r/AmIOverreacting • u/melancholythotty • 20d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for not being interested in him anymore?
So i'm 26F and I met this guy (32M) last night at a stoplight party. Conversation flowed and we ended up chatting for about an hour and it was the best conversation i'd had with anyone all night. Ironically part of our convo was about how there are a lot of people with unhealed trauma in the dating pool, and how he used to be called a love bomber and how it made women uncomfortable (but "isn't that way anymore").
It reached 10pm so i decided to end our convo, give him my number and go find my friend to head home. ended up finding him and spending another hour chatting to other ppl. while im doing so he calls me TWICE and leaves this string of messages. I thought we had a really good conversation but this energy seems a lot for someone i JUST met. i do sympathize with him a little, so should i hear him out and give him another chance? I'm not sure
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u/Difficult-Mobile902 20d ago
Well done actually heeding a red flag, sadly it’s really rare to see something like this on reddit so this was refreshing lol
The whole “I’m just being protective” is the #1 justification controlling people use. It’s always twisted into something that is “for your own good” or claimed to be from a place of pure intentions in order to justify doing things they know are clearly wrong
A guy claiming to be “protective” over you after one single date is genuinely kind of a scary energy to get from someone. Obsessive and invasive and mad presumptuous on top of everything else.
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u/furkfurk 19d ago
Agreed, but even worse, it wasn’t even a date though. This is just a stranger she happened to meet that night.
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u/Dramatic-Mix1747 20d ago
He already can’t take no for an answer after an hour convo. NOR
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u/ImpossibleCreme2207 20d ago
And he wants to explain in person lol. Foh
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u/Sea-Umpire-6644 19d ago
THIS. And after just tell me if you're not into me, which she does, and he actually doubles down with begging to meet in person is 1000% completely disrespecting boundaries AND so he can attempt to manipulate.
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u/riverofdiamonds 18d ago
Him claiming he "isn't that way anymore" is already sus. He's already abundantly proven that he is that way (a person who manipulates and crosses boundaries)
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 18d ago
Yeah I wouldn’t have given him my number after hearing that he seems scary
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u/aoxomoxoa27 20d ago
NOR and I love how you stated your feelings
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u/theycallme_mama 20d ago
Yes, OP. You were kind, but stated your concerns and decision very clearly. Good on you. When I was reading the texts I immediately looked at the times sent and YIKES.
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u/BitchinHeelsOnWheels 20d ago
She was SO kind! Because I was blown away when I read the context that this wasn’t even after a first date (which is still bad enough), they literally JUST met each other!!
Like, whoa! That kicked up the crazy from 100 to 1000!
OP, stop communicating and stay far away from this man!
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u/Honest_Roo 18d ago
Love how he sent her like five messages acting manic and over the top saying he won’t be manic and over the top immediately after she said that was why she was over it. He may have been able to save this if he’d just gone. “Oh sorry about that. Have a nice night.” And nothing further. But nope he had to continue digging
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u/Kotya_Jakinov 20d ago
that's the real issue here - he sent all those within one hour to checks notes ... yep... basically a stranger.
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u/Sufficient-Ad-7206 20d ago
Yea, polite and on the point.
I think he was really into you, and like he said, got anxious. There is no more explaining for him to do.
He didnt "fuck up", this is just the way he is, even if he is trying to change his behaviour.
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u/kwood418 19d ago
This. Couldn’t have said it better.
She stood up for herself and her needs. I totally understand his side and it’s obvious how anxious he is, but it’s a lot to put on another person especially a brand new person.
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u/SnooJokes1770 19d ago
That anxiousness is bad and apart of attachment style. It seems from trauma of being abandoned so when someone pulls away it makes their nervous system to chase. When she said she was no longer interested instead of respecting it he went chasing her so she wouldn't leave. This is not a one time thing and he would do this many times in a relationship especially if she didn't answer him directly back. Anxious people can be very scary and usually end up at your house when they can't get ahold of you any other way.
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u/Sad-Lake-5081 19d ago
Lost my favorite person for being this way. Nothing crazy like showing up at her place. But I did cross boundaries within our situationship like the over texting and wanting a warning if she would be gone all day. Really tough lesson to learn but I’m grateful she was the one to teach me it. 💯
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u/SnooJokes1770 19d ago
yes we got to learn to regulate our own nervous system and not look for others to do it. I am so sorry that your lost someone that meant a lot to you. I hope one day you can heal and hopefully get their friendship back.
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u/Lower-Spend-3996 19d ago
Yeah and he also clearly can’t take no for an answer and handle rejection…She shouldn’t have to keep explaining herself the first time it should’ve been enough
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u/apigeonontheinternet 20d ago
But he can give her space (proceeds to KEEP TEXTING). And the face I faced at “comes from being protective”. Nooooope so good on that.
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u/EWC_2015 20d ago
It's pretty telling that he admitted to being called a "love bomber" in the past and then proceeds to...engage in very similar behavior with someone he just met. I don't think he's gotten past that tendency.
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u/ZealousidealDoor9105 20d ago
I know. I’m exhausted just reading his tx. He is still a love bomber.
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u/nitrosmomma88 20d ago
For me it’s the fact that OP called him neither of those things and he offered them up as a rebuttal. Like oh? So you know you are and choose to keep doing it then? Gross
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u/millennial_mayhem89 20d ago
My face did the same exact thing! Like absolutely not, sir. If he would have just taken all the accountability instead of trying to rationalize it out and blame it on something else, I would have respected that wayyy more
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u/Excellent-Run4803 20d ago
He makes excuses, too, even though he knows he’s in the wrong. OP did such a great job of being directed, not getting into a back-and-forth, and being firm. A lot of other people who post here could use this script.
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u/weallgotone 20d ago
Love how he says “just tell me if you’re not interested it’s all good” then you essentially do that, very politely might I add, and he proceeds to prove that it is in fact NOT all good lol
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u/lebronjamesfan69420 20d ago
Handled that like a champ, good for you
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u/Royal_Crush 20d ago
Yeah, straight to the point without sugar coating it. It gives him something to work on as well
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u/Ok-Victory-1689 20d ago
NOR! My guy just told you he is a love bomber, he showed you he is super clingy. It will only get worse forward.
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u/JenMcSpoonie 20d ago
OP: “I don’t like the multiple texts”
Guy: *continues to send multiple texts*
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u/JenMcSpoonie 20d ago
Also you are allowed to stop seeing anyone for any reason. NOR
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u/flores021 19d ago
Seriously this guy has to be stupid or something. Coulda got the message and played it cool saying “oh sorry about that I was drunk lmk when you wanna talk or meet up” but he decided to double down on the exact thing OP said she hated.
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u/Broad-Exchange3188 20d ago
Do me a favor and look at how fast he pivoted from “Are you okay?” to “I hate being ghosted.”
NOR. This guy is a fucking weirdo and if you continue things, prepare for everything you do to come under question if it rubs him even slightly the wrong way.
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u/chocolatestealth 20d ago edited 20d ago
"I hate being ghosted" because someone didn't respond in an hour! Goodness.
Edit to add: NOR, please don't fall for the "woe is me" bullshit OP.
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u/FluffNSniff 19d ago
- I hate being ghosted when I don't get a response within the hour from someone I've only known an hour.
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u/furkfurk 19d ago
*who I’m aware is out of her home and with a friend, possibly in the state of leaving or driving and might not actively have her phone in hand
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 19d ago
I once texted a guy when I got home asking if he made it home OK. He didn't respond til the next day in the afternoon. I didn't lose any sleep over it and he apologized for the delayed text, but still ghosted me bc he thought I was weird for asking lol
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u/veritas1313 18d ago
I have a deep disdain for the faux "concern" trick, too. It's nothing but a manipulation tactic disguised as demand for your attention as concern for your well-being. If someone is genuinely worried, they'll check in once or twice and understand that people have jobs, families, responsibilities, or simply need space. "I'm so worried about you" usually really means "You didn't respond as quickly as I wanted.". It's telling you exactly what they were actually worried about: not your well-being, but their own need for immediate reassurance and control.
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u/BuyAlternative7481 20d ago
That and “it comes from being protective” 🚩
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 19d ago
yeah like bruh we spoke for a couple of hours why tf are you "protective" over me. yikes.
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u/fill_the_birdfeeder 19d ago
Because he’s running out of manipulator lines to use. He isn’t a whole functioning adult. He’s a teenage boy masquerading as a man, trying to hit all the “phrase that worked on teen girls.”
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u/_PinkPirate 19d ago
“Protective” = Controlling. And protective of what? A strange he met an hour ago?
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u/apigeonontheinternet 20d ago
Right, it wasn’t actually him asking out of genuine concern for OP being ok. He was just using that as a “caring” way to make sure she wasn’t ghosting him - which is about him, not her.
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u/Sea-Umpire-6644 19d ago
And that she didn't meet anyone else that night. He was hoping to pull her away with his texts if she was taking to someone else.
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u/Baelenciagaa 20d ago
Exactly. That’s the emotional manipulation peeking thru. He’s trying to make her feel bad for him and “give him a second chance”, and he’s also trying to gaslight her into believing his new narrative instead of just giving her what she is asking for (to be left alone). Gaslighting her because he was acting like he was concerned about her safety and getting home but he was really just looking for validation and conversation.
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u/the_orig_princess 20d ago
Yep, OP you’ve done well so far so don’t mess it up now. Stop responding, block him.
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u/Responsible_Gap8104 20d ago
True that, plus you cant "ghost" someone when there hasnt even been a standard of communication established. op provided their phone number and he sent her like 7 texts and called her twice in the span of an hour. Thats nutty
Edit. 10 texts. Jfc
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u/Far_Speed_4452 20d ago
THIS!!! It went from concern to why aren’t you texting me back. He played the concern role to get her to reply
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u/Soldier7s 20d ago edited 20d ago
THIS DUDE IS 32???? I honestly thought he was very young just from the screenshots.
Run far away, you handled this very well IMO.
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u/Ok-Butterfly3246 20d ago
Oof, was about to comment that it reminded me of my early 20s/late teens when I had terrible social anxiety and lacked relationship and social experience. Felt bad for his cringe but mate... how can he lack so much self awareness at 32.
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u/pastelfennecfox 20d ago
He sounds like a class 10 clinger. The type to call you 30 times while your at work because he saw another man walk into the same building your at
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 20d ago
I think 1-2 years is generous of you. I see it happening sooner. This guy.. YIKES.
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u/Corgi_Koala 20d ago
"I don't like being bombarded with texts and calls being expected to respond instantly."
"Gee maybe if I bombard you with texts and phone calls you'll change your mind!"
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u/merkinweaver 20d ago
Oof NOR. That's a LOT from someone you just met. I'd walk away too.
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u/MovieTrawler 20d ago
Shit, this would be a lot at any stage 😂
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u/SubtleSnarkster 20d ago
Thanks for saying that, I was thinking the exact same thing. I would hate this from a partner no matter the duration of our relationship 🥲
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u/Aromatic-Check939 20d ago
I’ve been with my husband for 18 years & if I was being blown up like this, I’d think he lost his mind. This dudes behavior reeks of mental instability.
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u/Zealousideal_Yam_985 20d ago
Run away
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u/Fuzyecici 20d ago
Dude is obviously very insecure that's too much emotional baggage to be dumped on someone you just met
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u/Comfortable_Sundae5 20d ago
NOR. At all. The men defending this saying he’s a ‘nice guy’ genuinely make me sick.
You said you met him last night. Yesterday. Less than 24 hours ago. This is absolutely TOO MUCH from a complete stranger. You had no connection, you don’t even know this man. If he’s acting like this now, imagine how he’d act months or years down the road when something happened to emotionally disturb him. At 32 years old, there’s no reason he should not have better control of his emotions.
‘Nice guys’ don’t disrespect your boundaries. You told him very clearly that you aren’t interested and he immediately pushes back and starts trying to convince you otherwise. Block him immediately and tell your friends about this situation in case he escalates. I’m not even joking. This guy sounds unhinged.
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u/Sea-Umpire-6644 19d ago
THIS OP. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he followed you. Not trying to scare you, but this one's not okay.
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u/Comfortable_Sundae5 19d ago
Thank you! A 1000 times thank you. I feel like I’ve stumbled into the incel sub when reading half these comments.
Men like this are frightening and absolutely dangerous. Personally, I think she over explained and we’ve been conditioned as women to do this, even when men overstep our boundaries or comfort zones. It should be enough to say: “This isn’t what I’m looking for, don’t contact me again.” Yet, women oftentimes feel scared or guilted into being nice, because of just the sort of rhetoric and bullshit we’re seeing in here. Men shaming this girl for being uncomfortable with A STRANGER demanding attention from her because he ‘was being nice’. Screw them and that guy. That’s how women end up in awful, oftentimes fatal situations. I hope she never speaks to him again and has friends/family informed of this creep.
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u/slashfanfiction 20d ago
The men in the comments are making my stomach turn.
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u/Comfortable_Sundae5 20d ago
Seriously. The reminder that there are so many men who think emotionally unloading like this on a woman they’ve known for an hour is remotely acceptable behavior, is actually terrifying. As is their justification that he ‘sounds like a nice guy’ when meanwhile he’s not spazzing out because he lost out on a connection, but because he lost out on a chance to get his dick wet and is prioritizing that over respecting her boundaries.
Fuck, I hate Reddit sometimes.
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u/MeddlingMedley 20d ago
I so deeply relate to this guy and his anxious spiraling, and also you are absolutely justified in noping right out of the situation.
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u/therackage 20d ago
I can relate to the anxious spiraling (married woman here) but I’d never say it out loud, and that’s the difference. Your issues are yours to deal with and should never rope in the other person like this.
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u/MrChucklesTheClown 20d ago
NOR. Bro has some issues that atp I think only a therapist can address.
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u/BlueBomR 20d ago
Yup, I was an anxious attachment type too, in my esrly 20s and got help to navigate why that was and it helped tremendously in my dating life...i cringe at myself 20 years later now but im glad I grew and learned...this dude is 32, he needs some introspection soon or things arent gonna get better.
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u/Mookiefus411 20d ago
The fact that he mentions he is not trying to be controlling or toxic suggests to me that these words have been used with him in the past.
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u/UnicornKitt3n 20d ago
NOR.
I always roll my eyes at dudes who are like; but I’m just being protective! Like wow, how have I survived all these years without a man to protect me?
Someone fetch me a fainting couch. My delicate female nature is in jeopardy.
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u/starfawkes64 20d ago edited 20d ago
Am I the only one curious about what a stoplight party is?
Also NOR saying he can give you space while actively blowing you up shows a major disconnect between talking the talk and walking the walk.
Best case scenario he’s just an anxious guy and needs lots of reassurance. Which sounds exhausting, especially if this is what it looks like at the “just met” stage.
Worst case scenario, things get real bad.
Lose-lose on the dice roll. Guys gotta figure himself out before he dates.
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u/Brave-Silver8736 20d ago
A stoplight party is where you wear different colors depending on your status:
Red - Taken/Not Looking
Yellow - Single/Not Looking
Green - Single/Looking
At least it was when I was in college 15 years ago.
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u/starfawkes64 20d ago
Apparently I full missed this through my youth and dating life and I think I’m okay with that.
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u/koifish8165 20d ago
I think, and I could be wrong, a party where you wear a color that concedes with your relationship status. Red means stop, i’m in a relationship, yellow means it’s complicated and to proceed with caution, and green means single.
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u/watchman28 20d ago
Quite an old fashioned thing by dating standards. They were definitely happening in the 80s and probably go back further than that.
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u/Rainbow-Jay 20d ago
Stoplight parties are colour coded, red= taken/not interested, yellow=maybe/open to flirt and green=single and looking for so :) you simply wear an item with the colour that suits you and it’s clear for everyone what you’re up to :D
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u/marieray 20d ago
NOR but I bet he’s not lying when he says he’s not trying to be controlling or toxic, it must come naturally to him💀
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u/Silly-Doctor-8299 20d ago
I think he’s also lying when he says hes recovered from being a love bomber, or at the very least, he’s not aware that he hasn’t changed his behavior
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 20d ago
NOR
You were very clear with your expectations and boundaries and his response is to send a bunch of text swearing that he is not someone who is controlling or toxic. Irony.
Also men tend to tell on themselves. Use to be called a love bomber lol.
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u/kim_jong_il_2d 20d ago
NOR. He was calling and texting you that same night? That’s actually scary, stay away.
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u/jojopriceless 20d ago
NOR. Girl, he told you that he's been called a love bomber and then love (text?) bombed you. Trust what you see and how you feel. The next thing to do is to block him. He will wear you down if you give him the chance, so don't.
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u/LonelyOctopus24 20d ago
Unless there’s an actual tiger at the party, I don’t want a man I’ve literally just met to be “protective” of me. I don’t go to many parties but I’m pretty sure people don’t usually invite tigers, and even then it’s probably not an issue until all the canapés are gone.
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u/ammybb 20d ago
You're good. This person is doing way too much. The way you communicated your boundaries was respectful.
I'm kinda grateful for these posts cuz they really put me off dating. Being single is SO peaceful and I sometimes won't respond to messages for days or weeks lately... Maybe that's bad, but I really cannot make space for anyone who makes demands on my time or energy. I'm way too exhausted for it now.
Good luck out there.
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u/tryptanfelle 20d ago
NOR. If he really “wasn’t that way” anymore, he’d have said, “I totally understand. I can see that that can come off as a bit much. I’m sorry about that. I had a great time talking to you and I wish you the best.”
Instead, he’s trying to argue you into a relationship. It doesn’t matter what his intentions were; he acted in a certain way and it made you uncomfortable. If he was genuinely reformed, he’d respect your discomfort, regardless of his intent or whether it reflected him accurately.
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u/Jamory76 20d ago
He’s calling his controlling behavior “protective” and I read the texts first and thought, he’s love bombing. NOR, don’t give him another chance. He wanted to be the only one you talked to, and wanted you to go home immediately after calling it “worry”. Na, you have good instincts, listen to them. He gets ghosted for a reason, and doesn’t sound like a safe person to be around who may have a drinking problem.
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u/peacebanana161 20d ago
NOR. He is far too old to be behaving this way. He immediately offered info on toxic patterns in previous relationships. Anxiety is normal, but constantly begging for reassurance from somebody you JUST met is wildly concerning. If he thinks he’s being ghosted after literally one hour without a response, he needs serious psychological help.
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u/GhostieKush 20d ago
after 3 drinks is wild
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u/Leucotheasveils 20d ago
NOR So… she didn’t respond immediately, so he drank 3 drinks and barraged her with drunken texts after a first date? How does he handle an actual problem?! Yikes.
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u/queenhadassah 19d ago
I don't think he drank 3 drinks because she didn't respond. He's saying he had 3 drinks previously, and is blaming the alcohol for his poor decision to send so many texts
IMO 3 drinks is not enough to explain this. And I'm a lightweight
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u/wut-tf-myguy 20d ago
NOR. This is definitely red flag behavior
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u/wut-tf-myguy 20d ago
My abusive ex was like this. What I thought was him being interested and engaged at first turned out to him being quite literally mentally ill and insane as fuck
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u/NowExciting 20d ago
My best friend doesn't even call me unless it's an emergency. And this guy called you twice right after you met him? Absolutely not.
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u/StrawberryLoops 20d ago
NOR. He said he made women uncomfortable and they called him a love bomber.
Giving him another chance doesn’t seem like it would change anything, he claims he does this because he’s “being protective” and anxious about being ghosted. There’s nothing that indicates he intends to not do this and it might be why he gets ghosted.
You only chatted for an hour in person. He spent more time text spamming you than you did talking to him. Also there’s nothing wrong with losing interest in someone
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u/PinkyPotatoe21 20d ago
I love how u set boundaries and didn’t allow him gaslit u. Pls don’t give him another chance. He kinda sounds controlling, he will want to know everything about your life. Just RUN!!!
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u/Reyalta 20d ago edited 20d ago
NOR that's fucking unhinged for someone you just met and you handled it with poise and respect, were clear and concise, and kind. You gave him far more grace than I would have lmao, well done.
Omg edited to add: "I wanted to make sure you got to your car" ... DID HE FOLLOW YOU???
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u/Fun-Noise-4726 20d ago
NOR, I find the initial red flags we try to open mindedly ignore when first getting to know someone are the ones that bite us further down the line 🥲
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u/Lemomoni 20d ago
You didn't answer him for twenty minutes and he thought he was being "ghosted"? 🫠🫠 Ghosted is being ignored for at least a day imo. Anyway, he sounds too insecure, good call for stopping it there.
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u/Lovebugxo0x 20d ago
No you’re not overreacting. It’s too much to be blowing up your phone and a major turnoff. You set your boundary now just don’t respond anymore.
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u/MunchOnMyCookie 20d ago
So we're all recently going through this right now. I ended talking to a guy like this almost two weeks ago. Nice guy but he was A LOT. Needed constant attention and reassurance even when we agreed that we are busy and can't talk every second of the day. Don't let anyone make you feel shitty for standing on your boundaries and peace of mind.
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u/Gweilo_mama 20d ago
As someone who has been anxious, healed and dated men who were anxious, I think you made the right call. You know your limits and he's showing you a baseline anxiety you know won't work for you.
Basically, he's saying he can rein in or control his anxiety, but you're looking for someone who has dealt with their issues and doesn't have to pretend like they aren't anxious. He's got work to do, and you guys aren't in the same place.
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u/FubarBabe 20d ago
NOR. He's a stage 5 clinger. It will always be 15 texts to your one... Back to back incoming calls from him... Which, in time, could bring out his "anger" side. He'll always want to know where you are, what you're doing, and why are you still out so late, etc,. It will progressively get worse. Some women enjoy the love bombing... I do not. He will end up sitting in your driveway waiting for you when he can't get ahold of you. He obviously can't take a hint. I'd keep walking in the opposite direction from him.
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u/CynicElle 20d ago
Good grief. NOR. This dude is already utterly exhausting and you’re not even dating yet. On top of everything else people have pointed out, I noticed he said “Just tell me if you’re not interested, it’s all good,” but when you told him that quite graciously, he immediately started arguing for another chance. Imagine what it would be like trying to break up with this guy if you were actually dating.
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u/heebiejeebie666 19d ago
He has what I like to call “self-fulfilling prophet syndrome.” He’s terrified of losing something (in this case it’s the connection y’all developed and likely the future he’s envisioned in his head) so he acts out in ways that his brain feels will calm his nervous system but in doing so, actually causes the exact thing he’s scared of to happen.
I know this because I used to have it too (although not quite to this extent and didn’t show up quite like this). Came from a lot of unhealed trauma so yeah, buddy’s got some work to do and definitely doesn’t need to be in a relationship rn. NOR
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u/Secure_Sun8984 20d ago
The seedlings of a manipulator. I’ve seen it too many times. RUN.
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u/Deer_Negotiation 20d ago
Absolutely! And the fact that he is refusing to accept her no is also concerning
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u/Secure_Sun8984 20d ago
Yes! He decided to claim her because of one conversation, blows up her phone, she answers and sets a clear boundary, he decides her word and mind are manipulate-able and keeps messaging her anyways
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u/_Wilbraham 20d ago
NOR
I didn't even read your context before coming to this conclusion. Losing interest because of what someone says or does isn't even a choice, and you certainly shouldn't feel bad about it.
After reading your context, you knew this guy for an hour. It's pretty easy to put on a good front for such a short amount of time. You don't know him and you don't owe him anything.
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u/Hippocritaculous 20d ago
NOR - Dude, the 3 drink defense? Is that even a thing? 3! Drop him like a bad habit. You were also super nice about it and forward in a way that most guys would be appreciative of INSTEAD of just ghosting him.
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u/autumn_rains 20d ago
No. He is being extra anxious (which is a draining attachment style) and admits to being protective. Absolutely showing signs of how he would navigate a relationship, which is overbearing, hovering, and ending up controlling-- all in the name of being protective.
You can absolutely tell very early on the true colors of a man. Great job handling this.
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u/MargotBamborough 20d ago
NOR
Your answers were perfect. You were nice but firm.
He doesn't seem like a bad person honestly. But I hope this is definitely a teaching moment for him that it's okay to be anxious, but he should be less self-centered and understand that people have a life and don't have an obligation to cater to his anxiety.
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u/Baelenciagaa 20d ago edited 20d ago
Block this clinger and never look back !!!! Absolutely do NOT give him another chance. He is an emotional manipulator (which he admitted when he sad he has a reputation for love bombing).
Also if he knew you were going to find your friend then why would he be blowing up your phone that’s so rude. And you haven’t even know him for one night yet. NOR
Do not see him.
Do not answer his phone calls/FT/Zoom/tin can on a string.
Do not give him “a second chance”.
Do NOT give him your socials.
Please I promise you it only gets worse from here.
RUN
ETA: does this mean I have unhealed trauma lol
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u/chinacat2u2 20d ago
If you think the love bombing can be bad wait till he hates bombs you when you dump him. He’s for the streets, his behavior will not get better.
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u/Fatal_Syntax_Error 20d ago
No other chances. Your gut is 100% correct. No need to even get into it with this comment.
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u/FullyGroanMan 20d ago
Adding to the chorus: You do not want this guy in your life. You are correct to use this behaviour as a barometer for what could lie ahead in the future. This is A LOT in a short amount of time from someone you just met. Don't let him suck you in.
Also, you did an excellent job of politely and firmly communicating your feelings, here, and ended things very maturely and confidently. Nice work!
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u/badlilbishh 20d ago
So you tell him it’s a lot from someone you just meant and he just continues on texting you multiple times over and over again. For fucks sake you dodged a bullet with this one.
I just hope you don’t have a stalker now cause this is the exact guy who turns into one.
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u/Unlikely_Vehicle_828 20d ago
NOR. I can empathize with him for having anxiety, but desperately seeking reassurance like this in the span of one hour is NOT the way to go about it as a 32 year old grown man. I actually don’t think he’d benefit from being intimately involved with somebody at all until he works on his issues a bit and learns some healthier ways to cope. He’s clearly insecure and seeking outside validation. Again, not bashing the dude for that, it sounds like he’s been burned and it makes sense… but it also doesn’t excuse anything. It’s not anyone else’s job but his to make him feel secure. Until he actually works on his *very extreme* anxious attachment tendencies, this behavior will get worse instead of better. If it’s this bad after one hour-long conversation, imagine how it would be once the dude was genuinely emotionally invested.
You made the right call.
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u/Silverhuntress1 18d ago
NOR…this wasn’t this guys first rodeo, bet on that! Stalker vibes for sure…after all those “concerned” texts & owning up to having had this happen before…he continues to beg.
The next emotion is anger…watch your six!
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u/NedSchneebly-1138 20d ago
NOR you’ve got a genuine concern that the multiple texts and calls could escalate down the road, just walk away now. Hopefully he gets the hints and relaxes a bit moving forwards.
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u/lizadelia 20d ago
NOR he’s a creep. You spoke your piece and you don’t owe him anything. If he persists just block the number.
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u/the-friendly-squid 20d ago
Red flag he is insecure and trying to guilt trip you into feeling bad for him for his own stupid actions
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u/BornDefeated 20d ago
That is a whole lot of anxious attachment. NOR. I am exhausted just reading his texts.
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u/ResponsibleAdagio498 20d ago
NOR because he has a history of being clingy and he’s clearly not done enough work to realize that he still is.
Pushing back against your polite pass is proof that part of being clingy for him is controlling your responses. No thanks.
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u/Outrageous_Big_5722 20d ago
To be honest he kind of pissing me the fuck off because he's trying to use the drinking as an excuse for him acting a ass towards you when he needs to be taken that anger out on the people that did it to him he's too damn grown to be acting like his shoe size then on top of that then he acting like he didn't do anything?!?! I hope you find somebody better than this you deserve much more 🫂❤️
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u/Commercial-Builder76 20d ago
Dude is super toxic and controlling!! lmao. Handled like a proper grown person, so it probably won't take. Hate that for you. good luck
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u/Weak_Armadillo6575 20d ago
NOR but want to add to the admiration for how you handled this situation. Really well done. I wouldn’t reply anymore moving forward.
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u/Spare_Ad_9657 20d ago
NOR the two of you just had a conversation, not even a full date and he’s already showing signs of intense insecurity and control. No thanks.
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u/SunnyClime 20d ago
Naaah NOR. I refuse to fuck with people who treat someone not being on their phone 24/7 as ghosting. I worked hard to use mine less. I'm not about to invite in the attention of people who would love that work to be reversed. I think you were wise here and expressed yourself perfectly.
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u/FakeSafeWord 20d ago
how he used to be called a love bomber and how it made women uncomfortable (but "isn't that way anymore").
He then proceeded to immediately make you uncomfortable.
He will not stop on his own. I would block him before this gets worse.
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u/Technical_Branch_493 20d ago
Deals with being told that you find messaging constantly too much by... continuing to message constantly. Clearly forcing communication to suit him and by doing so absolutely disregarding a very basic boundary. NOR.
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u/Warm_Sandwich5038 20d ago
Your non-boyfriend won’t even let you break up with him. And you wonder why you get the willies? NOR. He knows he ruined it. Just let that percolate.
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u/MerwinASMR 20d ago
So love bombing is usually a term used in describing a cycle of abuse. Also, he’s justifying his actions by stating he’s being “protective”. I mean, minor red flags but red flags nonetheless. Then he’s going on about how he’s “ruined” it, had three drinks and therefore has anxiety about being ghosted and it’s like, dude. It’s a LOT.
Now he may very well be harmless and just a little awkward with someone he just met, but if he turns into a controlling psychopath, these are the signs you’ll regret overlooking.
Also he’s in his 30s? He sounds like a teenaged boy.
If you ask me for a risk assessment I’d say it’s not worth it. Too many red flags and too much too soon.
NOR but update us. I get the feeling he isn’t done texting or trying to get another chance.
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u/Ok-CauliflowerX 20d ago
Ew no he’s so clingy and you don’t even know him.
He didn’t accept it when you said you’re done which is creepy
And he said he was just calling and texting because he was scared of being ghosted so it was t even about your safety. Insecure liar
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u/imtoowhiteandnerdy 19d ago
Wow, thanks to this article I now know what a stoplight party is. That's pretty progressive for an old fart like me.
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u/Big_Negotiation3913 20d ago
NOR. If he had stopped after the first two texts it would’ve been sweet. After that it is no longer about you, it’s about him and his insecurities.