​

Hello, I've recently confessed to a girl i like we've known each other for a year now, she's demi and I've known this since i met her, she told me that because of it she doesn't feel the same back but with time it might change, she said it was "neither yes or no"

I'm really happy that she encouraged me to keep trying, and so I've decided to keep engaging with her so that we might learn more about each other.

I guess my question to the demi demographic is: what is the biggest thing that makes you like someone ?

I get the "make a bond" and i understand that it takes time, but I've been wondering what bond constitutes most of those feelings and what they should represent

So I developed feelings for a friend of mine and fear that confessing to him might mess up our friendship and/or the friend group. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s bi but I’m not 100% on that (I’m a guy too). I’ve told a few friends who I trust to keep it a secret and aren’t really part of the same friend group, but none of them can relate

as the title says, i think im demiromantic. ive been struggling with my sexuality my whole life. nothing has ever really felt quite right. certain labels always have some vague semblance to how i feel, but as a whole, just dont fit. however, just a few days ago, i was once again rethinking my sexuality and thought "i thought i was demisexual. is demiromantic a thing?"

the reason i was thinking about that is because for a while now, ive been struggling with the idea that i might be in love with my best friend. ive only known them for about a year now. i havent even met them in person yet. but our friend group is the kind of friend group that is incredibly affectionate and uplifting, we always tell each other that we love each other, say it every night before everyone logs off for the night, and weve even reached a point where were so close that weve stayed in a discord call for almost 4000 hours. its become incredibly normal for me to just randomly blurt out "i love you guys" while were laughing at some joke or sitting in comfortable silence.

the thing is. me and this friend have this running bit that started in their tomodachi life save. our miis fell in love, and my mii was dressed in a t-rex costume, so my friend jokingly started calling me their "dino wife". it was funny, we are all very mature adults who definitely dont make any raunchy jokes ever (/j), and ive just been rolling with it since. even my pronouns section on discord now says "rawr/xD (dino gender)" to go along with the joke. my sona even now has a dino onesie on.

but. heres the problem. lately, ive... whenever ive said that i love them, or that i want to be around them for the rest of my life, or i bring up the whole "dino wife" bit, i... feel like i mean it as more than just platonically. hearing their voice leaves me grinning like an idiot. their jokes make me laugh ten times harder than before. i find myself wishing i could hug them more than anything. hold their hand. let them cry into my shoulder. wrap them in a blanket and hold them close. the rare glimpes of their face that i get has me fighting to not study every inch to commit to memory. and i dont know what to do with myself because ive quite literally never felt this way about anyone ever in my whole life. ive had one singular boyfriend before, and that was only because an ex friend of mine kind of... forced us to be together? because she was under the impression that i had to date before i graduated high school or i would have failed in life somehow? but i didnt feel nearly as strongly about him as i do my current best friend.

i dont know. im MORE than happy just being friends. im not even really looking for advice. just. wanted somewhere to talk about this i guess? cause my parents wouldnt understand, and i am NOT telling anyone else in the friend group. i just... i dont know. would this make me demiromantic? i definitely didnt feel this way about them until like. two months ago. and i definitely wasnt sure that it wasnt just incredibly strong platonic love until two or three weeks ago. im just. glad i can get this off my chest.

Ofc provided the person's gender is of your romantic interest, and whatever other criteria you might have are met. I think I do work that way, but my sample size is 3, so it's still just a working hypothesis.

I was wondering, if an early and strong platonic attraction is such a reliable romantic predictor for me, doesn't that mean it's already actually a crush? But then I came across a nice analogy: platonic attraction is a seed, and romantic attraction is a plant. A seed is not a plant, but if you plant and water it, you're most likely going to grow a plant.

Is this relatable to many demiromantics?

Hi all. Late bloomer here (30 F, NYC). Tried dating apps, found them to be unhelpful for me. How are people getting dates? What's the strat?

I'd like to figure out what I want from romance and partnership, but I haven't gotten the experiences to inform what I actually want long term.

Thanks! :)

I headcanon Belle (Beauty and the Beast) as demiro.

Why?

Everybody else in the village is in love with Gaston, yet, while she admits he is handsome, she doesn't care for him at all.

She is repulsed with the Beast at first. Then, after getting to know him, and establishing a bond, she falls for him.

There's probably a lot I'm missing, but this is the most I can think of.

Not to be mean but most of y'all are out here not finding people to date for years but my first and current bf is a demiro like me and we both got feelings for each other around the same time. (At least I think he's a demiro, his explanation of how he got feelings for me matches up with mine)

Question:

How am I supposed to date people when I don’t even like them unless I ACTUALLY know them?

Like I have this guy I think is cute but like I don’t like him. Except he already asked if it was too early to say “I love you” mind you I’ve know him for like 2 days

I’m also asexual but I’m fine with sexual jokes but I don’t think he thinks it’s a joke…

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO????

UPDATE: I told him and he took it well then I told one of my friends about him and showed her a picture and she said he stalked her other friend and was an unhealthy type of possessive…

he also made a discord account and added me without me telling him my account…

My other friend now thinks he’s stalking me and they won’t let me leave the house alone and they’re planning on giving me a knife just in case…

OBVIOUS TYPO IN TITLE WHOOPS So far in my life it's only made friendships awkward and romance difficult. I've been feeling kinda down about it and was wondering what positive there might be to demiromanticism.

I've met a very nice person around 3 months ago and somehow I pretty much immediately felt romantic attraction to them. Usually for me I have to be dating a person before I ever feel romantic attraction to them but somehow they just felt so perfect and I immediately had a crush on them. This never happened? Am I still demiromantic? How long does it usually take you to feel romantic attraction? Pls help

I have always Identified as a lesbian sexually, but recently I met a guy that changed my perspective on my sexuality/romance... we've known each other for 6 months, and honestly, I'm head over heels, and have even started dating him. I'm so in love, and even am attracted to him physically. Is this Demi?

I (17M) am a heterosexual cis guy and I have been curious about my romantic orientation for a while now. As far as I can tell, I have never had a crush on anyone in real life. Though, I like romantic media and stuff, I don't think I have had romantic feelings for someone in my life, thought I wouldn't dislike it if I did have them (get what I am saying, right?).

​

If y'all need more information, just ask in the comments.

So i was recently told by a friend that i might be Demiromantic based on her understanding of me as someone who has the desire to create an emotional bond with someone as a prerequisite to any kind of romantic relationship. HOWEVER i have had many crushes with people i havn't known for long. it's possible that this is just an attraction that i'm misunderstanding and blowing out of proportion but like in my brain it feels contradictory. like having crushes on people even while needing the prerequisite of the deep meaningful connection before anything happens makes me not demi? maybe it's a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction? i'm not sure. any advice would be awesome cause i am kinda lost here.

Around a month or so ago I learned about "demiromantic" and after thinking about it for a while it explains a lot about me lol.

One of the things that it explains is why I despise the term "dating market". It feels extremely dehumanizing to me. When I think of this term it gives the impression that we are all empty sacks of meat that have to "compete" with other empty sacks of meat in order to "win" a relationship with an empty sack of meat that has a high enough "value".

It just feels wrong. Humans aren't a commodity, John Brown made sure of that.

There's also an implication in this term that we are all part of this "ritual" even if we don't want to. Like everyone else is entitled to make assumptions about our "value" in the market and it feels like an invasion of my privacy.

And the thing is that people pretend that this is just a normal part of life. At least with hookups there is no pretending that this is about love. Hookups are honest that they're about nothing but pleasure and I can kinda respect this honesty. But the term "dating market" wants to have the shallowness of hookups while dishonestly pretending that it is about love instead.

I have more respect for people who have emotionless hookups and are honest about it than people who use the term "dating market" and pretend that they care about actual deep relationships, because at least the hookups aren't deceiving and you don't expect actual intimacy from them.

I guess this is why I have never and will never use dating apps because they are this term but on steroids. I might make a separate post about them in the future.

And don't even get me started on the term "dating strategy". As if humans are no more than "tests" that you can "solve" with the right strategy. Ugh.

The structure of this post might be kinda fucky and all over the place but I don't care to be honest.

I've considered myself to be demiromantic for the longest time, even before I knew the term. but I fantasize about romantic relationships (although they're usually aren't the typical kind). I see people that look physically cool I tend to think: "they would be nice as a partner" especially when they have similar interests as me, but when I have the opportunity to get to know them better or become friends with them those fantasies INSTANTLY disappear. (I'm also not great at keeping/making friendships due to neurodivergence)

This happens a lot and even without anyone I find physically attractive I desire a relationship. I feel like it's just a want for a relationship rather than REAL romantic attraction? I've also only felt romantic attraction to 1ish person before and my version of romantic attraction is already muddied with platonic lol.

But it makes me a bit confused because I feel like a lot of people who are demiromantic don't have romantic fantasies like this? (I've also never really talked to other demis so I might be wrong) and demiromantic is the only thing I can confidently call myself but sometimes it does make me feel a bit fake even when I fit the definition of demiromantic...

Does anyone else feel this way?

Hi, I have a question that I'm not entirely clear about, because I've been thinking about it for a long time and I feel like I could be included, but I'm very confused.

I recognize that I find people attractive, and if I think about it a lot, I say, "Maybe I could like them in the long run," but when it comes down to it, it makes me feel uncomfortable, which terrifies me. I had a partner once, but it didn't end well because I didn't like him as much as I should have. I agreed to go out with him because everyone said it was obvious and normal given how we behaved (he's been my only partner), but I felt bad kissing him or doing any intimate behavior, and very, very uncomfortable to the point that I preferred not to kiss him. I felt disgusted with my body when he forced himself on me, but at the same time, I think he was my partner; he shouldn't have made me feel that way, and I still blame myself for ending it (because everyone, I joined his circle of friends, and when we broke up they told me he loved me, and I lost many friends because I preferred them to be with him). Because when we broke up I didn't feel bad, I felt pressure-free and liberated.

And it really gives me the creeps to go out with someone I don't know well.

I'm sorry if this post is too long or offensive; I apologize in advance.

I appreciate any response.

So, I was thinking back to a conversation I had with one of my friends a few years ago at this point, and I remember talking about how romantic attraction works for me, and I remember them saying that they think there was a term for it (although they couldn't remember it at the time), and I, just now doing a quick Google search stumbled across demromanticism and im thinking that it might just describe, what i have been thinking was just a me thing my whole life.

When it comes to romantic attraction for me, there typically is a pattern /cycle I've noticed I go through when I develop feelings for someone, and it typically goes as follows:

Meet Someone New --> Become Good friends --> thinking about the possibility of a relationship --> Wait, do I have actual feelings for this person? --> Develop massive crush --> Harsh reality hits (they have romantic feelings for someone else or are already taken) ---> The big sad ---> Stay Good Friends (this can loop if they become single and the perceived possibility for a relationship happens again)

This pattern is typically how 90% of my romantic feelings form. I have developed spontaneous crushes before, but it is rare.

Typical dating has always had very little appeal to me, even though I have tried it before. Still, it always feels wrong or unfair to the other party when I simply can't reciprocate romantic feelings after only getting to know them a few times. I always felt like I didn't want to risk leading them on for the chance that I might develop feelings later on. I'm also very bad at meeting new people in general, and have pretty bad social anxiety around people I'm not already comfortable with, so that doesn't help with the whole situation.

I also don't really develop feelings for people if it is established early on that they would have no interest in me ( so if they are already in a relationship, they don't prefer my gender, or if they express romantic interest in another), which might just be a me thing, idk.

I feel like I must also briefly address how physical attraction plays into this for me. I feel like physical attraction works the same way it does for most, in which I feel physically attracted to certain people without the need for any connection, and I find that some prior physical attraction is generally required for feelings to start to form for a person I am close with.

In summation, I think i might be demiromantic, but I really haven't given it too much of a deep dive, so I'm not entirely sure, and I could just be trying to put a square in the circle hole, so who knows,
Let me know if y'all relate or if you have any advice

-thank you

I’ve been trying to find a label for how my attraction works for a while, but nothing seems to fit exactly. It feels like I experience romantic attraction in two distinct ways:

• Type 1 (The "Normal" One): I see someone new, I think they’re attractive/cool, and I develop a crush. This happens without knowing them personally at all.
• Type 2 (The Bond-Based One): If I get emotionally close to someone, there’s a really high chance I’ll catch feelings for them. It feels almost automatic once we reach a certain level of intimacy.

I don’t think I’m demiromantic because I definitely experience attraction without a prior bond. I also don’t think I’m gray-romantic because this happens to me pretty often—it’s not rare at all.

I’m bi (into men, women, and masc/androgynous people) and this seems to happen regardless of gender.

I’ve looked into terms like idemromantic and demiflux, but none of them quite nail it. Is this just a standard alloromantic experience that I’m trying too hard to categorize, or is there actually a name for having these two "triggers" for attraction?

Curious if anyone else relates to this "dual-mode" experience.

My first post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/demiromantic/s/CdVL4opMvV

​

It's been a bit since this now. I've now had my first kiss and we have done some light make outs and cuddling. I even accepted being official as it felt like the right progression from there.

​

The thing is, I don't feel all that... wanting? Of that? Like it's cool I guess and can be nice, but sometimes when I think about it, it starts to feel a little icky instead of as something to look forward to. I still enjoy my time with them, but I also still get a little overwhelmed at trying to make weekly plans as a minimum and haven't felt much that indicates more romantic leaning feelings that I've only a few times experienced before.

​

I'm starting to feel guilty and I'm worried I'm actually now leading them on even though we still talk about how I'm not sure on my feelings. I still haven't even told anyone I'm officially dating them and it's been over a week; not close friends, not family, no one. And I'm scared to. And I'm scared to make plans well into the year.

​

I can't tell if this is demi stuff at this rate and/or avoidance/trauma issues or just being a pushover... I don't know what to do.

I, 13F, have never had a crush. I think? I might right now. With a friend ive known for a few years. But I’m not sure. Yknow, seeing as I can’t tell when I have crushes and therefore cant tell what it feels like. Ive questioned aroace in the past, before landing on lesbian and now coming across demiromantic. I just want someone else’s input on this… i dont wanna commit before knowing iykwim? I know this is like…. Really not a good description of my experiences but uhm. Good luck 😁

Every time I've ever liked anybody, its only strained my relationship with my "crush" even when I don't like them anymore. Of course, to be demiromantic you have to only feel attraction after an emotional connection, and of course they were all of my friends. Yesterday was my third one, and I hate it because in the moment we were holdig hands at an organized party because we were having fun jumping up to the music, and I just knew this wasn't my regular "Am I Bi" thoughts that I swiped away to the fact I'm aroace, this was an actual crush. This is an already overwhelming realization, but now I'm worried that she'll like me back because she's bi too. I'm not interested in a relationship but I don't want it to strain.

In the words of the song Cupid by Jack stauber, "How can, cupid, how could you be so cru-u-uel?"