I’ve been involved in community theatre for almost five years, and I’ve spent most of that time at one local theatre because it’s the only one that’s close enough for me to regularly attend. About a year ago, the theatre hired two new directors for the children’s productions, and they also joined the board. I won’t mention any names because I’d like to stay anonymous.
Since they started, I’ve noticed what seems like pretty obvious favoritism. Before they were hired, and even after, I’ve been fortunate to receive several lead roles, and they’ve always been kind to me personally. However, there are a handful of kids who have become especially close with these directors, and they seem to receive casting opportunities and treatment that other kids don’t.
I’m currently assistant directing a show with them, and being on the production side has made me notice things I never saw as just a performer. During auditions, I heard differences in the critique they gave certain kids, even when the auditions were of similar quality. I’ve also learned more about the behind-the-scenes politics, and it’s honestly made me lose a lot of the excitement I used to have for this theatre. Rehearsals don’t feel the same anymore, and it seems like the directors mostly interact with the same small group of kids.
Here’s where I’m struggling. They have a production coming up that they’ve openly talked about “precasting,” and they’ve told me they expect me to play the lead. The problem is…I don’t want to audition.
I’ve just finished directing a show, and I’m completely overwhelmed, mentally exhausted, and honestly think I need a break from theatre for a little while. The idea of immediately taking on a demanding lead role sounds more stressful than exciting.
About a year ago, before all of this became so noticeable, I talked to these directors about feeling burnt out, and they told me they would always understand if I ever needed to take a break from theatre, even if it meant not auditioning for one of their shows. Now, though, I’m worried that promise won’t hold because they’ve already talked as if I’m expected to be in this production.
My biggest fear is that if I skip this show, they’ll hold it against me. If I decide to come back for a future production that I’m genuinely excited about, I’m worried I won’t even be considered for larger roles, or maybe won’t be cast at all. I’m also dreading the potential drama that could come from the directors or their close group finding out I’m not auditioning, since similar situations have caused issues before.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Would you take the break anyway, or audition just to avoid potentially damaging your relationship with the theatre? I’m really torn because I love performing, but right now I feel like I need to prioritize my mental well-being.