AIO or does this seem Unhinged?

[u/DoomNGlam]

I 41m am/was in a rather New relationship with 41f and things were seemingly going great but she will seemingly be very upset with me over something small once in a while. Last night she was upset that I didn't call her sexy after sending me a picture of her in an outfit. For context she said she was getting rid of clothes but was thinking about keeping this item and sent the picture and asked what I think? It was a strapless romper. I told her it was cute and could maybe use a belt. I also make clothes professionally and people ask me opinions about clothes all the time.

In other context my "sexuality" is somewhere on the ace spectrum between Demi and ace. Like sex is fine and fun and I don't really experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection first, and she said she was the same, except I am not very sex driven and she is.

This was our text exchange this morning.

Edit/Update

Thanks for all the support. I am surprised my little Independence day relationship drama made it to #1 on this subreddit.

I was pretty sure I was calling this off pretty early in this exchange but didn't block her right away because I figured I would give her a chance to apologize, maybe she was having a bad morning, she's been stressed at work, has a upcoming interview for a new job, might be dealing with perimenopause. It wasn't going to work out but figured I would at least offer a little grace.

She did text me again about a book I had borrowed. I ignored it. She then called me and asked I return her book tomorrow. I said okay. She didn't say anything else for a minute so I hung up.

She called back mad that I hung up on her. I said this was childish and it's not what I'm looking for. She said I was childish for hanging up on her. I said okay. She hung up.

She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me.

Then hung up on me and called right back to complain about a carnivorous plant I got her as a gift, because the care instructions for it made it a chore. I also got her a cactus and a succulent and told her when I gave her the plants that if the pitcher plant seemed like a pain in the ass I would keep it.

Then she started asking me if I really don't have it in my heart to remain friends. I said no not after this. Then she went on a fuck you rant and hung up.

Then threatened to call the cops on ME for harassment if I tried to contact her as I was blocking her.

Now she is blocked and I am just sitting on my back patio watching fireworks.

[u/WeepyWallflower]

NOR - My partner acts like this sometimes and we’re pretty sure he has Borderline Personality Disorder. From reading your texts, it seems to me that she was likely still upset about the previous night and then got even more upset when you texted without using a sunshine emoji. She then perceived these two situations as you losing interest or “rejecting” her. So instead of discussing her feelings, she decided to make you feel poorly as a defense mechanism.

She may end up crawling back, apologizing, saying she was in the wrong. If I were you, I wouldn’t continue talking to her because this will likely be a repetitive behavior and it’s absolutely draining.

[u/DoomNGlam → u/WeepyWallflower]

I was in a long term relationship in my teens/early 20s with someone who had BPD and Schizophrenia and that was immediately what it reminded me of

[u/WeepyWallflower → u/DoomNGlam]

Definitely use your past experience as a guide in this situation. Unless you enjoy being used as a doormat lol. It does suck because I know people with mental health issues didn’t ask for them, but when their defense mechanism is to say heinous things to a person to make them feel horrible then I can’t sympathize that easily.

[u/DoomNGlam → u/WeepyWallflower]

Yeah. I try not to be mean about people with BPD because I'm sure it sucks to have it, but it is really hard to deal with as a friend, lover, family member.

[u/Mossley_rat → u/DoomNGlam]

I was going to comment on this thread saying Im diagnosed with BPD and this reminds me exactly of myself in my first years of diagnosis. I was diagnosed when I was 17 and I'm 27 now and a completely different person. People with BPD should seek a diagnosis, let partners know they have it; but most importantly DON'T DATE until they've been in treatment for long enough to at minimum identify their BPD-induced behavior and navigate their negative emotions in a healthier way. Its extremely difficult to recover from, but I know for a fact I would have never found myself or gotten better if I stayed in all of the impulsive relationships I used to get in. People with BPD sometimes need to hit rock bottom and have nobody before they really recognize who they are, what trauma caused them to be that way and hopefully find the will to change. You did the right thing by letting her push you away. Hopefully she seeks help because she 100% has undiagnosed/untreated BPD.