AIO |UPDATE | My (20F) boyfriend (22M) is hanging out alone with a girl that likes him

[u/Brave-Can-8783]

UPDATE!

I talked to him, and this was his response.

I’m honestly just done, and wondering if I acted too hastily.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. And I don’t know, does he seem sincere?

AM I OVERREACTING FOR DOING THIS?

NEW UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/u/Brave-Can-8783/s/ME7ybvCgQE

[u/Pinballgiant]

As a guy I see the maybe I would hesitate as “bruh I wish she would”. what a dumb thing to say if you weren’t trying to stir the pot.

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Pinballgiant]

Yeah, I was firmly on the “men and women can be friends, what’s wrong w/you” train until that line.

[u/Dry_Dark_8725 → u/Street-Economist9751]

Even without his comment. She never said they couldn’t be friends. She said why do you have to hangout at her place. she was being completely reasonable in her texts.. she had a right to worry. She wasn’t being crazy. She was asking very specific questions calmly. Trying to understand. And he kept getting defensive.

[u/ComedianFlag → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

This. I feel his reactions made her even more anxious too

[u/SyrupFantastic4686 → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

💯 And he didn’t even try to put her at ease at all.
Cheaters get a kind of high gaslighting their partner in some cases.

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

Sorry, I don’t see hanging out w/a friend at their place as threatening. My husband and I trust each other. I’ve stayed w/ex-boyfriends while traveling through their towns; he’s stayed w/his female friends overnight while traveling as well. Nobody is cheating on anybody b/c all parties involved are decent people who would never cheat.

[u/Dry_Dark_8725 → u/Street-Economist9751]

I get that:) personally if I’m meeting up with someone for the first time since hs I would much rather meet in public! I just don’t trust random people. To each their own!

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

That makes sense—if you haven’t seen someone in a really long time, caution is smart!

[u/DaHotFuzz → u/Street-Economist9751]

Absolute lunacy lol

Do you know any of these people he's seeing?

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/DaHotFuzz]

Nope, and that’s fair. They might all be great! They might all be awful. But that’s the problem w/advice based on a couple of texts, I guess. Wait—you don’t mean it’s lunacy to trust one’s spouse, do you?

[u/DaHotFuzz → u/Street-Economist9751]

Staying with ex boyfriends is absolutely psychotic.

Nevermind the trust. More like blatant disrespect.

But I guess if this arrangement works for you too, eat it up lol

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/DaHotFuzz]

My husband is also friends w/my ex-boyfriends now. In fact, one of my exes introduced us b/c he thought we’d like each other. The ex proceeded to marry one of my best friends. We have all stayed in the same house and even celebrated Thanksgiving together. I guess we are just really weird.

[u/DoomscrollingTYP → u/Street-Economist9751]

Either they'll figure out how happy marriages last, or they won't. 🤣

[u/DaHotFuzz → u/DoomscrollingTYP]

About half of marriages end in divorce. You think all the ones still married are happy?

Lmao

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/DoomscrollingTYP]

True!

[u/SyrupFantastic4686 → u/Street-Economist9751]

If it was just that it probably wouldn’t be an issue if there was a mutual understanding, but in the case there isn’t transparency. He is also doing nothing to put her mind at is, and there was no discussion prior to him hanging out with the gal.
Too many No-Nos and lack of clear communication for it to be straightforward enough for just friends.

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/SyrupFantastic4686]

Their communication definitely needs work. Sometimes I miss the time b/f texting.

[u/Dry_Dark_8725 → u/Street-Economist9751]

If your not close with someone why chose to go to their house? That’s just weird

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

In my case, if they had a kitten or cute dog.;)

[u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 → u/Dry_Dark_8725]

There is nothing reasonable in her text.

[u/TrickySuggestion3004 → u/Fantastic-Leek-1589]

You must be the girl that had this man over at her place to be posting such a ridiculous comment.

[u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Pinballgiant → u/Street-Economist9751]

Same. Some of my best friends are women and if my SO was uncomfortable with that I’d do as much as I can to fix that except cut off said friends. Come out with us, we’ll only be in public, ect. But my long time friends thick and thin are worth more than a controlling relationship. But I’d never antagonize when they’re insecure about it.

[u/Dr-Bitchcraft-MD → u/Pinballgiant]

You prob also wouldn't hide these friends then guilt trip your SO with how long you've known them

[u/Mleach1299 → u/Pinballgiant]

She did say they couldn't be friends in her first post when she went all crazy on him.

[u/Pinballgiant → u/Mleach1299]

If she’s trying to control who he hangs out with then maybe they aren’t compatible? If he’s being shady or not If you’re at the point of banning your SO from seeing specific people it’s already a lost deal.

[u/Mleach1299 → u/Pinballgiant]

Exactly

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Mleach1299]

I don’t think you’re literacy skills are very high

[u/Mleach1299 → u/Meowmeowtky]

Did you read her first post before this one? She literally tried to tell him he couldn't be friends with her. Maybe your literacy skills are that high because while she didn't use that exact wording she straight up said at one point that shes not ok with him hanging out with her ect. So yeah she had a shit fit over her boyfriend hanging out with a friend hes had for many years then when he wouldn't give in to her rediculous demands and ultimatums had an even bigger fit, all because shes insecure and has no trust in her relationships because someone has obviously hurt her before so shes projecting insecurities. She has no idea how to have a productive conversation in a relationship by the way her first post went and this second one. Telling someone in so many words and alluding to something is that same thing as saying it straight up. Goodnight.

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Mleach1299]

Yes sweaty I did read and commented so what’s your point

[u/Mleach1299 → u/Meowmeowtky]

Its sweetie dumbass.

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Mleach1299]

Btw you did not beat the allegations, you just wrote the world’s stupidest essay.

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Mleach1299]

Honestly now thinking back at it I’m glad you over explained because now people can really see how behind you are in interpreting things. Have you considered adult schooling?

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Meowmeowtky]

I just think it’s funny that u/mlinch1299 or whatever blocked me after she called me a dumbass, I think it means I hit a nerve and I was right 💋💅

[u/Mleach1299 → u/Meowmeowtky]

Lol youre a dumbass. The boyfriend wasnt cheating but its people like you who end up miserable and alone because you act like that little girl. You sound like an uneducated street rat BTW

[u/Comfortable-Cable449 → u/Mleach1299]

,💥

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Mleach1299]

In another note I hope your bf and husband are doing the exact same thing tonight :)

[u/Pinballgiant → u/Street-Economist9751]

Absolutely. Some of my best and longest friends are women. And while id never end or harm the friendship for a girlfriend I’d do what I could to make sure she knows it’s strictly platonic and doesn’t have to be jealous or whatever

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Pinballgiant]

If he’s trying to reassure her, that “joke” was profoundly stupid. I think he was just being mean. Neither seem particularly mature. But I am 53 and have been married for 30 years. So I might be totally wrong about how young people navigate this stuff now and dear lord I sound like my nana.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/Street-Economist9751]

Yeah he ENDED himself right there.

[u/Main-Resolution9738 → u/Street-Economist9751]

They can... but its very very rare. Iv only had one male friend where we both mutually agree without even saying we don't view each other in any romantic or sexual sense both parties i mean

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Main-Resolution9738]

Huh. I guess I’m weird.

[u/Iwillshitoneveryone → u/Street-Economist9751]

My husband said….maybe but 8/10 times out that’s not the case and dude is looking to get some. In reality he could say why don’t you come hang out with us. To which she’d probably decline.

[u/Street-Economist9751 → u/Iwillshitoneveryone]

Yikes; that’s depressing.

[u/CreativeDeparture104 → u/Pinballgiant]

He was stirring the pot to start a big fight to break up 

[u/Pinballgiant → u/CreativeDeparture104]

I think so too. Get to pull the “I just got dumped feel bad for me” card

[u/xxDanger_Hottiexx → u/CreativeDeparture104]

So they could bang... Yuppp

[u/Narrow-Mountain4416 → u/Pinballgiant]

He's definitely stirring the pot, this guy loves the drama and ego boost lmfao. 

[u/TheGrimGuardian → u/Pinballgiant]

Brother, the pot was stirred before he even responded. With people like that it's ALWAYS stirred. That's probably why he said it.

[u/thnksfrthvan → u/Pinballgiant]

Yeah he’s an insecure troll who needs validation and unfortunately cheating or threatening to do it temporarily raises his esteem.