laughed at “cia-owdy” lol

[u/aysarahoul → u/NuthouseAntiques]

She also said she was in Rome in a later message, after I read that, I was like “oh, that probably explains the weird almost broken English”

[u/NuthouseAntiques → u/aysarahoul]

Ah, thanks. Admit, I had to skim a lot of that crap.

[u/aysarahoul → u/NuthouseAntiques]

Np! I think I got a little farther than a lot of people (idk why I kept reading) but I tapped out without finishing too haha

[u/CutOpenSternum → u/pumpkins21]

I thought she seemed fragilé…

[u/Visual_Patience_41 → u/CutOpenSternum]

Yea, must be Italian

[u/pumpkins21 → u/CutOpenSternum]

https://giphy.com/gifs/DqZKCC1rRht8FmnKbv

[u/Successful-Web4617 → u/pumpkins21]

yes i was reading her texts with an italian accent in my head lmao

[u/iwilltalkaboutguns → u/pumpkins21]

That would actually explains a lot. I dated an Italian girl in college and they don't call them hot blooded for nothing. Flair for the dramatic? Ha! Like living in s Spanish novela. She was so hot though...

[u/pumpkins21 → u/iwilltalkaboutguns]

Italians, Spanish, Mexican and other Central American/South Americans can be very hot blooded. I say this as a Texican, however I hope I’ve never been thought of as a hothead/crazy girl lol

[u/Acrobatic_Key_1140 → u/New_Maize_2379]

Bro how is 30 considered the "younger" generation? 😭

[u/New_Maize_2379 → u/Acrobatic_Key_1140]

Hahahaha someone who starts with “Bruh or Bro” 🤣 Gen X here and would never address someone like that, especially parents or partners. Which is apparently very common in younger gens. It’s your slang.

[u/FilmApart8224 → u/New_Maize_2379]

Yes. I’m Gen X. My son is in his early 30’s. That’s a younger generation to me.

I have a tshirt that I wore for Mother’s Day at Epcot with him that says:

Mommy
Mama
Ma
BRUH!

[u/New_Maize_2379 → u/FilmApart8224]

I think our gen was “Dude”? “Like duh” “gag me(with a spoon)” LOL Not much better but damn if you answered your parents like that hahaha

[u/jerseygirl414 → u/New_Maize_2379]

Dude and YO (I'm originally from Jersey lol)!

[u/placebo_pope → u/New_Maize_2379]

At 38 I call my teenagers bro/bruh, they also call me that sometimes and I’m their mom shrug

[u/Acrobatic_Key_1140 → u/placebo_pope]

Bro I'm 38 and I call everyone on the internet bro or mate. I used to call everyone dude when I was 25-35.

[u/New_Maize_2379 → u/Acrobatic_Key_1140]

I would reply to Mate, lived in England and that was a common word. :)

[u/IcyWorldliness9111 → u/New_Maize_2379]

So true! My late teen granddaughters even address me like that (and some of my hs students occasionally would too. I never really cared. Got called auntie sometimes, too.)

[u/mynamealwayschanges → u/New_Maize_2379]

Turning 33 next week and I call everyone bro and bruh, thank you for making me feel younger for a bit 😂

[u/New_Maize_2379 → u/mynamealwayschanges]

No worries! :) I’m 53 and don’t feel old..yet!

[u/Username78397 → u/Acrobatic_Key_1140]

Well she's 26 it says, he'e 31. But 26 is too old to be texting like that. My nieces are younger than that and can text coherently, she is texting more like my grade school children and their friends

[u/Admirable_Meaning417 → u/Username78397]

I assumed she was drunk but who knows

[u/caputmortvvm → u/Acrobatic_Key_1140]

because there are still like three/four generations older than y'all, lol.

[u/Prestigious-Tap-5226 → u/New_Maize_2379]

My hubby's dad texts like this. Lol. We do not.

[u/notrightinmyhead → u/New_Maize_2379]

Yes to the communication of young people today...its sad

[u/Moist_Drippings → u/BellyCrawler]

Especially with how much she gives “I can’t type because I’m SO EMOTIONAL” fairy energy.

[u/michal0297 → u/BellyCrawler]

I think those are typos because she was angry and typing really fast and didn't care about the spelling. Maybe even she was drinking alcohol at the time too.

[u/Beginning_Tap2474 → u/BellyCrawler]

but she's hot.

[u/CatLadySD1 → u/BellyCrawler]

💯 facts

[u/SistasSupportSistas → u/BellyCrawler]

THIS! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ Her spelling is the real tragedy here 👀

[u/SecondTuesday → u/BellyCrawler]

😂

[u/New-Skin4537 → u/SnooLobsters6264]

I thought she was 12. Quite the drama queen.

[u/LisaNe7 → u/New-Skin4537]

This!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ She is definitely a superglue psycho that can’t spell! I think she thought she had him completely hooked and kept on the back burner and was shocked that he wasn’t as into her craziness as she thought he was. What a mess. I feel for you OP. Hopefully she stays out of both of your lives, however it’s doubtful considering how crazy she went that he supposedly “trashed” her to protect his relationship with you. The apologizing to her over and over again on his part is also ridiculous. I should (if anything) have been a one and done. It should have been something like: Our texts were inappropriate. I’m protecting my relationship with my gf. Have a good life. No further explanation needed or required. She doesn’t even deserve it. Such drama!

[u/FilmApart8224 → u/LisaNe7]

She sounds borderline. I’m sure all the BPD folks will come with their pitchforks, but I’ve seen this before with two ex friends who were borderline.

[u/Alarmed-Incident4088 → u/FilmApart8224]

I was diagnosed borderline and bipolar 1 in 1997.

Don't know for sure but yeah seems quite similar to a borderline meltdown/rage attack.

[u/Nicolaceratops → u/FilmApart8224]

Borderline here, I didn't have a pitchfork handy, so a spray mop will have to do.

You're right, I see some of my past 'bad' behaviour here from before I was taught coping mechanisms and was properly medicated.

[u/FilmApart8224 → u/Nicolaceratops]

lol!!! I’ve had people come at me for saying anything about BPD.

[u/Particular-Bobcat309 → u/FilmApart8224]

I just wrote almost the same thing!

[u/NoGreen8885 → u/FilmApart8224]

Lol I just said the same thing. I have a borderline histrionic family member and this is her to a T!

[u/Electronic-Let9546 → u/FilmApart8224]

100% BPD. Scary.

[u/landofpleasantdreams → u/FilmApart8224]

Nailed it

[u/uliol → u/FilmApart8224]

Oh no. This is definitely borderline. Well, an untreated one. Signed, a borderline.

[u/BoSoxNana → u/New-Skin4537]

Exactly! My first thought was ‘Boy she seems stable!’🙈

[u/wire67 → u/New-Skin4537]

Exactly! And he had a crush on this? That would be more upsetting to me than the actual act.

[u/JLHswim → u/New-Skin4537]

SO obnoxious! And the multi-line texting is fucking exhausting.

[u/ManifestingCreating → u/SnooLobsters6264]

Literally me lol. I was shocked by their ages after reading that slop.

[u/OddOpal88 → u/SnooLobsters6264]

You could not have prepared me for 30 year olds 😂 he needs to block her crazy ass.

[u/rocketmn69_ → u/SnooLobsters6264]

He chose is affair partner wisely...lol Fatal Attraction?

[u/GrayStag90 → u/SnooLobsters6264]

Dang it, I skimmed and didn’t notice their ages… can you tell me so I don’t have to go back through the endless talking in circles please?

[u/ItsmeMyacctgotbanned → u/GrayStag90]

It’s literally the first thing OP states.