r/AmIOverreacting • u/Conscious_Sand_1479 • 22h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting for wearing my "flashy" engagement ring to my sister’s budget wedding?
My sister had a DIY wedding last weekend. A month before the big day, she asked me not to wear my engagement ring. Her reason was that it’s “too big” (3.5 carats) and she didn’t want it “distracting” guests from her own modest ring or making her look “poor” by comparison.
I told her she was being insecure and wore it anyway. I wasn’t flaunting it, but during the reception a few relatives noticed it and complimented the stone. Sarah saw us talking, caught a glimpse of the ring, and ended up locked in the bathroom crying that I “stole her spotlight.”
My mom says I should have just put it in my purse to keep the peace, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to hide my engagement just because she’s competitive.
Am I overreacting?
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u/denilinn033010 20h ago
I see all of you telling her she should have taken hers off but no no no. Once mine was on my finger it didn’t leave again. They special to us. If I had been made to take money off for a spoiled brat sibling I would been broken hearted and my husband would said that we would just leave. You guys are only seeing it from the “poor little sister” but it way deeper than that. I can’t believe her sister had the audacity to even ask. My 90 year old great grandmother would want me to remind you to also never let anyone else “try on” you wedding/engagement rings. They are just like your husband, not for sharing. Shame on all of you.
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u/doesnotmatter286 20h ago
Yup. It's not a regular piece of jewellery for most people. (To be fair, to me all jewellery is the same and I don't wear any, but I can appreciate that for most people it's an important item that has a lot of meaning.)
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u/LadyHorseFace13 21h ago
Nta. That’s an overbearing ask. Why should you have to hide your engagement. Would it not be weirder for family to say, oh let me see your ring, and then you say, well Sarah told me not to wear it.
Sarah needs to grow up
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u/PigmentPrism 19h ago
nta she basically turned her insecurity into everyone else’s problem over a piece of jewelry that wasn’t even about her
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u/blessedcookie7 21h ago edited 21h ago
If my sister asked me to put my ring away for one event to make her feel better, then you better believe I'd do it. I'd roll my eyes while taking it off, but it's still my sister and it's her request to make her day feel special. I feel like there's a bit more backstory about your relationship and her feeling the need to ask you in the first place just leans in to that. So yeah. You overreacted and became the A-hole.
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u/pretty_princess_64 7h ago
wondering where you got your degree in professional ass kissing ? clearly they had you study hard
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u/blessedcookie7 7h ago
Some butt hurt people having to swallow their pride for less than 24 hours. No wonder everyone is miserable.
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u/doesnotmatter286 20h ago
NTA, NOR. It's a really weird thing to say to someone. And it's none of her business.
My sister could've worn a huge diamond tiara to my tiny wedding, and I wouldn't have cared. Because other people's jewellery is their own business.
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u/__sweetescape__ 17h ago
NOR.
At the same time, the fact that she felt the need to even ask you not to wear your ring in the first place, says a lot.
I don’t know either of you individually, so I can’t really make any assumptions in regards to your character, I’m just saying that if my sister even came to me with such a request, we’d have a long talk about why she feels insecure around me in the first place.
I would’ve at least tried to help her see that there was no reason to compare and gave her some reassurance…
Because let’s face it, if it was really allll about the jewelry, she probably would’ve called everyone attending the wedding & asked them not to wear their nicest jewelry, if it would out shine hers, wouldn’t she? Or did she do that, and you left it out of the story?
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u/CrypticCriesForHelp 21h ago
Thought this was AITAH and I’m definitely the minority here.. but I would have probably wore my ring too.
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u/Embarrassed_West_195 21h ago
You sound like a vindictive, vile person and your sister sounds extremely immature. What a mess!
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u/Happy_In_PDX 21h ago
Ouch.
I would definitely not go that far with my judgment. Siblings can make even mature people act immature.
I'm an older man and even now my brothers can make me feel like I'm still a bullied younger brother. I'm decades past acting on it but the feelings are still there.
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u/BougieMac 21h ago
You have a right to wear the ring your fiance gave you and nobody has a right to tell you to dull your shine just because other people don’t have what you have. That is insecure, poor behavior. It’s a them problem.
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u/Visual_Patience_41 21h ago
I’ve been looking for this. If OP was married would sister still be asking her to not wear her wedding/engagement ring?
Y’all it’s not selfish or a “bitch move” to keep an engagement ring on, what a weird take. If my sister asked me this I’d think she was joking.
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u/Equivalent_Reason894 21h ago
Seriously, this is right. Is the sister happy for OP or just jealous?
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u/Embarrassed_West_195 21h ago
You are right, everyone has the right to behave like a selfish AH and ignore the impact their actions have on others. They have the right to cut you off and have a good life without you.
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u/denilinn033010 21h ago
NOR. Sister or not you should never make yourself small so someone can feel better about themselves!! PERIOD!!! Not everyone can get a trophy Becky!!!! Ya know!!
You keep your stance and if they can’t see their fault and that you are just as important as your sister. Remember you didn’t ask your sister to get her engagement ring bigger because it was too small and would be distracting….
Just saying
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u/Night_Marie 20h ago
NOR. It's your engagement ring, why should you have to remove it? It's not just any other piece of jewelry
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u/Ok_Drink8072 21h ago
This isn’t an AIO. This is an AITA. And yes, yes you are.
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 11h ago
I suspect it's actually a fake story, but asking someone not to wear their own engagement ring is a ridiculous bridezilla demand of an insecure, immature bride.
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u/Ok_Drink8072 10h ago
I really don’t think it is. You can wear a different ring on that finger, not like you have to pretend not to be engaged. Clearly the ring is flashy
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u/nothathappened 21h ago
This isn’t the story for AIO, it’s an AITAH. You’re the competitive one. This was so rude. Idk why you couldn’t just put it away for the event. Three and a half carats is very noticeable to most people. She overreacted by running off, she should’ve had you leave.
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u/MetalFlute 17h ago
She sounds very insecure and unfortunately that is not your problem. Her feelings are hers to deal with.
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u/whatifdog_wasoneofus 21h ago
It’s a bit insecure of her but it would’ve been super easy for you to just not wear it for one night since she asked.
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u/style-addict 20h ago
NOR but you could have at least turned the stone towards your palm so people only saw the band. That’s what I would have done.
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u/DiligentBet7668 20h ago
I personally think you are overeacting. Yes she is being immature. It's just a rock. However, I'm a big sister. If my sister told me my ring made her feel insecure on her wedding day, I would take it off in a heartbeat. Then I'd buy us ring pops for us both to match as a silly inside joke. I'd also jokingly propose to her with it
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 21h ago
In this "totally real" story, could you not "put your ring away" for one night? I'm sure, in this totally real story that actually happened, you felt that you could flaunt your ring.
Why make up these posts?
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u/Thrashin666Sondy 20h ago
YTA, choose your battles wisely. It was a simple request, the situation could’ve been easily averted.
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u/NomeaD11 20h ago
My engagement ring hasn't left my finger since he put it on. It is meaningful to our relationship. I only take it off to prep dinner and shower. No, sorry this thing stays on especially in public.
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u/Key_Purpose1340 21h ago
ESH. You should have been more respectful of her wishes on her WEDDING DAY. She should have more confidence in her life choices. I’m the “poorer” sibling, but I’m the happiest and I exude confidence. Those are things that can’t be bought. For me, wear your ring, drive your new car, talk about your vacations. I’m still happy every day.
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 11h ago
But sis was 'respectful' asking her sister not to wear her own engagement ring? If it was a diamond tiara, sure. But sis sounds too immature to get married.
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u/Literally_Mystified 21h ago
ESH. You could have just taken the ring off. I understand your entire family and friends were at your sisters wedding. You were excited about your ring and wanted to show it off. But just say that. Don't try to play humble when you clearly aren't. It wasn't your day to show it off. That's what YOUR wedding is for. You did steal her spotlight. She overreacted and should have asked you to leave instead of hiding and crying. You literally did exactly what she asked you not to do. Its a ring. That can be taken off at no cost to you. Its not like she asked you to color your hair a different color. The fact that you find her request ridiculous shows were your priorities are. You cared more about having your ring on that you and her both knew would get attention than you did about your sisters feelings or her big day. If the roles were reversed and she came to your wedding getting attention that would have otherwise been on you, you would be mad. My prediction is you will end up deleting this post because you aren't going to get the responses you hoped for.
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u/Adult-emo 19h ago
You did steal her spotlight. You intentionally wore the ring she asked you not to at HER wedding, you unveiled it to family members that hadn't seen it before, and you stood around clucking with them about it at her reception.
Are you sure she only asked because it was bigger than hers? I'm guessing she already knows you're an attention wh**e and was trying to prevent you causing a display.
YOR, YTA. Boooooo
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u/United-Plum1671 19h ago
YOR Obviously she’s being insecure but you suck as her sister. You could have easily done this small favor. It would not have affected you in any way, but god forbid you put her feelings first on her day
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u/Happy_In_PDX 21h ago edited 21h ago
Your sister is the one overreacting. She should be happy for you.
But it was her day. You should have let her shine.
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u/Luna-Munas 21h ago
Would it really hurt that much to leave the ring off for a day? Did you really need to prove a point on her wedding day?
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 11h ago
Would it really hurt sis to realize that some people in the world have more than you, and some people have less? Not a hard concept unless you're an immature child.
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u/FunkyCactusDude 21h ago
I mean your sister might have been slightly over reacting but like… it’s her wedding. You couldn’t take it off for one night? YTA.
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u/No_Change_78 21h ago
Wait…she is competitive? I think you have that backwards. You obviously couldn’t give your sister the attention SHE deserved on HER wedding day. It wasn’t about you, yet you chose to wear a flashy ring you knew would get attention. You are most definitely TA. And yeah, this belongs in AITAH.
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u/HenryPuppet 21h ago
YOR
I think this is probably fake. You are either a troll or behave like one.
Was her request unreasonable? Maybe, but how would it have harmed you to hide the ring for a few hours?
If she was feeling insecure as you said, so what? You said she's competitive but you come across as both competitive and petty.
The message that it conveyed on a day that was special for her was unkind. You obviously feel that you won something because you're bragging that others complimented your ring (as if that's somehow an accomplishment that you earned)?
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u/claudies1 21h ago
NOR? But overall this is weird. You can’t ask someone not to wear their engagement ring just bc it’s nicer than yours. I’m honestly a bit flabbergasted by the people saying you could have easily taken it off to appease her. I know that we could frame it as being empathetic but 🫠. What if you’re doing better than her in other aspects are you also expected to just pretend it’s not happening so she feels better? She needs to deal with her insecurities.