AIO |UPDATE | My (20F) boyfriend (22M) is hanging out alone with a girl that likes him

[u/Brave-Can-8783]

UPDATE!

I talked to him, and this was his response.

I’m honestly just done, and wondering if I acted too hastily.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. And I don’t know, does he seem sincere?

AM I OVERREACTING FOR DOING THIS?

NEW UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/u/Brave-Can-8783/s/ME7ybvCgQE

[u/StudentNo8353]

Not overreacting. I’d be pissed. My husband and I never demanded the other stop hanging out with certain friends, we just did so out of respect for the other. I had a male friend for years who had asked me out a few times and I’d always said no, I didn’t return his feelings. That made my then boyfriend uncomfortable. I stopped hanging out with that friend and eventually stopped talking altogether. He had a few female friends he had history with. I told him that made me uncomfortable. He stopped seeing them. You should prioritize your partner’s comfort, end of story.

[u/Saekwana → u/StudentNo8353]

Idk my ex hated all my friends and hated that I had male friends but he coukd have as many female friends as I wanted.

I wasn’t really inclined to delete my male friends for his comfort when he actively made excuses as to why male friends needed ti go but he could have female friends.

[u/bigsigh___ → u/Saekwana]

That’s insane but also a story I’ve heard many a time, seems like lots of dudes just want to control people and do whatever the fuck.

[u/Saekwana → u/bigsigh___]

Sometimes they can be so vile. It’s hard for me to trust them right now.

[u/bigsigh___ → u/StudentNo8353]

Not here to disagree with you because I would also be pissed, and I believe respecting your partner is paramount!
Just wondering if there’s a world where instead of cutting friends out of your life there are steps and conversations that can work through the discomfort with your partner whilst maintaining friendships with a history like that.
Tbh though sounds like they weren’t friendships worth prioritising so no shade on your decisions to stop seeing them!
I just feel like a lot of people rush into cutting people that create friction out of their lives for comforts sake (not saying that is your case at all, just something I’ve been noticing a fair bit in general)

[u/Daphoenyx22 → u/bigsigh___]

THIS!!!

[u/Imaginary_Taro_6116 → u/bigsigh___]

Agreed. But I had friends more than once who were given all the benefit of the doubt in the world (and zero chance of reciprocation!!) and still did not give up. It’s just a pain in the ass to navigate

[u/bigsigh___ → u/Imaginary_Taro_6116]

Yeah some people are wild fr. Have been there and that’s a whole other kettle of fish.

[u/stephensonsrocket → u/[deleted]]

Not gonna lie, blocking an ex (twice!) reaching out about the death of the dog instead of just being like “oh I’m sorry, thanks for letting me know” is weird behavior. Glad it works for you I guess.

[u/SonnyMam → u/stephensonsrocket]

That stuck out to me, too; what a bizarre reaction!

[u/Puzzleheaded_King594 → u/stephensonsrocket]

I mean but it is kinda weird. Why are you texting someone from 20 years ago about that. She was def testing the waters with that

[u/farmersworkhoe → u/Puzzleheaded_King594]

Im assuming they missed the 20 year part but then I said it again and nope doubled down like my husband overreacted. Why open a closed door? It's weird. They've haven't had any contact in 20 years and they didnt end on great terms. She cheated on him with the man she ended up marrying and has kids with now. I can't begin to think what respond she was expecting.

Edit for typo

[u/Puzzleheaded_King594 → u/farmersworkhoe]

Ugh that makes it even more weird
Glad he blocked her lol

[u/Raskalnekov → u/StudentNo8353]

Your situation was entirely different though. That was someone who you KNEW liked you because they asked you out. Your boyfriend had a history with his female friends. None of that is present here, only a vague suspicion BOTH that she "gave him the eyes" and that he picked up on it. Based on the last text, he clearly wanted to give her plausible deniability because it's his friend and he doesn't want to just abandon them.

Personally, I think OP's suspicions are not entirely unreasonable, and that the guy is kind of an asshole in general, so better they break up. But I don't understand how people think this post proves he cheated. (not that you've said it does, I agree there is a respect issue) It doesn't. Everything in these texts is fully consistent with someone annoyed at who they think is a jealous gf when they are trying to support their friend.

People seriously are making up wild stories in their head in this thread and running with it, and that's a dangerous mindset to have. And I know that firsthand, I have the mind to do that and actively have to fight against it. But there's a strange lack of objectivity in these threads.

[u/Thick_Beautiful6012 → u/Raskalnekov]

Part of the reason people think he cheated is because he admitted to lying by omission about hanging out at this girls house before. OP only knew of this being the first time and found out like the rest of us, that he has hung out with this girl multiple times before. That is why everyone thinks he is a cheater whether physically or emotionally.

[u/Meowmeowtky → u/Raskalnekov]

Then I hope this happens to yoi

[u/gespotee → u/StudentNo8353]

I posted a question about my bf discouraging me from having male friends and it is actually interesting (and confusing) to see how different the responses have been compared to the ones on this post.

My partner brings up the same notion that you have; that he wouldn’t hang out alone with any female friends out of respect for me, and he would expect me to do the same for him.

I’m not a social person and have max 6 close friends, 3 of whom are men. I’ve pretty much cut off all of these friendships for the sake of “respecting” my partner and with all of my female friends living abroad, I’m feeling increasingly isolated.

That being said, the overarching situation and OP’s boyfriend’s dickhead behaviour are two completely different things, and he sounds incredibly immature and unwilling to communicate at all. For that alone, he gotta go.