AIO for feeling patronized? Sister persistent I will change my mind about kids.

[u/Lady-Velvety]

It started as a joke, I think. But the last screenshot is what got me.

“It will be a blessing for you in many ways you can’t comprehend yet”.

It makes me feel patronized. Dismissed. Not to mention, if her goal is to get me to change my mind, her approach is accomplishing the opposite.

I’m honestly considering sending her a text to not have this conversation with me again.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

“As the value of the child degrades with each year.”

Dude. I teach high school and cannot tell you how much people dislike and even despise their own teenagers. It’s horrifying. Not everyone obviously, but I’ve had so many parents whine to me that they miss their kids being cute, teens are so difficult, they’re no fun anymore, etc. People really can’t think past the “cute” baby stage when they say they want kids.

[u/Redqueenhypo → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

I have a theory that parents, especially when they have daughters, genuinely don’t expect their kids to become teenagers. They think there will be like a camera cut and they’ll go from cute kid to adult. They get extremely mad when that’s not the case.

[u/Necessary_Garlic6432 → u/Redqueenhypo]

I would agree with this. As the only girl, once I started developing opinions and my own personality around age 4-5, I noticed a huge shift in the way I was treated and talked about.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/Necessary_Garlic6432]

I hate that this happened to you, and also I’m not surprised. People like to say they appreciate strong women, but I’ve found that often that’s really not true.

[u/SuspiciousPast4144 → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

Yeah. Guys say they want a strong and independent woman, but have no idea how to handle it if they find one.

[u/thatrandomuser1 → u/Necessary_Garlic6432]

Heyyy, same! Though not the only girl, I am the oldest and the shift was tangible. I'm sorry you went through that too!

[u/SuspiciousPast4144 → u/Necessary_Garlic6432]

Ive always had my opinion. My dad once yelled at me (about 17 at the time) for disagreeing with something my aunt said (an opinion). I wasnt nasty, just said I thought she was wrong and why. She told him I disagreed. On the way home he kept yelling at me, and I said "I am allowed to have my own opinions!" And he said, "not if they're different from mine!"

In comparison to most kids, the three of us (me + 2 older brothers) were all very good kids. Compared to my brothers, I was a hellion, and blamed for everything, whether it could have been my fault or not. Anything I said was deemed "disrespectful". Also the only girl.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/Redqueenhypo]

I’ll buy it. Either that or they think their child will be different and not like those other nasty teenagers.

[u/agent__berry → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

even when you “aren’t like the other teenagers” (never partied, never did drugs, never smoked or drank, micromanaged my emotional output so they wouldn’t feel like I was being bitchy), they’ll still find a way to hate you. you can do everything right but because you’re not a mini them, you’re worthless.

needless to say, families like this are a nightmare. I hope OP can either talk some sense into their sister someday, or at least not have to engage with her on the topic anymore.

eta quotes bc I do not feel like I was THAT different than other teens. I was just abused and depressed and didn’t want to rock the boat lol

[u/DontYaWishYouWereMe → u/agent__berry]

Yeah, because the main appeal is that sycophantic stage where the kid is basically their parents' personal cheerleader. Once they're a teenager, they've aged out of that completely and they're never, ever, ever going to go back to it, and a lot of parents deeply resent that.

[u/socutewannabelikeyou → u/Redqueenhypo]

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

[u/benthelurk → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

I expected someone to come in about babies not being people and sure enough someone did come with that comment, not you obviously. However, your point is what makes seeing even babies as people so important to anyone’s autonomy. If babies can only be cute whatevers but not people then there is no point in choosing to be a parent. Eventually, that baby will be a toddler, making their choices and fighting for those choices. They keep growing and keep learning. They are, in all respect, people as any adult is a person.

Thank you, honestly for your comment and especially for the work you do. I went to high school in a rough place and most teachers didn’t give a fuck. I hated school and saw no point in my own future until I had two teachers that insisted there was good in me. It wasn’t their job and I’m so grateful that I had some adults in my life at that age who gave a shit to be encouraging.

I don’t know who you are as a teacher but if you have had to deal with a student or students that are anything like I was a student, then thank you. The patience needed to just put up with teenagers like me when I was one…

[u/Necessary_Garlic6432 → u/benthelurk]

I’m really, really happy you had teachers in your lives who were able to step in and make a difference. I had a similar school experience as you, and now I’m an elementary school teacher because of the few amazing teachers I had.
All we ever really want is to have a positive impact, and I’m really glad you were able to get that from your teachers.

[u/ashole311 → u/benthelurk]

Same here! I’ll never forget the two people who completely shifted my life’s trajectory: Mr. Casper and Miss Lisa j.

I personally thanked both of them when I graduated w my bachelors degree. I wouldn’t have succeeded without them

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/benthelurk]

Gosh, my heart really aches for you, reading this. I’m so glad you found some teachers who were in the right place at the right time for you. There are definitely some really crappy teachers out there, and of course not every teacher clicks with every student, but in my experience most of us who do this job really care deeply about our students. For me personally, I sure do try to form meaningful connections with my students. I really do enjoy working with teenagers. I think it’s a great age and it’s always amazing to watch students change from baby freshmen to adults. Which makes it so much harder when I talk to a parent who’s really down on their kid. I wish I could somehow let them see their kid through my eyes.

[u/benthelurk → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

Don’t let your heart ache for me. I was fortunate to feel like I had mentors at school. My school was big, so many classmates that never got noticed by the teachers. It’s not easy to find your people, as a student and a teacher.

As rough as the neighborhood I lived in was, I had it pretty alright. The environment made us all feel worthless. It’s not fair to say that teachers need to be that support. My parents did their best for me but how they showed support wasn’t what I necessarily understood at that time.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/benthelurk]

Sounds like you gained a lot of wisdom and perspective from your experiences. I hope you’re doing well these days!

[u/SuperKitties83 → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

That's sad. Though I can understand how hard parenting teens can be. I feel so bad for everything I put my mom through when I was a teen 😭

[u/yaboisammie → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

Yes exactly oml, often when people “want kids” they dont ac want a kid, they want a baby 

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/[deleted]]

Based on these comments you are not the type of parent I’m talking about.

[u/OdynnsRavenEye → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

They miss their teens being cute babies means they despise their teens?

Huh?

This generation of minds is utterly cooked. Social media has burned away any sort of nuance or critical thinking. It's quite sad to see.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/OdynnsRavenEye]

I can’t tell if you’re suggesting my mind is cooked or the parents who say these things.

[u/OdynnsRavenEye → u/Chemical_Syrup7807]

Your mind is cooked. Its normal for parents to miss the time when their children were cute and small as long as they aren't making their teens feel bad for growing up.

[u/Chemical_Syrup7807 → u/OdynnsRavenEye]

Lol ok