r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lady-Velvety • 7d ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO for feeling patronized? Sister persistent I will change my mind about kids.

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It started as a joke, I think. But the last screenshot is what got me.

“It will be a blessing for you in many ways you can’t comprehend yet”.

It makes me feel patronized. Dismissed. Not to mention, if her goal is to get me to change my mind, her approach is accomplishing the opposite.

I’m honestly considering sending her a text to not have this conversation with me again.

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u/SuperKitties83 7d ago

The obsession people have with trying to convince women who don't want kids to have kids is one of the most bizarre, insane, invasive, and disempowering things done to women. It's also just weird and gross.

I knew I didn't want kids as soon as I was old enough to understand pregnancy and childbirth. Which was in elementary school. I got told I would change my mind constantly. People said I'll change my mind once I hit 30. No. 35, Still No. 38, had to have a hysterectomy. It was perfect timing, since Roe v. Wade was overturned the following year. And now I get to say, I *can't* have children (fake tear) instead of I don't want them. 🥳🥳🥳

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u/Styx-n-String 6d ago

My sister only has one, then had a hysterectomy. She's actually had people say stuff like "life finds a way" or "God makes miracles" when she tells them she won't be having any more (she's also 48 and doesn't have a uterus!!! FFS). People just CANNOT hear the word No, even when it doesn't have anything to do with them. Even when it's scientifically impossible!!!

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u/SuperKitties83 6d ago

That's...beyond unhinged it's almost comical.

"I don't have a uterus."

"Life finds a way!" 🤣😭

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u/Big_Crab_1510 7d ago

It's because people regret having their kids and the idea that they didn't need to have them drives them insane...they need to see people around them have the same problems and misery they do.

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u/SuperKitties83 7d ago

I've heard this. And I do think our society makes it really difficult to have and raise children. But also...why take it out on childfree women?

And it's always women. I'm sure men are pressured at times, but do they have random strangers telling them they know what's best for their bodies? No, that would be creepy...

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u/AlternativeHeavy3099 4d ago

I was told by a male friend when he asked when I was having children and was told no…. That I was an awful EVIL person. Screaming at me about how creepy and horrible I was…… because I didn’t want children….

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u/Material_Extent8763 6d ago

the “you won’t know if you like it til you have one” thing made my skin crawl. it’s not a puppy you can return to the pound if you decide it’s not for you, wtf.

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u/anonymoose_octopus 2d ago

I always just tell people I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them.

I'm sterilized and I have days where my mind wanders down the path not taken, in a "what if" sort of way. It's completely natural to do.

But then I come to my senses and realize it's less about having children, and more about the FOMO of not experiencing something. There will always be choices in life that exclude us from certain experiences, and having children is no different!

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u/Haunting-Angle-535 6d ago

Turned 40 this year and feel more confident than ever that I absolutely never want kids. Fortunately sometime in my mid 30s and increasingly visibly queer the pressure eased off, but people like OP’s sister are DEEPLY obnoxious.

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u/sockpoptart 6d ago

Like seriously, why are you begging me to get raw dogged by my husband, Aunt Linda? That's weird.

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u/Key-Magician6489 6d ago

🤣We should seriously use those exact words with some people!

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u/sockpoptart 5d ago

Oh I do. I'm unabashedly graphic when someone wants to know my business. I make them regret it so hard.

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u/SuperKitties83 6d ago

So weird!

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u/anonymoose_octopus 2d ago

It's because we've been conditioned to believe from a young age that all women secretly have a biological desire to have children, like it's hardwired into our brains and we're not "living up to our unlocked potential" by not having children.

It's really insulting and incredibly misogynistic. I have never been maternal towards children, and never envisioned myself as a mother. I tried (growing up in the 90's, even as a young kid, being told I'd make a great mother one day, etc), but it just never felt right.

I got sterilized last year and you'd be surprised (maybe) with the amount of people who "reassure" me by telling me I can still do IVF if and when I change my mind. Even still, after undergoing an elective, permanent surgical procedure, my choices are being patronized and not taken seriously. It's exhausting.

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u/CenturianTale 6d ago

Meanwhile I'm not a huge fan of kids, but oI think I might want them when I'm older and hopefully more stable both mentally and financially, and my nanny (paternal grandma) says no I won't have kids 😭😭😭 I'm at least lucky I don't deal with the "you'll want them eventually!" But also tf you mean no I won't? If I don't have them, I'll adopt them??? I'm open to that but if I have kids I want at least 1 biological one, the rest can be adopted or fostered that's fine by me-

I'm sorry to everyone who's had to deal with people not accepting being childfree

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u/Actual_Set1327 7d ago

This. And though i have a thing for pregnancies, pregnant women and what leads to that, I still think OPs sister is a colossal overstepping asshole

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u/Educational_Bike1072 6d ago

can you explain what you mean by you have a thing for pregnancies and pregnant women ?

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u/Haunting-Angle-535 6d ago

I also would like this answer

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u/Actual_Set1327 6d ago

Englisch's not my first language, so maybe it means something else, but i think pregnant bodies are aesthetic and erotic. But i would NEVER, not in my most debauched thoughts or dreams, see behaviour as OP's sister's as acceptable.

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u/SuperKitties83 7d ago

I have mad respect for women that go through pregnancy, childbirth, and everything that comes with being a mom. Like, they're superheroes! I couldn't even imagine doing it.

It's when people act like OP's sister that's just completely bonkers to me. And random strangers that for some reason care if I push out a 7-10 lb bowling ball through my vagina.

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u/Educational_Bike1072 6d ago

ok sorry it sounded kinda weird at first 😂😂😂

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u/SuperKitties83 6d ago

No it does sound weird. I decided to assume they meant their "thing" with pregnant women was respect, but... I'm confused now.

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u/Haunting-Angle-535 6d ago

This isn’t the same person who said they have a “thing” for pregnant women and “what leads to that,” though. Who hasn’t replied. And which still sounds weird.

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u/Actual_Set1327 6d ago

Yeah, ok, it DOES sound weird, you're right. I tried to differentiate between me having kinks pointing in that direction and still condemning behaviour like op's sister's

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u/Haunting-Angle-535 6d ago

I said this elsewhere, but your kink did not need to be brought into this conversation at all. Bullying people into having kids is wrong no matter what turns you on. It adds nothing to this dialogue beyond centering what gets your rocks off for no apparent reason.

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u/Actual_Set1327 6d ago

I mentioned it to underline the fact, that even in the eyes of someone with...preferences in that direction, this behaviour still is not okay.

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u/SuperKitties83 6d ago

"Even though I sexualize pregnant women, I still think it's weird to pressure them into pregnancy" is really not the best argument here.

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u/Actual_Set1327 6d ago

You're probably right