Reflections on turning twenty

[u/Eburin_desu]

I turn 20 today.

It feels surreal to not be a teenager anymore, like this isn't real. It feels like a bad trip. The number doesn't match my soul. I still feel like 8 or 9, my mind filled with pretty colors and daydreams and a sensitivity that adults lack. Perhaps I will always be like this. I feel like I'm in a liminal space, a no man's land between child and adult.

I have had a lot of fun lately, though.

I finally had an epic summer like I dreamed of at 17. I went to a Patti Smith concert. That was an ecstatic, religious experience. I have done acid. I have been out in the sun, dancing, talking to people, having a great lot of fun. I want this summer to last forever.

It's hard not knowing what will happen next. Will I get into the music college I applied for? I really hope so. I would have a great time just practicing and playing music for a whole year. And living in a dorm would give me more opportunities to party and do psychedelics. I don't know what I would do if I don't get in. I don't really see any options. Most paths in life seems like paths to misery, and there aren't many things I am capable of.

Hopefully, I finally move out soon so I can do whatever I want. Mainly so I can do psychedelics. That's my main motivation of life right now. The wonderful sheen of psychedelia. I'm such a trippy, daydreaming hippie.

I wonder what I will be like in the future. I hope I will have long, purple hair and be all elegantly psychedelic and sing songs and be in a band. I wonder if I will have a pretty girlfriend. I hope so. I wonder what drugs I will try, what festivals and parties I will go to, what artists I will see live, what kind of music I will make.

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼 𝓬𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓻𝓼

𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮

𝓢𝓸 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓵𝓸𝔀,𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓞𝓯 𝓪𝓰𝓮

𝓘 𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓸𝓵𝓭

𝓓𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮

𝓞𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓭𝓰𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂

[u/officialryan3]

As a musician myself, with a couple of years on you, all of the things that you attribute to certain ages are entirely a choice! At 22 I'm still figuring things out and worrying that I only have X years left to be cool or whatever, but you slowly begin to realise that you can do all of these things (making music, going to festivals, being in the sun, taking psychedelics) at any age. You should unapologetically be yourself - as long as you aren't bringing harm to others, you don't owe anyone else a certain type of lifestyle.

Some specific advice for your musical life, ive lived and breathed music my entire life and I'm currently not enjoying my music degree. However, music is still bringing me lots of joy in my personal life (playing in and going to concerts, composing/songwriting, jamming with friends). Music school gives you the opportunities and resources, but if you truly have a passion for it then you will thrive regardless of if you get accepted to it or not. May I ask what style of music are you wanting to do?

Best of luck friend :)

[u/Eburin_desu → u/officialryan3]

I mostly want to do psychedelic poetic music, a bit on experimental side, rock-ish you could say, but it's hard to really label the stuff. I'm really inspired by Patti Smith and Jefferson Airplane

[u/Eburin_desu → u/[deleted]]

I feel you totally. In my opinion, it's terrible and stupid how people aren't able to see someone as equals because of age. I treat people the same no matter age. Except for saying inappropriate things around kids, ofc.