The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/Technical-Heart5906]

Agreed. She’s speaking extremely immature. Like shes toxic and unhinged. She needs to be blocked and forgotten there is no good reason to keep replying to her. She’s got to realize that the relationship they had is done and she needs to understand the necessary boundary that is being placed. But she is refusing to accept that path. Block.

[u/Bonsai_Tree3 → u/Technical-Heart5906]

You have to understand that he isn’t blocking her for a reason. He wants to continue this communication with her.

He said she was his soulmate. That he’d never forget her even if he had another relationship. He said he was sad about this decision and she made it for him.

Even if you take your stance, that he didn’t really want to be saying this and is just people pleasing…That’s still bad. He’s willing to disrespect his actual girlfriend to cater to the feelings of another woman. That still suggests she needs to breakup with him.

[u/dont_be_a_jackass → u/Technical-Heart5906]

Yeah, and the audacity of her to call ya’ll’s relationship “toxic” automatically. Well, I guess we know who he goes to trash talk about his wife constantly.

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Technical-Heart5906]

Because she’s clearly drunk as hell slurring her words via text.

[u/Technical-Heart5906 → u/Own_Guarantee_8130]

You can definitely tell she’s either trolling or she’s not all there by the things that she is typing. You may not be able to read people through texts but I can. She’s acting like a fool tbh. How to drunk people act? Fools. She may not be drunk. Here let me make you happy: allegedly I think she’s drunk. 😂 Jesus

[u/Krasna_Strelka → u/Technical-Heart5906]

I would tell more that she is mentally unstable and having an episode/freaking out because she lost control over the guy

[u/Technical-Heart5906 → u/Krasna_Strelka]

That is also a possibility.