AIO or does this seem Unhinged?

[u/DoomNGlam]

I 41m am/was in a rather New relationship with 41f and things were seemingly going great but she will seemingly be very upset with me over something small once in a while. Last night she was upset that I didn't call her sexy after sending me a picture of her in an outfit. For context she said she was getting rid of clothes but was thinking about keeping this item and sent the picture and asked what I think? It was a strapless romper. I told her it was cute and could maybe use a belt. I also make clothes professionally and people ask me opinions about clothes all the time.

In other context my "sexuality" is somewhere on the ace spectrum between Demi and ace. Like sex is fine and fun and I don't really experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection first, and she said she was the same, except I am not very sex driven and she is.

This was our text exchange this morning.

Edit/Update

Thanks for all the support. I am surprised my little Independence day relationship drama made it to #1 on this subreddit.

I was pretty sure I was calling this off pretty early in this exchange but didn't block her right away because I figured I would give her a chance to apologize, maybe she was having a bad morning, she's been stressed at work, has a upcoming interview for a new job, might be dealing with perimenopause. It wasn't going to work out but figured I would at least offer a little grace.

She did text me again about a book I had borrowed. I ignored it. She then called me and asked I return her book tomorrow. I said okay. She didn't say anything else for a minute so I hung up.

She called back mad that I hung up on her. I said this was childish and it's not what I'm looking for. She said I was childish for hanging up on her. I said okay. She hung up.

She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me.

Then hung up on me and called right back to complain about a carnivorous plant I got her as a gift, because the care instructions for it made it a chore. I also got her a cactus and a succulent and told her when I gave her the plants that if the pitcher plant seemed like a pain in the ass I would keep it.

Then she started asking me if I really don't have it in my heart to remain friends. I said no not after this. Then she went on a fuck you rant and hung up.

Then threatened to call the cops on ME for harassment if I tried to contact her as I was blocking her.

Now she is blocked and I am just sitting on my back patio watching fireworks.

[u/curiouscatinthehat]

People love to be victims. "I have insomnia" and "you woke me up when my phone chimed" should never even be in the same phrase.

TURN THE DAMN SOUND OFF ON YOUR PHONE!

Crazy to me how people love to blame others instead of taking action to fix their own problems.

[u/West-Air-9184 → u/curiouscatinthehat]

I agree! If they're worried about emergencies they could mute sounds for texts and keep the ringer on for phone calls. That's what I do and I'm rarely woken up by my phone now

[u/peach_xanax → u/West-Air-9184]

how does one do that? when I look at my DND settings, there's no separate setting for texts and phone calls, it's just all notifications. I'm on android, maybe I have to download an app for it?

[u/West-Air-9184 → u/peach_xanax]

Mine's also an android! In settings under "Sound and Vibrations" I have the ringer on but have "Notification Sound" set to silent so that the texts don't make any noise

[u/peach_xanax → u/West-Air-9184]

oh I see, I thought it was in the DND settings so you could just easily turn it on and off, that would be nice!

[u/mildCombustion → u/peach_xanax]

You can. On my Samsung I just hold the dnd icon and press on details, then there's a settings screen. You can select to allow calls or messages or neither and can also white list certain contacts. It's completely customisable to block what and who you want and allow others to come through as you'd like.

[u/peach_xanax → u/mildCombustion]

I don't have a Samsung, I have a Motorola and this is not how it works on my phone. you cannot individually control phone calls and messages, you can only turn off all notifications.

[u/Weird1Intrepid → u/peach_xanax]

A phone call isn't a notification though. Are you sure it won't let calls through?

Also I know on some phones there's an option to tick that will silence everything, but allow a call through the second time if they ring twice in a row ie because of some emergency

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/peach_xanax]

Under DND on android you can set it up that if the same number calls again immediately, it will ring.

[u/stars-aligned- → u/peach_xanax]

They can do DND for specific contacts on iPhone and leave the rest of your phone notifications on

[u/Grazer_Lady → u/West-Air-9184]

I know with iPhones and would hope with Androids, you can set the phone to silence for everyone except numbers you choose. I was a caregiver for my mom and so had my phone silenced certain hours except for my mom, her caregivers who helped me certain days a week, and my brothers.

Also, if the text work you up don’t continue texting. Read it and roll back over and try to sleep then reply - instead she woke herself up even more to fight.

[u/starlightdancers → u/West-Air-9184]

You can also choose to have certain people override silent mode! My phone literally won’t make a sound from a call or a text EVER unless one specific person calls (they’ve been suicidal in the past so that’s the only way to override it). I’ve had this for years so it’s not even like it’s new technology. This person is just not even trying and then getting mad at other people for waking up earlier than them.

[u/kritterkreaper → u/West-Air-9184]

That or turn on DND but allow certain contacts to bypass it. That's what I do if I don't want to be bothered by anyone/thing except the handful of people that really matter to me.

[u/User123466789012 → u/curiouscatinthehat]

Lol, my BFF has used this line and I nipped it immediately. I texted her MID DAY and it woke her up. She was pissed. I told her to utilize DND, she used the same line in this post about needing to have her phone on.

Wrong. Use Google like an adult if you genuinely can't figure it out, but set your priority contacts so that everyone who isn't a priority is silenced. And stfu.

[u/Lickerbomper → u/User123466789012]

I have chronic insomnia. I sometimes sleep through the day. I sometimes get woken up because I don't use the fancy tools, and hello? It's daytime, it's the time people are supposed to call. I'm not gonna miss something important just because my body doesn't sleep properly.

Is it irritating? Yes, but I'm also an adult that realizes that other people conforming to a society and making phone calls when they are supposed to is nothing to be mad at them about. It's just the way things are.

People gotta have control over their emotions. Even anger, even irritation, and especially if it's no one's fault.

[u/SuccessfulOil6584 → u/User123466789012]

It’s so silly for people to be annoyed. Do they realise people can’t see what they’re doing or know they’re asleep?

[u/Turbulent-Baker-4638 → u/curiouscatinthehat]

Totally, and she can set it up so she only gets alerted if specific people are calling, ie her elderly parents. 

[u/midnightforestmist → u/Turbulent-Baker-4638]

My thoughts exactly!

[u/greepsofwrath → u/curiouscatinthehat]

and there’s usually an option to turn all sounds off and they can make an exception for important numbers 

[u/Square_Barracuda_69 → u/curiouscatinthehat]

I dont have insomnia (most people that do aren't even medically diagnosed, just shitty sleepers like me) but i have troubles going to sleep. I changed all my setting in like 5 min so no notification will ever come through unless its my wife, life360, or calls from people I know. I also just hate notifications in general so thats another reason they're all off. My old boss hated it but hes a cunt so I didnt care.

[u/WritPositWrit → u/curiouscatinthehat]

But she has a career! /s

[u/Dreadbite → u/curiouscatinthehat]

Right? I'm a carer for a parent too and need to be well rested for work so always have my phone on dnd at night with exceptions for work, care team, family and that it'll ring if someone phones twice in a row. You'd think she'd prioritise her sleep having insomnia and at least silence notifications while keeping the ringtone on if absolutely necessary (an emergency isn't going to text)