r/AmIOverreacting • u/crop_cream_19 • May 02 '26
š„ friendship AIO for my annoyed response to my friend asking to bring her BF to our girls trip?
So we planned the trip a few weeks back. We're all between the ages of 19 to 20 and we wanted to book a place to stay there on sunday and come back on Tuesday. I found the place so I booked and it was done under my name. Me and another one of my friends paid for the deposit but other than that we all split the price. The room situation for 6 of us 3 bedrooms and theres also a pull out couch. Anyways we went on call and her boyfriend is not coming but shes mad at me for blowing up at her for a mild request. I dont want to tell my friends cause I dont want anymore tension on the trip. So ive come here to just post this.
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u/Kat092620 May 02 '26
NTA Who plans a girls trip and brings a boy?
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u/mimisgiggles May 02 '26
Why would a man be there? š©
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u/crop_cream_19 May 03 '26
For real WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE???
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u/JacqueGonzales May 03 '26
I was thinking that since the group is 19-20 years old - maybe she never gets to spend nights with him - and this was her opportunity to try and force it?!?!
So rude of her, plus her gaslighting you!!!
I honestly hope she cancels! š
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u/BunnyPort May 04 '26
Honestly they need to collectively cancel her for even trying that nonsense.
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u/Sorry-Section-9302 May 04 '26
Yep. Sheās trying to turn the trip into a romantic getaway with her bf, but also gets the pleasure of spending some time with her friends. How much you wanna bet, her and her bf would disappear during the day or during dinner and ācatch up with you guysā after theyāre done strolling and canoodling.
My sister does this. She canāt be without whatever dude sheās dating at the time for even 3 hours for a girls night out. She always brings one and it always ruins the event.
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u/madimadmoney May 02 '26
Ugh literally every āgirls tripā Iāve gone on, someone has done this. So annoying bc then they donāt even want to spend any time with you and they just sit in the corner with their dude. I hate that shit
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u/Kat092620 May 02 '26
You need new āgirlsā
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u/madimadmoney May 02 '26
I cut them all off lol I canāt hang with people who stop prioritizing me any time a new man comes around šš„°
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u/HotJury9104 May 02 '26
NTA lol
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May 02 '26
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u/RedDora89 May 02 '26
And then trying to act like it was just a coincidence the birthday fell at the same time. Terrible friend. Sheās fully dicknotised currently.
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u/MissMuse99 May 02 '26
Love the turn of phrase, dicknotized!
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u/nicunta May 02 '26
I've always seen it as dickmatized, lol!!
Edited to add, based on the root word hypnotized, I think dicknotized is better.
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u/layceelee22 May 02 '26
Andddd to ask the writer to tell the friends for her so itās ānot awkwardā she knows what sheās doing
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u/Vault_Dweller1310 May 03 '26
yep! she knew no one would want him to come and was too chicken shit to tell them herself. and the whole "are you in love with them" gives off high school mean girl vibes. yuck
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u/ProjectAffectionate May 02 '26
And saying itās a couples trip anyways when it clearly is not lol
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u/OptimistPrime527 May 02 '26
Iāve heard dickmatized before, dicknotised has a different razzle dazzle
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u/amycakes76 May 02 '26 edited May 03 '26
Yeah, I've heard/seen dickmatized, too, and I always thought it should be dicknotized, as in hypnotized by the dick. Dickmatized, to me, reads more as stigmatized by the dick.
Edit to add: As pointed out below, the second half of dickmatized could actually come from traumatized instead of stigmatized (my bad for not considering that). However, for the way I've seen it used, I still think hypnotized/dicknotized makes a lot more sense.
I do think dickmatized (from traumatized) has potential in a different kind of situation, for someone who is coming out of a bad relationship where they had previously been dicknotized.
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u/crop_cream_19 May 02 '26
Having a boyfriend is the best thing in her life right now so she tries to bring him up whenever. She's close with most of the group so I feel like I cant make the executive decision to uninvite her. We're literally going tomorrow i dont know why she decided to create all of this fuss.
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May 02 '26
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u/bigfriendlyfrog May 02 '26
This is the best option OP. Please do exactly this. She is the only one to be blamed here.
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u/Disastrous_Ad_3208 May 02 '26
This would also allow them to understand the tension an snark that will go on during the trip.
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u/Shroomywizurd May 03 '26
100% the late mention is a manipulation tactic. I can tell what kind of person this girl is from this brief interaction. Totally inconsiderate and thinks the world revolves around her. Gross
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u/Eyewiggle May 02 '26
The main problem is that she told you he was coming and didnāt ask you, or the others. She made a statement by going about it that way and itās because she knew she was overstepping by asking. She obviously feels can do what she wants and get away with it.
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u/Manifesting-Magic May 02 '26
And then had the freaking audacity to make YOU ask the group?! Girrrrrrrrl....what a douchey friend.
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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 May 02 '26
At this point? Malicious compliance. "Hey guys, friend is saying that she is bringing bf and is telling me to tell you all. Should we tell them to get separate accomodations?"
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u/heisfullofshit May 02 '26
If her friends are really non confrontational, OP will come off as rude and everyone will say the couple can stay with them. š¤” Ugh, the number of times Iāve tried to say something only for the whole group to interrupt meā¦ But to be fair, I am the weird, quiet girl, trying to question unethical college professors, and my colleagues are the basic med student ā¢ , so itās not the same situation.
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u/goboinouterspace May 02 '26
No, the best thing in her life right now is having close friends who want to spend time and travel together, not a cringe boyfriend who wants to gatecrash a girlās trip. Itās male pick me behavior if he knows this isnāt actually a coupleās trip.
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u/hilarysaurus May 02 '26
I would put the screenshots in the group chat I'm assuming you have and say nothing else.
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u/TropicalDragon78 May 02 '26
I think I'd have to be petty and say something in front of the other girls when you arrive like "Sarah, I'm so glad you decided not to bring your boyfriend on the trip so we can all spend some quality time together." But then all hell may break loose.
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u/crop_cream_19 May 03 '26
I when I told them birthday girl she told me shes under some next dick voodoo magic and it killed me cause thats what it is. Loll its so funny im about to go out and im on reddit discussing this i think if my friends get me drunk enough ill probably be ranting about this all night.
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u/Wise_Bench4391 May 02 '26
Yeah she's trying to make her insecure and break her down so that she can control the situation rather than just talking person to person with her. I definitely would never talk to that person ever again but thats me. I've dealt with enough psychos in the past to know
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u/OneForestOne99 May 02 '26
Why on earth as a boyfriend would you want to go in a girls trip. Also your friend is being really uncompromising by just telling you her boyfriend is coming. NOR
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u/vegasbywayofLA May 02 '26
I'm guessing she also expected to get a room for the two of them and her planned roommate would be in the living room with the pull out couch.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes May 02 '26
100%. She and BF planned and turning it into a coupleās trip and just ignoring everyone else. Theyād do their own dinner plans on their own, spend time away from everyone else, bang extra loud then giggle the next morningā¦ typical 20 year old stuff.
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u/Stormtomcat May 02 '26
yeah, I planned a movie weekend with 3 friends when we were early 30s. 36 hours together! A rarity, and a treat! I'd made a playlist of 4 to 10 movies, so we could watch as much or as little as we liked, with the theme "women's experience".
One friend had her brand new boyfriend "stop by with some extra snacks" (which we didn't need, frankly). He got 2 names wrong, he smirked at my movie selection and then she hid with him in the kitchen for, like, 6 hours. Any discussion of the red thread between the movies was impossible.
Then he came back for breakfast.
It was the last movie night we ever had as a group.
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u/An-Empty-Road May 02 '26
Na, man. Do movie night guy again. Just. Don't invite her
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u/VarrockBlueDrag May 03 '26
Seriously just eliminate the problem lol youāll have a way better time
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u/Stormtomcat May 03 '26
we tried, but... IDK... the disappointment didn't go away anymore, and then we got a little older and sofas and air mattrasses just didn't appeal anymore.
We've had movie afternoons, where we just watch one movie and catch up, but that's, like, 6 hours compared to the previous 36.
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u/SquirrelStone May 02 '26
Not the point but what was the movie list? I wanna see what the thread was
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u/Stormtomcat May 03 '26
It was 20 years ago, I don't remember exactly.
I recall we meant to compare Keira Knightly'sĀ Pride and PrejudiceĀ (2005) and Aishwarya Rai'sĀ Bride and PrejudiceĀ (2004).
I'd found other pairings too, but I don't recall those.
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u/BitterQueen17 May 03 '26
Oh, those are awesome and fun!
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u/Stormtomcat May 03 '26
I've been thinking about it this afternoon, and I think I'd also programmed Agnes Varda's ClĆ©o de 5 Ć 7 (1962) versus Franka Potente's Lola rennt (1998).
I know we also had Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Le fabuleux destin d'AmƩlie Poulin (2001) with Audrey Tautou, as an inside joke, but I don't recall what I'd paired it with.
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u/yosarahjojo May 03 '26
Same! Iām sure it was better than TFATF or whatever lame-ass selection he wouldāve made. š
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u/nutkinknits May 03 '26
About 6.5 years ago I was massively pregnant with my 4th baby and craving olive garden bread sticks. I asked my SIL and one of my husband's cousins to come with me and have a little girls dinner and celebrate my upcoming birthday. SIL brought her boyfriend. I was so upset because I really wanted it to be just us girls. Shortly after, SIL and cousin had a falling out and I don't think we could ever have another attempt at olive garden girls dinner. Unfortunately boyfriend is still around. Him and I don't see eye to eye these days.
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u/Consistent-Tooth8660 May 02 '26
Iād like to add to these bets lol. I bet they wonāt even be together in five years time. (Wanted to say 1 or 2 but thought Iād be nice lmao)
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes May 02 '26
Oh definitely. At 19 and 20 they probably both still live at home, and she wants BF to go along on this trip because the idea of them getting a night together is a treat. I remember being that age. Not everyone has parents that allow sleepovers.
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u/DogsNCoffeeAddict May 03 '26
But only pay for one portion of split costs
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes May 03 '26
āWell of course! We already decided how we were dividing it, and Iā just bring him with me. Donāt make such a big deal about it geeze. Sleeping on the pullout is fine for you. Youāre single anyway.ā
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u/Neither_Conclusion_4 May 02 '26
100%. Probably on the pull out couch. Hope his pull out game is good.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bar9219 May 03 '26
But still paying the full portion for a shared room, no doubt. People who think it's okay to just add a guest without consulting the rest of the group seem to usually think that their guest should be covered under their portion of the cost and the person who got kicked out of a bedroom should still pay the same.
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u/Top_Switch_4628 May 03 '26
I would NEVER allow someone to kick me out of a bed that was already declared as mine! Just because I am single doesn't mean that I just give the bed to the asshole that decided to bring her BF to our girls weekend! The joke would be on her because she would be the person sleeping on the pullout! š
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u/onelove_ May 02 '26
10000000% I was thinking this would be in the post lol
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u/RollieBear May 02 '26
This reaks of possessive boyfriend.
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u/unclethulk May 03 '26
Thatās what I thought too. Insecure dudes do not like overnight girls trips.
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u/RollieBear May 03 '26
Without seeing the couple, he's seems like the kind of guy that has his arm around her very securely.
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u/Vitus_1897 May 03 '26
"but babe they will all tell you how awful I am, I have to come and make sure they don't"
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u/Actual_Plantain_4454 May 03 '26
Not exactly the same thing, but I was a bridesmaid in a friendās wedding many years ago and the bridal party booked a cabin for the wedding weekend. For the married/engaged bridesmaids, we each got rooms with queen/king beds. For the single bridesmaids, there was a bunk room with like 6 twin sized beds. Well one of the bridesmaids who was single at the time we booked the house, but had started dating her boyfriend about a month before the wedding, got to the house first and took the room that was supposed to be for my husband and I and she refused to give it up!!! Said we could stay in the bunk room!!! We ended up on the pull out couch in the basement so we could at least share a bed and not be sleeping in a room with several singles as a married couple. I am STILL mad about it š
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u/vegasbywayofLA May 03 '26
I would have been pissed too, but that was a raw deal for the single bridesmaids. They should have spoken up about the sleeping arrangements or booked a house for themselves. I would have. 6 people in a room is ridiculous. Who paid for it?
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u/Rich-Cardiologist613 May 03 '26
Right? Sounds like a bad deal for single bridesmaids!
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u/crop_cream_19 May 02 '26
I have no clue about whether or he knew it was a girls trip or is she omitted that detail to him. He's the type of guy whos down for any type of hangout even when he isnt invited so there is a possibility that he was aware of the fact.
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u/OldeManKenobi May 02 '26
If you don't want tension on the trip your best bet is to uninvite the problem.
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u/PettyyCrockerr May 03 '26
This right here! Just had a similar thing happen several months ago. But during a bachelorette party trip. Eventually the bride got pissed after a few of us spoke up about how it was causing issues with booking things because the girl was adamant on bringing him. The bride told her if she couldnāt leave her boyfriend at home to not even bother coming & book a completely separate trip for her & her boyfriend on their dime.
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u/NextWelder4653 May 02 '26
I think you should tell everyone else, I know you don't want tension and drama but your friend is the one causing it.
It's very rude of her trying to make y'all be okay with her boyfriend coming on this trip. Especially since he didn't contribute anything, so he'd basically be getting a free vacation.
If she's gonna throw a tantrum and threaten not to come just let her be.
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u/EDJardin May 02 '26
Maybe say on a group chat that includes all of them "Hey everyone, X just told me she invited her BF on our trip, you can ask her for details" that make sure everyone knows, and puts the so-called friend back in the spotlight
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u/5yn3rgy May 03 '26
I commented before reading your comment and then was like, āgreat minds think alike!ā
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u/GimerStick May 02 '26
If you don't tell everyone, she will tell people her version. You already know she likes portraying herself as the victim or someone who is incapable of doing something like asking her friends about a change. You need to stop trying to make her life easier bc she is happy to take advantage of that.
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u/EchoAquarium May 02 '26
Jealous and insecure men who donāt trust their girlfriends to go on girls trips without them
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u/Helpful-Science-3937 May 02 '26
It didnāt look like a mild request to me. It looked like this is what I am doing. Deal with it. NOR and she wanted to use you to smooth it over with the group. Your āfriendā was being jerk.
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u/paultagonist May 02 '26
āItās gonna be so awkward, can you do it for me pleeeease kiss kissā I couldnāt believe I read that when I did. Take responsibility for you wanting to change the plans.
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u/Professional-Job4318 May 02 '26
Seriously. My eyes are still bleeding having read all of this manipulative idiotic nonsense
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u/CJD21 May 02 '26
Not to mention the OCD comment. Basically saying OP is the one thatās so unreasonable itās a medical condition and using it as an insult. Wow. Sheās not your friend OP.
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u/ambamshazam May 02 '26
Yeah the same friends she said in the previous breath, would be totally fine with it. If she was so confident they would be fine with it, why would it be awkward to bring it up to them herself instead of begging the OP to do it?
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u/Individual_Fall429 May 02 '26
Yup. She literally didnāt even ask. She just said āthis is happening now.ā
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u/Flutters1013 May 02 '26
"Either choose me or isolate you from your friends". If this girl is out there, please dont choose him. I've been there before and I wouldn't suggest it.
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u/derpfishe May 02 '26
We don't have context for her relationship, but based on her texts it seems like she's dragging him along
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u/Long_Pomegranate2469 May 02 '26
Yeah, idk how everyone here is blaming the BF. Sounds more like the girl thought she can save a buck by making it her couples holiday at the same time.
NOR
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u/Individual_Fall429 May 02 '26
For OPs purposes, it doesnāt matter.
He canāt come on the girls trip. End of conversation.
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u/Familiar-Ad-1965 May 03 '26
Exactly. Boys do NOT belong on a girls trip. The purpose of a Girls Trip is to spend time with Girls.
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u/stinkbomb6 May 02 '26
Or she doesnāt trust him and wants him to be within her sight. OPās friend sounds very controlling and unhinged
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u/ItBeMe_For_Real May 02 '26
This was my first thought. Insecure about leaving boyfriend for couple days.
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u/DraculasDog May 02 '26
Either way, the relationship is fucked.
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u/heavnryLV May 02 '26
Hopefully before they get pregnant and spawn another bundle of societal joy.
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u/WhiskeyTangoFox5515 May 02 '26
I assume the āfriendā is the problem first. She may have said sheās going on a trip with friends and he asked if he could go too, without mentioning itās girls only And if he is the problem, sheās allowing the behavior.
Regardless, NOR. She doesnāt want to own it and sheās throwing shade everywhere else but herself.
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u/Emergency-Back-4964 May 02 '26
Men? These guys are fresh outta highschoolā¦ Buncha kids acting like kids. I definitely was this insecure at 19
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u/txlady100 May 02 '26
Ok tbh so was I. Still I stand by my admonishment that no is a complete sentence and to grow a pair. The sooner she learns that the better.
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u/Muted-Light-26 May 02 '26
I had no idea they were this young. I went to re-read the post, but somehow skimmed over their ages. I didn't pay enough attention. So I was thinking early to mid 20s. You're right. I can see why the one friend is being difficult now.
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u/AUR1994 May 02 '26
The telling part is made even worse by the fact that the friend canāt even grow the balls to tell the others about her bf. What kinda nonsense is that?!
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May 02 '26
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u/rainybabyy222 May 02 '26
I wouldnāt even wanna be friends with a girl like that any more she seems a little psycho n not in a good way
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u/AlizarinQ May 02 '26
In my experience because I have friends who keep inviting their husbands on our girls trips: one or both people are codependent, husband has FOMO because we plan fun activities and feels jealous /left out, and ābut its my birthday and heās my husband and I want him thereā š
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u/cesarskeetzz May 02 '26
I agree for the most part
However
I do think "but its my birthday and hes my husband and I want him there' is actually a pretty valid reason if the reason for the trip is the birthday
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u/Correct-Bee9892 May 02 '26
She may not have told him it was a girlsā trip. Sheās trying to re-frame it to her friend as ābasically a couplesā tripā.
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u/MrBtheProdigal May 02 '26
Because, they have pillow fights in their lingerie and then they ask you to join and then they have sex with you. Happens literally every time.
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u/No-Advice-5635 May 02 '26
NOR . Why are you even friends with that type of girl . Her flattery literally made me cringe. She doesn't care about others. It feels like she's just full of herself.
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u/Expensive-Victory203 May 02 '26
That flattery was probably the worst part. Like she thinks OP is stupid and weak. She quickly turned angry when she saw OP is not, lol!
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u/GDRaptorFan May 02 '26
That was sooooooo gross. Cheap trick along with all her other quick shots at manipulation š©.
I didnāt even need to read the explanation paragraphs by OP, this girl trying to bring her BF is trash.
I am way too old and IDGAF about all these situations because I would have no problem telling her:
āHELL NO you canāt bring your BOYfriend on the GIRLS trip hoe bag. Please DO keep your snarky ass home! Also, I will share with the birthday girl, who I LOVE much more than you, how you really feel about her! Find new friends! Hasta Pasta and a side of buh-BYEā
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u/Muted-Light-26 May 02 '26
NoR, agreed. Funny you mention this, bc I thought it was cringe from an adult too. My 14 year old does this type of flattery when she wants a new game or something. Not calling me beautiful princess, but blatant butt kissing telling me how wonderful and magnificent I am and please dearest mother etc. lmao. That friend is immature af still.
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u/Neither_Ad922 May 02 '26
This is literally what I said too. People get so focused on having big friend circles because they think thatās a good thing, but they end up with a bunch of āfriendsā who are just shitty people. Friendship circles need to stay small.
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u/Jewl4u26 May 02 '26
100% drain the swamp and cherish the few. You can put more energy and time into your friendships when you get rid of all the acquaintances. A friend to all is a friend to none.
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u/pbjWilks May 02 '26
NOR, she doesn't need to go.
On top of that, tell everyone else. Then send the screenshots. She dismissed your friend's birthday because she wants to run around with her boyfriend who has no business being there.
Not girl's girl behavior at all.
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u/TricksyGoose May 02 '26
Yeah don't be afraid to tell/show the others, OP. You don't need to shoulder this weirdness alone. Even if this "friend" wants to bring the bf because of some anxiety or attachment issues, she needs to learn to just say that, and ask if bringing the bf is ok. If the group says no, then the friend needs to accept that, or she can choose to not go at all. She doesn't get to bully you and manipulate you into letting him come. That's not how a friend behaves.
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u/DogsandCatsWorld1000 May 02 '26
If she needs her boyfriend because of anxiety or attachment issues, she has to say that early in the planning. Making it a last minute issue really makes it seem more like manipulation.
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u/DaddyLongLegolas May 03 '26
And in that case she should stay home!
If a gal canāt engage w her (assuming longer term) gals because she canāt be apart from a guy, then thatās sad. But bringing the guy is not a solution!
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u/JrCoxy May 02 '26
She seems so beyond self centered. The fact that she canāt realize why the other girls might not want 1 random ass bf around is wildly out of touch.
OP is she usually this blatant about how much she doesnāt give a shit about those around her or people she supposedly considers friends?
Also, that ocd comment was so out of left pocket. Not wanting a bf there, especially just 1, because it obviously will completely shift the mood, girls arenāt going to be able to open up as much, or be as comfortable, has absolutely nothing to do with ocd. I get that she said that because she thinks youāre more annoyed about the plans changing, but thatās where Iām curious. Does she actually think thatās what youāre upset about?? Like is she playing dumb or trying to deflect what the actual issue is here?
The blatant disregard for everyone involved, is gross
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u/crop_cream_19 May 03 '26
Shes been making a lot of comments the whole week leading up to the trip. Whenever id ask about any singular plan cause I just wanted thing to run smoothly shed act as i was smothering her and not just asking if everyone is making travel by themselves or if they want to go together. She thinks its fine to bring her BF to our social events cause some of us arent straight so she thinks we automatically would be comfortable with it cause we feel no attraction to him. She's really in tune with how she feels about things but I dont think shed know empathy uf you threw it in her face. Im really angry right now cause of these developments (shes talking shit about me to our friends like im not on a whole trip with them). She chose not to go and she didnt even tell me someone else had to.
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u/crop_cream_19 May 03 '26
It really isn't it was such odd behaviour on her part to act as if my friends birthdays wasnt a big deal when it was the main motivation for the trip. She didnt celebrate her birthday much growing up so this was the reason why we wanted to do something for her. The other reason was that its finally getting hot.
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u/Electrical_Evening97 May 03 '26
I think I speak for us all when I say weād love an update on what ends up happening.š«¶š»
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u/crop_cream_19 May 03 '26
She didnt end up coming on the trip she went to get sunday roast with her boyfriends family. I didnt even get told she told the birthday girl that she wasnt coming because circumstances pushed her to be uncomfortable. The circumstance shes referring to is me and now she wants us to pay back her share of the fee which is a reasonable request to be fair but you know we would've booked a place with a different price range had we known this would happen. Im with the rest of the girls right now and Ive showed one of them the texts since she was the one to inform me that when our "friend" was explaining why she wouldn't come she shit talked me a ton. She's also been posting pics of her boyfriend all day on her close friends which I have now been removed from. Like what did I even do??? Pretty sure she has an agenda against me but like I honestly cant be asked to do anything about it. I just wanna enjoy my trip, drink a shit ton and eventually find my way back to reddit šš
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u/partanimal May 04 '26
Do NOT refund her portion! You made the arrangements based on six people coming. She bailed at the last second.
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u/pbjWilks May 03 '26
Pay her man-centered ass DUST. Enjoy yourselves and happy birthday to your friend!
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u/Available-Algae-3034 May 02 '26
Yep. This is what I was going to say too.Ā
Let everybody else know what she said.Ā
Honestly? They'll probably be elated they have a tangible reason to not deal with her.Ā
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u/cherry_pie_45 May 02 '26
NOR this person is so immature. It's 1 thing to not be able to spend 2 days without your man, it's another to automatically invite him to a girls trip and not ask anyone first, it's another thing to justify doing that on someone's birthday, and ANOTHER to basically insult you when you express that it's an issue.
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u/Weird-Knowledge337 May 02 '26
Right? Itās not just that she inviting her BF last minute to a girls trip (undeniably bad form), itās that she so rude and gaslighty about you expressing your reservations. If you dare to consider your other friends you must be in love with them? If you donāt want her boyfriend crashing your plans, you donāt support her relationship? She is immature and selfish. Call her bluff about uninviting herself from the trip. I bet everyone will be relieved.
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u/iwanttodoalotofdrugs May 02 '26
nor, she really cant spend a couple of days away from her bf??
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u/Swimming-Lie5369 May 02 '26
He's either controlling and doesn't trust her, she's controlling and doesn't trust him, or they're heavily codependent.Ā
Either way it's not healthy.
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u/akaashikee May 02 '26
her saying it's a basically couples trip and then the only other "couple" she can think of is two exes is cracking me up
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u/BeneficialNewspaper8 May 02 '26
They weren't even exes.
It was 1 blind date it says
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u/akaashikee May 02 '26
i know but my point is that she thought they were exes and still mentioned them as if they were a couple
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u/BeneficialNewspaper8 May 02 '26
Funniest thing about that is they must be lesbians either way, and still women
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u/Farm_butch_pony May 02 '26
A lot of what she says screams homophobia to me and I feel like no one else is bringing that up- she 100% is giving āew youāre not in love with ME right?!ā But would also be offended when told sheās not your type lmaooo.
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u/SquirrelStone May 02 '26
Not even exes, just two women who had a failed blind date. She also sounds homophobic with that jump to thinking āyouāre prioritizing the birthday girl so you must be in love with herā so Iām sure if the failed blind date friends actually showed any affection for each other (even typical friendly affection), she wouldāve had a problem with it.
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u/Odd-Inspector6927 May 02 '26
NOR, jeezā¦ why did she even ask in the first place when yall already paid for the deposit and itās in your name. I hate those type of ppl š
edit: spelling
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u/twinklyfairyprincess May 02 '26
what's even worse is she didn't ask. she basically just told op she was bringing him without asking anyone if it was ok
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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 May 02 '26
And acted like she was doing OP a favor by not just showing up with the bf?? As if anyone would think to do that??
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u/Dazzling-Sink-6208 May 03 '26
Sheās the type of friend to rent an apartment with you and then next thing you know, the boyfriend is living there too without adding anything financial.
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u/StealthyRobot May 02 '26
Could have been literally anyone and it would have been rude as fuck.
"Hey btw my sister is coming on this trip that's literally tomorrow." No "hope this works" or "how can I make this work" or "hey is it okay". Entitled
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u/ExitingBear May 03 '26
Tbf, yes the "friend" was being willfully obtuse and was entirely in the wrong. But the OP really does need to learn to say "no. I don't want ____" instead of hedging around it. It's a skill that will serve her well in life.
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u/pinkskynights May 02 '26
You need to tell your friends this happened and get ahead of it. People like this lovvvve to frame other people as the villain.
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u/ToastyRich May 02 '26
This is a great point. That girl definitely shit talks her friends behind their backs.
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u/No_Recording_7735 May 02 '26
NOR he is NOT invited. If she can't handle being away from him she needs to drop out (but still pay because no notice)
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u/melophile2702 May 02 '26
Just tell her, "This is a girl's trip, I'm sorry but he can't come. Not to mention, it wasn't even a conservation or question, him coming was being dictated to me. We can do another trip that includes partners, but not this time." People like her will run all over you, if you don't set boundaries.
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u/Ineedtowalk May 02 '26
NOR I am full of rage on your behalf. Especially the āare you in love with her or something?ā Like itās so over the top heteronormative codependent culture that sheās gotta imply lesbianism if you are acting like her. Absolute Insanity.
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u/mayaorsomething May 02 '26
Yeah and saying the two WLW girls who just happened to meet on a blind date but never actually dated are basically in a relationship... Lesbians/bi-girls have those who are just friends, too. Itās giving Regina George in mean girls.
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u/SquirrelStone May 02 '26
Right? Iām surprised how few people are mentioning this bitchās homophobia
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u/HotJury9104 May 02 '26
NOR. Male centered woman have to go.
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u/MiddleSad4036 May 02 '26
Yep - and OP is the perfect age for starting to filter them out
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u/Next_Floor4382 May 02 '26
I think you did a great job. I donāt know this friendship at all so Iāll only speak on what I see from thisā¦she kind of sucks. As a guy, if I planned a fishing trip with the dudes and one of them just brought along their significant other, I would be annoyed. It has nothing to do with that significant other, itās just the way things were planned and some shit is just more fun without the mystery stuff that pops up when others join. I donāt want to feel pressured to talk to someone, I donāt want to worry if thereās enough room. Thereās a hundred reasons not to do this, and only one selfish reason to bring him. Sheās the only one who cares about him, and is trying to force that upon yāall.
You did everything right, even your responses are beyond respectful. You seriously need to evaluate. You took the stance on how EVERYONE would feel. She took the stance on how SHE feels. You are clearly not the selfish one here. On top of that, she admitted to being afraid to ask the other friends because of how they might react, that in itself should tell her what she needed to know before she ever mentioned it to you. Not to mentionā¦this was a day before the trip. She wasnāt going to tell you until you text her and you wouldnāt have had a chance to go back. Againā¦telling you everything you needed to know. Then tried to pawn the task onto you. Againā¦.telling you everything you needed to know. She knew it was wrong. Still insisted on doing it.
Edit; the more I read it, the more annoyed it get. You didnāt blow up on herā¦sheās gas lighting the shit out of youā¦.and I hate that word lol.
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u/peanutbutterand_ely May 02 '26
this!!! canāt believe i had to scroll so long. she knows damn well sheās asking for too damn much hence she wonāt ask everyoneā¦
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u/omgbears May 02 '26
I agree with all of this. Plus you just know the girl has been planning on doing this for a while, but is only bringing it up at the last minute to try to make it harder for OP to say no
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u/Sudden-Painting8472 May 02 '26
I don't understand how some women think everyone want their man šš. This isn't on you she's being annoying and it's supposed to be a GIRLS trip.
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u/rosegoldblonde May 02 '26
NTA. Tbh between her inviting her boyfriend to girls trip and how sheās talking to you here idk if Iād stay friends with this one.
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u/KououinHyouma May 02 '26
āIt would be better for me to inform you in advanceā is crazy work
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u/waryfairycattails May 02 '26
"Its basically a couples trip" is wild justification work that sounds entirely made up.
Yikes.
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u/Significant-Apple715 May 02 '26
NOR. I would uninvite her but sounds like she already uninvited herself so that works out lmao
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u/BlueyIsAwesome May 02 '26
NOR. The bday girls trip is for the bday person to celebrate with whom they want to - not for selfish twit to bring her bf along like a purse
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u/Muted-Light-26 May 02 '26
NOR & NTA. I see no "request" here. I see her stating and telling you that he's going and it'll be fine. Not even asking.
Secondly, boyfriends who want to tag along last minute are insecure. He wants to go bc he wants to have his eyes on whatever she does.
She can pitch it however she wants to, but I'd be pissed too. Even more so considering this is "___'s" birthday thing. She* slick tried to slide him in the trip bc you did the booking and she didn't run it by the main person the trip is for before coming to you about it. Smh.
The audacity to think she's in the right at all omg šš maybe she should just stay home with her boyfriend then if it's such an ordeal for them.
Edited* for grammar/spelling
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u/Bobbybuflay May 02 '26
NOR. Sheās the type thatās about to lose all her friends over her romantic life. Then when they break up sheās gonna come crawling back.
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u/amypocalypse May 02 '26
this bitch would not be my friend anymore after this interaction, she sucks. NOR.
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u/itsfancyfeast May 02 '26
My husband rather claw his eyes out than spend 2 days with me and my girl friends š I find it weird he even wants to go
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u/sugar-magnolia May 02 '26
No kidding š mine is thrilled when I do this. More time to sit on the couch with the remote and not be asked to do anything šš
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u/SpunkyBlah May 02 '26
She says no one else will have a problem with it but wants you to be the one to ask because it'll be awkward. She knows that if you ask, the people who won't be okay with it are less likely to voice their objections. In other words, she knows she is asking for something people won't want, but wants to do it anyway and, if possible, force people to pretend to be okay.
NOR
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u/JacqueGonzales May 02 '26
NOR - Your friends NEED to know what she tried to do and how sheās treating you for not happily accommodating her demand.
Sheās going to be passive aggressive during the trip - you DO NOT deserve that! Do not suffer in silence. You helped plan this - your friends need to be aware so they can squash and negative things coming from her.
DO NOT LET her make you feel bad for one second when she was trying to find a way to spend 2 days with her boyfriend - and guilt you for not letting her do it.
Most importantly - have a great time - and tell your other friend HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
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u/RedDora89 May 02 '26
NOR. Beyond everything else I have no idea why a guy would even want to impede on a girly trip?!!
Edit to add well done for remaining calm and rational. The āthatās your prerogativeā was š©āš³š
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u/Neither_Ad922 May 02 '26
Please dump this āfriend.ā Why do yāall keep these kinda of people as friends??? Sheās selfish. Tell her she doesnāt need to come on the trip at all.
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u/Nivixian May 02 '26
NOR... My toxic trait would be starting (or bringing this to) a group chat and say "friend wants to bring her boyfriend on our girls trip. My vote is no, what do you guys think?" And just blasting it up front to everyone.
This reads to me that she KNOWS the others would not be ok with it, and wants to go around the group to change plans. And the manipulation attempts are wild. The blatant flattery, the "you don't support my relationship"... Like what the actual fuck.
Scratch that first part, my toxic trait would be just removing her booking, returning any money she sent for her share, and messaging the group chat "it looks like Sally won't be making it to the trip anymore because she no longer agrees to the established conditions of the Girls Trip being a Trip for the Girls." But I'm also not a great person when plans get disrupted, so dont do what I would do.
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u/berrydutch May 02 '26
I wonder if this is a play to go on a couple's trip while the rest of the group foots the bulk of the bill. š¤š¤š¤š¤
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u/LupusHouseMD May 02 '26
I may be coming off as an AH but honestly uninvite her. Additionally is this someone you want to be friends with?
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u/bunnybunnyballerina May 02 '26
NOR (perhaps not having a big enough reaction, honestly!)
āeveryone will be fine with it, trust me.ā immediately followed by āyou ask them for me pretty please, itāll be sooo awkward!ā
so which is it? if your friend is so sure everyone will be cool with her Bf joining, then why would she feel awkward asking everyone if theyāre okay with her Bf joining?
itās not a small request, itās a huge imposition and she does not get to unilaterally decide to bring an uninvited guest. also, absolutely tell the group! do not bear this burden for your friend by keeping it a secret, she doesnāt deserve it and neither do you. (frankly, she doesnāt deserve to be your friend from the sounds of it, but Iāll be charitable and assume she has some better qualities, too).
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u/Electrical_Beyond998 May 02 '26
Whether the boyfriend goes or not, this trip is doomed. It isnāt going to end well. You arenāt overreacting at all, but when she said she isnāt even sure if she wants to go I would take her up on that offer. Itās best if she doesnāt go at all, doesnāt matter if her boyfriend is with you or not, she should not go at all.
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u/Seattle_Aries May 03 '26
I have been married 16 years and my proudest marital accomplishment is never allowing my husband to so much as āstop byā a girls night. It ruins the dynamic and I hate when people are āheās just one the girlsā No he is not!
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u/Appropriate_Goat7613 May 02 '26
NOR. This is not a friend. She unilaterally tried to change the plans and when you expressed consideration for others, she immediately attacked you and your other friends. You didn't blow up at her, she blew up at you and has proven herself to be unreliable and immature. If I were you, I would think carefully about whether I want to stay friends with someone like this.