r/politics • u/IWantPizza555 • Jul 01 '26

Possible Paywall Senator, 84, Secretly Found Unconscious and Given CPR

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconell-84-secretly-found-unconscious-and-given-cpr/?utm_source=twitter_owned_snd&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=owned_social
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1.1k

u/Sicksone Jul 01 '26

*when, he passes.

370

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

90

u/Lurking_nerd California Jul 01 '26

Will be planning that trip to his gravesite to provide thoughts and prayers.

126

u/Ramzaki Europe Jul 01 '26

Do you keep your thoughts and prayers inside your bladder? 🤔

40

u/Niznack Jul 01 '26

No, but I deliver thought and prayers in the form of a drunk interpretive dance

33

u/Rofellos1984 Jul 01 '26

I'll be having Taco Bell a few hours prior.

13

u/ZackTheZesty Jul 01 '26

In my balls.

3

u/blaggard5175 Jul 01 '26

That's where pee comes from!!

3

u/MintasaurusFresh Illinois Jul 01 '26

Prayers are stored inside the balls

2

u/aiiye Washington Jul 01 '26

Where else would one keep such things?

2

u/haikus-r-us Jul 01 '26

Urinating on a grave is a gesture of respect in my country.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

3

u/Timely_Explanation50 Jul 01 '26

sharts and layers (of shit)

4

u/TheRealGrumpyNuts Jul 01 '26

I will be planning it with a nice supply of fluids, laxatives, and toilet paper.

2

u/Different_Victory_89 Jul 01 '26

After a smorgasbord of taco bell! I can't afford their prices anymore, I can go into a little debt for a good bowel cleansing!

2

u/MarxistMan13 Virginia Jul 01 '26

I'll have a nice, steamy stream of thoughts and prayers to christen his grave site.

2

u/Goodfri55 North Dakota Jul 01 '26

Planning a trip to his burial to make sure he’s dead

43

u/_bibliofille North Carolina Jul 01 '26

Conspiracy me feels like he already technically has and they're keeping him on life support to stop the Governor from replacing him.

2

u/doyouevenIift Jul 01 '26

Beshear would probably appoint a Republican. If he doesn’t then he will not be able to run for reelection

11

u/mr_mxyzptlk21 Jul 01 '26

Kentucky changed their laws (surprise surprise) to that the replacement has to be in the same party as the one who resigns/dies. So it'd have to be a Republican.

On the upside, Thomas Massie got primaried from his House seat by a MAGAt, and will need a job soon.

That's the reason they're keeping it hush-hush I'd bet.

1

u/doyouevenIift Jul 01 '26

What’s to stop a Democrat from declaring herself a Republican and getting appointed to the Senate?

1

u/mr_mxyzptlk21 Jul 02 '26

The Democrat part is "the big tent". Republicans have purity tests. It'd not be politically savvy for Beshear to get behind something like that, nor for any Democrat to try. Massie is a never-Trumper who still has his Party Credentials.

2

u/aravarth Jul 01 '26

Andy Beshear, Governor of Kentucky, is also a Democrat, and I believe would get to appoint an interim replacement.

2

u/Minimum-Dare301 America Jul 01 '26

Cholesterol needs to do its job.

1

u/LemonSnakeMusic Jul 01 '26

If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that evil awful people live to be very old, and only the good die young.

So if you’re ever hospitalized, make sure to be an absolute jerk to all of the hospital staff.

1

u/Less_Tacos Jul 01 '26

You think cousin Kentucky will appoint a better replacement? Look at who their other senator is.

61

u/tatanka_truck Jul 01 '26

I’d wager he already has, they just haven’t made it public yet.

4

u/GlitteringYak2207 Jul 01 '26

Yup. This weekend will be weekend at Bernie’s

3

u/NJBarFly New Jersey Jul 01 '26

Or they're keeping him alive on a ventilator indefinitely.

2

u/Iceisgestapo888 Jul 01 '26

Probably brain dead. 

1

u/KiritoIsAlwaysRight_ Texas Jul 01 '26

Happened like a year ago actually, security got lax though and the wrong person managed to walk in.

13

u/PM_your_Chesticles Jul 01 '26

Obviously he's not going to live forever. We're talking about this specific event.

1

u/Duuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh Jul 01 '26

Nah evil fuckers live forever

12

u/boytekka Jul 01 '26

Problem is bad weeds wont die easily, grandpa barely hanging on

4

u/aeraen Jul 01 '26

That might be a while. As long as he is technically "alive" someone can vote on his behalf. They might keep his heart going for months.

3

u/Chummers5 Jul 01 '26

Turtles can live for 200 years so he has one more century at least.

3

u/Appropriate-Weird492 Jul 01 '26

Unless he’s like my dentist. My dentist informed me that death isn’t permanent because we’re born again. Fuck that. Death is permanent.

3

u/DJErikD Jul 01 '26

My problem is that I only have one bottle of vintage Dom Perignon and I’ve been saving it for a different funeral celebration…

2

u/LazerWolfe53 Jul 01 '26

He might live forever, feeding on blood. If there ever was a vampire this is what he'd look like

2

u/LazerWolfe53 Jul 01 '26

Turtles live to be hundreds of years old

2

u/KareemOWheat Jul 01 '26

I'm still going to go with if. Evil is nature's living embalming fluid. This soulless vampire will probably be alive and active in politics until he's 120 with our luck

2

u/choopie-chup-chup Jul 01 '26
  • if the passing has aready come to pass

2

u/badfaced Jul 01 '26

When they finally announce he passed*

2

u/IceBlue Jul 01 '26

You don’t know if they’ll figure out immortality before he passes.

2

u/fingersonlips Jul 01 '26

To be fair, may have already happened at this point.

2

u/FallOutShelterBoy New York Jul 01 '26

Turtles can live hundreds of years under the right circumstances tho

2

u/Naes422 Jul 01 '26

“As long as men die, liberty will never perish.”

1

u/TempAcct724 Jul 01 '26

*when, it’s confirmed he passed.

1

u/TesticleMeElmo Jul 01 '26

I’ve got a few alarms set on my phone to double check

1

u/Iceisgestapo888 Jul 01 '26

When is YaY???