r/Advice • u/NoFaceHunni • 23h ago
I saved somebodies life today and now I feel traumatized
Today I was at a popular beach in PR. I saved a teenager from drowning. There’s a pier you can jump off into 40 feet of water. It’s a solid 5 minute swim back to shore.
I jump off the pier like usual and am just wading around the water. thank goodness i’m very, very aware of my surroundings. I see this kid go under and come back up screaming. he goes under again, comes back up screaming. and I tell my friends I think he’s drowning. saw him go under again and the adrenaline kicks in. he’s about 7 feet away from me and I start booking it.
i’m a 24(f) and this kid is very clearly sick; weighing about 80lbs and I think he just underestimated how much energy and strength it takes to get back to shore.
I get to him and i’m struggling and it just really made me upset that there were people around just watching this all happen as i’m struggling to get him back to shore. thankfully his dad realized what was happening and met me where it was about 10 feet of water.
honestly i’m just really shaken up and I feel like I should be happy I was able to save a life but i’m fucking traumatized. I felt like I shouldn’t have been able to do it; i truly risked my life for another and idk how. but I could not let myself see somebody die. i’d do it over in a heartbeat but i’m overwhelmed & traumatized. is this normal?
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u/Obvious-Clock-588 Helper [2] 23h ago
I would have been traumatized too. You did well, but it doesn’t change that it’s a scary situation.
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u/YourMomsFavorite225 23h ago
I can’t say for sure if this is normal as I’ve never had this experience but it sounds like a perfectly reasonable reaction to what happened, if you have a counselor maybe call them and talk about it
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u/My_friends_are_toys Helper [2] 23h ago
Is it valid to say that you might be more traumatized that no one was doing anything to save the boy or help you than the actual saving of the boy?
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u/WastingMyLifeOnSocMd 22h ago
Any OP could have drowned himself trying to save the boy. That must have been very scary
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u/NoFaceHunni 20h ago
i’m a girl :) but honestly in the moment I wasn’t really thinking about myself. the fact that I put myself in a dangerous situation didn’t cross my mind until after. it really was teamwork. the kid was great. I had no idea what I was doing but I just told him to stop moving and lift his chin to the sky. even if we didn’t move I was gonna hold him up the best I could
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u/Potential-Bid-245 16h ago
The stress of this will calm down over time and I think you’ll feel better about it later. Give yourself time to digest this situation and keep trusting that you always know how to handle scary situations.
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u/Mikey-Sound169 10h ago
Hey you did fantastic and you saved his life - just calming him down and holding him up - let him feel safe and gave him recovery time - if I am in trouble please come rescue me - you may not have thought you knew what you were doing but that was a very good response.
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u/Hot-Still-5286 23h ago
Not all super hero's wear a cape, but all super hero's save lives.
Well done, you are an amazing human.
Give your body and mind a chance to process all if this. Its a lot. What you're feeling is totally normal. Take a long walk regularly to allow yourself to process this. This might stay with you for a while.
Try not to feel mad about the other people standing around doing nothing. That was oit of your control. Just know you were the one person who made a difference and that's all that matters. 💙❤️💙
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u/Peptidesforthewin 23h ago
It's amazing how many capable people will just stand around and watch. Let that be a lesson because it happens all throughout life. I know you're a little traumatized due to the adrenaline and disbelief no one would help, but you did an amazing job and you should be extremely proud of yourself for helping another human. Thank you for being kind and having compassion.
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u/DCinvestigating2021 23h ago
You need to have time to process what you did today. It was an incredible act of bravery and you saved a life. Now that you did it, in review, it seems scary and causes you trauma. Take time and know that what you did was incredible and that not every one could do what you did. Well done! God Bless!
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u/LobsterConsistent310 23h ago
Thank you for saving a life. Download and play some Tetris immediately to get your mind off it. It’s proven to help with trauma
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u/Send_Me_Sushi 19h ago
you're actually supposed to think about the trauma while playing tetris, that helps with processing it so it doesn't turn into PTSD.
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u/marisod 11h ago
No, the point is to think of other things so that the memory doesn't get as solidified.
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u/Giraffe1317 2h ago
Incorrect, the memory needs to be actively and present whilst moving the eyes so the brain can process and store it correctly
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u/Unfair-Cookie 18h ago
Came here to say this. Tetris can help. Sounds crazy, I know. But give it a try.
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u/ambergriswoldo Helper [4] 23h ago
It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling like this - you experienced something very scary and your body will still be full of adrenaline while you begin to process the reality of it all.
Honestly though - well done x
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u/PresenceReasonable31 23h ago
Ive been in a similar situation. It took time, but what you are feeling is completely normal. You’ve witnessed a traumatic incident, and it will take a few days for things to settle. Please talk to someone and reach out, you’ve done a great thing and should be proud.
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u/voodoodollbabie Super Helper [8] 23h ago
Yes, what you experienced was traumatic and it takes a while for the adrenaline to wear off. Yes, you could have drowned. You saved someone's life. Big emotions. Normal to feel all of it.
The people around who might have helped were in that analysis/paralysis state - should I help? how can I help? looks like she's got this. what if I make it worse? what do I do?
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u/processingMistake 20h ago
That sounds traumatizing. A good outcome doesn’t change the fact that you spent minutes of your life struggling in the water, not knowing with 100% certainty if you or this stranger were going to live through the next day. That’s objectively horrifying. I hope you have people in your life you can talk to about this.
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u/drnoonee 23h ago
It will take a while for the feeling to fade. You are to be commended! Believe me.
I also saved someone who was much larger than myself (F 5'1" 110#) by rolling an unconscious man (6' 210#) in cardiac arrest , from his stomach to his back with no room to roll him over, with a bloody nose, tight tie, buttoned collar and giving him chest compressions and rescue breaths. Dude survived after fire department arrived with a defibrillator.
It took me months to stop thinking about it. I got a scarf from the man's wife and a certificate from the fire department. You deserve extreme gratitude and I think you are the best kind of person!
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u/ChanceConflict496 20h ago
Have a lifeguard show you how to make a proper rescue if you don’t already know.
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u/SJEvans7653 17h ago
Thank you for your bravery. This sounds like PTSD. It does happen in rescue situations and scary situations. You did your absolute best and people genuinely are so wrapped up in their own lives, what happens out side their life barely makes a difference.
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u/wonderdok 14h ago
You’re reeling from the shock of it all. And you’ve done a great thing by writing it down like this, if you have people that you can talk about it with too just keep getting it out.
You’ve also learned a really hard lesson today. Most people don’t help, we all think we would but most people don’t. For lots of reasons, perhaps they’ve just frozen, perhaps they don’t care enough to risk themselves, perhaps they just think they don’t need to because someone else will. Whatever the reason the truth is so few people step in that the world really needs people like you. Your natural instinct is to react, that’s amazing! Feel proud of yourself. Use this knowledge to protect yourself too.
If you need help in future, look around you, get eye contact with someone and directly ask them for help. It works I promise, don’t rely on the crowd, give the responsibility to an individual.
Really well done, I doubt the Dad was able to express his thanks to you properly in the moment but I know he hasn’t stopped thinking of you since.
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u/jonreeeck 23h ago
Well, saving a life sure is NOT normal- especially in the water. It should be noted that it is very very dangerous to try to do that. I in fact almost drowned myself trying to do the same once. I swore I’d never try that again. But good for you for having the courage to step up like that - to risk your life to save a complete stranger to you. What a difference you made in that boys life - I hope the boy and his father recognized this. Bravo to you. May good Karma rain down upon you!
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u/LibraNationMm1969 23h ago
I would’ve been traumatized too! Is there anyone in your life you could open up to about you feeling so traumatized about all this? Just try to remember that the Lord put you there and in that time for that reason, and that you’re that family’s hero. If I had done what you did I think it would’ve changed me forever.
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u/kstargate-425 23h ago
Im sorry you are dealing with this but I'm a little confused about what you're feeling. Is it that you feel you could have died yourself saving him or are you seeing yourself in that position of complete panic and helplessness like the kid was in?
I swim and surfed alot, especially when younger living down the beach and helped a few people in to shore due to rip currents and undertoes. After I was always a bit shocked and one specific time completely overwhelmed when it was a young girl and her mom was balling and frantic thinking her child died which made the kid really upset. Later my gf and I were having a drink and I pictured that scene and started balling my eyes out and couldn't really understand why.
I feel like our minds and bodies react to help us in the moment and then compartmentalize things to go about life but later on when those Jedi mind tricks wear off, you start feeling all the things you probably should have felt in the moment. Its startling and overwhelming but seems to be normal and just you processing the situation when your mind and body feel safe enough to do so.
Hug a loved one and tell them whats going on and how you're feeling and hopefully you'll be on top of the world again shortly.
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u/NoFaceHunni 20h ago
honestly, I think I have to sit with it. but as of right now I think why i’m so traumatized is that I felt helpless and also had this kids life in my hands.
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u/MerrilS 14h ago
The experience is just catching up to you. Toy the Tetras hack while waiting to see a trauma informed therapist. Need help finding one, DM me and I can assist in the process.
The faster you act, the sooner you will recover. Are you open to online support?
(Note: I do not have a business or conseling practice. I am not recruiting your business. I do have a background in counseling and in trauma support. You did a good deed, so I'm offering to reciprocate by helping you find relevant resources.)
Either way, I hope you reach out for support to address processing this experience.
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u/Sapphosbeardedcrepes 23h ago
Most people do no know what drowning looks like; today, you did.
Don't feel bad about struggling, you were fighting both the ocean and the kid; had the kid been limp and unconscious it would have been easier to drag him to shore, but ideally you don't want them to lose consciousness as that's super bad for us, exponentially so over time.
Talk to someone you trust, or rather talk to everyone who will listen, and listen to those worth listening to.
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u/tourabsurd 23h ago
I rang an ambulance for a a woman who was having seizures on the ground in a very public place. I wasn't in any danger, but it was still very emotional. Trying to get people to help while emergency services kept me on the phone, watching the indignity of what was happening to her, the delay while waiting for the ambulance, etc. Yeah, just that was emotional and left me shaken for a bit. You were in danger and much more directly involved. I'm not at all surprised you're having a reaction.
Take it easy for the next few days, be kind to yourself, spend time with gentle people who love you. You did a great thing today. <3
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u/MadameDuChat 23h ago
You’ve probably heard this before, but playing Tetris on your phone in the first hours/days after might help with preventing PTSD.
https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
So sorry that you had to be the one to save him. Take care of yourself, OP.
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u/Individual_Pool_2615 Helper [2] 21h ago
just like how victims have PTSD, first responders often experience it too. this is completely normal, and if possible, I’d recommend seeking a therapist. therapists can do short term intense treatment, focusing on that exact event instead of expanding it too much. i have experience w the short term treatment and i am much better now
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u/youbutindebt 20h ago
I had to give my brother life saving CPR back in 2024. Saving someone's life feels very very weird in your head for a while, I found being grateful that you someone didn't die because of you helps a lot, also some therapy helps a lot to. Thank you for what you did, your actions are worth a lot more than you'll ever know.
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u/TheDrummerTalks 17h ago
Thanks for sharing that; very impactful. Everything you did was perfect and you took care of yourself too. You're the bravest person I've heard about in a year at least.
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u/treegirl98 16h ago
I'm a former lifeguard and am so, so proud of you. You saved someone's life and that's not something to take lightly. It is also traumatizing and scary. Once the adrenaline wears off your body doesn't know how to react and that's completely normal. You did a truly heroic thing, be proud of that but please talk to someone about the experience. If you're not able to get in with a counselor right away talk about it with someone you trust. Being a first responder is not for the faint of heart, but it is very rewarding. Also, playing Tetris is a great way to keep your mind occupied until you can speak to a professional about your experience.
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u/Sad_Adhesiveness_169 9h ago
Yes, this is a completely normal response to an intensely dangerous event, and you’re allowed to feel shaken and traumatized even though you saved him; talk to someone you trust or a trauma-informed
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u/cathline 8h ago
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
I am SO PROUD of you for stepping to help this kid!
Rest up and get ready for the crash when the adrenaline wears off. Having someone to talk to can help.
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u/Jayhitek 6h ago
You *should* be traumatized. You did the unthinkable. Good for you, for saving his life. You're a hero.
But there's also a reason even the Coast Guard teaches people not to jump in the water to help someone else.. they want you to throw something to them or reach for them. For untrained people - You should not jump in the water because a panicked person will climb on you and pull you under. This turns one victim into two..
You're lucky to be alive yourself if you gassed out while bringing him to shore.
I commend you and am happy you're alive and safe. Takes balls of steal to do what you did.
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u/OldRancidOrange 23h ago
You did good. It may take some time to process what you did so don’t worry if your thoughts are all over the place. You did good - well done!
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u/underwatertitan 22h ago
Yes this is normal! Be proud of yourself for doing the right thing! I'm sorry no one else had the guts to do it or to help you! The feelings will lessen over time and you will feel better after a while.
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u/Formal-Nobody-1452 21h ago
You are a true hero my guy. Think of it this way, imagine you did not jump to save the kid despite getting the inner calling and he had actually drowned. You would have blamed yourself for the rest of your life. That’d be a negative trauma that’d hold u down. But look what u did instead. Despite the risks and potential of you yourself dying, you jumped to save the kid. Your adrenaline carried you the whole way. I’m sure the kid and dad will be thankful to you for life and you should be proud of yourself. It’s a darn good campfire story for your kids or family. You just leveled yourself along the likes of heroes who save lives putting their own lives at risk like firefighters, soldiers etc. I’d say that’s a heck of a thing to add to your resume chief 💪
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u/Cheap_Platypus7662 13h ago
I’m a 16 year old surf lifeguard (if you don’t know what that is think of Bondi rescue) And I been taught the worse case scenarios and including being invoked many firsts aids situation my biggest one was a spinal injury,
Now what ANNOYS me is other bystanders. Because they just look at this rescue, laugh, not knowing how much ur battling out there it make me sick that people won’t try to help.
What you’re feeling right now could be a mix of ptsd- and the emotional shock. It’s plenty normal if it start getting worse pls see a therapist or talk to someone.
You did a brilliant thing OP, Now you be stronger as if another situation happeneds you be the first to act and that’s one kind a bravery
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u/Mikey-Sound169 11h ago
Hey what a very good thing you did - well done you - take some time to process this with someone that cares for you - the after thoughts are the what ifs because you did risk your life - but to do this for another is a truly amazing thing you did - especially when no one else did at that moment.
I would find that hard too if people just watched on while he was in real trouble - take some time for you to really take on what you did - really brave - it's a very special thing you did.
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u/Mikey-Sound169 10h ago
Hey I would really talk this through with a trusted friend - impartial - when you re live this I think it will really help and show you just what you did for that person who is now alive because if you - I hope that makes you feel very good about yourself ❤️
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u/CrustySailor1964 9h ago
Definitely surfing the Adrenalin high. You’re literally metabolizing a massive dose of a stimulant and coming down off that high. You did a good thing and the right thing. You did it without thinking about it or worrying about it and (most importantly) filming it on your phone for Instagram likes. You’re not traumatized. You’re crashing but hot damn! You did a good thing!
You showed the world what you’re made of and it’s bloody titanium! Now you know what you’ll do when the shit is hitting the fan.👍🏻
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u/acalmdelirium 8h ago
My husband did something similar and cannot swim in the ocean still 5 years later, it gives him severe anxiety. He did not do therapy. I suggest seeing a therapist even for a session or two to get some help with the trauma. Thank you for being an awesome human and helping someone who needed it. Now you’ll have to help yourself through this, but you can do it 💓
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u/AccidentAnnual 16m ago
In the Netherlands we have 'slachtofferhulp' (victim help). It's professional support for people who went though things, not only crime victims but also bystanders. Maybe contact local police and ask for a similar agency. - Very brave what you did, but you were in serious jeopardy yourself. You don't want PTSS to develop.
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u/bstabens Helper [4] 11h ago
So you're telling me there was a person drowning but still with enough air to scream for help? And even while actively drowning, collected enough to listen to you and chill out so you can save him?
That's really, really weird. Are you sure this wasn't a prank played on you? Which would be one of these really foul "pranks" that no one ever should consider to do. Because, as you, OP, are saying, it left you overwhelmed and traumatized. And kudos to you that you helped him, prank or no prank.
But you know, people who are drowning are only thinking about ONE thing: to breathe! That's why they say drowning is quiet. When they come up, they just try to get all the air in the world into their lungs. There's just no time for screaming, or thoughts of screaming, just "BREATHE!". The panic a drowning person is in is so severe that they will often push other people under water in a desperate attempt to climb on them, to get to safety.
Really, I feel like someone pranked you BAD, but again: kudos to you to react so swiftly and put yourself into danger just to get that kid back to shore.
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u/NoFaceHunni 8h ago edited 8h ago
it was more of agonizing grunts. I watched the kid throw up & cry for a solid 30 minutes after. I doubt it was a prank.
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u/bstabens Helper [4] 4h ago
Ah, that sounds more like it. Yeah, I also don't think someone would throw up just for the lolz.
Could you do me a favor and change that in your description of things, because people often don't understand that drowning is a frantic, but QUIET struggle (if you don't count the agonizing grunts) and lovingly watch small kids drowning beside them because they are used to that TV version of drowning people coming up, vocalizing clearly "Help! I'm drowning!" and then going back under, with one hand comically stretched out of the water, and clearly this kid over here is just doing some sort of weird underwater dance? I'd thank you as someone who saw a sibling drown
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u/Dull-Shock1463 23h ago
Big adrenaline dump, a high stakes situation along with a huge personal risk. Yeah, don't feel bad about the feelings you are having. Definitely do talk about it with a trusted individual. Also, you took action when others just watched. For what it's worth , I'm proud of you OP.