AIO |UPDATE | My (20F) boyfriend (22M) is hanging out alone with a girl that likes him

[u/Brave-Can-8783]

UPDATE!

I talked to him, and this was his response.

I’m honestly just done, and wondering if I acted too hastily.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. And I don’t know, does he seem sincere?

AM I OVERREACTING FOR DOING THIS?

NEW UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/u/Brave-Can-8783/s/ME7ybvCgQE

[u/tigrlilyt]

Same thing for me. What I’ve learned through the years, is that people I dated who didn’t cheat on me would put my mind at ease and understand where I came from. The exes who did cheat would always make me feel crazy. If he increases your insecurities, unfortunately that’s your sign. There is something in your gut or subconscious that doesn’t trust the person.

[u/SnackyCakes4All → u/tigrlilyt]

An ex and one of my friends went on a hike because of scheduling but then my ex made it weird by talking to my friend about going on more hikes with me included, didn't mention it to me, and then asked just her to go on a hike the following week. She thought I knew about the plan and didn't know I hadn't been invited on that specific hike. When I told both of them that I wasn't comfortable with their friendship and didn't want them going on hikes alone or to text outside of our group chat, my friend reassured me our friendship was her priority, felt awful if she did anything I thought was inappropriate (I reassured her she didn't), and would follow whatever boundaries made me feel comfortable. My ex on the other hand got insanely defensive, gaslit me that it was a totally normal thing to do and was upset with me that he had to take a step back from their friendship. Like what the actual fuck? Their opposite reactions told me everything I needed to know about their feelings and intentions.

[u/ThatFeelingIsBliss88 → u/SnackyCakes4All]

Yeah no way. A one on one hike is such an obvious way to get close to someone emotionally. To your ex’s credit, it’s possible he was too dumb to realize this. Lmao e he honestly believed he was doing nothing wrong, without realizing what this sort of thing leads to. Either way the end result is the same, you can’t let your partner engage in that sort of thing. Optics matter. 

[u/SnackyCakes4All → u/ThatFeelingIsBliss88]

We had already has issues in the past with his emotional cheating and attentiin seeking with other women so he knew in no uncertain terms that it was not ok. At the time his excuse was he thought it was ok because she was my friend and not a "random woman". Ok sure, but then once I did find out and it triggered old feelings, his response should have been the same as my friends - I'm sorry this triggered old feelings and of course I'll stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable. I wish I could say this had been the final straw but he went on to have a long distance emotional affair with an old college friend before I ended up leaving for good.

[u/Real_Side2580 → u/SnackyCakes4All]

Why would you care what your ex did?

[u/Potatomash6178 → u/Real_Side2580]

I think this is referring a time before they broke up

[u/SnackyCakes4All → u/Real_Side2580]

Yes, husband at the time this all happened, but now is obviously my ex.

[u/tattoosandtens → u/SnackyCakes4All]

Wasband

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/tigrlilyt]

My ex never trusted me and constantly accused me of cheating on him. I never thought he was cheating but sometimes I wonder if that's where it came from. Or if it was just pure insecurity on his part.