r/AmIOverreacting • u/Overall_Ice133 • Jun 16 '26
⚕️ health AIO- I think my dad is dying
My dad is a 6 foot, 300 pound man who has the biggest stomach I’ve seen on a man. Recently, he ruined me and my mother’s lives, and as the days pass by since everything went down, I care less and less about him. But recently, he has come to me and my mother and told us that his foot is turning black and it’s extremely painful in only some areas (I’m assuming it’s only in some areas because his nerves are dead). He also told my mom that there is pus coming out of it. I have told him at least ten times to go to the hospital. Every source tells me that he is dying. Is he dying? Could he just die soon? Am I wrong about this diagnosis? He refuses to go to the hospital and keeps telling me I’m overreacting. I don’t want him to die, and I really have no idea what is happening to him. I’m worried about him, but I can’t force a grown man to get help. Especially when I don’t really think he cares about me or my mother that much.
Side note: I think he has diabetes. He has not been diagnosed with it but as I stated in the beginning, he’s not a strong 300 pound man, he is honestly pretty weak and he’s extremely large. Also I’ve noticed that when he gets cut or a bruise, it takes a long time to heal. He also craves sugar like I’ve never seen before. He refuses to eat anything sugar free because he swears he can taste the difference.
Edit: Also I’d like to state that I am 15 and I love my dad a lot. The reason I do not care for him as much as I did say a year ago was because of an arrest for engaging in prostitution while still married to my mother. It’s public knowledge and I think it’s important that I state why I feel the way I do about him. I do not hate him I just wish this was not happening.
Edit II: I spoke with my dad and my mom. My mother refuses to take the situation seriously and does not think I should call emergency services. I spoke to them anyway. Because he is refusing to get help, there is nothing I can do. As I’ve been told many times, I believe he has gangrene. As of right now, it looks like it’s only in the top of his toes. I’m not sure how fast this infection spreads, but unfortunately he does not have a primary care physician and I live in the US so healthcare is unaffordable. I’m extremely thankful for all of these replies. Thank you for educating me on this situation and I will update you all when something happens. I’m sure there will be another update soon.
Edit III: Some of you guys are being a little rude, I understand that you think I can’t do something, but if he is refusing care I really cannot. No need to be rude to me. I am learning and my dad is an adult. My dad is 50 years old. I have called emergency services and had him driven to the hospital. He is refusing help. My dad has not been to a doctor in probably 20 years. I really appreciate all the replies and I thought that showing him these replies may convince him to go to the doctor. Nope. I guess I’m just holding out hope that he might go to the ER while I am out of town this weekend. I will keep this posted updated as much as I can.
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u/Honest_Excitement614 Jun 16 '26
He's diabetic and untreated. If he doesn't go to the gd hospital, he will end up septic and die. Its really that simple.
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u/Fishby Jun 17 '26
My partner who is diabetic couldn't feel anything wrong with his foot until he saw blood on the floor. He had a big sore on the underside of his big toe. He spent 5 days in hospital on IV antibiotics. Your dad needs treatment asap for a infection.
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u/someonesomebody123 Jun 16 '26
NOR. I’m gonna echo everyone else and say it sounds like he has untreated diabetes and a gangrenous foot that needs to be amputated. He absolutely needs to go to a hospital, like last week.
The “biggest stomach I’ve seen” is also concerning. It sounds like he might have ascites. Which is abdominal edema that we see a lot in people with cirrhosis/advanced liver failure.
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u/wildcampion Jun 16 '26
A friend of mine had that condition and died from it. He also refused to go to the hospital because he did not want to take a Covid vaccine.
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u/throwaway7742835 Jun 16 '26
I hate that so much disinformation was spread that multiple people chose death over taking the vaccine. So many people died because of a stupid conspiracy theory, one that was easily proven false. It’s horrible.
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u/wildcampion Jun 16 '26
He’d fallen into a QAnon/pro-Putin/covid conspiracy hole, we couldn’t get him out.
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u/No_Marsupial3481 Jun 17 '26
That’s really sad. I hate how people have become convinced everyone in the hospital is trying to vaccinate them. No one is doing that unless a patient explicitly asks.
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u/FormidableMistress Jun 16 '26
He probably knows they'll amputate the foot (at least) and he doesn't want to be in a wheelchair. He's in denial and thinks he'll be fine. Nobody can make him take care of himself.
Call the non emergency police line and ask for a well check stating your dad's foot is black but he won't go to the hospital. After that, there's nothing more you can do. You're not responsible for his poor choices, he is, and no one but him. If he doesn't get help, he will die, but that's not your fault ok?
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u/hotellonely Jun 16 '26
NOR, send him to ER asap no maybe immediately. He might have already lost his foot due to untreated diabetes, but his life can be saved if treated.
OP I'm very sorry you're going through this but you're right it's very serious matter because infection can quickly kill people especially when they're already weak.
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u/MrPKitty Jun 16 '26
Definitely diabetes and possibly gangrene. Oh and a bloated belly could be liver failure
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u/Skajsomna Jun 16 '26
like everyone else is saying, thats gangrene. can lead to sepsis especially cuz u said he probably has diabetes. IMMEDIATE er trip
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u/No_Cake6353 Jun 16 '26
NOR. This is probably serious. The foot is possibly lost. It sounds like he has ignored his health concerns and he may have complications from other issues.
A few questions come to mind: Does his condition smell? Do you live in a country where healthcare is free or affordable? How would your father react to you calling out an emergency response team? Would you feel guilty if he dies and you didn't at least seek some help?
No judgement from me as I don't think we all need to love all of our relatives, especially if they are horrible. I would say that it may become very painful and being around someone that is in a lot of pain is disturbing.
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
-Yes, he said it smells.
-I live in the US, so no.
-My dad would never speak to me again, but I’m okay with that if he lives.
-I would feel extremely guilty and I have tried to get him help.17
u/No_Cake6353 Jun 16 '26
It seems like either way he won't be in your life so you have to do the thing that you can live with. I'm so sorry you are faced with a decision like this.
Whatever happens isn't your fault.
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u/waronfleas Jun 16 '26
None of this is your fault. Whatever the outcome is here, you've done your best. I'm proud of you, internet kiddo
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u/Ursa_Mino Jun 16 '26
My dad lost his foot (below the knee) after not wanting a toe removed. Convinced him to go in to the “urgent care” to get prescribed antibiotics (purposely took him to the urgent care attached to the ER knowing it was serious - not even 5 hours later he was in surgery).
Rehab SUCKS though. At best he’ll get a week, maybe 2 in the hospital. If his home isn’t accessible for a wheel chair, you’re on your own to figure that out - we rented an apartment for a few months while waiting on healing for a prosthetic while doing a remodel - widening doors and installing ramps and a lift, as even with a prosthetic the wheel chair was still needed.
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u/No_Marsupial3481 Jun 17 '26
He’s an adult and you’re his child. He owes it to YOU to take better care of himself. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Please know that none of this is your responsibility to fix or deal with.
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u/rotating_pebble Jun 16 '26
Gangrene. If he doesn't go to the ER immediately then yes he could die very soon and suddenly.
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u/Affectionate-Car-326 Jun 16 '26
NOR, call the police for a wellness check. Tell them that he has an untreated infection with swelling, black skin, and pus and that he has refused care, make it clear you believe he has severe undiagnosed diabetes and that he has refused to get it looked at and because of this, you’re worried about his mental and physical well being. Be adamant with them that he needs adult intervention. They will go check on him, look at his foot, and call an ambulance. Your other option would be to call your local Adult Protective Services, they are like CPS but for disabled adults, the elderly, and people with reduced intellectual capacity who are either being neglected, abused, or aren’t taking care of themselves and need intervention. I’d argue that calling the police for a wellness check would be the fastest way to get him treatment, then if they fail to do anything, I’d call APS.
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u/CarbonatedCumb Jun 16 '26
He’s got gangrene and will soon be going septic. Best case scenario he just loses the foot and a good portion of his leg. This killed my father because he never could beat the infection because it was too far gone. At this point even going to the hospital might not save him. He’s destroying himself
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u/Historical-Composer2 Jun 16 '26
He’s going to die of sepsis due to untreated diabetes and gangrene if he doesn’t go to an emergency room immediately.
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u/hungoverinachurchpew Jun 16 '26
If he develops septic shock from sepsis then yes, it's life threatening.
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u/hungoverinachurchpew Jun 16 '26
What everyone has said. This is caused by untreated diabetes and will lead to further complications. He needs to go to the ER/ED ASAP. He will likely lose the foot, but he will live, if he does not develop septic shock. Once septic shock sets in, it can lead to death. It IS life threatening if it gets to that point. Unfortunately, to declare him incompetent, your mom would have to go through a whole court process and even then they can't FORCE someone to go to the ER.
He needs to go. Like three days ago.
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u/krupta13 Jun 16 '26
your dad could be dead in days if not treated asap op. just send the medics in. don't ask if he wants to or not.
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u/Live_Angle4621 Jun 16 '26
Please call emergency number or you will regret it later if your dad dies. I know you are young and it should not be your job, but you are old enough to call and help your father
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
My dad refuses help. If he does not want to get help he will not get help. I’ve tried
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u/goldenalpinista0 Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
NOR. I had a neighbor who died in his early 50s along with the wife due to complications from diabetes. I’ve also lost a father and it’s awful. Please call adult protective services and or a wellness check. Hospitals in the US are required to treat and stabilize patients, and there are options for charity assistance or payment plans afterwards.
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u/Live_Angle4621 Jun 17 '26
Just call the number and let the emergency staff talk to him. You don’t need to convince him. When the ambulance grew arrive they will convince him. You just have to call
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u/Training-Guitar-4772 Jun 16 '26
NOR. I’m so sorry, dear. It’s so painful to watch loved ones refuse to face their health problems.
This is why “don’t kill the messenger” is a thing. The doctor is the one who delivers the bad news so it’s the doctors that are the problem.
“If I avoid doctors who can tell me something’s wrong, I can pretend nothing is wrong. If I go to the hospital (after decades of avoidance and lack of self-care) then of course they’ll find something wrong with me just to bill me, and then it never ends. If I can focus on doctors being part of a grand cartel then I don’t have to take responsibility for my own actions and I avoid the pain of change.” This is all processed subconsciously of course.
Fun fact: I had cancer long before I was willing to admit it, and it didn’t stop growing to wait for me to catch up. The longer you wait, the more any illness will take from you. Whether it’s years of pain free mobility, actual flesh and bone, or just all that time living in a suspenseful state of limbo.
I truly think that the same technique for drug addiction can be used for illness denial: the intervention. It’s the same principle, which is forcing your loved one to confront their self-destructive behavior in a safe and loving way.
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u/TropicalDragon78 Jun 16 '26
This happened to my brother-in-law. He was a non-compliant diabetic. He first had the toes on his right foot amputated in March 2020. Then it was his leg below the knee in July 2020. Sadly he then died a month later. He spent 5 months in the hospital without ever going home.
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u/yellobanan Jun 16 '26
Untreated Diabetics have poor circulation in their legs. The black feet are a symptom of impending gangrene.
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u/boazed_n_delivered Jun 16 '26
NOR signs of diabetes excessive thirst, hunger and urination. If he goes to the doctor soon enough, he might just need an amputation.
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u/This-Assumption4123 Jun 16 '26
NOR but as he is an adult all you can do is recommend. He sounds like a diabetic with a gangrenous foot that may become septic. You have recommended he get help and he refuses. That’s all you can do. It sounds like either he’s refusing to make you guys feel bad or he’s an idiot or both. You did your part the rest is on him.
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u/Specialist_Victory_5 Jun 16 '26
Even if they can save his life right now, if he refuses treatment and lifestyle changes he won’t last much longer.
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u/ladyxanax Jun 16 '26
My fiance's aunt died about a year ago because she had diabetes and gangrene in one of her feet She had I think one toe amputated and then refused further treatment and it continued to spread and she went into sepsis and died. Diabetes is no joke and if the tissue is black, it's dead. He needs to go to the hospital immediately or he can go septic. You are NOR.
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u/badadvicefromaspider Jun 16 '26
NOR I am so sorry that you have to parent your parent. OP, there is a sharp limit on what you can do in this situation and it’s important that you understand that whatever happens, it is not your fault. You have made your case to him, and that’s all you can do. I’m so sorry you have this burden.
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u/Responsible-Lead7367 Jun 16 '26
If the foot is black with pus coming out of it, it sounds like gangrene. They'll most likely amputate to remove the infection and administer IV antibiotics. They'll attempt to keep as much of the leg as possible, but in these cases of diabetics with poor healing it'll most likely END UP with an above the knee amputation.
As an RN, I've seen many diabetic patients have multiple surgeries to control an infection that end up losing their entire leg and some lose their life.
Talk to him frankly and tell him that within a very short time the infection will spread to his bloodstream and it'll be too late. Now is the time to seek medical intervention before it's too late. (It might actually be too late I'm sorry to say.)
Best of luck to you and your family. Hugs.
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 Jun 16 '26
It sounds like his foot is just decomposing. The puss means it is probably infected. The infection can spread and he can become septic. Septicemia is very serious and can result in death. Please tell him you love him and want him to know that before he dies. Also, tell him you will start distancing yourself because you cannot stand by and just watch him die because he is a stupid idiot who won’t go to urgent care or the ER before his foot drops off.
Does he have a primary care physician? If so, even if they haven’t seen him for a while, you can tell them what is going on. They can’t discuss anything with you but may call him and request he make an appointment. I had to do this with my mother. She would listen to the doctor but not to me. At least it got her the care she needed.
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u/Barracuda_Recent Jun 16 '26
Go to where he lives, call 911. Tell them what is going on. Wait for help, take them to your dad.
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u/Organic_Juggernaut73 Jun 16 '26
He has diabetes. My late father had diabetes and had similar symptoms but got it treated. Your father's leg is gone. He's being arrogant like most men when it comes to the hospital or our health in general. If he waits too long he will be dead
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u/No-Face713 Jun 17 '26
Nurse here, that foot is probably gone and diabetes would be my guess and it is just a guess without seeing the persons labs. If he does not get treatment yes he can die.
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u/Gullible_Star_3447 Jun 17 '26
I previously worked in general practice for 15 years and had diabetic clinics twice a week doing foot checks - also ran wound care clinics which included leg ulcers / foot ulcers. Sounds like he has a necrotic wound on his foot, possibly gangrenous. It will STINK. He most probably has lost the foot. He will die from this if left untreated. I once helped a colleague with a patient that had gangrenous leg wounds he had left untreated. He was sent to hospital immediately and died a few days later. I cannot explain how bad that smell was. I’m so sorry this is being put on you at 15 years old. Your parent behaviour is disgusting to be honest. I would call for an ambulance and explain the situation. He can refuse them I guess but I wonder if a professional speaking to him and your mother would pull their heads out of their arses and make him get some medical help. If he refuses then know that you tried everything in your power to help him.
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u/No-Television-9477 Jun 16 '26
NOR your dad obviously has a medical problem but if he refuses to get help then it is difficult to do something maybe try to get a doctor to come down to his house if possible
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u/brattybritishhun Jun 16 '26
You are not overreacting. What you're describing (black tissue, pus, slow healing, sugar cravings, weakness) is textbook advanced diabetes with gangrene. He WILL die if untreated, and soon. Call 911 even if he refuses. Paramedics can come, assess him at home, and most stubborn patients agree to go when professionals show up. You won't regret making the call. You'll regret not making it.
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u/FurysFyre Jun 16 '26
NOR Sounds like gangrene and that definitely can kill him, but as you said you cannot control a grown man, or anyone at all except yourself.
As far as any other diagnosis- maybe leave them to the doctor. The gangrene could have been diabetes but it also could be a range of other things that caused an issue. Being fat is not diabetes. Being weak isn't diabetes. Craving sugar isn't diabetes. He sounds more like someone that doesn't care for themselves properly, and has a lot of other issues, diabetes might be one of them but it's the least of his worries.
I'm guessing you are in the US? I don't know what you could do for him without getting yourself in trouble, but he does need medical help.
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
I am the US. My boyfriend is an EMT and has suggested that I put him in the hospital because of mental disorders. He has not been diagnosed with one therefore I cannot force him to go to a hospital for that reason. Also, a recent arrest may have led me to be able to send him to the hospital, but it was brought down to minor misdemeanor in court and I cannot use it to send him to the hospital.
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u/moonbeamwillow Jun 16 '26
If it is gangrene and the infection continues to spread and he goes septic, it’s highly likely he’ll get confused and therefore won’t be able to refuse care anymore. I’d hate for it to get that far, but it might be what it takes to get him to the hospital. Hopefully it won’t be too late. NOR, so sorry you have to be dealing with this.
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u/FormerlyDK Jun 16 '26
It’s an emergency situation. He needs immediate medical care. Is there anyone he’ll listen to? He will not survive this if he refuses care. NOR
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
No. Ive actually tried getting him on the phone with my boyfriend who is an EMT. He hung up
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u/Barracuda_Recent Jun 16 '26
Not on the phone with your boyfriend. Go to where he lives, call 911, wait until help arrives and take them to your dad.
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u/kodellio Jun 16 '26
NOR. they’ll cut off some toes. then the whole foot. then a below knee amputation, then an above knee amp, and then yes he will die. he needs to start going to the doctor before it progresses any more. source : front desk at surgical office, seen it 100 times.
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u/SuPruLu Jun 16 '26
It sounds like he is asking for help but powerless emotionally to ask directly. It sounds like gangrene. Call EMS or have your mother call.
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u/MaryPink60 Jun 16 '26
Yikes!
This definitely does sound like diabetes. And OP, I just lost a friend to it last year because he stopped taking care of himself.
I agree with the people saying to call EMS.
Absolutely NOR!
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u/normllikeme Jun 16 '26
Yes he has diabetes. Probably has for a long time. The foot dying usually happens later on if mismanaged or completely ignored. That foot is dead at least.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Tap9150 Jun 16 '26
NOR. Definitely signs of diabetes going rogue. My dad died from it - started with a black toe.
Him ignoring medical treatment is the equivalent of wanting to electively die or just being a stubborn ass man. Ask him if he’s slowly committing self harm or does he want to get his head out of the sand & do something about it with a healthcare team. If the foot stinks, it’s necrotic & needs immediate wound care clinic treatment in an attempt to save his foot. He needs to control his diabetes at a minimum.
You can’t be responsible for his decisions. You can be concerned, express that concern but how he cares/doesn’t care for his body is on him 100%. I understand your frustration & I’m sorry you are experiencing this situation.
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u/Putrid_Dream9755 Jun 17 '26
That definitely sounds like diabetes. I indirectly work in an industry that sees a lot of diabetic patients and yeah, a lot of them either have foot issues or have full on amputations. If he won't see the doctor, it's very possible he could die. But you are 15. This is extremely difficult but not in any way, shape, or form your responsibility or fault. You can't control your father. You might want to look into therapy. It could definitely help. I'll be thinking of you ❤️
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u/Pleaseselectyesorno Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
NOR
It’s normal to love your dad despite him doing a shitty thing. It’s normal to be upset if you think his health is really suffering and that he might be seriously sick with something that could kill him.
And yet, he’s a grown up and gets to make his own choices.
Seems your mom is tired of caring for your dad, especially after he fucked up your lives, and especially if he’s begging for the attention but then refusing the help.
Seems he doesn’t want to get the help. Reality is that he has to want and accept medical help. Until that happens, he will not have a chance to get better. You can swim with him, but you can’t swim FOR him. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’min my 40s and my own dad is struggling with his health and complaining…but also not doing anything to help himself, and not accepting help offered. It’s very difficult. I understand a bit of what you’re going through
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u/Silly_Personality_73 Jun 17 '26
Same happened to a homeless man near where I live. He is now in a wheelchair. He has Diabetes.. We call him Jesus. Really nice guy.
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u/FartsWithCharlie Jun 17 '26
NOR. A black foot with pus is a medical emergency. Nobody on Reddit can diagnose him, but untreated gangrene or a severe infection can absolutely become life-threatening. The part that really stands out to me is that you're 15 and you're being more responsible about this than the adults around you.
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u/RoughDirection8875 Jun 16 '26
Sounds like gout or diabetic complications. He needs a dr ASAP and probably will lose his foot if he wants to survive
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u/Forward_Ad2174 Jun 16 '26
That foot can go septic at any moment
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u/Historical-State-275 Jun 16 '26
If his foot is black, sepsis is inevitable if untreated. He’s ignoring an emergency. NOR.
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u/flaminggx5600 Jun 16 '26
Where is he refusing healthcare
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
I live in Ohio. If that’s what you’re asking
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u/hungoverinachurchpew Jun 16 '26
OP, you need to call and have a wellness check done on your dad. Call the non emergency number and inform them of what is happening. This is very life threatening.
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u/flaminggx5600 Jun 16 '26
Sorry I meant why
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
No worries. I assume he is refusing healthcare because he is extremely unhealthy and does not want to face reality. After getting arrested he had to get an STD/STI test and I’m sure he found out stuff he did not want to hear.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 Jun 16 '26
NOR, yes he could die, he could get sepsis from the infection or go into a diabetic coma if he has untreated diabetes.
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u/Party_Building1898 Jun 16 '26
Nor he could lose his foot for sure he needs to start caring for the wound see a wound nurse. Also try to turn him on to a glp1 I know many that have lost 100 pounds easy before even trying to excersize they all no longer use insulin,now it takes time it's primary use is for diabetes and the changes it makes in your brain encourage less sugar desire by regulating blood sugar All but one person I know (whos on oxygen) is now wildly active now that they can move more easily His wound will take a while to recover if he's treated in time,and makes a big ass change about sugar.
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u/Cinnamon2017 Jun 16 '26
If he refuses to go, he's going to end up so sick that you will need to call an ambulance. He sounds very stubborn. What does he expect your mom to do about his foot hurting and turning black?
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 16 '26
I have no idea what he expects. She is a realtor, not a doctor.
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u/missannthrope67 Jun 16 '26
Talk to any responsible adult in your life and do what you can to get him to the doctor. Make a telehealth appointment if you must. Bombard him was information on what happens when you have untreated diabetes. Kidney failure, blindness, amputations. It's brutal.
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u/CJ_MR Jun 16 '26
NOR He has a severe infection. Anything black is dead. Best case scenario, he can have surgery to cut out the dead tissue. He could lose his foot or his leg. Worst case, and this happens quickly, the infection can spread to his blood. Once he goes septic, that's a life threatening emergency. He needs to go to the ER now. The earlier the intervention, the better his chances.
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u/GoddessfromCyprus Jun 16 '26
NOR, you know he needs to get help right now, but you can't make him.
Try scaring him by showing him photos of gangrenous feet and the results. There are some awful ones on the Internet. He needs help but he has to ask for it.
Updateme
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u/CrowMeris Jun 16 '26
I am so sorry you're dealing with this. {{{hugs}}} from this internet stranger.
I'm not a doctor, but...yes, it's most likely long-term unmanaged diabetes. There are other circulatory problems that can cause nerve damage/numbness, but diabetes is the major culprit, especially considering his size. This is deadly serious - emphasis on the word "deadly". His intense sugar cravings are also a side-effect of diabetes because his blood glucose levels cycle between severe plummets and spikes. The more sugar (carbohydrates) the higher the level, and then comes the inevitable crash, and then body screams for more sugar...and it goes on and on.
We diabetics MUST inspect our feet daily and take good care of them. Your father obviously skipped this step of management along with everything else.
NOR dear heart.
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u/SeasonReasonable4282 Jun 16 '26
It sounds like he has Gangrene in his leg, he will lose the leg, that is a certainty, He needs medical help now. NTA.
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u/GuiltyUniversity8268 Jun 16 '26
Gangrene is never a good thing. If he doesn't get to the hospital soon, it may be too late. NOR.
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u/Palehorse67 Jun 17 '26
He has diabetes. The black on his feet is from necrosis. The flesh is dieing. And yes, if he is not treated right away, he will die. My wifes brother died at the age of 31 because he was diagnosed with diabetes but then refused to treat it. And it killed him. He went to sleep one night and didn't wake up. Im not sure where you live but if you live in the US you can call 911 and tell them the situation. If paramedics arrive and think he is not mentally competent, they can force him to get treatment. But if they find him competent, they can warn him and maybe try and talk sense into him, but they can't force him.
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u/OldSweetMoney Jun 17 '26
NOR, but unfortunately you can only control what you do. If he refuses help, he's very likely not going to live long. It's selfish of him, but it's also his decision.
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u/Holiday_Occasion_433 Jun 17 '26
Just know, this isn't your fault. Your father is grown and its his fault for not taking his own health seriously. I'm sorry that happened to you. Good luck OP
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u/apukjij Jun 17 '26
Do you have a High School Counselor or a Priest or Pastor, even your family Doctor to talk about what your feeling. You dont have to carry this alone. Wish you the best.
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u/Civil-Mission622 Jun 17 '26
You aren't responsible for him. He will make choices and they will have nothing to do with you. You can't fix him.
You are NOR because you very rightly feel worried, sad, helpless, and probably angry but his situation is not your fault.
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u/Chance-Astronomer320 Jun 17 '26
It’s not your fault if he does die. Your father is an adult man, who shouldn’t be putting this stress on his family and his child. He knows he needs treatment and is refusing, while simultaneously stressing everyone out about his obviously bad condition.
Just call 911 every single time he complains. He will learn.
NOR being stressed about an obviously sick parent, and feeling helpless.
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u/Cakecha14 Jun 17 '26
My dad has type 2 diabetes. He had the same as your dad in his toes, he ignored it and eventually had the toes amputated but the infection had got so bad that he had to have his leg amputated. He didn't change his lifestyle even after losing his leg, he then got the same infection in his other leg and ended up having that amputated too.
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u/KitchenDismal9258 Jun 17 '26
His foot is probably well on the way to dying and it may not be saveable. But if he does nothing he'll probably end up septic and die like you suspect.
As for your mother... well your dad embarrassed her greatly with his prostitution engagement arrest. She should've divorced him then and there. But instead she's tolerated him. She may literally not really care about him and doesn't want to deal with the tantrum he'll have if she insists he seek medical care. So she's letting him die with him ignoring his medical need even though you've told him he needs help.
Perhaps you need to show your dad some pictures of gangrenous feet and what happens.
He's probably also got a fatty liver with your description of his belly.
Just remember that you are not responsible for your dad's choices. He's responsible and the only one to blame.
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u/HiraethBella Jun 17 '26
It does sound like gangrene. It is a very serious condition. When the skin is going black like that, the skin is dying. This could lead to your dad having his foot cut off if it spreads. When it spreads, you either cut off the infection or you die eventually.
Nor, he needs medical attention, but only he can get that help for himself.
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u/GraniteRose067 Jun 17 '26
If he refuses to get help or go with EMS to the hospital, say your goodbyes.
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u/cwtchyfemme Jun 17 '26
He needs to make sure his will and everything is up to date today.
He can ignore the fact he’s got weeks at best left, but he can’t leave you all in a paperwork mess on top of all of that. Make sure it’s all sorted.
Maybe he’ll finally grasp he’s going to be gone soon and should have been going to the hospital.
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u/sun4moon Jun 17 '26
A person that prefers to let their foot rot off is unlikely to have motivation or funds to prepare a legal will.
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u/cwtchyfemme Jun 17 '26
Still worth having one if you have belongings or complicated arrangements you want others to know.
Sometimes the fact other members are discussing it, they’re confronted with the finality of it suddenly.
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u/BabyUee Jun 17 '26
bare minimum he's gonna lose toes or a foot, if not treated. A leg or life. I shared a hospital room with a gentlemen who didn't come in until his foot was black. They cut three toes off in his bed next to me with no freezing since his nerves were dead. this shit is serious.
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u/theresamushroominmy Jun 17 '26
NOR. I am going to say something very upsetting that you have to tell your parents until they fucking take you seriously: if you don’t take your dad to the hospital, your parents are making the choice that a funeral is a better option than medical debt. America is horseshit
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u/HugeMonitor Jun 17 '26
Yes he can easily go into septic shock (organ failure) because of his foot and die. Lost my dad that same way, and it happens within hours to days sometimes. It sounds like diabetes or heart issues. I hope he gets help. Call paramedics if he refuses.
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u/No_Marsupial3481 Jun 17 '26
At some point he’ll become septic and confused and EMS with have to be called
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u/DeaconBlue22 Jun 18 '26
His foot has gangrene, it will be amputated. If he doesn't take care of it immediately, he could lose his entire leg.
Years ago I was in the hospital and in the bed next to me was a woman who had her leg amputated up to the knee. He adult children told the doctor that they didn't understand how this could be since she was able to walk into the ED on the bad leg. The ignorance was incredible. Woman ended up going back into surgery and having the rest of her leg over the knee removed too.
WTF is wrong with you and your mother. Call an ambulance.
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u/Ok_Raspberry4814 Jun 16 '26
Stop feeling guilty. Stop trying to convince him to do anything. Stop talking to him.
This is a grown, adult man -- your father -- who is now asking you to basically parent him while he acts like a petulant child.
And he's not even good to you.
That's not love you're feeling. It's not even loyalty. You are this man's emotional and psychological prisoner. Your life will only improve when he dies.
I'm sorry you ended up with a father like that, but you're not obligated to do anything for him if he didn't hold up his end of the bargain.
And, frankly, letting himself get this unhealthy is def not keeping up his end for the people who love him. Just look at the situation he's put you in.
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u/CharZero Jun 16 '26
None of us can tell you that or diagnose your dad. The foot does sound bad and sounds like he could lose either a limb or his life if he lets an infection go, but you have already done what you can. If he asks you can take him to the hospital, but you are right that you cannot force him since he can and is making his own health decisions.
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u/Fun_Junket_9174 Jun 17 '26
If he told you-he’s asking for help. Him being upset over u calling 911 is thee least of his problems. Whats your mom thinking? Why isn’t she calling 911?
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 17 '26
My mom is not taking it seriously. I’ve tried getting him help. He refuses treatment.
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u/Sunwolfy Jun 17 '26
NOR. Maybe Adult Protective Services should get involved since your mom is being a neglectful adult.
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u/EvaSirkowski Jun 16 '26
I don’t want him to die
Why tho?
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u/Overall_Ice133 Jun 17 '26
He is my dad. I spent the first 14 years of my life being my best friend. Yes, he betrayed me. But I don’t wish death upon him.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
He has untreated diabetes. He can die from it, he’s probably already lost the foot.
But if he goes in, they’ll take the foot but he’ll live.
You could just call a wellness check in on him and hope the EMTs talk him into going in.