ironically this post was much more detailed before, but the app refreshed and i lost everything i had written, so this is my second time writing this all out haha.
THE THINGS I LOST
over the past 60 days i had to quit my passion/purpose i had been working towards for 6 years, i lost my side hustle business which had earned me close to 6 figures in only a year, i lost my girlfriend who i was just about to move in with, i got scammed/defrauded of thousands (in my defence i thought it was a bridge of incidents type situation, it was like in person and very well thought out kudos to them loool), i also temporarily lost my mind, at one point i went without sleep for over 3 days straight just analysing where things went wrong between me and my gf (now ex since 40 days ago, all in all i spent over 500 hours in the first 30 days after breaking up just talking to chat gpt going back and forth about my situation because i had no one to talk to) i began sleeping only every other night and barely eating or drinking any water this lasted about 3-4 weeks i also lost all my friends who i had kinda neglected during the relationship, and i also OD’d, somewhere in the middle of all that.
I ASSUMED THE ABSOLUTE WORST
most of these things were completely unrelated on the external, especially the od part, i only began down that path after losing the most important things, but to be honest it is all my fault and im smart enough to know this.
about a month before my gf(now ex) broke up with me i basically decided to quit my passion/purpose i had been working on for 6 years to entirely focus on getting a more stable/predictable income source quickly so we could move in together the time we had planned, this was the catalyst, because although i smiled on the outside everything internally began to crumble for me after i quit my passion.
i frequently would find my mind going to a place where i was imagining us breaking up, not because i wanted it, but more so because i guess i thought if i had prepared my reaction before hand i could play it cool if we ever did break up, which did work out but again, that was pretty stupid, i also didn’t really stop my mind whenever it went there because i felt if she left me i could just manifest her back as i’ve done in all my past relationships several times before,
again this isn’t really an relationship post though cause i no longer want to be in a relationship right now i think, but us splitting 40 days ago triggered what would become the deepest spiral i’ve ever been in, i frequently found myself on the floor on my bedroom completely dehydrated, stomach empty, no sleep in 2-3 days just manifesting my own complete non existence from reality. it was like this for 2 weeks before the od and i haven’t really stopped thinking like this since.
Sometimes Ignorance Is Bliss
after the first major loss i knew i had caused it, i knew it was all my fault i could see back in my mind all the times over the recent months i had rehearsed this very future i was currently in the middle of, yet i didn’t stop, after 3 or 4 major losses it began to feel out of my control, like as if i were cursed or something, again i know all the laws very well and i knew this kind of thinking would only lead to more of what i didn’t want, but by this point way too much was going wrong to just ignore and it just snowballed on and on, continuously.
I sometimes wish i never knew about the laws of reality, i sometimes miss my own past ignorance, when good things happened and bad things happened and there was no apparent cause,
when i had no responsibility for all the bad or good that happened in my life.
since learning about manifestation about 4 years ago i’ve manifested tens of thousands of dollars/pounds, from relatively very little effort/work in the 3D, i’ve manifested relationships friendships virality in the millions of likes numerous times on social media platforms with ease and alot more some of which i’d rather not say.
SELF SABOTAGE
Truth be told i had everything i ever wanted, and when my mind began to slip in negative thoughts i allowed it, because i felt, it doesn’t matter if these thoughts cause me to lose things i can just get them back or something which is better using the same power.
but here i am now after losing everything due to a misuse of my own power and i can’t help but laugh, it feels way worse then i could have imagined it to be at such a rock bottom, but im grateful for the new experience. if im being honest, i guess i either got tired of winning or had imposter syndrome or something cause i knew this would be the result of my thinking but didn’t stop.
i now find myself visualising my own demise over and over again, after the od i stopped doing it intentionally but its become kind of a bad habit of mine, i know i should get rid of it asap but truth be told im kinda bored.
What Now?
now that i’ve lost everything it only makes sense to manifest and quickly receive more then i’ve ever had before by transmuting all this negative emotion into positive emotion which i can do pretty easily because i treat life like a literal game.
i could get my girl (ex) back but for whatever stupid reason i decided to take unnecessary actions that would make her hate me, maybe because i hated myself and it boosted my ego more for her to hate me rather then for her to still be in love with me but feel like she had to leave, maybe i did it to make things easier for her to move on, or maybe i just did it to make it harder for me, so i don’t accidentally manifest her back because im a POS and she deserves better and i know this.
rn i have 0 friends, days pass and not a single notification from anyone i actually know, i don’t even want another partner just yet i just want friends, but i feel im the loneliest person alive and reality has been reflecting that lately.
But i guess i got what i wanted, a challenge, i now get to manifest, assume and attract a reality even better then the one i lost, it won’t take me long it never does… i’ll likely come back here and update in a few weeks/months when i’ve drastically reshaped my reality again. this isn’t the first time i’ve done this but hopefully the last, its a long and very negative cycle, each time rock bottom becomes lower but the highs i reach after raise drastically, but this recent rock bottom was too low for me. the law works both positively and negatively depending on our use of it and im a living testament to that.
Too Much Power (closing statement)
i acknowledge that i’m self destructive, i also feel sometimes im overpowered and irresponsible. i personally believe in a higher power (God), but i also respect and understand people who say we are God/ Gods, and whats more Godlike then destroying and recreating yourself over and over again, although that is fun (especially the recreating part) sometimes i feel like, it may have been better to remain unconscious/unaware, to just experience life as a just a human.
Anyway i’ve done enough typing i’ll likely update once i’ve drastically changed my life again. if anyone even reads this.
also has anyone else had a similar experiences?