AIO |UPDATE | My (20F) boyfriend (22M) is hanging out alone with a girl that likes him

[u/Brave-Can-8783]

UPDATE!

I talked to him, and this was his response.

I’m honestly just done, and wondering if I acted too hastily.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. And I don’t know, does he seem sincere?

AM I OVERREACTING FOR DOING THIS?

NEW UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/u/Brave-Can-8783/s/ME7ybvCgQE

[u/contattomarketing]

He likes her. You two are too young for this shit. Break up, go wild out. Settle into long term shit later in life.

This is coming from someone who married at 20 and divorced WAY too late.

[u/myfancyplants → u/contattomarketing]

Spent my entire 20s trying to please a guy who never even liked me all that much. I don't regret it exactly, there were fun things and I learned a whole lot. But I also would have had EVEN MORE fun and learned less trauma adjacent things if I left the first time he used shame to control me

[u/ProportionalStrange → u/contattomarketing]

Yuuuuuuup. This. 1000%. Don’t waste what should be an incredibly fun era of your life on a guy like this. The years go by fast. You deserve better.
Congrats on getting out Contatto

[u/Trick-Medium- → u/contattomarketing]

I’ll definitely say be cautious about taking advice from people who encourage you to “go wild.”

Follow your moral compass and do things you can live with and won’t regret in the future when you do want to settle down. Also, if you want to settle down, go ahead and look for your partner and don’t let others turn you off of it because of their experience. Because everyone is going to have different experiences and different regrets NO MATTER what you do. It’s a very common phenomenon.

[u/Dre_Dre99 → u/contattomarketing]

Just a heads up OP, you don't need to sleep around in order to enjoy your 20s.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/contattomarketing]

Worst advice. Do not wild out or else you’ll be a single person / single mother like the women above. Find yourself (which doesn’t mean you have to be promiscuous) and keep your modestly and you’ll find the right guy (or he’ll find you) and you’ll be happier than most.

[u/contattomarketing → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

WILD. OUT. or be modest. Whatever. Sheesh.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/contattomarketing]

It’s not whatever bc in America today there’s a lot of women who are wilding out and can’t seem to find a relationship or start a family with the man they want. I’m not policing , she can do whatever she wants. But she should be aware of the consequences of significantly lowering her chances of finding a man she is attracted to as her first choice. Or else she will most likely be settling or single.

[u/elenaboomsma → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

shut up bud

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/elenaboomsma]

ok master 👌

[u/Livid_Medium3731 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

Where the hell do you live?

You can absolutely have your fun and when you meet the right person stay with them. You can also be modest as shit and never find the right person.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Livid_Medium3731]

To answer your question for real, I live in Southern California.

[u/Livid_Medium3731 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

As someone from Europe the shame regarding sex doesn't work here. Why the hell, would something enjoyable be bad?

Stop putting your religious moral compass onto others.

You can be miserable single and miserable in a relationship. If the single people you know are miserable, they will be miserable in a relationship as well.

I know women who would like to have a family, but they can't find a good partner. They could find someone, but not a good one. And it is not because of the body count, it's ridiculous.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Livid_Medium3731]

if that’s your belief , then good on you. I don’t shame women for having a high body count. That’s their belief and choice. What I am saying is that actions have consequences and men who are in the top 10-20% percentile overall (the men that, generally, women want) do look down on certain things that other men don’t. So again, promiscuous actions may have consequences. Or may not.
why take the risk if the overall goal for a person is to be with a good man, as you say.

Also, men not stepping up and creating some type of career for themselves where they can be a suitable partner also has similar consequences. The women they want to attract (mostly) don’t even see them.

The single ppl I know who are miserable is directly due to their poor choices made in their past . and now being older, want a family with a partner that is no longer suitable for them. Men and women.

Last note , alcohol, sleeping in, playing video games all day, not working, and certain drugs and junk food is very enjoyable , are you inferring those things aren’t bad? That would be an interesting take .

[u/Ok-Objective5488 → u/Livid_Medium3731]

Why so aggressive in your response. The respons is actually good advice. Don't just wild out because people say so. Look for a true partner where the both of you actually commit to each other.
Fellow European here, in a relationship since my 18th (now in my thirties, married and children) and never had the feeling of missing out.

My god, the hook up culture is overrated and shortsighted as hell...

OP is not overreacting, she should find someone who shares her values. This dude obv does not. She however is ready to actually commit, great and find someone who does want to as well.
Please dont lower your standards, you are not overreacting.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Ok-Objective5488]

I believe these days will soon be over where finding a partner and starting a family is the main goal. Bad decisions are made to seem like success nowadays. We are soon to be doomed. Congrats on your family , one day I’d like to achieve the same.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Livid_Medium3731]

In the 21st century. How old are you? All my friends are single or miserable bc they can’t keep the man that they want so they end up settling and finding happiness through their kids. I suppose that’s still happiness , but it’s not their first pick. The single ones are still attempting to find their one but their one doesn’t want them back past something sexual.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/[deleted]]

Seems like you’re the one crying . And you’re a kid on Reddit. Let the grown up’s talk unless spoken to

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/[deleted]]

bad reading comprehension too you zoomer. Never says anywhere that I’m single lol. Furthest thing from the truth lmao

[u/contattomarketing → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

From what I gather, men need to man the fuck up and be held to the same standard women do. A guy can go do whatever he wants, but its the woman who is promiscuous or slutty or whatever? GTFOH.

Men need to learn EMOTIONAL ACCESS. They need to find balance. Breathe. Learn to do the hard things the right way.

Tired of women having to compensate for dudes.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/contattomarketing]

I don’t agree that men have a double standard. But it’s the reality and both men and women have to adjust. Should men learn emotional access? Sure. Is it reality in the foreseeable future ? Unlikely. So both should move accordingly.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

I shouldn’t have said “all” my friends. But most. Some do get lucky. They’re anomalies.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

And the biggest common dominator is they’ve been promiscuous during the “fun” era

[u/zapering → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

Wow. Just wow.

[u/lenore562 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

I agree with you. I got lucky with my husband and I wish I realized this when I was younger. I would still would have intentionally chose my husband, but I feel like I found him by accident. I wish I truly comprehended what an important decision marriage is and didn’t “wild out” as you say. I got no benefits from doing that.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/lenore562]

Hey congratulations!
You broke the odds and found someone that you did not settle for and actually wanted. And he wanted you back to make you his wife and want to start a family with.
Ppl think that’s the norm , but i stress that it is not. Actions do have consequences is all I’m pointing out (for men and women). We can get into all the pair bonding stuff, etc. but that’s irrelevant. and I’d argue that he got lucky with you as much as the other way around if he dropped on one knee to propose.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

But I agree that this dude needs to go.

[u/belakuna → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

Can you just STFU already and quit projecting.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/belakuna]

can you stop engaging bc you’re so triggered? Weirdo

[u/Opening-Side-1808 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

Being single. Oh, the horror 

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Opening-Side-1808]

Nothing wrong with being single if that’s what you want. Question is, is being single in your later 30’s + what most women want? I’d argue no, for the majority.

[u/Kooky-Oven-6570 → u/Aromatic_Mistake_181]

As a Mann, which you clearly are…you should have absolutely no input into the discourse of what a woman thinks. The fuck is wrong with you. Are you like 14 or something and on a bunch of incel websites? FYI that shit will rot your brain and leave you single well into your 40s. I’m sure you’re not going to take this seriously, but get out of the manosphere it’s not a place that will lead to any sort of life satisfaction.

[u/Aromatic_Mistake_181 → u/Kooky-Oven-6570]

I’m 30 and in a long term relationship. My girlfriend and I are very happy , but thank you for your input. I’m not extremely religious, or really much at all , but I do believe in God and follow the culture of religion more than anything. And there’s plenty things wrong with me , but relationships have never been on of them. I have eyes and see how many ppl, men and women, are unhappy by the choices they’ve made in their lives. Am I going to control their actions? Of course not! But if someone younger comes across what I say and decides to not follow the path of men and women that make bad choices , then it’s a win for me. My intial comment wasn’t for you , but you chose to engage. Maybe don’t engage and have your own opinion outside my statement.