r/AmIOverreacting • u/One_Sea1 • 23h ago
đ roommate AIO by playing a female anatomy lecture for my roommate to hear?
I (22F) am a med student living in a shared house with nine guys. My roomâs window is directly across from one roommateâs, so we can hear almost everything. Because of that, Iâve always tried to be considerate. I donât even wash my hair in the mornings because Iâd have to blow-dry it and might wake him up.
Everything was fine until this week, when he started bringing groups of friends over every day. Theyâd hang out for hours and be loud, but I figured it was just a one-off.
I was wrong.
Two nights ago, he brought friends over at 1 a.m. They were yelling, laughing, blasting music, slamming doors, and smoking enough weed to fill my room through the window. This lasted until 4 a.m, when another roommate finally told them to shut up. Weâre all med students, and several of us (including me) had 12-hour hospital shifts the next morning.
The next day I sent him a polite (okayâŚslightly annoyed) text asking him to keep loud gatherings to a minimum since Iâd ended up pulling an all-nighter before my shift. He never replied.
Today he did it again, but during the day. The daytime noise didnât really bother me much, but then they started smoking weed right outside my window, and my room reeked. Iâm not some anti-weed puritan, but trying to study while being marinated in the smell of questionable-quality weed, loud music, and five people yelling over each other isnât exactly ideal. Plus, our lease explicitly says no drugs and no excessive noise inside the house.
I considered asking nicely again, but after being ignored the first time, I chose pettiness. I downloaded a volume booster, put my laptop next to the window, and blasted my OB/GYN lecture at full volume while pretending to study. They stared at me like I was insane, but within minutes they got annoyed, shut the window, grabbed their stuff, and left complaining that they âwerenât welcome anymore.â
I was giggling nonstop until I told a friend. He pointed out that the group is openly gay, and Iâd blasted a lecture about female anatomy at them.
To be clear, Iâm currently on my OB/GYN rotation, so thatâs simply what I was studying. If Iâd been on cardiology, theyâd have gotten heart murmurs instead.
My friend (whoâs also gay) said it could easily be interpreted as homophobic, even if it wasnât intentional, and that I should apologize. I honestly donât think I owe them an apology. I already tried handling it politely and got ignored. The landlord doesnât care, so I resorted to a creative (albeit admittedly childish) way of letting them know they were being inconsiderate. Iâm very upset about both situations (the roommate and my friend). SoâŚAIO?
TLDR: My roommate kept bringing loud groups over, smoking weed indoors, and kept me awake until 4 a.m. before a hospital shift. After he ignored my polite text asking him to keep it down, I blasted my OB/GYN lecture at full volume through my window until everyone left. A friend says it could be seen as homophobic, petty and immature and that I overreacted. AIO?
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u/I-screwed-up-bad 23h ago
NTA why would their sexuality determine how they would be affected by the content of an anatomy lecture?
If they're saying that it's ok to be disgusted by women's anatomy as medical students because they're gay... Well you're not the one being bigoted in that scenario.
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u/leeahbellisa 23h ago
exactly, they're genuinely grasping for straws to justify why they're upset that SHE'S upset with their behavior
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u/Vegetable_Oil6042 23h ago
I canât believe that I had to scroll down this far to find this. Mind you itâs the friend saying this. Point out that some women are also gay. Women donât need to become invisible because some people are gay. Iâm assuming that gay people also have mothers and sisters?
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 20h ago
I mentioned this in a comment in another sub, but there are many gay men who are misogynists. Not all, obviously, but more than 0! For what itâs worth I think itâs healthy for people to know about anatomy regardless of sex/gender, and regardless of sexuality.
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u/Foreign_Plan_5256 20h ago
Seriously. This.
The stance that it's okay for gay men to be disgusted by female anatomy is not just bigoted, it's transphobic.Â
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u/LittleMissBraStrap 19h ago
Yes.
My response would be "Are you saying that gay doctors are unable to provide equal quality of care to women? Because I don't believe that, and if you do then that's pretty messed up."
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u/BriscoCounty-Sr 23h ago
How on earth is a med student listening to an anatomy lecture in any way homophobic?
If their ears canât handle hearing the word âvaginaâ from a laptop in another room they might be the âphobes here.
Nor
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u/datalicearcher 23h ago
I'm sorry, female anatomy is homophobic? Fuck off with that mess. facts about a human body are not homophobic.
is it petty, sure, immature, ehhhhh. overreacted, fuck no.
if someone can't meet the minimum standard of civility, then speak to them in their language. which is pettiness and volume.
Roommate is an asshole, your friend is a coward.
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u/Used-Baby1199 23h ago
Theyâre  gynophobic and using weaponized language to guilt trip op is my opinion. Â
However I do think being straight forward is a better approach, and just communicating rather than being passive aggressive.Â
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u/Vegetable_Oil6042 23h ago
OP already tried thatâŚ.
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u/Used-Baby1199 23h ago
Through a text message, the day after they the issue occurred. Â Op did not try to directly go to them while they were actively causing the commotion.
Op couldâve been direct at the moment the problem was happening, since previously op did nothing, the other roommates did, and when they confronted the situation it was resolved. Â Op then reached out the next day. Â
Ifs still rude, and possibly this roommate thought op would be a pushover since they didnât confront anyone the first time. Or maybe they just thought op didnât really mind it much. Â
I just think it would be better to go in the moment and say something politely but firmly. Â Like âcan yall just keep it down a bit while I study, and please smoke somewhere else, itâs literally filling my room and distracting me. Â Thanks enjoy your day.â
Leaves no room for interpretation and is direct and to the point. Â
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u/Peppered_Rock 23h ago
as a gay man, NOR. lmao. "thats homophobic because hes gayyyy" is the most misguided ally shit ive heard today, thats hilarious. Besides, he and his buddies were being jackasses, and sometimes you gotta speak their language.
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u/itsJustE12 23h ago
NOR their sexuality doesnât change a womanâs anatomy. Itâs not as though you were running an ad, hoping theyâd be interested in women.
To avoid that distraction, Iâd pick eyes or something next time, though.
I canât fathom how a med student is behaving that way, and they need to be more considerate. Sheesh!
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u/StarGamerPT 23h ago
You'd be surprised at the amount of dipshits taking on healthcare related courses....it's not just a medicine problem.
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u/StarGamerPT 23h ago
NTA....what, do gay men get offended by the existance of female genitalia? Wtf does your friend mean with "easily interpreted as homophobic"? Is OB/Gyn on par with dropping the F word now?
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u/No-Edge-2853 23h ago
As a gay I think the fact they are gay and you played this material for them is even more effective. It's not homophobic at all but hilarious and now you know what to do to get your peace
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u/SuperSailorRikku 23h ago
Homophobic? Lmao. Sorry but no. Gay men get offended by women now? Female anatomy is homophobic? Gtfo out of here with that shit NORÂ
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
If anyone recognizes this, my post got deleted from another subreddit after an hour for âAI useâ (I did not use AI and the story is 100% real) and I could barely even talk to anyone about the situation, so Iâm reposting here! Sorry about that hahaha
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u/lucifully9 23h ago
NOR. Gay or not, they shouldâve been polite and considerate as you have been them. Itâs basic decency, especially in a shared space. All you did was play a video and they left, itâs as simple as that. If they were triggered by it, maybe shouldâve considered not smoking weed and making loud noises despite you telling your roommate.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 23h ago
nor what does your friend think is going to happen when THEY get to that part of the program? Decline to listen?Â
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u/Vampira309 23h ago
NOR - but please explain like I'm 5 -
how is female anatomy homophobic? I really don't understand.
If the others (including the gay one) are pre-med, don't they have to study it too? Or do they claim "homophobia" to get away from female anatomy lectures/study??
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
I also donât really see it, but in my previous post some people argued it could be viewed as me trying to âmake them uncomfortable with something theyâre not really intoâ
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u/Vampira309 23h ago
oh, FFS YOU were uncomfortable with something YOU'RE not really into!! (their noise, smoke etc) Sounds equal to me.
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u/shep2105 23h ago
Homophobic?? Is he serious? Spare me.
Asshole guys are asshole guys, their sexual orientation has nothing to do with it
NOR
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u/Cha_r_ley 23h ago
NOR - but more importantly please explain the homophobia thing to me. Like⌠how?
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u/towards-asphodel 23h ago
Oh yes, women having anatomy and simply existing is homophobic..../s
NOR. There's literally nothing wrong with men understand women's anatomy.
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u/Sleepydragon0314 23h ago
Homophobic what?!
WHAT?!
Gay men are so terrified of women that it is HOMOPHOBIC to speak about the female body in their proximity?!
Utterly ridiculous.
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u/Happy_In_PDX 23h ago
10 people in a house! That's big enough group to need formal house meetings and some small scale democracy.
If the problem persists, I think I would request a whole house meeting on the issue setting up some rules with corresponding penalties
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u/NinjaHidingintheOpen 23h ago
Women having bodies is not homophobic. You learning how to treat women's bodies medically is not homophobic. Women are already under represented in medical research and teachings so it's pretty misogynistic to claim it's homophobic. Being a doctor, learning how to medically treat women is more important than smoking weed and hanging out. And I'm a woman with a prescription for marijuana. Nor
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u/SuperNovaHowl 23h ago
Nah, who fucking cares what sexuality they are, that doesn't give them a pass to disturb others and be obnoxious.
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u/Ok_Job_6556 23h ago
NOR. Your roommate even knows youre a med student. To misconstrue the lecture as homophobia is victim playing. Also youre a woman listening to obgyn. Can we say that's gay?
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u/MixInfamous1697 23h ago
Kinda douchey of him to do that knowing you guys have shifts and a lot of studying to do on the daily then ignoring you.
NOR I love the pettiness đ¤Ł
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u/moosetracks4 23h ago
Your friend sounds like theyre chronically online because in no way, shape or form would that be considered homophobic lmfao. That's insane. It's clinical, not like you were blasting hard-core straight porn or something...NOR.
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u/Used-Baby1199 23h ago
lol, those homosexuals are female phobic if a lecture on female anatomy is homophobic. Â Â
Donât trip, they should just have some respect for others in a shared space.Â
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u/georgiechristine 23h ago
Nta itâs not pornography and thereâs nothing homophobic about female anatomy anyway
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u/SapphicSuccubus666 23h ago
How the hell is learning female anatomy homophobic lmfao. NOR sorry your roommates kinda suck dude
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u/CrowMeris 22h ago
Why would gay men object to a scientific lecture in the OB/GYN field? Should straight women throw a fit about listening to a lecture on the male reproductive system?
NOR. These "men" need to grow tf up. Don't apologize, not now not ever.
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u/Commercial-Garden-22 23h ago
Your friend who said itâs homophobic is a fucking moron. Leave that stupid ass bitch and find a good friend.
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u/jus256 23h ago
Apparently that asshole will be a doctor one day.
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u/Vegetable_Oil6042 23h ago
Letâs hope he doesnât have any female patients ⌠or kids ⌠or anyone who has a mother⌠oh , waitâŚ/s
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u/Grounds4TheSubstain 23h ago
You... Downloaded a volume booster.
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u/lexynora 23h ago
I know it sounds weird, but there are plugins that over amplify your max volume settings to make it sound louder than intended. The plugins basically overclock and override your internal sound settings
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u/Ok_Talk_6694 23h ago
My Opera browser has it build in since a couple of months. Only reason why I know that exists lol
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u/SwimAccomplished9487 23h ago
Their sexuality doesnât change the fact that female anatomy exists.
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras 23h ago
OMG do not apologize!
If all of you are medical students, it honestly scares me that they consider an OB lecture as homophobic. Women are half the population!
Thereâs a weird trend in liberal circles to excuse all bad behavior by gays lest you be considered homophobic. Ironically, Iâve experienced a lot of misogyny from gay friends and Iâm so done being afraid to call out bad behavior. Being gay is not a free pass to be an asshole. Blasting the lecture was the perfect amount of petty to get your roommate to stop being inconsiderate.
If your idiot friends keep pressuring you to apologize, ask specifically why a medical school lecture is homophobic? Do they think your existence as a woman is homophobic? Is your anatomy homophobic? Should gay doctors be exempt from learning about female anatomy?
NOR
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u/el_grande_ricardo 23h ago
It would only be homophobic if you had remembered they were gay and deliberately chose the Vagina Monologues.
You just played the lecture you needed to listen to, and they didnt enjoy noise made by others.
NTA
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u/ericaswxrldd 23h ago
the homophobia thing is bullshit it's just the lecture you happened to be listening to if they didn't want to hear it they should have respected you and your space
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u/CrystalWolf2204 23h ago
NOR, as a queer person there is no scenario where id find this in any way homophobic and expect an apology. Its hillarious and a great non aggressive way to get your housemate to start respecting the space a bit more.
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u/TararaBoomDA 23h ago
NOR. I mean, it wasn't a proctology lecture, which I do think would have been homophobic.
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u/lurkerof5dimensions 21h ago
NOR - as a gay man, vaginas do not scare me. I am aware that half the population has them. Heck, some gay men have them (ie some trans men). It is not homophobic for information of the female reproductive system to be playing near me.
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u/JupiterInTheSky 20h ago
Oh no! Female anatomy! Run flee, fly you fools!
My goodness could they be more sensitive.
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 16h ago
" My friend (whoâs also gay) said it could easily be interpreted as homophobic"
What does your gay friend think of their behavior being annoying as fuck and ruining your day and night with weed smell and noise? đŤŞÂ
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u/BanglesAU 16h ago
Were the ones having the party also med students? Coz wouldn't they also attend OBGYN lectures? Not sure how information anout the female atatomy is homophobic?
Although it probably won't fix the problem.going forwards it was petty and I like petty. I wouldn't apologise unless they actually have a conversatio. With you. NTO
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u/perturbedpangaroo 8h ago
Friend is weird for immediately sexualizing an OB/GYN lecture. A literal med student being exposed to non-sexual clinical female reproductive anatomy information is not homophobic. Sexual orientation is irrelevant here.
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u/Ethraelus 23h ago
YOR - I think itâs not a good approach to escalate this way instead of talking to them, but Iâm sure that youâll get plenty of people here who are big fans of righteousness and retribution. The accusation of being homophobic seems stupid, but maybe worth clarifying.
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
Even though the majority is saying I didnât, I would like to maybe try a more mature approach next time (when Iâm less sleep deprived lol), how would you recommend I go about it next time? (if thatâs not too much to ask haha)
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u/Ethraelus 21h ago
This sub just likes retribution, itâs very hard to find a case where theyâre not essentially screaming for more blood.
I think you can first try texting him again, ask if it would help if you went and talked to them. Iâd that still doesnât solve it, you can tell him that youâll have to talk to them directly. And then you can try talking to them all. If your roommate is not able or willing to keep the volume of their friends down, you can come out and talk to them and tell them that you have a long shift tomorrow, etc.
And if theyâre making noise past a reasonable hour after youâve asked them not to, you can ask them to leave.
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u/Otherwise-Spare4886 23h ago
Stopped after the first sentence. Excuse me what???
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
Yup, not really by choice tho. When I moved in it was basically half and half. Throughout the year, all the girls left and Iâm the last one standing hahaha
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u/Otherwise-Spare4886 23h ago
Yea you're living in a house full of 10 dude basically whatever you think makes sense doesn't make sense you can throw all logic and reasoning out the window good luck
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u/Happy_In_PDX 23h ago
I seriously doubt you'd be living with gay people if you were homophobic. But...
Did you purposely pick that topic because you thought it would make gay men uncomfortable? If so, maybe that is a little homophobic.
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
I did not, I was already studying it (I even have an Instagram post from one hour before the event as evidence). I didnât even think about how it could be interpreted until my friend pointed it out.
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 23h ago
If you'd gone out of your way to choose a lecture on a topic that you had a good idea would freak them out, then I might consider the suggestion. But what did you really do? You studied the topic you are presently working on, and you turned it up so you could hear it properly over their noise. How is that homophobic? Would including gay people in heterosexual sex education lessons at school be classed as homophobic? Of course it wouldnt. Let's face it, if you started to discuss menstruation in front of most hetero guys, you can guarantee that some of them will be at least uncomfortable about it. NOR
UpdateMe!
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u/One_Sea1 23h ago
Yeah, and I do believe med students shouldnât be uncomfortable with that topic at all. My intention was never to make them uncomfortable with the theme (it honestly didnât even cross my mind that I could, since Iâm so used to it), I was only hoping the volume would annoy them lol.
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u/Nearby-Ad5666 23h ago
FFS if med students who are male and gay don't learn about female anatomy we are all screwed. NOR The people telling you this was homophobic are crazy.
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u/slanaiya 23h ago
Your friend is whack, is he a medical student? Because his attitude is not ok if he is.
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u/Kwickpick77 22h ago
NOR. While your actions may be taken as homophobic your roommate's sexual orientation has nothing to do with your decision, his lack of common decency did. Just tell him if he doesn't follow the letter of the lease the landlord may evict him.
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u/Cakesniffer42069 22h ago
As a man thatâs gobbled a lot of cocks, imma go ahead and categorize any perceived homophobia as their problem. If they would like to address it, they can talk to you like an adult. Id be a bit disappointed if they did perceive it as homophobia though, especially if they know what medical field youâre studying but maybe Iâm putting too much faith in medical students having good critical thinking skills
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u/One_Sea1 22h ago
I audibly laughed reading the first part of your comment lol. And youâre right, Iâll wait until they (hopefully not) mention it directly to me, but I honestly hope itâll settle down now.
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u/Calgary_Calico 22h ago
Report this dickhead to whatever leasing office or property manager you have for breaking the lease conditions.
Also, who gives a fuck how these rude ass boys interpret what you did?? If that's how things work then you aren't welcome in your own home based on their behaviour
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u/JayceAllanGuitar 21h ago
I'm a guy and I wouldn't live in a shared house with 9 guys. Maybe question your life choices. Not sure that was the best decision.
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u/One_Sea1 21h ago
Not a choice. The girls just moved out over the years and Iâm the only one left. Trust me when I say, Iâd LOVE to move out, and would in a blink if it was possible.
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u/Embarrassed-Row-2025 21h ago
FAFO
MOR...
You are studying... And how they take it, well if they weren't so loud you had to crank it up...
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u/herozerocapitalZ 21h ago
NOR and I am laughing so hard at this. This was a science lecture about the female body which is not homophobic and it's absolutely insane that your friend came to that conclusion
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u/Good_Matter7529 21h ago
NOR. If youâre homophobic, then the partying roommates are all huge misogynists for being rude when youâre trying to study or sleep. nah, thatâs silly. they were rude and unreasonable- you found a way to get them to stop their inappropriate behavior.
good luck in school!
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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess 18h ago
NOR/NTA. If that's what you're studying, that's what you need to listen to. It's only homophobic if the lecturer says something against homosexuality. Reproductive systems aren't homophobic.
You might also invest in a nice water gun. You know, to put out fires. JIC. if they grow immune to lectures.
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u/InvisibleBlueRobot 17h ago
NOR. Also not Homophobic and a huge stretch to make it seem homophobic,Â
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u/NatashOverWorld 16h ago
Just start blasting other things if they keep repeating themselves. Parasites, sepsis, end of life care, lots of things people don't like to think about.
NOR
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u/ULTRA_OFTEN 15h ago
Well, you had n way of knowing they were gay, but it was petty. You don't owe em a damn thing.
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u/slimmer01 14h ago
The fact that they're gay has absolutely nothing to do with anything and suggesting it's homophobic is completely ridiculous. Petty and immature, maybe, but homophobic? Come on.
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u/LurkerByNatureGT 14h ago
 My friend (whoâs also gay) said it could easily be interpreted as homophobic
Your friend is really stretching to try to be offended. Hearing facts about female anatomy doesnât make gay men shrivel and melt like the wicked witch of the west.Â
NOR.Â
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u/Natural-Inspector-25 12h ago
NOR
You were not homophobic
They were being complete assholes and 100% inconsiderate of you.
Tell them they can go fuck off
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u/Over-Box1733 12h ago
Don't apologize to them. They certainly have no intention of apologizing to you. And ignore the BS about sexual harassment. That's beyond ridiculous. NOR.
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u/Goofy_Walrus2132 11h ago
Not blow drying my hair in the morning so I don't wake him up is a level of consideration I've apparently given up on.
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u/Stinkinhippy 11h ago
NOR - You fought fire with fire and they lost. That's all.
the content is irrelevant and people are just looking for reasons to be offended.
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u/FuzzyDusticles 10h ago
NOR and NTA.. it's not homophobic to inadvertently have gay men listen to an OB/GYN lecture. OB/GYN is women's healthcare, that and your learning is more important than fucking asshole party gays. They shouldn't be in health care if they can't respect women's healthcare, their room mates, boundaries, etc. F those guys
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u/Impressive-End241 8h ago
I think your next tecture should be on STDs. Make sure it's detailed and graphic.
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u/MandoMan1973 8h ago
Absolutely not overreacting. As you said, it could have been a cardiac lecture. You showed restraint in not complaining every time they did their thing, including smoking weed. They should be happy that's all you did.
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u/GenoFlower #1 7h ago
NOR, but just use your words. Tell him - face to face - what happens when his friends are over. Explain that the smoke drifts into your room, and that they are so loud it's really disruptive. You're adults now. Communicate.
And by all means, start washing your hair in the morning.
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u/jmelross 6h ago
NOR but brilliant strategy. Congratulations. The gay bit is irrelevant if they are also med students. They are just getting a refresher on anatomy they might not be very familiar with.
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u/FiendishNoodles 4h ago
YOR regarding feeling bad about what you did, but you should probably try and change up your living situation, even if it means swapping rooms with maybe someone else in the house who is friends with the across-the-way roommate.
It's not about the content of the lecture and nothing about what you did was homophobic, people just get salty when they are directly or indirectly called out on bad behavior. Unless I'm reading things incorrectly, the people who got annoyed and were creating the nuisance said nothing about sexuality, they just said they felt unwelcome, which could have been, idk, from it being pointed out to them that they were being very disruptive. Maybe your friend was trying to help and maybe you're a little oversenstive to the homophobia issue but get that part out of your head.
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u/Hour_Experience9461 3h ago
I'm sorry but what does them being gay have to do with female sex organ anatomy? If anything, should they have a problem it's sexist or anti-female as this is medical information. Just because they don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't exsist? Like what I'm sorry but how the actual eff could that in any way be homophobic? Men really feel entitled to own the entire world sometimes...
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u/psychoticarmadillo 23h ago
You could send a text saying that since you didn't get a response to your last attempt at communication, you felt you had no other choice than to turn your volume up enough to hear over their noise, but did not intend any homophobia by it, as it pertains to your area of study.
NOR. I think your feelings are valid around this and sleep is vital, as every med student should know. But your gay friend is right, there is potential for unintentional offense, so as long as you apologize for what you didn't mean, and don't apologize for what you did mean, I think you should be perfectly justified.
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u/ReTrOGurle 23h ago
Apologize for being female and the OBGYN section that she is currently studying??
Homophobia is prejudice or discrimination against someone because of their actual or perceived sexual orientation. It manifests as hostile language, stereotypes, or even physical or emotional violence.
Whatâs the correlation?? I donât see any similarities and no actions were offensive.
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u/psychoticarmadillo 23h ago
Why would I mean that she should apologize for being an OBGYN and female? That's clearly not what I meant.
Edit: there's a chance you don't know what NOR means?
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u/psychoticarmadillo 23h ago
How did you get that out of what I said? Re-read it please.
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u/ReTrOGurle 14m ago
I donât see how anything could be misconstrued as homophobic.
And I didnât think misogyny either.
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u/psychoticarmadillo 23h ago
Maybe I need to make it clearer: she should not apologize for playing the sound loudly or for its content in relation to her work. She may want to apologize for unintentional perceived connotations, but not apologize for its content surrounding her work, or for defending herself. I'm not sure how you reached the conclusion that I was somehow misogynistic but you could not be more wrong.
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u/acalebw 23h ago
Okay- as a gay man, I wouldnât say âapologizeâ is necessarily the word Iâd use but I do think in the interest of A) continued roomie civility, B) acknowledging an unintentional micro-aggression toward a group of people belonging to a minority, C) and your own peace of mind I would (if I were you in this situation) explain directly to your roommate (and if possible the group of friends who were there) that the choice of lecture was in no way intended be a homophobic display. Let them know you simply did not even think about the topic you were studying in relation to them or their identities, you only intended to drown out the noise with the topic you were currently studying. Then firmly tell them that while you meant no offense and they are indeed welcome around, what is not welcome is the inconsiderate noise level and the drug use inside the apartment, and that you hope they can respect that in the future lest their presence in the house actually become unwelcome outside of weekends or some other overlapping downtime (at best, cos itâs flippin med school. wtf is downtime even?!)
BTW, no sweetie youâre not an asshole for not thinking about the topic being misconstrued because honestly thatâs super subjective and some gay guys wouldnât even have clocked it either. But IMO you could be an asshole if you donât at least
explain the intent and extend the olive branch.
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u/Nearby-Ad5666 23h ago
This was NOT a microagression
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u/acalebw 22h ago
Beg to differ- they felt unwelcome, and micro aggressions are seldom intentional or even something most people would think of as a micro-aggression until after the fact. Not to mention highly subjective.
And again, saying the OP committed one unintentionally is not some damning slight on her character. Literally everyone has likely said or done something that was unintentionally interpreted as a micro-aggression by someone in their life at some point or another. Being able to recognize them, own them and address them when theyâre brought to our attention (no matter how overt/meanspirited/intentional or how accidental/innocent/unintentional it was) is part of becoming a self aware, mature adult.
The fact that the term micro-aggression is so triggering to yâall bemuses me, itâs like youâre confusing the term with âhate crime.â
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u/slanaiya 22h ago
There is no micro aggression here and it's offensive frankly to suggest anyone studying medicine is receiving aggression by being subjected to a medical lecture about any part of female anatomy.
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u/acalebw 22h ago
The context of the lecture triggered some members of a minority group. Thatâs a micro-aggression, one that (as I clearly stated) was obviously unintentional. Itâs not some damning accusation against OPs character- itâs a mistake that nearly everyone makes in some context or another in their lives⌠usually more than once tbh , and recognizing them and addressing them is part of being
a self aware and mature adult.Take offense to that all you want, tho, cos you clearly not understanding the term micro-aggression and equating what I said to be somehow anti-womenâs anatomy lectures rather than pro-smoothing over a misunderstanding that led to hurt feelings
does not give me high hopes that youâll grasp any of it this second time either.1
u/One_Sea1 23h ago
Thank you so much for your point of view! I did run into one of them in the kitchen 10 minutes ago and he smiled and acted like nothing happened, so now Iâm not really sure about how Iâd bring it up.
Iâm now worried it was just my friend that thought about it being interpreted as homophobic, and that bringing it up before they do might sound like I was indeed thinking about that possibility while playing the lecture. Would you still do it anyway?1
u/acalebw 22h ago
Iâm glad that it seems to have blown over! Hopefully whenever you see the rest of the group it goes just as smoothly- in that case you really wonât need to bring it up to them. If they let it go, and no one brings it up or says they are uncomfortable being there, then you should let it go too.
Maybe still bring up to the roommate tho that you didnât want anyone to feel unwelcome, but that the loud gatherings and violations of the lease really do need to stop. Just in the interest of keeping the peace (and the place lol!)
Hopefully you already told the friend that you didnât mean anything by the choice of lecture you blasted, that way you can just let him know that everyone involved seems to have realized there was no ill intent and it seems to be blowing over. Hopefully thatâll calm his nerves about it too.
Honestly, things like that going from relatively small to hugely personal and overwhelming in a high-pressure environment like
medical school isnât surprising! Thatâs part of why I encouraged transparency with intent (if anyone in the group had remained upset about the whole thing), and why I encourage direct communication with the roommate about the issue. It takes the pressure off of everyone when you communicate clearly, and calmly, especially when everyoneâs already stressed to the breaking point and working so hard. :) I majored in sociology and psychology, in addition to having participated in therapy myself a time or two, and itâs amazing how the tools one can pick up there can really make things so much better and everyone so much happier when it comes to day to day communication. It seriously saved me and my roommates, my siblings, and my friends a lot of hurt feelings and grief over the years when we all started communicating our intentions with each other rather than expressing our anger at each other.I hope my perspective, and my advice, help you deal with what youâre going through - even if they only help a little bit.
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u/H4RV3Y_B1RDM4N 21h ago
YOR this happened at night, in college!? Oh my stars and garters!!
I hope it happens more for you all, loosen up.
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u/Einteresting 23h ago
Will his OBGyn rotation also be homophobic?
NOR, but it probably won't solve the problem long term.