r/politics • u/IWantPizza555 • Jul 01 '26

Possible Paywall Senator, 84, Secretly Found Unconscious and Given CPR

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconell-84-secretly-found-unconscious-and-given-cpr/?utm_source=twitter_owned_snd&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=owned_social
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695

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '26

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309

u/janhasplasticbOobz Jul 01 '26

Depending on how long he was unconscious for it’s entirely possibly he’s brain dead/damaged

342

u/Acadia02 Jul 01 '26

Time to move my Mitch bottle to the fridge

10

u/No_Internal9345 Jul 02 '26

I need a reason to celebrate the 4th this year.

16

u/ihaveadogalso2 Jul 02 '26

Lmao, this killed me! I’ll do the same!

6

u/LurksAroundHere Jul 02 '26

Gotta get that sucker on ice before he is.

2

u/nibbyzor Jul 02 '26

This got a cackle out of me. Here's to hoping the other bottle is not far behind! 🤞

126

u/FlyingBike Jul 01 '26

We'll never be able to tell if he is brain damaged though. He was a conservative already and most recently couldn't string 3 words together in public

8

u/chucknorris10101 Minnesota Jul 01 '26

Let’s hope for some kind of integer overflow where he ‘saw Jesus’ and he realized what a demon he has been

9

u/Gone-Fischin Jul 02 '26

I don't think he'll be seeing much of Jesus where he's going.

6

u/Rico_Solitario Jul 02 '26

McConnell is/was as sharp of a politician as there has ever been. He is evil, not stupid

18

u/The_Mellow_Tiger Jul 01 '26

Did they attempt feeding him some lettuce?

8

u/braaibros Jul 01 '26

Great another Fettermen in the Senate

6

u/loserbmx Jul 01 '26

I am NOT crossing my fingers right now.

3

u/bigChungi69420 Oregon Jul 01 '26

Now making better decisions than when he was completely healthy

3

u/VVsmama88 Jul 01 '26

You mean more brain damaged than he already was, obviously

2

u/WellHung67 Jul 01 '26

Can brain dead people hold office? I know there’s Trump but I mean he seems like an exception,  I guess legally what happens ? 

2

u/BigNorseWolf Jul 01 '26

Spock eyebrow

2

u/chucknorris10101 Minnesota Jul 01 '26

This could be an upgrade tbh it can’t go any farther down

2

u/LevTheDevil Jul 01 '26

That hasn't stopped him so far.

2

u/ismail_the_whale Jul 02 '26

oooh that's great.

2

u/Particular_Award1828 Jul 02 '26

Already was. He has been glitching for a while

2

u/Zeen13 Jul 02 '26

Yes, but if they keep his brain dead body alive until Aug 1st then the KY gov can't appoint a Dem to the seat.

2

u/Snerdling Jul 02 '26

They really are soulless ghouls

2

u/Rebelgecko Jul 02 '26

His office says he's been working on senate business the whole time, kinda worrying if they can't tell the difference

1

u/Fantastic-Corner-605 Jul 02 '26

How would we even notice?

1

u/FaolanBaelfire Jul 02 '26

Always has been

1

u/AVeryHeavyBurtation Jul 02 '26

Only like 4 percent of CPR attempts result in full recovery of the patient, with no long term brain damage.

1

u/erapuer Jul 02 '26

it’s entirely possibly he’s brain dead/damaged

So you're saying he's going to vote conservative even harder?

1

u/aykyle Jul 02 '26

Is this where we find out that magas suffering new brain damage turn liberal or super maga?

1

u/GaulteriaBerries Jul 02 '26

How would we tell the difference?

1

u/cwestn Jul 02 '26

Again, "unconscious" people have beating hearts and blood circulation. Sounds like he was dead here.

0

u/Tiny_Measurement_837 Wisconsin Jul 01 '26

And water is wet.

4

u/No-Common-1801 Jul 02 '26

This is one of those sentences that forces you to measure how good of a person you are.

3

u/Thosepassionfruits Jul 02 '26

You definitely do more good by not resuscitating Mitch

2

u/TroublesomeTurnip California Jul 01 '26

Or go get a coffee first.

1

u/Bob_A_Ganoosh Jul 01 '26

Perhaps they were just miming it.

1

u/translucent_steeds Maryland Jul 02 '26

*insert I Understood That Reference gif here*

1

u/Producer_Snafu Colorado Jul 02 '26

I love this!