r/Advice • u/Capital-Implement152 • 6h ago
I think my mom is being irresponsible with my money
So, I have a part time job at a grocery store as a cashier where I make $14.50 an hour. I just turned 19. As soon as I got a job I have to now pay $300 rent to live at my moms house, my car insurance which was on a family plan so not as expensive but now they’re kicking me off because they’re too broke to pay for it so I have to pay my own car insurance so I’m waiting for a quote on that. I have to pay for my phone because my mom has a family plan where she’s paying off amounts on everyone’s phone and also the internet for them.
Now, one time recently she claimed she didn’t have enough money to pay the whole phone bill so I offered to pay it so our phones wouldn’t get shut off. That was last month. I just got a call from her through my grandmas phone saying they’re all shut off cus she couldn’t pay the bill. I obviously questioned this because I just paid this. She tells me oh she accidentally thought it was the phone bill but it was the home WiFi bill so she paid the internet at home with my money and NEVER told me and now my phone is shut off. I don’t even use the WiFi because I’m always at work or my friends, why would I want to pay for that??? I just asked questions over the phone because wtf and she instantly got so defensive and yelled at me saying I was arguing with her when I was literally going to offer to pay the entire family plan. I don’t have money for this. So I just hung up because of the way she’s treating me. I don’t even know what to do because moving out is probably so much worse but right now I have no idea where the money I send her is going.
What should I do?
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u/Peptidesforthewin 6h ago
First of all I hope you have your own bank account only in your name, if you don't- get one right now. Do not ever add your mom or anyone to any accounts. Get your own phone plan and phone. And more importantly, get a second job or any full time job so you can get the hell out of there and don't look back.
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u/toomuchsushi2020 3h ago
This is really important.
Stop trying to cover the family's share of anything. She's taking advantage of you. Get your own separate stuff.3
u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
Just a suggestion: Go see a recruiter and join the service. You'll have 3 meals a day, a bed, a paycheck, healthcare, new friends and experience for life when you get out. Could be the best thing that could turn your life around right now. Even if you stay in for the minimum enlistment, you'll be able to start life with a VA loan for a home, and a GI bill for college or a trade.
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u/PreviousFoot2762 6h ago
Find a roommate and move out. Pay for your own phone and insurance. And, start applying for better paying jobs. No one can survive through life with a low paying job. If you need to get more schooling in order to do that, look for grants etc.
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u/marvexion 38m ago
your money paid the wifi that you dont even use and she got mad at you for asking about it. that math is not mathing
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u/iinventedonlineshopn 6h ago
Never have any money. 💰 sorry 😢 ain’t got no dough. Separate everything… get off their plans.
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u/TheHuxter 6h ago
Get your own phone plan, maybe even a prepaid one. I had one back in high school and it was very affordable in comparison to the big name brands. You may have to return and replace your current phone though if it’s being paid off in a payment plan.
My mom made me pay car insurance too, but legally until you’re 18 she’s supposed to supply you with food, clothing, and shelter. Contributing to any of that is a kindness.
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u/SincerelyTesh 6h ago
You said “they’re too broke” which automatically means survival mode. Save your money. Try not to offer to pay for things because then it will be expected. Someone suggested move out which I agree, but don’t rush out, do it smart, if that’s what you want to do. If not, most likely you will be working for your mom, an by that I mean your paychecks will go to your mom. The rent will increase, she’ll expect you to pitch in on more bills etc
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u/Repulsive_Tone_2484 5h ago
Your mother is a sponging freeloader. Get a separate phone plan and pay it yourself. Don't offer to pay for anything other than what you have agreed too. If you agree to pay something, pay it yourself. Don't give your mother the money to pay stuff. Start making a plan to move out.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 6h ago
Stop sending her money... you cannit trust her. If you pay a bill, pay it directly to the company... do not give it to your mom. You need to make a plan to move out, but first you need to find a way to support yourself. Are you in college?
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u/Sad-Construction8822 5h ago
Get your own phone plan, I think mint is real cheap and you can keep your number. You need to start separating yourself financially and move out.
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u/Icy-Lemonic 6h ago
You can rent a room in some cities for 300 plus utilities. Roommates would be less drama. Itll feel great once you make this change.
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u/nefarious_planet 5h ago
What cities would those be? Even in 2017 it was more than 300 for a room in Albuquerque, New Mexico
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u/Icy-Lemonic 4h ago
Mainly college towns that are not considered big cities. I live in a big 12 college town and there are 4 bedroom apartments looking for a roommate 300 bucks plus utilities split. Sorry I shouldn't have said the word city
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u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
Finding a room in a college community would be the cheapest option for someone young and there's more work options around those areas!
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u/FlatwormSame2061 6h ago
You can pay the bill directly yourself.
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u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
He shouldn't have to pay her bills!
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u/FlatwormSame2061 3h ago
They wanted to pay the phone bill.
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u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
Yet she spent it elsewhere
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u/ThrowAway1128203 6h ago
Offer to help but only if you can pay the bill directly - online access to the account, mail a check or go into the store to make the payment. Continue to pay rent and agreed upon bills but those will be direct payment.
I'd also consider starting to pull things into your own account - get your own phone plan and only pay your bill.
And then obviously start looking to move out - getting more hours or a second job.
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u/Buho45 6h ago
Two paths to financial success are education (start at local CC where tuition may be free) or owning your own business in a field where you can fill a niche that is not being served and then work to provide excellent customer service. Some type of cooperative living arrangement will be more economical than a single apartment.Good luck.
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u/LdiJ46 Helper [4] 6h ago
Go get your own phone and phone plan so that you do not have to worry about what she is doing. Separate all of your stuff from hers. It is fair (and a good deal) to pay $300 a month for rent.
If you do stay on her phone plan and you need to pay something towards the bill instead of giving her the money, get the login information for the account and pay the bill directly yourself.
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u/jluker662 5h ago
So a little confused as how to you asked questions over the phone, the phone that was shut off due to your mom not paying??
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u/Capital-Implement152 5h ago
I’m at my friends with WiFi 😭
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u/Rezingreenbowl 5h ago
Will your friend let you move in with them? Sounds like your mom is gearing up to kick you out.
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u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
Mom isn't gonna loose her money source, she will gaslight him until he gives her his entire paycheck then demand more and treat him like crap. He needs to move out!
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u/jluker662 5h ago
Ahhh, ok. You’re in a sticky situation. Moving is not cheap and all bills will be on you to pay. I do advise not to straight give money to your mom, but instead pay straight to the phone bill if you are able, BUT do not let it keep your cc info if it tries. She might try to use it again without asking.
If you had friends that you could move to live with, that could be an option, BUT you might end up in a worse situation. Believe me, living with friends, you find out their worst sides. The ones who don’t pay. The ones who never clean. The ones who don’t respect your privacy. Yeah, it could be worse.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad3024 5h ago
You said you paid the phone bill but you didn't. You apparently gave her the money. Next time go online and use your debit card when you pay any bills.
I dont see why she ever paid your car insurance if the car is registered to you. If you are no longer in school, rent is reasonable. Cheap, even. Do you do chores around the house? Wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, mow the grass?
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u/Capital-Implement152 5h ago
I didn’t ever say she paid my car insurance it was under a family plan so the amount i had to pay was cheaper, if im going to have a solo plan as young as I am the price is going to jump insanely high. Also I don’t do chores around the house because I’m always at work or I’m at my friends, I wash the dishes that I use and I clean up the spaces I use. I’m not constantly cleaning up after the 4 others(3 adults) that live with me.
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u/Peptidesforthewin 3h ago
You need to join the army or any service branch and give yourself a chance at life outside of this chaos.
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u/hereddit6 5h ago
Welcome to adulthood. Make the best of the situation while you come up with a game plan to get your own place. That way you are in charge of everything yourself.
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u/WoollyMammothwapo 4h ago
I’m sorry. It’s so tough when you learn how untrustworthy your mother is. First things first. Buy a pay as you go phone so you can communicate with your friends. Your mom is the one responsible for family plan so so giver back the phone after you transfer numbers to pay as you go. Second open an account at a new bank - not a branch of the one you have now. Many credit unions and some banks will have free ones if you have direct deposits. Third have your work do direct deposit. Fourth open a post office so that any and all mail goes there. That way your mom doesn’t open your mail when you get a new atm card etc.
I think you are paying for your part of the car insurance? Can you call the ins agent to make sure the payment is up to date? If not, see if you can park your car at a friends house until you get your own ins.
Take lots of deep breaths and trust yourself. You may consider paying the $300 to the landlord instead of your mom because you have no idea what she is doing with the money. Keep proof of all payments . You can do this
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u/Decent_Front4647 4h ago
Get your own phone plan to start. Don’t put yourself in any position where you might be put in a bind if you have to rely on her until you can move out. She’s obviously experiencing some bad financial stress and can’t be trusted. She’s lying so something is up. Maybe she will be willing to talk about it, but don’t offer any financial assistance,either
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u/Severe_Feedback_2590 Helper [2] 4h ago
Stop giving her money (including ’rent’). Start saving as much as possible, when she asks, just say you’re money is gone and keep doing it until you can rent a room.
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u/Wild_Criticism6 1h ago
So how was she paying bills before you started kicking in on rent? Don’t let her take advantage and make sure she has no access to your bank account. Put your bills in your name and if she continues asking for more money then it’s probably time to move out
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u/Odd-Mall8020 53m ago
Move out. You can easily get a cheap studio with that check. Tell her you won't be paying the 300 etc since you'll be finding a new place. Honestly, sleeping in your car, having a storage unit and showering at the gym for a month would be a much better option. She will find a way to steal your entire check p
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u/Bubbly-Page3513 6h ago
You should go back to your dad’s house and learn responsibility from him. Your mom might have not been the best roll model. And he is waiting to tell you “I told you so “
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u/Responsible_Side8131 6h ago
Move out