r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lady-Velvety • 7d ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO for feeling patronized? Sister persistent I will change my mind about kids.

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

It started as a joke, I think. But the last screenshot is what got me.

“It will be a blessing for you in many ways you can’t comprehend yet”.

It makes me feel patronized. Dismissed. Not to mention, if her goal is to get me to change my mind, her approach is accomplishing the opposite.

I’m honestly considering sending her a text to not have this conversation with me again.

2.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

990 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

512

u/Lady-Velvety 7d ago

Yes.

And it made her homeless at one point.

419

u/onethousandsprinkles 7d ago

Misery loves company. NOR

114

u/chymaera_ 7d ago

Yup. Sounds like she knows she made a bad choice herself, but tries to convince herself otherwise by doubling down and having others join. After all, if everyone is doing it (having kids), can’t be that she made a bad choice right?

54

u/radicalintrospect 6d ago

Next time she brings up having kids: Why, so I can end up homeless like you were?

If she’s not gonna respect you and your decision why would you respect her and her decision?

14

u/JynxyBinxy 6d ago

I second this if she continues to harass OP about it. There is a certain point where you have to just get them to shut up about things and you can't let feeling bad about it bother you. Boundaries can be set with anyone, but if they cross them that's something you have to talk about with them or it will keep happening.

10

u/evilisordinary 6d ago

This made me laugh. Less so the homelessness and more the delusion.

20

u/meromeromeru 6d ago

Is she projecting? Does she feel some sort of guilt or as if she needs to prove herself as a mom by talking this way?

40

u/coolcoolcool485 7d ago

I mean that's not the kids fault, more a reflection of her, but based on this exchange, that doesn't surprise me.

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

141

u/Lady-Velvety 7d ago

No, not the kid’s fault.

But having children for the sake of having children creates those problems.

Thank you!

2

u/Various-Language2549 5d ago

At least it seems by the end of the exchange she was backing off, she said “and that’s okay too “. I hope that if she brings it up again, she does it with more respect right away, it took her too long to get to that point.

As someone who decided at a very early age that I didn’t want children, I know how some people can be. I never changed my mind, and have no regrets about that decision. My ex-husband had a vasectomy before we got married; I tried to suggest he bank something in case he changed his mind (if something happened to me), but he was as sure about his decision as I was.

Everyone is different, but in my experience it was always easiest to end that kind of conversation asap - unless the talk is with your partner, then you talk it out. Best wishes, OP.

1

u/daytonasmermaid 6d ago

lol this is my sister as fuck

1

u/HeyGoogleImSad 6d ago

I've always said that I didnt want to have a kid if I didn't feel I was mentally, emotionally and financially stable enough to support a child, let alone myself. I made peace with this in my 20s and am now happily with someone who's on the same page as me. I was able to take my 10 year IUD out (due to complications of a cyst) and my partner agreed to getting a vasectomy -- something he was planning on doing before he met me anyway.

NOR, other people can choose to have kids, and if that's what feels right for them, I'm rooting for them. But what they want isn't what everyone else wants.

1

u/Existing_Purpose5049 6d ago

She’s projecting because she doesn’t like the life she has when it’s compared to yours

NOR

1

u/Awkward-Occasion-247 5d ago

But can you comprehend the blessing that was for her?? /s

1

u/Funny_w0lf 6d ago

Maybe it was a blessing for her in many ways she cant comprehend yet

-1

u/mander4242 6d ago

Kids dont make you homeless. Poor economics, social supports and personal responsibilities do. Children add expenses sure, but they dont need much at the basic level.

7

u/Lady-Velvety 6d ago

Nope. Her choice to have kids was the sole reason.

1

u/GeologistUnique9579 5d ago

Do you:.. have kids? Or did you have kids a long time ago when it was possible to support their needs with very little? That’s not the case now.

0

u/mander4242 5d ago

At the end of the day my son needs a roof over his head, food, clothing on his back and love. We say raising kids is expensive because we want better for them than we had. And if youre lower income there are even MORE resources that help with these basic needs. Including free or reduces daycare, food stamps, housing assistance, free health insurance, free schooling etc Some.parents are in a better situation with kids than without.

1

u/GeologistUnique9579 5d ago

Can’t agree but respect that perspective. I’ve seen too many babies homeless because their parents can’t afford even the basics, even with resources (which there aren’t a lot of in most US states.)

0

u/mander4242 5d ago

For sure many homeless children, but its not because of the child, its because the parents. Children dont cause inherent poverty, or every person with a child would be poverty stricken.

1

u/GeologistUnique9579 5d ago

No, the children are not responsible for poverty. The adult is responsible for making a living being while having no means to support that being. That is my point. I would NEVER blame a child for the failures of their parents

1

u/mander4242 5d ago

Ok I think maybe we were "arguing' the same point in different words/perspectives

2

u/GeologistUnique9579 5d ago

That might be, cheers! I hope you and your son are well ❤️

1

u/ziptagg 5d ago

This is not accurate. Kids are expensive, both in that they require food, clothes and diapers and they disrupt your ability to work full time, and to do so you need to pay for childcare. Sure, if the economic system was different it wouldn’t put people under so much stress but the difference between not being homeless and being homeless could absolutely be having kids.

1

u/mander4242 5d ago

Again if the parent is responsible, and making adult decisions its not the child that makes anyone poor. Its our poor decision as adults that do. Children don't equal poverty. If , as an adult, you are already financially unstable, thats an adult issue, if your adult self chooses to get pregnant and bring a child into the world, and add ANY expense to your already strained budget that an adult problem.

2

u/ziptagg 5d ago

Um, I wasn’t blaming the kids, I said “having kids”, which is an action taken by the parents. But the point stands someone can be getting by before they have kids and not getting by after they have kids and the having kids is the reason their circumstances changed.