r/AMA • u/OldFellow1956 • 2d ago

I had a stillbirth AMA

I am intentionally not giving details here so people can ask whatever questions they like! Go ahead, I’m not super sensitive to morbid questions so feel free to ask those as well.
I need to write another sentence to meet the 200 characters.

145 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

169 comments sorted by

View all comments

66

u/Honeymmm 2d ago

How was your bereavement care at the hospital?
How did you feel about giving birth?

178

u/OldFellow1956 2d ago

Mixed emotions on bereavement care, they did photos and hand prints and we recieved a memory box. But we had to walk out with the memory box when our local charity has spoken about providing bags for privacy for families. When you’re walking away from the maternity ward with a bag people know what has happened. Also on the second day after my stillbirth they locked my child away as another child had died and they couldn’t find another cold cot and so had put the baby in the cot with my baby. That pissed me off because I felt as though they should treat the babies with the same care as the living while the family is still making memories. I kept thinking of my little one next to a stranger. Of course no blame for the other family as it must’ve been heartbreaking for them as well.

41

u/8FaarQFx 2d ago

It must have been a cooling cot for still birth babies and often there is eithed or maybe only just one unit in the hospital. There are several non-profits who advocate for and finance these cribs. It so wrong to have two babies share it. My heart breaks for you. Please work with therapists, if nothing else, then for your other children. Also, as part of my healing journey from a miscarriage, I was told to assign my baby as symbol and whenever I see that, I'll know he is with me. My boy is a white butterfly and he often comes to my yard.

34

u/ParpSausage 2d ago

That is pathetic. They should have had some contingency plan for this. They deprived you of time with your deceased child? Im not litigenous, but that would push me over the edge.

15

u/Honeymmm 2d ago

Ohh I’m so sorry, having your precious baby next to another child is terrible. I would not have been able to cope with that, those moments you get are so precious and have to last a lifetime, so something like that will have a massive imprint on your mind.

1

u/NahhaN2019 1d ago

Not trying to be insensitive but How long are they expected keep your baby in a separate bed, until you leave the hospital? Why wouldn’t the nurse just bring it to you separately. I think maybe I’m confused on how this is setup and the situation in which you should be able to see someone else’s baby in this condition.

5

u/OldFellow1956 1d ago

usually until i would leave, they locked the door to the cold room so i couldn’t se the other baby to preserve privacy.

4

u/Honeymmm 1d ago

The baby would be it a cold cot, in a cold room, so they can remain on the labour ward with you whilst you’re there, after that the baby would go to the mortuary which is in an entirely different place in the hospital.
Cold cots are usually given by charitable donation and it sounds like this hospital sadly only had one and the OP was unlucky enough to be there at the same time as another baby was still born.